Losing belief

I went to a Catholic kindergarten and an Anglican Primary and Secondary School (British System there) and a Christian University. I was most involved in praying / fellowship during i was 9-12 years of age, which i felt very helpless on everything. (like I prayed hoping that i won't miss bring a single item of homework......we had physical punishment back then) But anyway like the others i get out of that mode in my teens years. Peer influence or what i am not sure. The anglican schools that I went to has a rather mild view of christianity which usually compatible with rational thinking / the social value of the times. So it was not a big deal and i find the belief quite agreeble.

Recently i work with a "christian" education institution. And to my surprise, despite their verbal claims of devotion to god, they are literal bible worshipper. Quoting the good book in every way possible to serve their purpose, they would even put a verse in the WC to remind people to flush the toilet. A verse is provided for telling the kids that they should not have a crush on his/her fellow friends, not to mention the darker examples. Working in here is really an eye opening experience and now i know "christianity" can mean many things apart from the what i used to know.

I am not sure if i am a believer or not. Now I tends to focus on the earthly matters that i can have the ability to manage. Just to live to the fullest so i will die without regret in anydays.

Jam it back in, in the dark.