[DnD] Of Kobolds and Castles - D&D Learning Adventure I

In some cultures, when a newborn baby sees, points at, or starts drooling towards an object of some kind, he or she is named for it. This has led to entire villages of people with names like Cowpat or Themtharhills - names not particularly suitable for heroes.

Truckbus, thankfully, was not born into such a tradition.

The dwarf was a Grimtooth, one of a family of dwarves who had fallen on such hard times that they had to sell off their ancestral arms just to be able to afford their meager meals of mystery meats and rock-hard dwarven rye. And so, as soon as Truckbus was old enough, he was thrown out of his home, with the instructions: "Go make us some gold. And find our family heirlooms while you're at it." Truckbus gladly obliged, partly because he was sick of sharing a bed with his parents and four siblings, and partly because he had made up his mind to be a hero. A legend! A dwarven warrior-king whose exploits bards would spin tales about for centuries to come!

That would be in his future. For right now, it was all Truckbus could do to stop himself from heroically voiding the contents of his stomach into the sea. But he ate the monk's fish anyway - in his family, food was never wasted. His father's voice rang in his head: " If you're gunna eat like a damned bird and waste all them good, nutrilicious bones, then you might as well clear outta this house and be a damned elf."

As Truckbus was halfway through chewing on the fishbones, the monk introduced himself. "Pleasure to meet you, Zeno. I dunno much about taking on cow tits, since my family never could afford a whole cow or anything, but I'm up for making gold any way you folks want to."

"Oh, and my name is Truckbus, of the Grimtooths. I'm just here for the fighting and the treasure, nothing special about me." He glanced at the others as he was introducing himself and flashed them all a huge grin.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

1 Die Roll STOMP LIKE HELL

Truckbus brushes off the kobold's javelin - "You lost a toothpick or something there, friend Kobold? HAW HAW." He makes a move towards the critter right in front of him, but as he does, Zeno's sudden yell startles him, causing Truckbus to stomp just a wee bit too hard during his lunge.

Earth Spikes against Minion L5... HIT!

Unfortunately for Truckbus, his sword swings wide. Fortunately for Truckbus, his right boot lands right onto the kobold's foot with all the weight of the stocky dwarf warden - and then some. The force of Truckbus's stomp causes the earth to rise up around the kobold, driving sharp rocks into both the dragonshield and the last kobold minion, injuring the former and perforating the latter quite nicely.

Truckbus's target, meanwhile, is thrown up by the buckling ground. There is a sickening tearing sound as the kobold's leg, still pinned down by the boot, separates itself from the rest of the kobold's body.

Any enemy adjacent to L5 takes 5 damage at the beginning of its turn until the end of Truckbus's next turn. (Kobold K5 and Dragonshield M5)

I guess that also automatically takes out kobold K5, right?

No move action.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

1 Die Roll Rolling dat stone

Fresh from an inadvertent victory over a couple of puny kobolds, Truckbus jogs over to join his companions at the fray further down the road.

Move to H8

As he does so, a javelin whizzes by him and buries itself in Zeno. "Whoa, those toothpicks got some bite to them after all. Hey you, quit that!"

Strength of Stone on Kobold H9
7+7 = 14... MISS!

Truckbus's swing meets empty air as the kobold dances out of the way. The dwarf shoots it a frustrated glare.

Kobold H9 marked.

Most amazing jew boots

2 Dice Rolls Now we're talkin'

Three kobolds fall in rapid succession, one to yet another one of Zeno's shouts. "I'll never get used to that," Truckbus mutters. He isn't quite sure what happened to the other kobold, but the expression on its face reminded Truckbus somewhat of his friend's expression after he confessed exactly what he had eaten for lunch that day.

The dwarf shakes himself out of his reverie and sees an opportunity to teach the slinger some manners. It's rude to throw glue pots and firebombs around. Indoors and outdoors. Truckbus's lesson is especially pointed - and made of steel.

Move to G10
Strength of Stone on Slinger... HIT!
7 damage.
+4 temporary HP to self
Slinger marked

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Truckbus pulls his sword out of the kobold's chest, shakes the blood off, and carefully sheathes it. "Well, that was pretty exciting - you think these kobolds knew we were coming?"

The dwarf carefully removes all the gluepots and firepots he could find from the corpse. He then picks the dead kobold up by its feet and begins shaking it vigorously to see if anything else falls out.

"I don't reckon any of you folks can use this sling? I'd try, but last time I tried to use one of these to hunt deer, I hit Aunt Majorie square in the face with a rock. Dunno if it's such a good idea for me to have it."

Check kobold slinger for salvagable items, and any indication that the attack was meant for us. Is the sling usable?

I was speaking idiomatically.

As soon as he enters the inn, Truckbus wastes no time in asking the keeper and whoever is around for details on their selection of fine ales and hard cheeses.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

1 Die Roll Insight checkin

Years of deprivation have made Truckbus something of a chowhound. His other goal, during his travels, is to sample as many different cuisines as he possibly can - within a reasonable budget, of course.

Disappointed at the selection, the warden purchases a flask of the cheapest local brew. He then borrows a writing instrument from the staff (if possible) and labels it with a tag - FOR EMUHJENSIES ONLY.

Truckbus then saunters over to Daituk to listen to their conversation. Something about Valthrun's words doesn't sit right with him. Once, his mother was asked if the rumors were true that Truckbus's family had eaten kobolds during a particularly desperate winter. His mother said, "Oh, mercy, where are you getting all these awful, awful ideas from?," and then, when the nosy neighbor did invite herself for dinner one night, served her a very special stew.

In any case, Vaithrun reminds him of a dwarf caught eating kobold, so Truckbus starts paying really close attention to his words.

Insight check, 15+1 = 16

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Huh. Maybe Truckbus should leave the thinking and the observing to the smart folk.

The dwarf liked the idea of exploring a ruined keep. There might be treasure there. Treasure means being able to buy better food. And maybe an axe to smack kobolds around with.

The sword he was using - well, it was serviceable, but a dwarf really needs an axe, you know? Belonged to the old man he traveled with when he first left his home. The old man taught him how to "listen to the plants and the rocks," or so he put it. And when the old man died in his sleep, very suddenly. Truckbus buried him, said some last rites, and then took his sword. He had nothing else to help him fend off wildlife. The old man wouldn't mind.

He sidles up to Daituk and whispers, perhaps a tad too loudly, "This guy seems a bit kooky, but I wonder if we should try going to this keep of his."

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1 Die Roll shhhhh

"Quietly? Of course!"

Stealth check to get across the room quietly
2 + (-2) = 0

Truckbus walks into a table and makes a spectacular mess. Tankards fly up into the air like confetti.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Free beer is only good when it doesn't have to be wrung from kobold stained attire. Truckbus gathers up the remains of his dignity, walks out of the room with his head held high, and wanders off to see to his sleeping arrangements.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

2 Dice Rolls Damage

There's only one reason a dwarf would allow himself the indignity of being poked by tiny kobold weapons again (andagainandagainandagainandagain), and that would be a massive hangover from drinking half of a certain emergency flask of beer the night before.

In a moment of weakness.

Of course.

(Not the best drinker the dwarven race has ever brought forth.)

In any case, it took several bleeding gashes for Truckbus to finally snap out of his stupor. He roars and lashes out at one of the dragonshields, once again bringing forth sharp rocks from the ground.

Earth Spikes on Dragonshield I29, 17+7=24
11 damage on Dragonshield I29
I29 and I28 take 5 damage at the start of their turns.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

2 Dice Rolls How much will it bleed?

Truckbus takes full advantage of the respite and swings at the remaining dragonshield. Music swells in his head, the music that kept him afloat when he was a wee dwarf. The bullies kept coming at him until one day, he snapped and buried all their faces in a nearby wall. He felt a sudden surge of strength return to him.


Strength of Stone Hit on I29
8 damage.
+4 temporary HP


I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

1 Die Roll get over here

Thorn Strike (Melee Range 2) on Wyrmpriest.
Miss.

Truckbus tries to summon vines to pull the Wyrmpriest closer to him, but ends up summoning alfafa sprouts instead. Godsdammit.


Shift to I28 to flank Dragonshield.
No minor.


I was speaking idiomatically.

Truckbus is left blinking.

"What happened to Luciel? She got really shiny, and then sort of disappeared."

That reminded him of the time his cousin Duckfuss disappeared. Only that it was in an explosion. Which is was kinda shiny, but mostly really hot and full of sharp pieces of metal flying everywhere.

Check if kobold shield is usable by a dwarf.
Pick up the alfafa sprouts he summoned for consumption later - no sense wasting perfectly nutritious microgreens.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

1 Die Roll Behold, a flying dwarf.

Truckbus puts on his scout hat and goes a scoutin' to check out the source of those voices. The tall, self-important warforged looks climbable enough. And then from the warforged, a leap into a tree. This is an infallible plan.

Acrobatics check to climb up Optimus Prime and jump into a tree.
NAT FUCKING TWENTY OH YEAHHHHHH


FELIPE NO

3 Dice Rolls Damage

Sneaking into the local gymnastics club was worth it, after all! Too bad Truckbus was thrown out for not being a paying member - the gap between the tree he was in and the next tree suddenly appeared to be about seven leagues wide.

The dwarf had originally flung himself into the tree to get a better look at the situation, but stuck where he was, he had no real way of helping. He liked the warforged better when he was just a handy footstool. Now, Truckbus had two choices. Climb back down the tree, wasting precious time - or make his dwarven kin proud by risking it all for a moment of GLORY.

GLORY!

GLORRRYYYY!!!


Acrobatics check HELL YES
Move to AH10


"FOR THE ANCESTORS!" Truckbus swings across effortlessly by using his spectral vines as impromptu ropes. Landing on a stout branch, he then spins around and lashes out at the Dragonshield with his vines.


Thorn Strike on Dragonshield AH12
18 to hit.. hit!
5 damage.
Will not pull unless it won't interfere with Daituk's attack. If it doesn't, I want to string the kobold up like a trussed turkey.


For a moment, Truckbus wonders if he has elf blood somewhere in his heritage, and then shudders at the implications.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

1 Die Roll sweep them kobolds outta there

Truckbus remains on the dead kobold for a few seconds. He was lost in that moment - that burst of aerial grace, the rush of air around him, the sting of the leaves in his face as he swung through the trees like a gods-forsaken monkey. It felt.. right, somehow.

And then, a barrel of grog rolls past him.

OH GODS THAT GROG IS SO FRESH IT'S STILL MOVING


Move action to stand up.
Exchange standard action for move action.
Move to AH11


As Truckbus runs headlong after the sweet, sweet barrel of grog, a swarm of kobolds appears in his hazy, liquor-crazed vision. He bellows and lets loose an massive overhand swing directly onto the head of the hapless kobold in front of him. "GET OUT OF MY WAY!!"


Action point.
Earth Spikes on Kobold AH12
5+7+1 = 13


The kobold easily sidesteps the blade. The barrel is still maddeningly out of reach. :dwarvensadface:

Jam it back in, in the dark.

3 Dice Rolls Save again

Font Of Life: Saving throw at the beginning of the turn.
Save vs immobility.
Critical failure.


The pain of several kobolds stabbing Truckbus brings his beer-crazed bloodlust to a screeching halt - literally. The dwarf finds himself stuck and surrounded by kobolds. He reaches down into the depths of his soul for the strength to endure.


Dwarven Resilience: Second Wind as minor action.
Earthstrength: Gain additional AC equal to Con modifier upon second wind until the end of my next turn.
+10 HP, +2 to all defenses, +additional 4 to AC


A vision of spiced meat and potato pie appears before his eyes. Mmmmmmm, pie. Truckbus feels his strength return to him, like... like.. gravy flowing down a mountain of meat! His eyes fly open. He swings at the kobold in front of him.


Strength of Stone on Kobold AH12
6+7+1=14


Once again, the kobold neatly dodges Truckbus's blow. It seems to be taunting him. Frustrated, Truckbus yells - "I'm going to knock the stuffing out of all of you! Just you wait!"


Nature's Wrath: Free action, mark all adjacent enemies.
Normal end-of-turn save vs immobility... saved.

Truckbus frees himself from the disgusting kobold glue after much straining. Now, NOW, they will pay!

There's nowhere I can't reach.

2 Dice Rolls Damage

Free of the cloudiness in his head, Truckbus realizes that he is being flanked by the kobolds. He also could not help but notice the HEALPUNCH that Prime has performed on Thia. Yes, even through the trees, but that's probably due to just how awesome Prime's hands are. Prime has the touch. Prime has the powerrrrrrr!

Truckbus tries, again, to smash an annoying kobold.


Strength of Stone on AG11
Damage on minion.. oh wait, why did I roll that again?
+4 temporary HP


As the dwarf cleaves the hapless kobold in two, he feels the strength surge back into his muscles,from deep from within the earth. A fierce grin begins to play on his face. "That's one down.. and the rest of you are next."


Shift to AH12
Nature's Wrath to mark all adjacent enemies.


This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

2 Dice Rolls Damage

Truckbus roars in pain as the kobold's blade sinks into his flesh. However, the pain does not divert his attention from an opportunity to flank a kobold and hopefully finish it off. Neither does the sight of a flying githzerai, for that matter.


Shift to AG13
Strength of Stone on AH11
+4 temporary HP


With a mighty swing, Truckbus sweeps his blade into the kobold's midriff, nearly cleaving it in two. The kobold goes down in a fountain of blood and ichor. The dwarf then turns to the remaining kobold, vengeance in his eyes.

"This one here is mine. Go get that one across the water before it gets away!"

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

2 Dice Rolls Damage

The monk retreats - a reasonable course of action. But Truckbus doesn't have that sort of presence of mind, oh no. As his Aunt Mariel said, one evening, just before his entire tribe descended into a massive free-for-all over who should have the last slice of mystery meat and moss pie: "Ach, but the only reasonable dwarves are the dead ones!"


Move to AK17
Thorn Strike
6 damage.
No sliding.


Once again, Truck unleashes his spectral vines, landing several whip-like blows on the kobold.

I was speaking idiomatically.

3 healing surges to get back up to full.

The battle over, Truckbus takes a short moment to catch his breath and patch himself up the best he can. Then, he frowns. The barrel of grog seems to be gone. Damned kobolds.

He kicks the slink's corpse because of a lingering disgust at its backstabbiness, then searches it. From his previous encounters with the kobolds, he does not have high hopes for any salvage, but it's worth a try.

Truckbus then returns to the slinger's corpse. The sling is probably useless, but he decides to carefully wrap any remaining gluepots or ammo in strips of the kobold's attire. Might come in handy some day. Maybe as a condiment?

Search slink and slinger.

That done, Truckbus catches sight of Prime, remembers how the warforged transformed during the skirmish, and approaches him.

"Friend golem! Can you teach me how to be a chariot?"

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

1 Die Roll Nature

Truckbus's question is met by money in his face. A little flummoxed, he takes it and wanders off. He'll have to figure out this transforming thing on his own.

The southern cave entrance was where the kobold was headed for, so he could expect to find kobolds instead. The north entrance was a little more mysterious. Truckbus checks the area surrounding both entrances carefully for tracks, spoor or any indication as to what lies within - aside from kobolds, that is.

Nature check... 21

Once he is done with that, he doubles back around to Thia. "When you say grog, lass, I'm all ears!"

FELIPE NO

1 Die Roll Tough dwarf should be tough!

Truckbus sees Thia fail in her attempt to enter the waterfall. The dwarf, however, is somewhat more solid - even if he thinks that a WALL OF WATER is UNNATURAL AND INDECENT AND NOT VERY NICE AT ALL.

He says to his other compatriots, "That north cave probably has less kobolds innit. Don't know about big uglies though. Or I can try to pull you folks through that water wall, because I'm a big strong dwarf." Then he, too, plunges through the waterfall.

Endurance check.... 25
Hawk, can I roll an Athletics or Endurance to try to assist anyone else who wants to go through the falls?

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Truckbus stays put behind the waterfall, because he's a stubborn dwarf like that. Hopefully this means he can get the jump on whatever's lurking nearby.

Jam it back in, in the dark.