What is cheating?

That sounds pathetically ignorant, but hear me out.

In this day and age, how can you define it? Does it count as cheating if your partner is texting someone with a crush on him and they exchange rather explicit photos of each other? Or are we still in the old fashioned era of adultery, where only physical interaction counts?

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If your partner feels it's cheating, it probably is. If you're hesitant to tell your partner about your activities, or you feel motivated to hide what you are doing, it's probably cheating.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

So for instance, if you only hear about it say 4 months later and from the mouth of a jealous friend, that would be cheating? It's just I always held this view that allowing others to get that close and to show revealing pictures of yourself to them would still count.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

If you wouldn't want your partner to find out what you were doing (things like buying a surprise gift excluded), it's cheating.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Cheating is basically doing anything that break the rules between what two or people have agreed. It doesn't really have to involve another party.

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Talking to someone that you know likes you while you're dating another person is not cheating, lying about it to your partner is. Cheating is different from couple to couple, some people don't really care about what their partner does.

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I agree with Devoxycontin. Just because you violate their trust does not mean you cheated. Cheating on someone is nothing less than an intimate sexual moment with them. It can be a kiss or it can be sex. A hug is not cheating. Going out to dinner with someone is not cheating. An intimate sexual moment has to occur.

If your significant other gets pissed because you went out with someone for a dinner or something simply as friends, then she is the problem not you. She has to trust you that you'd never cheat on her until proven otherwise. If not then it is her fault for being overcome with jealousy and IMO is disrespectful to you that she doesn't trust you.

FELIPE NO

^^^I agree completely. A buddy of mine is going through a relationship where there is a double standard going on. I mean, he can't have girl friends, but she can go to bars and kiss guys. She'll tell him "You can never talk to this person again" and then go out and french kiss with another dude. She is attractive and he's kind of ugly, so I can see why he doesn't muster up the courage to defend himself...but he is acting a fool. I feel bad for him because he is being manipulated.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by DragoonKain

I agree with Devoxycontin. Just because you violate their trust does not mean you cheated. Cheating on someone is nothing less than an intimate sexual moment with them. It can be a kiss or it can be sex. A hug is not cheating. Going out to dinner with someone is not cheating. An intimate sexual moment has to occur.

If your significant other gets pissed because you went out with someone for a dinner or something simply as friends, then she is the problem not you. She has to trust you that you'd never cheat on her until proven otherwise. If not then it is her fault for being overcome with jealousy and IMO is disrespectful to you that she doesn't trust you.

Does it count if they've been text dating? For instance, naked pictures of each other, texting talking about how much they want to fuck each other? As far as I am aware (or would like to believe) nothing happened physically, but this still pissed me off.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

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Does it count if they've been text dating? For instance, naked pictures of each other, texting talking about how much they want to fuck each other? As far as I am aware (or would like to believe) nothing happened physically, but this still pissed me off.

So? Why does it have be cheating? He willfully did something hurtful to you, knowing full well it was hurtful. If you feel like it was a transgression that shouldn't be forgiven, end it. You don't need to wait for some universally recognized standard of cheating to occur before its okay to dump the dude. You don't have to feel bad about it. He sounds like another sack of shit I used to room with. Granted, this guy never actually cheated on his girl, but that was only because he didn't have a ballsack hairy enough to do it. He was a fuckhead anyway.

It seems that some people get caught is this reasoning that the only good reason to end a relationship that has gone south is to catch the other partner cheating on them. Personally, I think that's a load of bullshit. If you aren't satisfied with a relationship, for whatever reason, you end it, or try to fix it. If it doesn't get fixed, you end it.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Avalokiteshvara

If your partner feels it's cheating, it probably is. If you're hesitant to tell your partner about your activities, or you feel motivated to hide what you are doing, it's probably cheating.

This is a bad indicator. There are definitely girls out there who would consider glancing at another girl "cheating."

Originally Posted by Arainach

If you wouldn't want your partner to find out what you were doing (things like buying a surprise gift excluded), it's cheating.

Also a bad definition. Plenty of girls are disturbed and offended by their boyfriends masturbating. Plenty of guys do it anyway, and just make the effort to ensure that she doesn't find out. Is that cheating? No.

Originally Posted by Bernard Black

Does it count if they've been text dating? For instance, naked pictures of each other, texting talking about how much they want to fuck each other? As far as I am aware (or would like to believe) nothing happened physically, but this still pissed me off.

Is that crossing the line? I would say so. Is it cheating? Well, debatable. Cheating implies the physical act, but sending naked pictures to other people is definitely inappropriate in a committed relationship. It implies a willingness or a tendency to cheat, at any rate. You have every right to be upset about it.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by Bernard Black

Does it count if they've been text dating? For instance, naked pictures of each other, texting talking about how much they want to fuck each other? As far as I am aware (or would like to believe) nothing happened physically, but this still pissed me off.

It's funny because more and more often I find this "text dating" phrase come up as if we've somehow lost the ability to DIRECTLY communicate with each other so we must all mingle on the worldwide airwaves. Nevertheless, the world HAS changed to THAT extent and if nothing physical happened I guess it's not as horrible as it's sounds. But there is still a sense of infidelity attached to this little offhand maneuver, as on-the-line as it may be.

Ultimately, it's up to you, but from my view I consider that a tell-tale sign of cheating.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I've actually been in that situation more or less, where I was dating a girl regularly, and another girl and I were "romantically involved" online.

Granted, I never felt that I was in a steady relationship with that girl I was dating, BUT I also felt that flirting online--however far we went, which was more or less what Bernard Black is describing--was relatively innocuous because there was absolutely no way for us to get together (geographically). But I have to admit, I did wonder to myself whether it was wrong, so it's definitely not totally okay.

Anyway, if I was in a serious long-term relationship but still felt the need to do something like that, I would think very seriously about ending that relationship myself. I would say that if you're going that far with someone else, while it's not cheating, you're just not really committed, and you'd either need to do something to the relationship to fix it or opt out (more likely from my perspective, cause fixing a relationship that you don't care about is incredibly hard).

If you're the victim of this behaviour, just be aware that your relationship is on very shaky grounds. It may not be salvageable. But to directly answer the question: I wouldn't call it cheating.

How ya doing, buddy?

Like others have said, it really depends on the person. I think most everyone agrees that the intense physical stuff (kissing, sex) is cheating. Personally, I'd feel like this 'text dating' thing were cheating, mostly because of the pictures and especially if they did talk about how much they want to fuck each other. Its not physical cheating, but its definitely emotional, and sometimes I feel that the emotional cheating is worse than physical.

So it varies per person. When I found out that my last boyfriend called his ex before he even talked to me, I felt it was cheating, because he was already thinking about getting back with her before talking to me. I'm sure very few people would agree with me that that's cheating, but the fact that he acted on her before leaving me... seemed like cheating to me. It wasnt physical, but it was definitely emotional, and more than hurtful to me.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by Bernard Black

Does it count if they've been text dating? For instance, naked pictures of each other, texting talking about how much they want to fuck each other? As far as I am aware (or would like to believe) nothing happened physically, but this still pissed me off.

That isn't cheating, but it still doesn't make it right. For example: just because something isn't considered cheating doesn't mean it isn't disrespectful to your girlfriend/wife/etc.

It isn't cheating, but it shows you're at least contemplating cheating in the future which is a valid reason for someone to break up with you.

So in summary: cheating? No. Still bad? Yes.

All in all, whether it is cheating or not isn't even relevant to be honest. If it is something you don't feel comfortable telling your girlfriend or boyfriend about then just don't do it. They don't need to an air-tight case to end a relationship with you. This isn't Seinfeld.

FELIPE NO

It's quite bizzare and certainly too complex to put the whole story up but this little segment I would say was my fault. My boyfriend disagrees entirely, but there had to be something to push him over the edge. I found out a while ago about this, but things are basically sorted. Except for when I get to thinking about it and it just makes me really angry. I guess I've been looking for somebody to say for definate that this is allowed to rile me up so much.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

If he is exchanging naked pictures with someone, and you didn't agree to this in advance, that would fall under my definition of cheating. It is a level of intimacy that I would have thought was reseved for your partner. It's not like porn, because he knows the person involved. They are more than just a face and a body to him, more than just a visual stimulus. He knows their personality.

I would also regard any kind of serious amount of dirty talk as cheating. I know that a lot of people would say that dirty talk and such isn't cheating, but I wouldn't expect anyone who I was dating to do that kind of thing behind my back, or even with my knowledge. I'm involved in a relationship with the full expectation that my girlfriend's sexual intimacy of any kind is reserved only for me.

He might not have had sex with this person, but he has been intimate with her. He obviously has a lasting desire to have sex with her, and that alone would make me question the relationship. If the person I'm with desired someone else that much, what reason would there be for her to be with me?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Soluzar

He obviously has a lasting desire to have sex with her

I would have to disagree with this, at least for me, it wasn't that way at all. I was kinda just having fun, and had no serious intentions of meeting (let alone fucking) the girl.

It may still be true of this guy, but I wouldn't say it's obvious, at least.

Originally Posted by Soluzar

I would also regard any kind of serious amount of dirty talk as cheating. I know that a lot of people would say that dirty talk and such isn't cheating, but I wouldn't expect anyone who I was dating to do that kind of thing behind my back

I do agree with this, it's wrong to do something like that. But I really can't count this as cheating. But yeah, I wouldn't want to be in a serious relationship with someone who has the need to flirt with other guys, even online. In fact I've broken up with a girl over precisely that.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by surasshu

I would have to disagree with this, at least for me, it wasn't that way at all. I was kinda just having fun, and had no serious intentions of meeting (let alone fucking) the girl.

You had no intentions of actually going through with it, but can you say that the desire did not exist in you mind? Desire is distinct from intention, and I mentioned desire specifically. I have the desire to do many things, and the intention to do only a very few of those things. The desire alone would be more than enough to give me second thoughts about the relationship.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by Bernard Black

It's quite bizzare and certainly too complex to put the whole story up but this little segment I would say was my fault. My boyfriend disagrees entirely, but there had to be something to push him over the edge. I found out a while ago about this, but things are basically sorted. Except for when I get to thinking about it and it just makes me really angry. I guess I've been looking for somebody to say for definate that this is allowed to rile me up so much.

I think its entirely unfounded to blame yourself for this if you can't even pinpoint what exactly you did that makes this your responsibility. None of this "I must have done something to drive him to this" bullshit. He send the text messages. He sent the pictures. He probably tried to hide it from you, and that's because he knew exactly what he was doing. He knew it was wrong. He knew it would hurt you. He did it anyway. Unless he's some little child that can't makes decisions on his own, how the hell is it your fault? Its not like you were standing over his shoulder holding a gun to his nuts to make him do it. If he felt like you were really driving him, he should have explicitly brought that issue to you. If he wasn't happy with the relationship, he should have ended it. Really, all I get from this guy is a bunch of fail.

One of the reasons why this still gets you riled up to think about is because it really hasn't been resolved. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you have unanswered questions and you wonder if he's still doing this shit or if he'll do it again. You wonder if the next time you catch this crap, it will be worse.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I guess cheating could come in many forms, but the tried and true definition is any physical intimacy with a third party (or like my first girlfriend, third, fourth, and fifth parties).

Other forms could come as something to the effect that Temari was talking about. Even though her ex didn't break the physical bonds, he broke the emotional bonds they had. Emotional cheating? Can it exist? Sure. Can it be grounds for ending a relationship? Well, it depends.

When I was in my last relationship, I still wanted to fuck any woman above a 7 with a pulse and weighed less than 150 pounds. Would that constitute as emotional cheating? I don't think so, since I was an overweight man with an underused penis (penis is still underused).

But say I started to take a serious interest in somebody else? I think that's something that can be mended before a drastic decision is made. It can be grounds for a breakup, but not as concretely as physical cheating.

Bernard, in regards to your problems, I'd say sending naked pics is a no-no unless these people are strippers comparing bodies, in which case, forward me the photos plz.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Isn't that against his religion, or something?

Dump the idiot.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by Soluzar

You had no intentions of actually going through with it, but can you say that the desire did not exist in you mind?

In the sense that I thought "man, if she was here I'd fuck her", no, that desire didn't really exist (not beyond the "I'll have sex with anything alive, attractive and female" kinda thing).

Originally Posted by Soluzar

The desire alone would be more than enough to give me second thoughts about the relationship.

Absolutely. If I had been in a serious relationship at the time, I wouldn't have done anything like that (or broken up).

Anyway, I also don't see how this is possibly your fault, Bernard Black. I don't know if I would break up with someone over it (probably though), but I would certainly have major doubts about the relationship if a girl did this while in a relationship with me.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by surasshu

Absolutely. If I had been in a serious relationship at the time, I wouldn't have done anything like that (or broken up).

Yeah, and although Bernard Black obviously doesn't want to end this relationship, perhaps she should consider it. Something has obviously gone very wrong. It's possibly not too late to fix it, but only if both parties have a strong desire to set things right.

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Anyway, I also don't see how this is possibly your fault, Bernard Black.

Thirded. I can't see any way it could be. I can see a few reasons she might feel that way, but people blame themselves for things that aren't really their fault all the time.

How ya doing, buddy?

Ah, well I fight against that kind of talk. We were having problems at the time, always arguing; it was a mixture of his fear of rejection (he's really gone through the emotional shitter concerning past relationships) and my almost entire lack of a libido. If I had made him feel more wanted, he wouldn't have. He said that he reacted to her (by the way, she was a close friend of mine, until I found out, and for that matter, a friend of his to boot) because she made him feel wanted. I failed to do so and as such I don't blame him for turning elsewhere. I blame the little hussie for trying to steal my boyfriend though =/

I know it sounds very cliché of him but he said he realised how much he didn't want to lose me when it dawned on him what he had been doing, and as such "broke things off" with her. It just bothered me that he didn't care to tell me; I think I would have prefered finding out like that than through friends. It also bothers me that he still saw her as a friend for two months after.

I guess it also stings because I always thought she was prettier than me. Perhaps not as nice as me (that shows that she really wasn't at times; I never usually compliment myself like that), but certainly more desirable. Turns out for a while she was. And Electric, I hate to admit it but I do worry. My boyfriend and I have been going out for nearly two years now and there have been rumours of other events but since it's only hearsay provided by my ex and also two girls who were jealous of me for my partner, I'd rather not hold much stock to it. I'm more of the "innocent until proven guilty" type.

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