What If...
 

I've wondered how many people have had any real doubts in their lives.
I have recently had one of my best friends move away several states away and I miss her very much. All we did was give a warmhearted farewell but I wish we would have spent some more time together just for the heck of it.
This brings "what if" into the picture. What If we could have gone out for a whole day just to chill and spent our remaining moments together with some of our closest friend to make her feel like she really matters.
We stay in touch with the power of the internet but I was wondering if she would have really wanted something like that. Maybe I let her down and proved myself as a bad friend and I feel kinda guilty for that.
I don't know when I'll be able to see her again but whenever that happens I'll make sure to make it up to her somehow even if she feels like it isn't necessary.

Does anyone else have any moments in which you feel you should have done or gone somewhere.

Are there things in life that if I had the chance to redo I would? Of course.

Then again, last I checked, time is one-directional. You CAN'T go back and change things, period. So no sense in worrying about them.

There are two sorts of things: Things you can change and things you can't. The past falls into the latter group. I don't worry about the past - instead, make the best of the present.

All the time, but unfortunately I can't go back in time and do the things I wanted to, nor can I undo the things that I shouldn't have done. I tend not to dwell on the things that I should have done for too long though, life's too short for that. What's done is done, and there is nothing I can do to change that.

I've always doubted my decision not to go to a funeral a while back. The man was someone who I was friends with (admittedly not very close) but it was only after I'd decided to stay home that I realized I should have gone. I still feel guilty about it sometimes but I know that I never meant any disrespect so it doesn't bother me so much anymore. Though to add onto what's already been said, you shouldn't doubt what you can't change because it's too late.

I have alot of doubts in life...it's a sad life to live.

Doubts are a constant in my life. I second-guess myself every second. However, I try to make it a rule to "follow my heart" as cliche as it sounds. If a tough decision is to be made, I have to convince myself that doing what I felt was truly right - even if the outcome was not ideal - means that I made the right choice. I cannot sit and wonder, or else I become consumed by it.

There is someone I met this summer and it was one of the best times ever. But she had to move back to her home and although I talk to her on the phone at least once a week, I wonder what things would be like if I had moved there too or something. I kinda understand what you are feeling. Wanted to do more, but couldn't, and now don't have the chance to see more.

Shel Silverstein did and he was awesome, so don't feel so bad:

Last night as I lay thinking here,
Some Whatifs crawled inside my ear.
And pranced and partied all night long.
And sang their same old Whatif song:
Whatif I'm dumb in school?
Whatif they've closed the swimming pool?
Whatif I get beat up?
Whatif there's poison in my cup?
Whatif I start to cry?
Whatif I get sick and die?
Whatif I flunk that test?
Whatif green hair grows on my chest?
Whatif nobody likes me?
Whatif a bolt of lightning strikes me?
Whatif I don't grow tall?
Whatif my head starts getting smaller?
Whatif the fish won't bite?
Whatif the wind tears up my kite?
Whatif they start a war?
Whatif my parents get divorced?
Whatif the bus is late?
Whatif my teeth don't grow in straight?
Whatif I tear my pants?
Whatif I never learn to dance?
Everything seems swell, and then . . .
The nighttime Whatifs strike again!

The doubts listed here are trivial to the doubts and regrets I hear. I've heard some of heartbreak and friendships, but remember friends come and go. I hear moreso career and life decisions. Was it right to choose this major, was it right to accept this university? Was it right to accept this job offer? Did I really want to move here or there? There are way too many doubts, and I guarantee much more when you get older that it just becomes draining and depressing because the last thing you want to finally figure out is that you wasted four years of your life doing something you hate. I call these midlife criseses, the times when you start thinking back on all past decisions and making future ones.

I don't think there's a person on this earth that hasn't had at least one "what if" moment. However, thinking about it too much will cause you to focus on the past and lose sight of where you're going now. I try not to think of "what if" situations too much, even with bad situations. I try to keep the situation in mind and what I did to make sure the same thing doesn't happen a second time around.

I don't really have any regrets anymore, aside from short-term fuckups. Everything that's gone less than favourably in the past five years doesn't really feel that significant these days, and it isn't as if I've got anything to gain from bitching and moaning about everything I could have done better.

DUDE THAT WAS ONE OF MY FAVORATES NEXT TO "NOBODY"
Shel Silverstein rules

Chie, I feel your pain, as I become older I've become increasingly crippled by self-doubts and that nagging feeling that maybe I'm not doing what I should be doing.

It's in everything, from little things like "when should I wake up" and "was it wise to drink 4 vodka tonics tonight" to "am I really in love with my girlfriend" and "am I good enough for the career path I've chosen". For now, I am able to suppress these kinds of thoughts and not let them come to the surface, but it seems to get worse as I grow older. When I was young whatever I was doing was eminently The Right Thing To Do, and I just don't have that kind of conviction anymore. I suppose I'm hoping for some sign that I'm doing the right thing.

Anyway, I can't really give you any advice on how to deal with it, other than to ignore it best you can and move on (but that's the hard part!). I just wanted to chime in.

In your particular situation, perhaps you would feel better if you just asked your friend if she felt like you were a "bad friend". If she feels like that, she'll probably be glad that you are sensitive about it, and if she didn't feel that way, then you won't have to worry. Either way, it might be a load off your shoulders.

I had this friend who died in a car accident a year ago. It just seemed so final and irrevocable a decision. I would have loved to have given her a big hug and said bye first. It sucked.