The "SEE ME" friends...

I have a couple of my friends that are afflicted badly with the "SEE ME" disease. Everything is about them and only them. It's hard talking to them because all they want to do is talk about themselves.

For instance, one of my friends, all he does is talk to me when he wants me to do something. Every time I talk to him, the conversation revolves solely around him and his little world. The minute I try to interject something about myself or about something else, somehow he snatches the conversation back to himself.

Granted, he wasn't always like this as long as I've known him. It's like he's getting worse and worse. I don't want to be mean to him, but I'm tired of hearing about him all the time and I'm tired of be used for commentaries and tasks.

What have you done about friends like this?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I have never had any friends like this (I am too much of an ass hole, they would never stand me).

My girlfriend, though, who is an exceedingly nice person, has had a friend just like that. It was a terrible situation. Her "see me" friend had strict parents, who would not allow her to see boys. What she would do was ask my girlfriend out, then tell her parents that she was going out with her, meet up with a boy, and then just make out with him for a few hours while my girlfriend just hung around.

How horrible is that?

She also fucked her prom up by being an ass hole.

My girlfriend eventually got rid of her "SEE ME" friend by being less nice. I guess some of my attitude rubbed off into her. My girlfriend was sad all the while losing her friend, but she's gotten over her and today feels very positive about the way things went down.

So, I guess what I mean to say is that, tell your friend how shit is going. If he doesn't like it, too bad. :-/

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I'd think that this is a symptom of a lack of a healthy, consistent method of self-expression. Unless you're feeling adventurous and like to play shrink, I'd just inform him of his habit and ask him to stop. Explain to him that it's impeding your relationship and just makes him sucky to hang around. Hopefully that'll get him to come around.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I've been working on this huge flaw for a couple of months now. Yes - its the ultimate thing that will kill friendships. Part of it comes from lack of social activity. You start to feel that YOU are the only thing that might be interesting to talk about. Another reason can come from generally having nothing to talk about. In your case, atleast you wanted to talk about different things so perhaps this how he wants to be and has no interest in anything about you or your daily happenings. Many many friends have left me over this, I can tell you what you can do to remedy the situation. First off, you have to tell him up front about it. If he persists then when he starts talking about himself, you can fade out of conversation and go about your business. Having done this enough times he may began to get the picture and try to work on his self absorbedness. You have to make him aware of it because I know I wasn't until one of my friends blew up on me about it and she's long gone now.

Most amazing jew boots

I think I may be guilty fo this myself, but I am making an effort not to, and I am aware of it when I do it, so I don't think I'm as bad as your friend. I think you need a 3rd wheel to come in and put him in line, so its not at the expense of your friendship!

I was speaking idiomatically.

gukarma ~ I've tried the less-nice approach. My annoyance was very blantant and there was no way it could've been missed. However, being that this guy is consumed with himself (and his appearance), it went in one ear and out the other...

Lee-chan ~ Before I can explain something of that magnitude to him, I think I should find out if I'm considered his friend vs. his comment box. Isn't that more important? That way, if he considers me more of a comment box, then I do something else. But the question is, what else can I do?

Winter Storm ~ Hey there! Somehow I don't think you're as bad as he is. He now earns the title of obnoxious. I've never met someone who CONSTANTLY controls EVERY conversation the way he does. It's just...unreal. Sometimes I wonder if he realizes there's a world around him filled with other people. I've tried to tell him about his behavior, but somehow the conversation gets off topic and back onto him and what he wants to talk about (himself). I really don't know how else to get his attention...

Delorean ~ Nobody is as bad as he is. Should I get one of my other friends to speak to him? Is that what you're telling me?

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

What's a buncha friends without a black sheep? Anyway, this one looks like he needs trimming, always meet him with somebody to back you up and whenever he brings himself ... laugh your guts out :biggrin: (of course inform the other friend/s about the routine). We did that with one of our well known college See Me-s and he soon realized what was going on and toned down. (We made him promise to ask everyone how are they doing and listen to the replies - and boy the long replies we gave )

FELIPE NO

Hahaha, that sounds like a winner! Now I gotta introduce him to one of my other friends.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

I've actually been told I have the opposite problem... most people (my girlfriend even) insist that I never talk about myself enough... I always berate everyone I talk to with questions about them, endlessly, and usually I never get around to talking about me. I certainly didn't realize that until it was pointed out to me.

I've gotten better at talking about myself to my girlfriend, and I'm hoping I'll be able to expand it a little more into other people. I think maybe I never did before because I consider myself kinda boring... but I'm told I'm actually quite interesting. I don't know... I think that's just people reading too much into my mysteriousness, which results from me not talking lol. Nice little paradox there. Be interesting by saying nothing!

Most amazing jew boots

I have a friend like this. She's an only child and her parents are freakishly overprotective of her so I can see where it comes from.

Personally most friends with problems like these and others, I just crop them up to their flaws. I'm not dating them and I have other friends so if they have a failing or two that doesn't impede the friendship to such a level I can't stand, then I just let it slide most of the time. I just don't think it's worth the drama and conflict to tell them. In the rare cases I'm close enough to someone where it's gotten to such a point, I will tell them but usually in a 3rd person perspective. Like that it's not my problem but it will be a problem that most people will not approve of. Or this one time where I said to my friend that her mom probably wouldn't approve of it (she had a tendency to start texting people in the middle of conversations with you), since I knew her mom and I knew she would have taught her daughter better.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I don't have any friends as self-cented as this, but I do have friends who will not let me speak when they engage in conversation with me. They kind of people who ask you a question, but before you can actually finish answering and saying everything you'd like to, they interrupt you and try to finish your thoughts. Sometimes you can correct them but sometimes they interrupt you while you try to correct them.

After a while I kind of just give up and let them hear themselves talk for as long as they like.

That's why I prefer to write e-mails. I can say as much as I want, the way I want, and no one can verbally interrupt me.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

So, writing emails to my friend would be better than actually talking to him? I wish I could try that, but he won't give me his email.

Most amazing jew boots

Originally Posted by Lady Miyomi

Before I can explain something of that magnitude to him, I think I should find out if I'm considered his friend vs. his comment box. Isn't that more important? That way, if he considers me more of a comment box, then I do something else. But the question is, what else can I do?

I agree on finding out exactly what he considers you as first. If you can't sit this guy down and have a serious conversation about this, then you probably do need to drop him.

If there's hope for him, you'll know after talking and you can possibly work on getting him to change his behavior - or at least realize what it is.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Oh i had a friend that used to do this. Everytime i spoke to him he would just babble on and on about what he and his other friends got up to and all his 'problems' or anything that was going on in his life. But as soon as i tried to say anything about me the answer i would get would usualy just be a 'Yeah, ok' and then he would babble on about himself again forever. Needless to say, i got rid of him. Pretty ugly fight we got into and we haven't spoken in well over a year besides the occasional char in 'Random Thoughts' on another forum i visit.

I suppose i currently have a friend like this at the moment, he doesn't really care about anything i have to say about me, but i have to care about what he says. I deal with it though, he's not as bad as my old friend who i got rid of so it's all good.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Sometimes the best way to get someone to care about anyone other than themself is to ask them something important about yourself. If they don't know it, you've made your point.

I've never been able to spend any length of time with people who can't talk about anything besides themself, even though I fall into that habit occasionaly. Sometimes it's hard to keep what's filling your mind from spewing from your mouth, eh?

FELIPE NO

I would just ignore them. I work with someone like this, and it's best to make him know that you have your own say too. It's far too annoying to come to work hearing him talk about stuff you basically could give a rat's ass about. So just ignore him, don't listen to him, and he'll get the message.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Lee-chan ~ So, should I ask him point blank? I actually think there is hope for him, that's why I've been tolerating it this long. There was a point in time when all our conversations didn't revolve around him. I'm thinking maybe he has some self-esteem issues. However, if he gets any worse, I'll have no choice but to drop him. But I really don't want to do that because he is a decent person...

ComCrimson ~ When you got rid of your friend, was it the fight that caused it or did you let him know ahead of time and then the fight happened?

Hydra ~ I'm a little iffy on this because he's gotten quite "talkative" lately. Should I have to drop him, I don't want my important business out in public.

Dee ~ I've tried that, I've even tried being rude. In one ear and out the other. I've never met a person like this before. It's weird.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

You say that this is a recent thing, so it seems to me that maybe he's been through something you don't know about? I mean, obviously something has changed.

Well, beating around the bush won't work with this guy. Be aggressive, be direct - but make it clear you're doing this because you're friends, and that you're not just attacking him.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

If he has been through something, how can I get him to tell me? He's notorious for shutting down on stuff that bothers him.

How ya doing, buddy?

That would be the difficult part. As an introvert myself, I know how that works. He won't tell you what he doesn't want to. At this point, I think that you should ask him about it; if he doesn't tell you, then offer to be there for them if he does.

Then again, it's entirely possible that nothing traumatic has happened and somehow, he just figured that acting the way he does not would make him likable. If you think that's a possiblility, then you so inform him that it's really not working.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by Lady Miyomi

I have a couple of my friends that are afflicted badly with the "SEE ME" disease. Everything is about them and only them. It's hard talking to them because all they want to do is talk about themselves.

I love the fact that a thread about narcissism starts off with narcissistic overtones.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Everyone's favorite subject is themselves. It's the first thing they teach you in those "How to Win Friends and Influence People" programs, or if you're in sales of any kind. It's a basic flaw among pretty much all humans.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Indeed. Which is why advertisers use slogans like "because you're worth it" and "What have you done for You today?"

FELIPE NO

How old are you, Lady Miyomi? I'd say from the sound of your friend, that sounds like very high-school-esque behaviour. And if I'm right then I think you may find these are the kind of friends that you wont stick around with after you leave school. Just from my own experience - these are the kind of people that have alot of growing up to do. It's typical highschool behaviour to be completely self obsessed.

I wouldn't worry about it too much at this point - there is that chance that he will grow up soon. If he's really that bad, he may find himself without many friends fairly soon and will probably be forced to grow up.

However, if I'm misreading and you're older than being at school, you maybe just need to lose this friend altogether! Or at least "downsize" your friendship with him!

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

I'm 27 and he's around my age as well. I've pretty much stopped making myself available to him. It appears to be working. Thanks for the advice, though.

Jam it back in, in the dark.