[DS] They really will release any old shit on the DS these days

DS gaming, never exactly a byword for quality has plumbed new depths recently with the release of such must-have titles as:

What's Cooking with Jamie Oliver



Imagine Dream Wedding



Disney Fairies Tinker Bell



and Deal or no Deal, the Banker is Back



Amongst the mountains of crap released on an almost weekly basis for the DS, there are of course the occaisional decent game but one wonders how much money Nintendo actually make from licensing these endless piles of landfill fodder?

Anyway, what in your opinion is the epitomy of shitty DS gaming? Which "game" has the weakest premis, the poorest celebrity endorsement and generally the least appeal of all the shit that's out there. Worryingly, I found all the above quite near the top of the Amazon best seller list for DS games so I can only imagine the horrors one might find nearer the bottom...

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Shin, all of Nintendo's handheld consoles have perennially been a dumping ground for poorly conceived and executed third-party licenses. You're not exactly arousing a mass epiphany here.

However, I do believe that the worst of the worst Gameboy games are those based upon any Nickelodeon or Cartoon Network franchise, especially the less-popular ones, such as "Winx" or "The Life & Times of Juniper Lee". I'd search out jpegs of these games but I'm already certain it's not worth my effort. It has always been plainly obvious that there's no depth to those games, probably just a basic series of platforming fetch quests. I can't say firsthand, honestly. Sir VG is probably the only person above 9 who's ever completed one of these shitfests. Seriously, fuck THQ and their license-whoring ways.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I absolutely loathe these "celebrity" DS games and it's clear no one buys them since I see them every single time I go somewhere like Gamestop, perched in the same places gathering dust. The smiling mugs on the covers of "In the House with Cory" and "The Adventures of Hannah Montana" apparently are not enough to attract kids or fool parents, unless those copies are on their second or subsequent run.

I also have to wonder exactly if anyone has bought something like "Let's Pilates" or "Hell's Kitchen", not just for kitsch novelty, but out of genuine interest.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

People are picking up these titles, though; that's the problem. I've overheard either 1) clueless parents trying to pick a gift for their kid or 2) little kids who don't know any better, stand in game stores and try to choose between several of these awful titles. They see a brand they recognize, or see "ponies" or "puppies" in the title and think it's a surefire win. These companies prey on the uneducated, and will continue to do so as long as they can make a buck.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I don't see this is a problem. Parents buy these games for children based on their on discretion. Also these companies are successfully expanding the audience for video gaming (just like the ridiculous Wiifit for housewives). It is inevitable that people will buy these games. It is a smart move on their part since it targets a wider audience than solely conventional "gamers."
Likewise, looks like they are working towards improving the teenage girls market at this time (since that seems like one of the more less inclined social group that picks up video games)

Also it seems the DS is the cheapest to work and develop with. I don't see too much of this material in the more developed consoles like Xbox 360 or PS3.

How ya doing, buddy?

The PS2 has a fair old collection of crap like these, most of which started appearing towards the end of it's lifecycle (Although actually it's still the second best selling console behind the DS so it ain't exactly dead yet) so I guess that lower development costs play a big part in the decision on which platform to aim at.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by Shin

FELIPE NO

Imagine Babysitter? Seriously? I simply can't imagine a less appealing game title than that, unless it was some kind of fucked up Jap rape simulator or something.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

.....Wait, what? There's....*Counts them* Friggin' hell. Upwards of 18 of these? Really?

*Google*

Shit. No hoaxing.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Shin

... so I guess that lower development costs play a big part in the decision on which platform to aim at.

That's one big factor, cost of development, and therefore cost of game/margin of profit, but also the other key factor is size of install base. Both the PS2 and DS have massive install bases across demographics (the DS even more so), and therefore they become targets for tons of shit games (same reasoning behind the Wii's library of Nintendo games and shit-fests). I certainly wouldn't judge the quality of a console's library by the worst of it, that's incredibly misleading, especially with the DS which has a load of great games available.

I dread to think what the worst game on the DS though, I saw one listed recently called 'Me and My Horse 2'. I can't imagine 'Me and My Horse' being anything other than some shit like those Imagine titles, and quite why you'd need a sequel. But then I did just get an email from GAME promoting some DS title which was just books. Really, the DS as a book reader? Doesn't strike me as the best device for the job.

I do like how it's 'Imagine Babyz', because babies just aren't cool, but spelt babyz, well how can you resist.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Makes me wonder how much money they even put in these games...

Also I find it weird that all those titles are obviously made for girls in mind.

Ubisoft, fuck you.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Who would buy that Cooking with Sprouticus game, or whoever that dude is? I could understand if it were Cooking with Rachel Ray. That would make sense.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I did actually give a mate a copy of Mary-Kate and Ashley's show jump challenge on PS1 for his birthday last month (Which I found in a charity shop unsurprisingly). I had to have a quick go before I give it to him and getting much past the loading screen took a real force of effort. Robot Wars Arenas of Destruction on PS2 manages somehow to be even sadder and more boring that the tv show which is a real achievement so I'm not suggesting that it's the DS exclusively that gets this shit, just that like OP I've been getting a lot of emails from Game and Amazon and some of the shit they're touting for the DS is laughably bad.

The thing is too, it's not like these are the shitty games you can find if you really hunt for them, these are the key sellers for the DS this christmas it seems. The last email from Amazon I got was trying to sell me GoW2 on Xbox 360, LBP on PS3, Mariokart on the Wii and Hello Kitty: Big City Dreams on the DS.

If that's the highlight of the system's games, I'm unlikely to bother browsing the rest of the collection.

I was speaking idiomatically.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by Shin

The thing is too, it's not like these are the shitty games you can find if you really hunt for them, these are the key sellers for the DS this christmas it seems.

My experience with trying to find a copy for my cousin suggests it is Professor Layton and the Curious Village which is the most hot item for the NDS this Christmas season. Eventually I did manage to find one that wasn't at an inflated price, but for a while there Amazon were selling copies at 99 quid!

Quote:

If that's the highlight of the system's games, I'm unlikely to bother browsing the rest of the collection.

I... really hope you already have a DS so you know that the highlights are far better than the rubbish you're talking about in this post. There's a lot of quality stuff on the DS, although of an entirely different kind than you might find on any of the home consoles.

FELIPE NO

Oh no, I've got a DS, had it since about a week after they came out and there's a bunch of games I really like on it. I was talking there as an outside observer, if I didn't have one, the impression I'd get from the retail sites is that all the games are a bit toilet.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by Shin

The PS2 has a fair old collection of crap like these, most of which started appearing towards the end of it's lifecycle

So true, which is really sad because the endless stream of these games will be the only thing keeping the PS2 afloat for the next year to come. But in the end, it's a shame having such a good console sink due to depth charges made of shit.

I don't own a DS, but it's always struck me as having a rather big collection of games, most of which aren't worth the money. Also, didn't that third-party shitty-license streak start at an early stage of the DS' lifecycle?



Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Shin

Oh no, I've got a DS, had it since about a week after they came out and there's a bunch of games I really like on it. I was talking there as an outside observer, if I didn't have one, the impression I'd get from the retail sites is that all the games are a bit toilet.

Well... yeah. If you put it like that, it's hard to argue. I walk into any one of a half-dozen retail stores, and most of what I see for DS are games in the "Training" and "Imagine" series, plus a few other rubbish tie-in games. It can be really annoying to have to dig through the heaps of junk to get to the real games.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I stopped going through bargain bins at those technology stores because I know all I'm going to find are mounds of crap like this. Even if there is a good game in there somewhere, it's probably not worth digging for days to find.

Although, Best Buy had some pretty good PSP games up for grabs at the "deep discount" pricing tier when I went a couple of days ago. Picked up Lumines 2 for only $15 and PQ2 was there too.

These things are, unfortunately, inevitable though. When a clueless customer walks into a gaming store and has to pick through a bin full of junk, it's really a shame, but occasionally there are some gems in there that could turn someone on to the big wonderful world of educated gaming.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I took this thread title too literally coming in. I had assumed it would be about old games that were shitty getting ported to the DS. But rather then talking about old shit, we're talking about new shit.

Regardless I don't understand it either. Even as a kid I wouldn't have played half this crap that gets released.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Most of these are by American developers targeting clueless American parents and kids. So I blame it on the United States for making such shitty games, and shame on the developers for using people's ignorance as a way to profit.

Or was it the French? Ubisoft, right?

Anyways, more Imagine games to look forward to:
* Imagine: Fashion Party (January 20, 2009)
* Imagine: Cheerleader (February 3, 2009)
* Imagine: Ice Champions (March 3, 2009)
* Imagine: Family Doctor (March 26, 2009)
* Imagine: Circus Babyz (May 10, 2009)

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by Vemp

* Imagine: Circus Babyz (May 10, 2009)

This one is clearly the winner. Can't wait for it. Imagine: 5 months, guyz

edit// Check this out. My brain hurts.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

That "Imagine" shit is fucked up, why would Nintendo license this, and even worse, why would Ubisoft be in on it?

This is the kind of shit AVGN will be doing in the future when he's moved on to the more newer consoles...


But the title of this topic, that they release old shit on the DS, I think that's for the better really, not many people bother to locate, plug up and spend your free time playing NES or SNES anymore, and it doesn't really feel like you're playing the old games on an emulator, merely cheating it.

Therefore I'm thrilled by Nintendo's ideas to re-release classics like the early Final Fantasy games, perhaps remake it to better fit the DS, and maybe even add a few extra features.

I'm especially looking forward for the DS version of Chrono Trigger, when it gets released in Europe

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by Chrozon

That "Imagine" shit is fucked up, why would Nintendo license this, and even worse, why would Ubisoft be in on it?

Do you understand how capitalism works?

I mean, it should be relatively obvious. The sales on these don't NEED to be that great. The initial development investment is so small that it doesn't take all that much to turn a profit.

And a small profit for each of these is pretty much guaranteed, so it's less risky than a lot of other endeavors. Neither of those companies are in the business of refusing free money, so.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by The Bionic Faggot

Do you understand how capitalism works?

I mean, it should be relatively obvious. The sales on these don't NEED to be that great. The initial development investment is so small that it doesn't take all that much to turn a profit.

And a small profit for each of these is pretty much guaranteed, so it's less risky than a lot of other endeavors. Neither of those companies are in the business of refusing free money, so.

To build on this statement, the games are simple and fast to make. Also, they have the benefit of having to get Nintendos "certification", which means the company has to throw like 10,000 bucks to get the game tested by Nintendo. Essentially Nintendo runs it through a program to see if shit breaks, if it does, they send the game back, and tell them to fix shit. They won't tell them whats broken, they just have to go back, try and fix some stuff and throw another 10k at the wall.

Realistically these games will probably need to go through that sort of process several times. So that equals more money for the big N.

Someone also mentioned how some crap started coming out for the PS2 near the end of it's life cycle, thats because Sony lifted certain restrictions that they required of games in order for them to be released on the System(As far as I'm aware, these restrictions were specific to Sony of America).

That of course brought about a wave of shovelware, but also allowed games like Odin Sphere to be released in North America.

Jam it back in, in the dark.