[DnD] Welcome to the Dungeon of Doom!

The dwarf moved forward, kneeling down next to the body of the prone fighter and laid a hand on his chest. "Come now, lad. This is no good time to be dying. We were not meant to die here. We are purely too pretty for Kord to let us die in this pit under the earth."

He pressed his holy symbol into the fighter's chest and then stood, brandishing his spiffy new axe.

Move to Argumentus.
Lay hands on Argumentus (no homo)

I was speaking idiomatically.

The dwarf gritted his teeth and began to stomp forward, glancing down as he picked up his throwing hammer, only to see Argumentus beginning to stir.

"How ya feeling kid? You don't look so bad to me. You look strong enough to pull the ears off a gundark" he commented, turning towards the sounds of battle and readying his axe.

"That's two you owe me, Junior" he called out as he entered the fry, letting fly with his new axe and his new battle cry.

SPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!

Move next to table picking up throwing axe on the way
Bolstering Strike on Goblin A

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

The dwarf took a deep breath to steady himself, shuffled to the side and, ignoring the big hatted goblin for the moment, swung out violently at the bloodied foe.

dwarven healing surge
shuffle down-left to flank bloodied goblin with argumentus.
bolstering strike to bloodied foe.

Too much homework to be descriptive right now. Assume I was clever.

FELIPE NO

The dwarf half-stepped back as the mage's arts flew past him and struck the goblin king (not played by David Bowie in this case), quickly spinning in a small half-circle the dwarf (not Hoggle in this case) violently struck out with his weapon, looking to help the goblin thing shuffle off the mortal coil.

Fearsome smite on hat guy.

Shuffle over to stand next to argumentus

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

The dwarf glared at his barely functional new weapon, spat on his hands and then slowly shuffled up a single step and swung the axe one more time at the gentleman in the fine looking hat. Gabriel may not be a high falootin guy with a fancy hat, but damnit, he sort of wanted one. Maybe he would take this guy's.

Shuffle up to surround the poor bastard. BOLSTERING STRIKE TO HIT.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

The dwarf hefted his axe easily in his hand. "Knew it was a trick" he muttered under his breath and stopped the rolling head of the goblin by stepping on its cheek. Reaching down he plucked its very fine hat and checked to see if it would fit before scanning the room for anything else interesting.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

The dwarf wandered up to his kinsman, hefting his axe up onto his shoulder and sighing slightly as he looked at the sign.

"You know, I had a whole diatribe about how you didn't see a dead adventurer storage sign outfront of this room, but that sign has sort of bollocksed it up." He grumbled under his breath and sort of meandered off, looking for something to munch on in order to bring his strength back up. "Still, storing dead adventurers ain't my fucking business."

The dwarf wandered towards the north hall, picking up his throwing hammer, taking a sip from his water skin, and carefully stepping around the place the little thief had disappeared. Safety first. Clearly Kord judged the man and found him unworthy. Of course this would never happen to him, but still. No point in taking unnecessary chances, now is there? He glanced his head slowly around the corner to see just what was down that hallway.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

The dwarf glanced between the kobolds and the large human. Candy? That really doesn't bode especially well given their current situation. There's not a lot of candy in a dungeon.

The dwarf and his new skull-hat, which he had named Murray, went bouncing down the hall after his friend. The teeth of the skull clattering as he skittered around the corner after Argumentus.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

The dwarf glanced between the Kobold and the door with pure skepticism. Though it was hard to see from behind his new hat. He was not, however, going to deter Argumentus. As he was, of course, quickly lusting for more combat. Kord desired further sacrifice, after all.

"Right. Glory, blood and monsters for all."

How ya doing, buddy?

The dwarf glanced over at Bob and took a deep breath, taking a healing surge just to prove how truly dead he's not.

With a sigh he rolled his eyes. Bloody non-dwarves, no idea how this dungeoneering thing works.

"Oi then, Kobold. What sort of nasty beasties do we have to kill to get ourselves out of here? Demons? Dragons? Three-Headed Monkeys? Mighty Pirates? Skeleton hordes? An old god long abandoned to the depths of this nowhere pit?" He glanced around. "Man-eating ogres?"

He beamed from ear to ear and wiped a bit of gore from the edge of his axe.

"Either way, I don't know about you chaps, but this sounds like a barrel of soon-to-be-headless monkeys to me."

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

The dwarf grunted at that. "Daft bird, that one. Convinced we're all undead minions she raised from the hereafter." He coughed slightly and added: "We're not."

"At any rate, I think we can give it a go." He glanced over his shoulder and smirked. "At least the big one is helpful enough. So then. How's this chalice work, anyhow? Transport? Have a map on it?"

Healing Surge if you didn't get it in the last post.

How ya doing, buddy?

The dwarf wandered down after Argumentus, clapping the lead kobold on the back as he wandered past.

"If you do unleash the lizard when we get back, be sure to shuffle up a few zombies, eh?" He grinned as he began to meander down the new hall. "Like at least a bit of a challenge."

And with that he wandered off, whistling some jaunty tune and being all full of Paladin-ish smug self-satisfaction.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

The dwarf, as ever, wandered along with the human. His new axe resting easily on his shoulder. He glanced at the halfling in the corner and smacked his friend in the arm to get his attention, inclining his jaw in the direction of the woman.

"Looks like someone crossed our vanished cut-purse with our elf, eh?" He chuckled and pondered for a moment as he also looked down the broken double doors. "Think we should kill it? Or throw it through those locked doors?"

Jam it back in, in the dark.

"O bollocks to this gay exposition shit."

The dwarf marches off to sift through the debris in the corner, and if he doesn't find anything, he's going to try and see if he can get that damned locked door open. He's not about to be told by a door what he can and can't do. He's not going to be told where he can and can't go by some doggie door with delusions of grandeur. O no. He's Gabriel Sledgehammer. Paladin of Kord. Destroyer of Doors. Murderer of three-headed monkeys. Slayer of Sandwiches. No door would stop him. Or at least would stop him from convincing Argumentus the candy might be behind it if the door proves a clever foe.

Most amazing jew boots

The dwarf watched the human come barreling past with a sense of rising joy.

"Well now, that's more like it!"

He lifted his axe from his shoulder and tested the weight of it in his hands. It felt good. It felt real good. It felt like it would do massive damage on opportunistic attacks. That's what it felt like.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

The dwarf grimaced as the mage-woman patted Murray. For a brief moment he considered putting his new axe into the bitch's belly, but... she was useful. A git, sure. But a useful git.

"Fine," he began. Ignoring the revived zombie bit, as usual. "She can come with us. But if she winds up being as useless as the thief, I vote we feed her to the lizard thing the kobolds are going to ambush us with."

He watched Argumentus batter the door with actual interest. It was like the man was doing performance art with violence. Very meta.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Seeing the door splinter, the dwarf wanders into the room carefully, pausing to nudge Argumentus and comment: "Oi. Careful mate. Looks like the remnants of a nasty trap back there. This whole place is probably littered with nasty tricks."

Noting the closed door, he cautiously moves towards the easternmost side of the room, leaning against the wall and glancing around the corner to get a view of what lies beyond, while hopefully keeping as much of his frame out of the direct line of the no doubt incoming giant boulder.

I was speaking idiomatically.

The dwarf wasted no time in reaching into his pack, pulling his second light rod, striking it to life and tying it into his beard. Clutching his axe tightly in his hands, he slid behind the wall and began to await the first poor bastard to swing his head around the corner.

LET THERE BE LIGHT... AND IT WILL BE GOOD.
Slide one tile west to be behind wall.
Get ready to cut me some niggas.

How ya doing, buddy?

The dwarf turned the corner, moving three steps south and waiting for the shuffling monstrosities to show themselves. Murray's teeth clapped with joy at the concept of murderdeathkill. Or they would be. If he had a brain. Poor Murray.

Head towards south east, keeping to the wall. Hoping to get a glimpse of what is coming to eat him.

FELIPE NO

The dwarf considered his options, and then decided the greater part of valour was surviving long enough to kill more things later. Sprinting back the way he came, he headed towards the group.

"Zombies. ZOMBIES. LOTS AND LOTS OF ZOMBIES."

And then he tossed his throwing hammer at the wight

"Seriously guys. A whole bunch of zombies. Like... a gaggle. Or... a herd? Murder? I'm not sure what you call like... a group... but there's a lot of them. It's like a pack possibly. Anyway. Zombies."

How ya doing, buddy?

The dwarf simply continued his momentum, heading towards the southern door with the greatest possible haste. He looked to bottleneck the zombies at the entrance.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Gabriel grew rather tired of seeing his friend smacked around, and promptly lowered his head (and Murray's) and charged headlong at the wight, whirling his axe like some sort of whirling thing.

Run forward and unleash bolstering strike on that som'bitch.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

The dwarf sighed and headed back the way he'd came. Only after taking the severed hand and placing it on the remnants of its own ass. That'd show it. Anyway, back up north he went, bracing himself for the worst.

Head five steps north to the top of those thar step... things.
FULL DEFENSE

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

The dwarf felt his courage bolstered, even if from a great distance. He'd already felled one wight, and now it was time for another. He sprinted upwards and then feinted to his left before suddenly launching his tiny body towards the right. Screaming like a banshee, he flew at the creature with all the force of Kord's own fist, his axe descending in a vicious arc.

Up three spaces, diagonal up two spaces to draw parallel with the wight.
Try out that thar Radiant Smite
Get eaten by zombies for my trouble.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

The dwarf adjusted Murray atop his head, looking around at the vicious circle of vicious undead drooling viciously viscous venom verily. The nearest of the zombies, we'll call him John, stopped drooling just long enough to speak in his halting way.

"What your name, dead man?"

The dwarf gripped his hammer tightly and growled a response. "Gabriel Sledgehammer."

"That silly name," the zombie burbled through a jaw that was half hanging off.

"It's not my real name actually. My agent told me my given name just didn't have star quality." The dwarf straightened, lowering his guard slightly.

"What was name?" The zombie seemed actually intrigued.

"Rex Fortune, Adventure Seeker." The dwarf replied.

The zombie looked quizzical for a moment before his eye fell out, then he pointed at the skull, asking a question without actually asking a question.

"Him? Oh. That's Murray. The invincible demonic force." Came the reply.

And then John was a zombie.

So Gabriel cut his fucking head off.

And then Gabriel shuffled back a step and a half, pointing the axe at another zombie and calling out: "Yo, she bitch! Let's go."

Valiant Strike on John (zombie E)
Shuffle down-left one square
Divine Challenge on Zombie D

I was speaking idiomatically.