Moving in together.

I'll be moving in with my girlfriend at the end of this month. I'm excited and I'm nervous -- all at the same time, even!

What advice would you have for someone taking this step? Have you lived with a significant other before? What are some constructive steps you've taken to make the transition easier? What pitfalls should I be looking out for?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Shorty:

I'm 24, and she's 26. We've been dating for 2.5 years.

Oh, man, I hear you loud and clear where expectations, space and control are concerned. Those are the biggest things that people have been warning me about -- and honestly, I think I haven't communicated clearly enough that I really don't expect very much out of her. Well, it would be nice if we kept the kitchen sink clean. (Sounds random, I know, but that's my biggest pet peeve.)

If you don't mind me asking, Shorty, what was your boyfriend expecting out of you for what you should do?

I'm thinking that space will not be as much an issue, because we'll have our own rooms, and since I'll be a full-time graduate student (and gone most of the time), I'm hoping that'll be enough personal space fro the both of us. That said, being a grad student, I have to live my own life first -- I basically have no choice.

How ya doing, buddy?

As a Chinese male, I object to your implication!

I'm just kidding. I swore a long time ago never to follow in the footsteps of my father and other stereotypical chauvinists, but it's so persistent in the culture that I wouldn't be surprised to see it pop up in other relationships.

Originally Posted by Philia

Reason for this is that a huge mutual trust is involved in each other ya know. You just know that either of us is reliable with sorts of issues and not fuck up (he did a few times... but he's learning). But either way its a teaching experience for sure! I just know I'm happy with him and hope it'll be this way for the remainder of our lives together. I know that sounds so damn sappy, but you know so much about your significant other once you guys move in together. Keep being optimistic though.

Thank you for your kind words, Philia. It's really heartwarming to hear stories where everything works out -- it does make it easier to stay optimistic.

Man, I really need to talk with her, after her exams today. We just haven't had the time recently to talk about expectations these few weeks, and the closer the date, the more pressing the need to talk is.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Thank you for your advice, Shorty!

As a side note, now that her exams are over, we finally did get a chance to sit down and talk about the stuff that all of you mentioned here. I think she feels much more comfortable now that we've both had a chance to air out our expectations and talk about personal space, etc. So, I'm feeling a lot less nervous now, because we've laid down some guidelines to make the transition less jarring for the both of us.

How ya doing, buddy?

Thanks, Senorita Preved, Shorty, OO. The move-in date is just 9 days away now, so it's good to hear all these thoughts about moving-in together.

Where compatibility is concerned, I think we're pretty much on the same page on most things. I know we're on the same page, pretty much, when it comes to money, for example. It's the same when it comes to hobbies, music tastes, religion and politics, and so on.

The biggest sticking point is space and independence - she, especially, values independence and is afraid of losing it as our relationship becomes deeper. But as Shorty said, we're talking things through, and I've made it very clear that I don't want to monopolize her time, and that I fully intend on pursuing my own life as a grad student.

Not that I plan to neglect her, of course. I guess, the more I think about it, the more I feel that it's healthier for a relationship, even a committed long-term one like ours, to be comprised of two independent, separate people. So I'm hoping we can run our own lives for now, look to each other for support, and then, as time passes by, let our lives slowly become more intertwined.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by Omi-Cron Kenobi

WHAT. The woman in the relationship wants her space? Dude, don't fuck this up. You're set.

Yup, she's always been very independent. It's a definitely a good thing!

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?