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Does this sound correct?
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Elrasiel
Take A Last Stand - X3


Member 4186

Level 13.65

Mar 2006


Old Jun 25, 2007, 04:22 AM Local time: Jun 25, 2007, 01:22 AM 1 #1 of 10
Question Does this sound correct?

"A humanoid cyborg is being resurrected by the power of mystic working hand in hand together with the digital force thus bringing upon us the age of Digital Mystic."

thanks!

Jam it back in, in the dark.
Spike
Good Chocobo


Member 642

Level 17.36

Mar 2006


Old Jun 25, 2007, 04:37 AM Local time: Jun 25, 2007, 02:37 AM #2 of 10
Do you mean grammatically? It looks correct, but sounds a little awkward; might be missing a comma after "force" too, but I'm not sure.

There's nowhere I can't reach.
Vemp
fuuuuuu


Member 929

Level 33.83

Mar 2006


Old Jun 25, 2007, 04:39 AM Local time: Jun 25, 2007, 05:39 PM #3 of 10
It sounds incomplete and senseless. What's that for? Are you making a story?

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.
Elrasiel
Take A Last Stand - X3


Member 4186

Level 13.65

Mar 2006


Old Jun 25, 2007, 05:57 AM Local time: Jun 25, 2007, 02:57 AM 1 #4 of 10
It's a video description. Maybe that's why.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?
Marco
Rossi


Member 598

Level 17.68

Mar 2006


Old Jun 25, 2007, 08:31 AM #5 of 10
Sounds stupid.

I was speaking idiomatically.
Hotobu
Good Chocobo


Member 5982

Level 14.90

Apr 2006


Old Jun 25, 2007, 11:21 AM #6 of 10
"A humanoid cyborg is being resurrected by the power of mystic working hand in hand together with the digital force thus bringing upon us the age of Digital Mystic."

thanks!
It's very awkward. The one thing that stands out the most is that "humanoid cyborg" is redundant. A cyborg is an enhanced human (think The Borg from Star Trek).

"Hand in hand together" is also redundant.

Lastly "is being resurrected" doesn't agree in verb tense. The following still sounds a bit odd (probably because I don't know what the hell is going on), but I believe is grammatically correct.

--A cyborg is resurrected by the power of mystic. Working together with the digital force the age of Digital Mystic is upon us.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?
Little Shithead
prettiest miku


Member 90

Level 33.52

Mar 2006


Old Jun 25, 2007, 01:01 PM 1 #7 of 10
"A humanoid cyborg is being resurrected by the power of mystic working hand in hand together with the digital force thus bringing upon us the age of Digital Mystic."

thanks!
Trying your hand at some more viral marketing for your shit Windows Live Spaces site?



FELIPE NO
RainMan
DAMND


Member 19121

Level 28.96

Feb 2007


Old Jun 25, 2007, 01:08 PM Local time: Jun 25, 2007, 01:08 PM #8 of 10
These might appear to be a little less cumbersome.

"A humanoid cyborg is being resurrected by the power of mystic. They are working hand in hand together with the digital force thus bringing upon us the age of Digital Mystic."

"A humanoid cyborg is being resurrected by the power of mystic, working hand in hand together with the digital force thus bringing upon us the age of Digital Mystic."

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?
...
Elrasiel
Take A Last Stand - X3


Member 4186

Level 13.65

Mar 2006


Old Jun 25, 2007, 02:30 PM Local time: Jun 25, 2007, 11:30 AM 1 #9 of 10
These might appear to be a little less cumbersome.

"A humanoid cyborg is being resurrected by the power of mystic. They are working hand in hand together with the digital force thus bringing upon us the age of Digital Mystic."

"A humanoid cyborg is being resurrected by the power of mystic, working hand in hand together with the digital force thus bringing upon us the age of Digital Mystic."
Thanks alot!

Jam it back in, in the dark.
Dr. Uzuki
Gary Oldman and Morgan Freeman shall be allowed to participate in the film


Member 1753

Level 37.97

Mar 2006


Old Jun 25, 2007, 03:26 PM Local time: Jun 25, 2007, 12:26 PM #10 of 10
Well, it looks like you got your answer. For future reference, this was better suited for a journal entry or something, it's pretty thin reasoning to launch a discussion thread to proof read a single sentence out of context.

There's nowhere to go from here, closing this now.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

so they may learn the glorious craft of acting from the dear leader
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