Shy Guys

Ok, I guess this is another question for the gals. I'm wondering, what do you think of shy guys as a whole? I know some girls who are completely turned off by it, and see it as a sign of a lack of self-confidence, but I see them as two very separate things (although they do often go together).

So what are your thoughts on shy guys?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Cute!



How ya doing, buddy?

I've never personally liked a guy who was shy but I don't know if I'd dislike them because of their shyness. I know I like guys who are energetic and can really be themselves all the time, I doubt that being shy is something that I'd look for in someone I was interested in but I'm just friends with a lot of shy guys.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Barring feminazis, women want men who can lead them. It is as simple as that.
The vast majority of people people in general see a lack of outgoing qualities as a lack of ability to lead.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I find shy guys fascinating because I'm wondering what's going on in their heads. It seems like the shy guys are the ones that are the most fun to be around, once they open up. Are you shy?

How ya doing, buddy?

I've always been attracted to the shy guys...maybe it's because shy people make me become more outgoing. For me, the loud "leading" or "funny" type are great to pal around with, but for a real relationship I like somebody who doesn't always need to be the center of attention. It seems like the shy types value their relationships more -- not that outgoing guys don't, because I know plenty who do as well -- but it's just a feeling. The shy guys make me feel special .

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by Lady Miyomi

I find shy guys fascinating because I'm wondering what's going on in their heads. It seems like the shy guys are the ones that are the most fun to be around, once they open up. Are you shy?

Unfortunately, yeah.

FELIPE NO

I guess there ARE girls who find shy guys interesting for the possible "mysteriousness" of it all.
I guess there is hope after all.


EDIT:
What about if the guy is so shy that, after getting to know him a little bit, it appears that there is not a whole lot going on (although that may just be appearance)?

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

There is not a whole lot going on ... what you mean?

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Originally Posted by Smoodle

There is not a whole lot going on ... what you mean?

Well, after buddying up with a shy guy, said-girl-interested-in-shy-guys discovers that the guy still doesn't talk a whole lot about his thoughts or something; it does not appear that there is a lot of stuff of interest going on in his head. Is there a point to which a gal will give up? It seems obvious to me that this will of course vary from woman to woman if so... so that need not be said.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Smoodle

Unfortunately, yeah.

Just how is this unfortunate? Look at it this way, at least you're heading off idiotic girls and ones that really wouldn't care about you.

Originally Posted by Fyodor D.

I guess there ARE girls who find shy guys interesting for the possible "mysteriousness" of it all.
I guess there is hope after all.


EDIT:
What about if the guy is so shy that, after getting to know him a little bit, it appears that there is not a whole lot going on (although that may just be appearance)?

Yes, there's more than you than you think floating around here. Many don't advertise their true preferences, hence the head games a lot of girls play.

I personally would continue to give the dude a chance because he's probably still unconfortable or something.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Well it could be unfortunate...for example if a shy guy opens up, it can turn off the girl for he "opens up." So umm...what next <_<?

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All the shy guys I've known never divulge everything about themselves in one fell swoop. But I do have a friend who went out with a guy who she was initially attracted to because of his quietness -- and she told me that he still didn't talk much, even when they had been in a relationship for quite some time. She broke it off after she got frustrated with his lack of input -- so there is a limit to how much a girl will take.

Somehow, I also find shyness incredibly sexy...there's something so innocent about it. Maybe it's a domination bent on my part?

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by Arkhangelsk

Somehow, I also find shyness incredibly sexy...

This right here could possibly keep me from jumping off of any 10 story buildings for a while.
(not about you specifically... but the potential exists for other similar women)

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by Fyodor D.

Well, after buddying up with a shy guy, said-girl-interested-in-shy-guys discovers that the guy still doesn't talk a whole lot about his thoughts or something; it does not appear that there is a lot of stuff of interest going on in his head. Is there a point to which a gal will give up? It seems obvious to me that this will of course vary from woman to woman if so... so that need not be said.

Are you asking if women will keep prying at a guy who won't put out?

Because the answer is no, of course they will give up and move on if the guy doesn't interest them. Why did you ask this, if you already know (I guess) that such a point if it exists will vary from girl to girl? Weird.

Anyway, I used to be all into shy guys. Now I've matured a little. I don't care if he's shy or not, but if he's interested then he better tell me, because I'm not a goddamned mind-reader. Of course, it's entirely possible to be shy and not-passive. You know what, that gives me an idea for a thread for you fucks.

Double Post:

Originally Posted by Lady Miyomi

Just how is this unfortunate? Look at it this way, at least you're heading off idiotic girls and ones that really wouldn't care about you.

You're the one who thinks shy guys have something deep and mysterious hidden about them that outgoing guys couldn't possibly have. Oh well, takes one to know one.

How ya doing, buddy?

I don't mind a quiet, thoughtful guy, but if a guy is "shy" due to a lack of confidence, that's pretty much the biggest turn-off imaginable.

I also don't care for the overly-aggressive type, either. I guess I prefer a happy medium where the guy is confident, but not bossy and loud and in your face about it.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

I think that a lot of people go through a "shy" phase. At the end of the day though, it's about not accepting your good points. Just about everybody has some redeeming features, be it looks and/or skills (not an exhaustive list obviously). Once they acknowledge that, they need never be shy again. You just have to be proud of yourself and make the most of what you are. It's not an easy thing to learn confidence but it can really open doors for you.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by a lurker

...I don't care if he's shy or not, but if he's interested then he better tell me, because I'm not a goddamned mind-reader. Of course, it's entirely possible to be shy and not-passive.

I agree with this 100%. Shy guys are intriguing, but it can be SO difficult if you're interested in one because... he might be me THAT damn shy. You can't get anywhere.

But I hate guys who are like open books. They tend to lack depth. But having to dig for everything constantly is a struggle. Like most things, shyness is good in moderation.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Fyodor D.

Barring feminazis, women want men who can lead them. It is as simple as that.

Fuck that noise. I want a man who won't lead me. And I ain't no motherfuckin' feminazi - complete opposite. (I am actually a traditionalist regarding women's roles. Did you know? =o )

I think that a shy guy is tolerable, so long as he's not so shy that it impedes upon his social life or how he interacts with others. I am an extremely out-going, extraverted person, and its a nice compliment to my personality to have a shy guy. (Otherwise, we'd likely butt heads a lot)

But yea, like Alice, I don't want a guy who is shy because he's not confident enought o have an opinion. I want whomever is around me to have defined opinions about things - whether or not they agree with mine.

Shy doesn't get you as far as outgoing does.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Also, it can be downright embarrassing in certain situations if the guy you're with completely clams up around other people. I have zero tolerance for people who can't at least be sociable.

My husband is the quiet type, but I've never seen him cower or act like he believes he isn't good enough to open his mouth and speak if he has something worthwhile to say.

And Sass is right: Being shy doesn't serve any real purpose. There's nothing to be gained by being shy, but being outgoing can get you anywhere.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by AliceNWondrland

Also, it can be downright embarrassing in certain situations if the guy you're with completely clams up around other people. I have zero tolerance for people who can't at least be sociable.

Man, you're on a roll this week.

I couldn't agree more. I know I've been in situations where the guy is letting me do all the socializing and talking, where I don't really ENJOY it, but someone has to fucking get up and do it.

I know Pang tends to be more shy and quiet in a social setting. But he's usually calculating in his head - you can almost see the wheels of his mind turning.

I think it intimidates a lot of people, really. Which discourages them from talking to him in any really substantial way.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

Man, you're on a roll this week.

Don't worry. I'll say something soon that'll piss you off. =p

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

I like shy guys who have an opinion. I've met way too many shy guys who are indecisive and waiting for you to boss them around.

I've met one or two shy guys who have opinions and they told me that the reason that they're quiet is because they like to observe, rather than talk all the time. But these guys actually willingly talk without being prodded too much, so I'm fine with them.

FELIPE NO

Quote:

Barring feminazis, women want men who can lead them. It is as simple as that.
The vast majority of people people in general see a lack of outgoing qualities as a lack of ability to lead.

I found these assertions of yours exceedingly dogmatic. first of all, I don't think women want men to lead them, and no it is not as simple as what you stated. Second, outgoing is certainly not the decisive factor for a person to be a leader, actually it is not needed at all in choosing leader. A leader is a deep thinker, intelligent, one who has vision for the future so that he can lead the ppl onto the correct path. Do you always find these criterions in your outgoing-verbosely-flamboyant-and-convoluting men? I have many friends who are shy and does not speak very much but they can spit out few words at the time of emergency that can save lives. If you are in university, maybe you should get to know some people from college of engineering. Normally it is the outgoing guys who has something to hide. Everyone is different, some people are just born shy, if one discriminate such characteristics, one is probably a racist as well. Of course, the outgoing guys/girls are much easier to talk to, but we should not exclude those shy guys/girls, or else it is going to be a cyclic nexus; besides, shy guys/girls are not that hard to talk with, you just need to have the right mind set.

It is true that being outgoing can get you anywhere, but in the end what are we looking at here? Just the superficial appearance? If majority of people like outgoing guys/girls to be the leader, here we go we got president G.W.Bush

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

I'm certainly sociable, but I've noticed that a lot of the time i open up WAAAAY too much for the sake of getting a conversation going, which I realise is just utterly pathetic.

I scared off one girl I went out with because I kept talking about how pathetic my life was =/
That was years ago though.

There are times when girls talk to me because they want advice - so I'm one of those poor dudes that are relegated to 'friend' status really easily BECAUSE I open up, which is a shame if I have a thing for them.
At the same time though, I've been told that I can be really unpredictable and wild.

In other words, I've yet to find a balance that really works for me where I can be really outgoing, yet still not open up so easily. You know, at least try to keep some semblance of 'mystery' going lolol.

None of my friends are totally shy. They're sociable with guys and girls at least, which is good. They just have problems when it comes to girls they like. Other than that, they're totally fine.

Jam it back in, in the dark.