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I contest!!! Sadly, I've been in almost the exact same situation with this chick... and my story ends up with me dumping the boyfriend for the new guy. The "new guy" is still my current boyfriend, after almost 3 years. And no, I haven't even dreamt of being with anyone else. I'm still very much in love with him.
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So it turns out that you're not a skank. I have to tell you that a lot of people are skanks, and therein lies the problem. I'd say that your stituation is atypical, and that my advice was based on probablity. I'm always inclined to believe that someone who is willing to be unfaithful once would do so again.
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What attracted me away from the boyfriend back then and deciding to court the "new guy" was that he was thoughtful, kind, considerate, and not pushy of any situation at all. If we wanted to kiss, we kissed. It wasn't forced, it just kind of happened as if we were magnetic to each other.
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It sounds like the kind of relationionship that everyone is looking for, but if you embarked upon it while still involved with your previous boyfriend, then that fulfils a reasonable definition of infidelity. A fairly conservative definition, but one which I believe is fair. I'm not saying that in order to stand in judgement over you, but I'm also not a big fan of sugar-coating things - I prefer to call things what they are. I'm sure that you did what you thought was for the best, and I'm sure that it has yielded positive results in your case, but you began your relationship with your new partner by demonstrating a willingness to be unfaithful to an established partner.
All I am saying is that this should give a person some doubts. If you can't see why I believe that, then I'm at a loss for what to tell you. I believe that the behaviour of a person will usually follow the precedents they have established, unless given a compelling reason to do otherwise.
Please understand that I'm not saying this in order to attack you personally. I am saying that this is true in most cases. You are apparently one of the exceptions. Most people don't plan their life-strategy around exceptions. It would be foolish of me to say that I plan to avoid air travel because of the possibility of a fatal crash. Air travel is safe the majority of the time, and I don't base my views on air travel on the exceptions.
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So yeah... my story has a bit more background that supports the "dumping bf for another guy" part, but you never know.
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Your story has a lot more background, yes. Also, I'm not speaking of dumping a boyfriend for another guy. I'm speaking of kissing, and intimately touching (or even more than that) another guy while still ostensibly committed to a relationship with a boyfriend. It's a fine distinction, but a worthwhile one. In the unlikely event that I should meet someone who would lure me away from my own partner, I would feel that I owed her the minimal courtesy of a little honesty. What I mean by that is I would break up with her first, and tell her honestly that there was someone else, rather than cheating on her.
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I'm not going to tell you what to do or what to say, because whatever anyone else tells you, you just have to follow your gut instincts sometimes. But, I will let you know that what did me in with my current boyfriend was that he cared more about me being happy than anything else. That's right, I fell for the guy that told me he was glad that I was happy being with another guy (even though I was lying). Good luck.
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Yes. Sometimes it is important to follow your gut instinct. That doesn't mean that your gut instinct is correct, of course. Simply that sometimes it is preferable to make a grand, glorious mistake than to always wonder 'what if'?' afterwards. It can be preferable, but if it fails to work out, there will be a considerable mess to clean up.
There's nowhere I can't reach.
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