Benjamin issues (no, not the GFF one)

In reply to your question, I don't think anything is wrong with you. At that time ago in the past, you probably were much more of an innocent person. Not prepared to take responsibility for certain things, blah, blah, blah. You were merely "untrained." Today, you reflect and what do you notice or feel? What is it from back then that has caught up with you to the present at such a blindingly fast speed? If you ask me, your problem is rather insignificant. What can you do about what happened back then, today? Nothing, what's done is done. You can apologize if you like, you can try and do something in a form of atonement. But nothing will change enough to make you feel better. You'd only be chiseling the surface of a barrier.

However, most problems developed by certain people are caused by themselves. If this used-to-be-charismatic-guy is now a druggie, that's really his own fault. You're desire to love him or ask for him to love you, so you could be loved, isn't a relevant factor in his deterioration. Think about it, he could of chosen to NOT do drugs. It's his own personality that cause a downfall. Before hand, I bet he didn't have any experience with using drugs, legal or illegal. So there's no excuse for "temptation" or "oh, I just gotta have more." That's all his fault that he's in this state. But 5-6 years, that's quite a bit of time. Maybe he's all better now. Who knows. But so much time can change even more, like your interests in types of people.

Perhaps the way he grew up may also have had a major role in his addiction to drugs. He may of spent a large portion of his life growing up dependent. Whatever he did or needed, he'd need help. If someone told him drugs can help, he would most likely consider that alternative. If someone told him a drive around a stadium would help take his mind off things, I bet sooner or later he'd do it.

Jam it back in, in the dark.