[Movie] Indiana Jones 4 - May 22, 2008

That's what I've been hearing Dagget, though I don't know if it was made official or not.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Is it bad that I'm more jazzed by the promise of Lego Indiana Jones than I am for Indiana Jones 4?

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by DeLorean

I read he's doing his own stunts, and I don't care how good of shape you're in, if you're 65 doing your own stunts, youbetter have a medical team near by!

Anyone doing a stunt has to have a medical team nearby. It's sort of the way it's done. Because people aren't stupid. Well, I mean, people who aren't you.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

That's it. I've ignored this thread long enough.

Yes, this review will contain some spoilers, and I'm not going to be arsed to go through and find them all. So read at your own risk.





Great, great flick (Note: Flick, not film. This is popcorn movie all the way). WAY better than Audi Man. Let's get that shit out of the way right off the top.

I've heard a lot of people bitch about how this wasn't up to the Indiana Jones standard. You're right, this wasn't Raiders II. Nor should it have been. It's over. Get a new show.

The look of the show was a deliberate attempt to make it look like overexposed stock, and it worked. It wasn't distracting, it wasn't horrible, it just wasn't necessary. I'd rather they made it look more dirty, but whatever. This is clearly how Lucas wants his movies to look now. Shiny. Not my cup of tea, but not really something I can rip into the guy over. It's like getting pissed at Sin City for looking like it was green screened.

The CG was heftier than I would have liked, but again, it didn't detract from the characters or the chemistry they had. Which was great. I'm also going to quote Sprout's review here for a second: "It's a cruel irony that a movie about an archeologist is marred by its CG indulgences."

Sprout, buddy, I love you... but shut the fuck up. A cruel irony? So... it's a movie about an archaeologist is it? Because this is what real archaeologists do? So... should the whole thing have been drawn on papyrus and flipped in front of a camera really fast? Would that have been more apt?

He is right about his next point, though. There isn't a ton of suspense in this picture, but I'm sorry... did you think the giant boulder was going to run him over in Raiders? Because I sure the fuck didn't. Of course Indy survives all of it. He's Indiana Fucking Jones. He is a super hero. That's the bloody point. It's a 30's serial picture. Indiana Jones isn't an archaeologist or a professor, that's his alter-ego. He's a fucking Super Man. You're completely forgetting the series if you think for a second we're going to see weakness in Indy beyond getting punched and knocked down a few times. This isn't the Bucket List, it's INDIANA JONES. He could be 90, he'd still fuck a guy up. That's the point. That's the basis they work from. It's not based on realism, it's based on comic pulp.

The final thing a lot of people have an issue with is the denouement. I'm sorry. Was it more believable when it was the Ark of the Covenant? Or Shiva's Temple? Because that was pretty random/crazy paranormal bullshit. The only part of the end that didn't feel EXACTLY like an Indiana Jones movie was the very/very end. It felt more like a bookend than a part of the flick. Other than that, we hit the main point of why this movie was great for what it was:

It got it. It felt like an Indiana Jones movie. He was a super hero, he put on the hat, he went to an exotic location on a plane while a red line showed us on the map what exotic location he was going to. He used the whip, he punched the enemies of America, he was charming. It felt like it had way more place in the series than Temple of Doom.

A lot of people have been getting all uppity because it didn't go into serious character development. But none of the movies did. I'll say it one more time: 30's FUCKING SERIALS. There was only one point in this movie where it really fell apart, and that was Shia playing Tarzan. Completely stupid, unnecessary, and all I could think of was King Kong while it was happening. It was the only time the CG was really distracting.

It had everything you want in an Indiana Jones movie. Indy kicking ass, a strong female heroine, some russkies/nazis to beat up on, a bunch of throw backs to the original movie... it was all in there. The music was great, the locations were wonderful... it had all the great Indy tropes of cheesy sci-fi pulp. Nazca lines, crazy tribal warriors, nazi/russian obsession with the occult, Crystal Skull myths, references to Milton... this movie did it exactly right in terms of setting the mood for an Indiana Jones movie.

It's a terrible screen play, but it was supposed to be a terrible screen play. It's Indiana Jones. They weren't going to give us the joy that is Raiders of the Lost Ark again.

Was it as good as Raiders? No. Was it a damned good flick that has every right to be included in the canon? Fucking rights it does. Anyone who says this doesn't feel like an Indiana Jones movie has never seen an Indiana Jones movie. Best super hero flick of the Summer.

And I add something written by some friend of LeHah's.

Originally Posted by Some friend of LeHah's

Self respect demands that you defriend these people. Never speak to
them again. They are a cancer. What they spread is the kind of crap
that eats away at the soul and makes a point of preventing you from
ever enjoying anything again. I am absolutely serious.

If they released Last Crusade today, that part of the internet would
be furious about how it wasn't as serious and dark as Temple of Doom
and how awful it was that it used characters from the original movie
instead of a new supporting cast. And here's the thing: the internet
would be *right* on every single critical point except the one that
actually matters - that Last Crusade was a great movie and a heck of a
lot of fun to go see.

Here's what the stupids on the internet don't get: academic
criticism is a *game*, not a science. Here is how the game works: in
any single situation ever it is possible to use your tiny human brain
to break apart any piece of art. Anyone can come up with pretty words
to explain why every movie or book or painting in the universe has
some terrible flaw. And it will sound especially convincing to idiots.

It's something English majors and people who glue dinosaurs back
together do to pass the time without taking even slightly seriously
that somehow got picked up by worst scum imaginable. That crap is what
happens when your little brother finds your Magic cards - he thinks
it's so cool that his vast intellectual superior has fun with this and
so he makes up his own rules, tears up the cards in frustration and
drools all over the place. In this case, I'm absolutely sure that I'm
not speaking figuratively.

Here's the bottom line: Crystal Skull was a good time. It makes all
the mistakes we imagined it would... it manages to make some of them
work in ways we never expected and falls flat on others. It also does
a lot of other *entertaining* (oh my!) things that I hadn't counted
on. I left the theater happy and I am much, much smarter than anyone
on your friends list.

CONCEPTUAL SPOILERS FOLLOW:

The amazing thing about Crystal Skull is that it's just another
Indiana Jones movie. It's abjectly not the brooding twilight farewell
movie we all assumed it would be. Spielberg/Lucas/whoever made this
movie (hurrr - nobody actually cares) managed to make a movie that
pretends we've been watching Indiana Jones movies for the past 19
years and that this is another one of them. The movie actually
directly apologizes for the fact that this didn't really happen at one
point. It's very cool.

It goes through hoop after hoop after hoop to create this illusion.
When Spielberg says it's just another movie, he's not trying to
deflect criticism -- he's directly stating the point of the film. I
could go on and on about what it does well and what it screws up (it
does many things well and screws up many others)... but whats the
point. Go have a good time at the movies

Allow me to be succinct for all you putzes who are going to be tl;dr, and I WILL spoiler this bit.

Spoiler:

Aliens are no more fucking ridiculous than the Ark of the Covenant or the Holy Fucking Grail. Crazy ghost angels that melt faces are just as fucking strange as inter-dimensional beings. The only mistake they make is in making Ox EXPLAIN exactly what they are.

The swinging in the trees with monkeys is fucking stupid, yes.

Of COURSE fucking Indiana Jones acts like a super hero. He IS a goddamn super hero. Do people need to wear tights for you prats to understand that movie genre when you see it?

This movie felt EXACTLY like an Indy flick. It did it's job. It felt like it could have been Indiana Jones 12. It was great for that. And you want to know why we can know that? Because film historians and critics who reviewed the original trilogy agree on it. You know who doesn't? Kids on the internet.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?