[DnD] Welcome to the Dungeon of Doom!

Attempts to pull open the north door are stymied by the presence of a big ol' rock right in front of it.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

With a mighty heave, the two warriors manage to roll the errant stone out of the doorway. Proceeding to open the door as he originally intended, Gabriel reveals a brief corridor opening onto a larger chamber. From his vantage point in the doorway he can see several motionless bodies under a dim and flickering light.



FELIPE NO

Fescue creeps stealthily into the chamber ahead. This granite room is about 35 feet square, with a dizzying high ceiling. A single brazier flickers in the northwest corner, providing only low light to the room; the thief cannot make out many details. Dominating the center of the area, of course, is the grisly heap of corpses. The stench of decay is overwhelming. Something vaguely human-shaped crawls about the bodies, occasionally producing a tearing sound. Something creaks in the ceiling high above, and the creature's dinner is interrupted by a tortured scream. A flailing body falls through the still air and smashes into the floor. The creature abandons its meal and instantly lunges for the fresh new addition, who can do nothing but moan helplessly. The creature doesn't seem to notice the rogue's intrusion — yet.

--

Bob carefully walks up the steep ramp that discharged the boulder. At the top of the ramp lies a large spring-loaded panel, presumably designed to push the boulder out. Just behind the panel, however, is a skeleton in the unmistakable uniform of the Amalgamated Union of Trapsmiths. The skull is caved in; he was probably killed to protect the secret of the very trap he helped to construct. This is a common occupational hazard in trapsmith work.

His tools are scattered all around, and his uniform is still remarkably intact.

--

Gabriel steps up behind the human. The sunrod in his beard pours light into the room ahead and starkly backlights the rogue, ruining his attempt at stealth entirely. The creature, its cadaver-grey flesh now totally and horribly visible, turns toward the doorway, and lunges at Fescue — and falls short. A long and rusty chain bolted onto the east wall leads to a manacle around the monster's ankle, and its long claws and needle-sharp teeth snap uselessly at the air as it strains against its leash.

Gabriel's religious training identifies this horror as a ghoul, the undead result of a curse placed on cannibals by the very gods. Ghouls care about nothing but the opportunity to devour flesh — and living flesh is much preferred. Regardless, it's not much of a threat so long as one stays out of reach.

Wide wooden double-doors lead to the north and the west.



What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

The sheer walls of the room arch upward without end, vanishing into darkness beyond the sunrod's limited range. Whatever entrance these unfortunates are being tossed into is well out of reach.

Fescue cautiously edges around the west side of the room and examines the doors there. These doors are severely dry-rotted, and badly scorched to boot. The only thing keeping these ruined doors shut is a wooden stud nailed between them. It's impossible to reach the north doors while still keeping away from the ghoul, but they seem to be in much better condition — almost new.

Most amazing jew boots

Even the sharp eyes of a dwarf make out nothing other than the dim square outline of a hatch against the gritty stone, some 120 feet up.

Oh yeah, and 100XP x5 for the puzzle room, forgot to mention

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Fescue's first bolt bounces off the monster's leathery hide.

So does the second one.

And the third one.

And the fourth one.

And Motsognir's hammer!

But the fifth bolt flies straight into the ghoul's open jaws, thumping into the soft palate. The creature emits an earsplitting howl before snapping the bolt with its teeth.

8 damage

The northern door flies open, and a bald human in voluminous robes looks upon the scene with an alarmed expression that quickly shifts to disgust.

"Oh, look at this. You think you're awfully clever, don't you, tormenting a poor trapped animal. It's not sporting at all, is it? Thrice-damned hooligans. Oh, yes, let's just hop down a random hole in the ground! Let's have an adventure! Let's destroy other people's property!"

He rifles through his pockets, producing a wand. Taking careful aim, the mage fires a ray of frost onto the already-battered manacle on the ghoul's ankle. The brittle metal begins to fracture under the creature's persistent straining.

"Edwin! Gareth! Put down your mugs, boys. We've got trespassers."

The thud of heavy boots comes from the north.



Initiative: Fescue 19, Bob 19, Gabriel 19, Motsognir 16, Ghoul 9, Argumentus 9, Mage 6

MAP:

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Even as the arrogant mage turns to the door to call for his allies, Fescue sprints across the room. Dodging past the ghoul, he plants his sword directly into the wizard's unarmored ribcage.

"Not my lungs! I use them for breathing with!"

18 damage

MAP

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

The last of the obviously-trapped doors is opened, and the briny smell of the sea wafts forth. This 5' square room boasts a damp floor of loose pebbles and sand, as well as a complimentary Giant Enemy Crab.

The Giant Enemy Crab clacks its claws menacingly.



I was speaking idiomatically.

Gabriel's hammer toss is right on target, smashing the mage's nose in.

7 damage

As Motsognir jogs past, the ghoul makes one last lunge and the manacle shatters. The monster's fangs bite into into the warlord's flesh, and Motsognir finds that his legs will not obey him.

5 damage, Motsognir is immobilized

MAP:

Argumentus at bat

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Argumentus' trepidation makes for a clumsy swing, but he does manage to crack the crab's shell a bit.

2 damage

"What's keeping those idiots?" mutters the mage. Lightning crackles in his hands, and bolts of electricity lash out at every other living thing in the room. Everyone but the the infamously-slow-to-react Motsognir manages to dodge.

5 damage to Motsognir: 18/6

The mage steps back toward the doorway, and his long-awaited guards arrive at last to flank him.

New round: Ghoul 27, Bob 23, Cleanshaven Guard 20, Argumentus 20, Motsognir 15, Beardy Guard 9, Gabriel 8, Crab 8, Fescue 7, Mage 7

The ghoul bites viciously into the immobilized warlord, and as the monster's toxins spread into his blood Motsognir's whole body begins to numb.

12 damage, Motsognir is stunned and bloodied: 6/6


MAP NORTH:

MAP SOUTH:

Scary Bob at bat.

FELIPE NO

A sense of exhaustion washes over the battlefield. Most of the combatants fight off the worst of the weariness, though their movements are sluggish at best. Both Motsognir and the enemy to his north, however, both seem on the verge of unconsciousness.

Motsognir and all enemies in the room are slowed.

The left guard brandishes a halberd, hoping to finish off Motsognir — but is abruptly overtaken by sleep. He topples to the floor, snoring.

Guard fails his save vs Sleep and is unconscious.

Argumentus at bat.

Most amazing jew boots

The crude crusader chooses to crush the criminal crab continuously and commences on a course of constant crustacean cracking.

10 damage

Motsognir clears his head and hacks brutally at the helpless man lying at his feet.

Critical hit! 21 damage. Motsognir's HP 12/5

The other thug remains awake, though sluggish. He steps away from the wall, slamming the point of his halberd into Fescue's chest and throwing the rogue onto the floor.

10 damage, Fescue is prone and bloodied 13/4

MAP:

Oof, lot of status dots flying around. Gabriel at bat.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

A charge can only end in a basic attack or a bull rush, so you've still got the Fearsome Smite.

Gabriel charges into the fray, pulverizing the monster's shoulder. The hammer swings right back up again, but hits only air as the ghoul's vile writhing thwarts the paladin's aim.

"Ha ha!" chuckles the mage. "You should not have aimed at where it was, but at where it was going to be!"

11 damage

Having been disturbed in its cramped little home for no obvious reason than to be brutalized, the crab wreaks violent revenge. A massive claw closes around Argumentus, shaking him up and down in a crushing grip before slipping past the fighter in search of the elf who dared to to bring light into his lair.

17 damage, Argumentus 14/13 (bloodied)

MAP:

Fescue at bat.

How ya doing, buddy?

In one smooth motion Fescue rises from the floor, bounces off the wall, and slashes at the beardy face of his antagonist.

"My beard! I need it to pontificate with!"

7 damage

The wizard stares intently at the floor a few feet to the right of Gabriel, then snaps his fingers. A blast of unbearably loud noise erupts from the spot, and both Gabriel and Fescue move to cover their ears — too late. One hell of a headache is the result.

9 damage to Fescue (4/4), 11 damage to Gabriel (18/6). Both are dazed.

DAZED

✦ You grant combat advantage.

✦ You can take either a standard action, a move action,

or a minor action on your turn (you can also take

free actions). You can’t take immediate actions or

opportunity actions.

✦ You can’t flank an enemy.

New round. Argumentus 21, Motsognir 21, Fescue 16, Mage 16, Ghoul 15, Gabriel 14, Beardy 13, Sleepy 12, Crab 8, Bob 7

MAP:

knk, when your turn comes up you'll unfortunately still be stuck. Argumentus at bat.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

The continual crab-cracking concludes clumsily.

2 damage

Though the man at Motsognir's feet is just as helpless as ever, it's getting hard to find new things to chop up.

11 damage. Motsognir 18/4


Fescue at bat.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Fescue stumbles into the corner, clutching his head.

The wizard mutters to himself, ticking off spells on his fingers, and smiles. "I cast... Magic Missile!" he shouts, and a dart of bright energy flies from his palm. Gabriel, still dazed, staggers out of the way without even noticing.

The ghoul shakes off the soporific effects of Bob's spell, and gnaws harmlessly on Motsognir's shield arm. The dwarf is too intent on his wetwork to even notice.

Gabriel shakes off the dizziness. Gabriel at bat.

MAP

I was speaking idiomatically.

The ghoul stares blankly at the dwarf as he pontificates forth. Its expression grows more and more puzzled, and as Gabriel finishes his recitation the ghoul's rotted lips struggle to form a single word, escaping in a sibilant hiss:

"What?"

Gabriel then proceeds to demolish what was left of the ghoul's lungs, ending its protestations.

CRITICAL HIT! 12 damage. Ghoul is marked and bloodied. Gabriel's HP 25/5.

The bearded guard shakes off his fatigue, resolving to put a stop to the indignities being foisted upon his unconscious co-worker. He closes with Motsognir, and jabs at him with his full strength. He misses, but it was a very noble act in principle.

The other guard wakes up with a start, clambering to his feet. Seeing his condition and the murderous dwarf before him, he immediately retreats to the corner, hiding behind the brazier and leveling a crossbow over the smoldering coals.

The Giant Enemy Crab meanders up behind Bob and gives him a little pinch. The gesture is harmless, yet deeply awkward.

Also, knk tried to take two Second Winds so he's actually at 12/5 FROWNY FACE.

Bob at bat.

MAP

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Unnerving green light pours from the various tiny cracks in the crab's carapace, but at first it does not seem to notice. A moment later, a whistle accompanies the escape of pale green steam from within the crustacean as it is cooked in its own shell. This is so inhumane.

4 damage, crab weakened

WEAKENED

✦ Your attacks deal half damage. Ongoing damage you

deal is not affected.

Bob instantly whips around, striking the undead horror with a blast of devastating cold. Icicles begin to form on the creature's body, and its vicious maw creaks wide open one last time before it topples to the floor in a little snowdrift.

9 damage, ghoul killed

New round: Crab 26, Beard Guard 25, Gabriel 23, Crossbow Guard 22, Bob 21, Fescue 19, Argumentus 19, Mage 18, Motsognir 10

Steaming merrily away, the Giant Enemy Crab scuttles forward in a panic and plows directly into Bob, sending the wizard stumbling backward.

BULL RUSH: STANDARD ACTION

✦ Target: You can bull rush a target adjacent to you

that is smaller than you, the same size category as

you, or one category larger than you.

✦ Strength Attack: Make a Strength attack vs. For-

titude defense. Do not add any modifiers for the

weapon you use.

Hit: Push the target 1 square, and shift into the

vacated space.

✦ Impossible Push: If there’s no square you can push

the target into, your bull rush has no effect.

The bearded guard reaches out with his halberd and stabs at Gabriel while keeping his distance. He sneers, taunting the paladin.

"You don't frighten me, Dwarven pig-dog! Go and boil your bottom, son of a silly person!"

8 damage, Gabriel 17/5 & is marked.

MARKED

✦ You take a –2 penalty to attack rolls for any attack

that doesn’t target the creature that marked you.

MAP:

FELIPE NO

"Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second — OH HELLS, MY ARM. YOU SON OF A WHORE."

8 damage. Gabriel 24(2)/4

"Oh, you absolute bastard. I think it's broken! Oh, gods. How am I going to pay for this?"

Having already been nearly hacked to death thanks to Bob's magics, the crossbow-wielding guard wastes no time in firing upon the elf from his hiding place.

9 damage, Bob 10/5

MAP:

Bob at bat.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

"DON'T FREEZE ME, BRO!

I SAID DON'T FREEZE ME!"

9 damage, guard is slowed. Fescue at bat.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Um.

Fescue 10/3

Argumentus at bat, you know, any day now.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Argumentus takes a moment to gird himself for more combat, then sprints at his full speed toward the crab. His momentum carries his hammer's swing deeply into the crab's flesh, and the crustacean's bluish blood sprays out amidst a torrent of flakes.

Arguments 22/12. 12 damage, crab is bloodied

Utterly dissatisfied with the performance of Magic Missile, the thoroughly-irritated mage steps forward and simply smacks Gabriel upside the head with his staff.

3 damage. Gabriel 23/4

Motsognir at bat. Still unable to move his legs. =/

MAP

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

"Damn you all! This beard is a family tradition! Now it's ruined. I'll have to march home bare-faced and ashamed. Still, maybe I can buy some kind of face-wig. With the money I'll be making, you know, for killing you."

4 damage, Motsognir 18/4

New round: Fescue 22, Argumentus 22, Gabriel 21, Motsognir 21, Crab 20, Bob 7, Beardy 7, Sleepy 7, Mage 6

Fescue at bat. (No longer dazed)

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Basic Attack (Crossbow): 17 + 4 (hit)

The crossbow bolt slices right through the wizard's arm in precisely the same way that a loaf of bread wouldn't.

7 damage to mage

Reaping Strike (Warhammer): 2 + 9 (miss)

Argumentus' little sprint leaves him winded, and a clumsy swing only connects with the crab's flailing claws.

2 damage to crab

Gabriel at bat

I was speaking idiomatically.

Bolstering Strike (Warhammer): Natural 20 (critical hit)

The wizard's arm shatters in multiple places, and the staff slips from his useless hand.

13 damage to mage, Gabriel's HP 23(2)/4

Motsognir at bat (still immobile, what the fuck)

MAP:

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?