I suck at dealing with girls...
 

Ok, so this really cute girl I work with broke up with her boyfriend about 2 months ago. I really like her but right now, she doesn't want to date anyone. Heck she had to reject like 10 guys within a week of breaking up with her boyfriend. Now I know that if ever, I'm probably not gonna have a chance with her anytime soon.

But seriously, how do you approach a situation like this? I mean it's not like she's going to announce to the world when she's finally ready to start dating again. The last time a girl I liked broke up with her boyfriend, she kept saying she wasn't over him for months. Then oneday, BAM! She had a new boyfriend.

Right now, I've just been trying to be nice to her. But the thing is I've always been really nice to her, even when she still had a boyfriend, so I think she just sees that as how I am rather then as a sign that I like her.

I don't know, from previous experience I just have this feeling that I'm gonna do something wrong and either make her mad or miss my opportunity.

I walk away and pick any one of the other eligible girls out there.

Seriously, emotional issues are hell. Plus I don't reccomend dating coworkers because when you eventually break up it just makes things miserable. Spend less of your life at work and go party or something or join a group to meet other people.

Thing is, she's not having emotional issues. She just doesn't want to date anyone at the moment. Also, I might not be working there much longer anyhow.

Thats the problem with women, man. They do that kind of crap for whatever reason. Most of them won't date co-workers and/or will just say that to distract you and let you think they aren't ready yet and will secretly go find someone else anyway. WHY they can't just tell you straight up whether they like you or not, I'll never understand. But they won't.

Keep being nice to her. I mean you've got no reason not to. Maybe throw it out there that if she wants to do something one day after work or something you can go hang out somewhere(preferably in public, if she asks where you'd hang out). Just let her know it's not really a date. Just having fun. Invite some other people you both know along as well, so it doesn't seem like a date. That might make it easier for her to consider if shes still not ready for a date. There's really no right way to do this. If you ask her out early, she stop talking to you all together and lump you in with all the other guys that asked her out. If you ask her too late, she'll have already found someone else. I can't help you with WHEN to ask, just be careful and be as sure as you can shes interested.

I caution you though, this is dangerous territory you walk in, dude. This has the potential to easily turn against you and result in the "I just want to be friends" bullshit line that girls like to pull...the six most horrible words ANY guy will ever hear. Tread lightly because once you hear that crap spew from any womans mouth, you're done. Might as well find a new girl to talk too because you'll never be anything more then a friend to her.

Good luck, dude.

She shut you out. You're not getting anywhere with her.

She's not "ready" right now for you or the other 10 men in line.

You wonder why she says she doesn't "want to date anyone," and then the next day she has a boyfriend? It's because she doesn't want to date you.

Sorry to sound harsh about it. =/

Except the girl I'm talking about now only mentions that she doesn't want to date anyone right now, when she's talking about people that keep bugging her. The previous girl I was talking about, yeah I know for a fact that's why she kept saying that. This girl, that I'm talking about now, it's mainly come up because she keeps telling me all her problems.

If you read any of the other threads here, you'll see that this means you're in the "friend zone" and you won't ever get to date her. And, trust me, she won't be ready to date until she meets someone she wants to date - which she obviously hasn't yet.

You could be right, but I'm not the only one there she keeps telling these things to. So I'm not sure if it's because I'm in the "friend zone" or if it's because she's trying to get attention.

You guys are probably right though. My luck always seems to be any girl that I could possibly be interested in, has no interest in me. I wouldn't be so picky about who I show interest in, but seeing the divorce one of my friends is going through kinda tells me I'm right to be picky. Something about dating a girl that has nothing in common with you just seems so... stupid.

Oh, you have every right to be as picky as you want. Hell it worked out for me. It's a good way of weeding out the annoying girls that you can't stand.
Trust me, I've dated girls before that I have nothing in common with and it's damn obnoxious because neither one of you can agree on anything. Opposites DO NOT attract.

Yes, excellent! You couldn't have volleyed away Arainach's cynicism any more adeptly than you just did! The first rule towards revolutionising modern life should be to make your girlfriends last longer than your jobs.

Bingo.

"Telling you her problems" is not a way to get into the relationship door. Chances are, you'll always be viewed as "a friend." You know how women are.

Also, sorry I misunderstood what you were saying.

This girl is full of shit. She's probably already fucking someone else. Sorry, guy.

I'm not sure if that was sarcasm or if you were being serious. If it was sarcasm, I really couldn't care less about my job. It's a grocery store where I'm hardly even appreciated by the people in charge even though the whole fucking front end of the store relies on me. If it wasn't for the fact that I live in Michigan and jobs are damn near impossible to find I wouldn't have even been there this long.

I appreciate that you're trying to help me out, but I honestly don't think that's the case. I've worked with her for about 5 or 6 years. She's not really that type of girl, she just broke up with a guy she'd been dating for 5 years because he was cheating on her. I can kinda understand why she wouldn't want to jump right back into a relationship. She doesn't wanna deal with the burden of it, so she's just been partying with her cousin.

Because as I said, I haven't directly asked her out or anything. None of her "I don't want to even think of dating anyone right now" comments were really aimed at me. Unlike the previous girl I mentioned.

Again, not saying you guys are wrong. I probably don't have a chance in hell with her. But when you think someone would make a perfect girlfriend, you kinda feel inclined to at least try anyhow.

Boy are you in for some surprises!

She doesn't want to date anyone?

Guess what, bucko? This includes you!

If she was interested, you'd know and you wouldn't be making this thread.

Quit'cher fussin'. Find someone else to fret over cause this particular bus ain't leaving the station with you on it.

However it excludes that guy she's gonna meet two weeks down the line who makes her feel so good and who he's totally gonna like cause he's such a good friend.

That's easy to say, but the thing is, I like her specifically. I don't normally care that I don't have a girlfriend, unless there is someone in particular I like. I don't go out looking for girls, because normally I wouldn't care. If I have no chance with her, I'll just go back to not caring.

I'm not the kind of person who can stomach going to bars and whatnot and trying to sort through all the bimbos to find a girl that I consider worth my time. If I wanted to have a girlfriend really bad, I could probably go get one. But I want a girl that I actually ya know... like.

Honestly, why do people always tell me to go look for someone, when most people that end up together, it happens out of basicly pure luck rather then the fact that either person was looking for someone.

Well, the thing is, chances are you did just about everything wrong regarding this girl because you like her. You probably treated her too nice, gave her too much time and attention, agreed with her too much and so on.

Unless you're dealing with a seriously emotionally damaged girl (and that's bad news no matter how you look at it), most girls like to date someone who can match them in an argument. Despite what your mother may have told you, there is such a thing as being TOO NICE. If you're always there for her listening to her problems and helping her out, that doesn't tell her you're caring, that tells her you're a pushover. Pushovers make really boring boyfriends.

Maybe an analogy that helped me get into the right mindset will help you as well: a relationship is a bit like a rope pulling contest, with you and the girl holding each end. If you pull to hard (ie. you're a complete jerk all the time) the rope will snap. However, if you don't pull at all (ie. you're a wuss that lives to serve the girl) the rope will lull and she'll find someone who's actually any good at pulling ropes to be with instead... I guess I didn't remember the analogy perfectly, but you get the idea. :D

Generally if you like a girl specifically, it is a very risky endeavor so you kinda have to know what you're doing. It's probably better not to be too picky at first and just date casually, since otherwise you might pass up a girl that turns out to be your perfect match. I admittedly am the same way though so I don't want to press this point too much.

Surasshu the irony of your comment about being a pushover, is that's exactly how she was with her boyfriend. She makes less then $200 a week, is going to college and she bought him an X-Box 360. And weeks before they broke up, I can't remember what it was... but she bought the guy a $600 birthday present. She was so nice to him and he started treating her like crap near the beginning of the year, blowing off plans they had. Eventually she told him either they're going to spend the day together like they planned or he wasn't going to have a girlfriend anymore, and he hung up on her. It was afterwards that she found out he was cheating on her.

But man... I just want to backhand that guy for being so freaking stupid. You say if guys are complete jerks they can't get a girlfriend. But from what I see CONSTANTLY it seems to be the other way around

Are you seriously trying to pull the "Jerks get all the girls" thing? Because really, that's not how it is. I'm sure he was more than nice enough to her in the beginning - if she didn't like it when he was a jerk, then I'm sure she would have broken up with him long before they reached the five year mark.

Anyways, if you like this girl so much, just ASK HER OUT and stop asking people on the internet what to do. We don't know her and we don't know how she acts around you. If she dates you, awesome. If not, move on.

Honestly I didn't really expect anyone to like solve my problem for me. But I thought I'd just see if anyone had some helpful advice since my friends are useless when it comes to relationship advice, even though they've all had sex.

I know jerks don't get all the girls, because my friends have all had girlfriends. It just baffles me though, when some guys who are complete scum seem to somehow get an endless stream of girls. It has nothing to do with this particular topic, but I knew a guy who would go on a date with a girl once, have sex with her, and dump her. I'll never know how he kept that up because he wasn't even a good actor. He was pretty obvious about how scummy he was, yet he kept getting girls who in turn were surprised when he just had sex with them and dumped them.

Anyhow, I've got ideas in mind for what to do. Thanks for all the advice guys.

Do NOT try to date a co-worker. Many businesses forbid this type of relationship, and mandate that if this IS the case, someone has to transfer (if possible) to another location. Many people don't date co-workers because if the relationship sours, things can go wrong with the working relationship.

The worse thing you can do is try to force her to date. She'll resent it. I mean, really, what were those 10 guys thinking when they went after her in the first week? She still has feelings for her ex.

So, my advice is to give up and stay her friend.

Thats the passive-aggressive way of saying "I don't find you attractive". Seriously, can the bitch and move on. Experience will show that the ones that are aware of their attractiveness are rarely the ones worth chasing after.

Good LORD are you whiny.

Everyone is telling you the same thing. I don't know why you're going to sit here and fight it.

If you don't believe any of us (which no one can blame you for because internet), go try asking her. See what happens. Be sure to report back!

So you like her. Big deal. This is the here and now, and why waste your efforts trying to score a person who doesn't feel the same about you?

But again, I think the only way you're going to get what we're trying to tell you is if you ask her out. Y'never know - we could all be completely wrong!

As far as the "o god i hate bars how do i meet people," you need to put yourself out there a little and take some risks. I've heard SO MANY whiny children say this shit. I'm not much of an attractive person, and I dislike bars as well, but I seem to do well for myself as far as relationships go.

And I've never once been on an actual date.

Maybe your approach is wrong. I'd say "dating people you work with" is not only a bad approach, but a recipe for disaster.

I also think the only two options are :

A : ask her out and hope for the best, liberating yourself from the awkward feelings you are having regardless of her response.

OR

B : Keep torturing yourself until she gets a boyfriend and repeat the process next time you meet a girl you like.

I used to get into this kind of mess all the time, until one day I picked my nuts up off the floor and asked a girl who had sparked my interest out. She said no, by the way, but it was due to a family matter, which she explained to me and later we started going out. That was two and a half years ago, and we're still going out.

You have nothing to lose except your chained emotions. Go for it!

I wasn't planning on responding to this thread anymore but...

Do you really think I'm that stupid that I wouldn't have thought about whether or not it's allowed at my work? It is, we've got a union and they wouldn't let the stores have a rule like that.

Ouch. I've never had someone call me whiny before, but that might be because I'm surrounded by yes men, which is why I can never ask my friends for advice.

Also another reason I don't go to bars, is because I don't drink. I've only been drunk twice in my life and that was on new years off of highly loaded punch my friends make. I can't stand the taste of beer. Feel free to call me a wuss, I'm used to it being a guy that hates sports and beer.

You can't be considered a male if you dislike sports AND beer. Its an intergalactic law.

Well, yeah, but you're dating a guy you met on the internet, aren't you?

Had no intention of dating him from what I saw on the internet. Frankly, I hated who he was here. (He still irks me from time to time on the forums)

And then, we met at a meet and we were both completely different. And hung out after the meet. That's when shit went down.

I had no intention of dating him until I actually met him. I don't know if that counts.

DarkMage, a lot of people don't use bars as a genuine dating generator. I'd advise against it, myself - but plenty would disagree with me. You should try getting into stuff locally or whatever.

Hey, thanks for reading the rest of my advice! I really appreciate it. However, just so we're clear, let me repeat myself:

Dating a co-worker is a bad idea. If the relationship sours, then the work relationship can also sour. It's better to not be in that position to begin with.

And, here's another bit of advice: You don't have to drink alcohol at bars. Many have non-alcoholic drinks there (and not just water).

OH SNAP

Anywho, I've read a few scary things in this thread from you, chief. One of the foremost being, effectively, "She's not like other girls, I like her so much, blah blah blah." Isn't that the way you feel about every fucking girl? The answer, though you've doubtless convinced yourself otherwise, is yes. Time will prove me right.

Also, I find myself both amused and surprised to say this, but LeHah is right. There's a fine line when comes to how aware is too aware so far as one's own attractiveness goes, and you don't want a chick on the wrong side of it (or dude, if that's the way you swing your rudder).

And a final note? If you say you don't like beer you haven't had enough of them. I'd issue an open challange to find me someone who doesn't like one single beer.

I did read the rest of your advice, I just didn't comment on the rest of it, because I don't necessarily disagree with everything you said. I just felt I had to respond to that particular part. Sorry if you misunderstood my response.

Toss me a suggestion then. I've tried Corona, Molson, Miller High Life, and Strongbow(Although that's technically not beer). I thought every last one of them tasted like piss. The only alcohol I've drank that I didn't hate was Mike's Hard Lemonade and that hardly counts.

Also, I don't think I quite ever said she's not like other girls. It's just that she's nice, smart, has quite a few things in common with me, and she's beautiful. All 4 of those things combined are pretty rare around here, at least the ones that aren't already taken.

And for the record incase anyone is wondering, no I wasn't sitting there hoping she'd break up with her boyfriend, even though I figured it was inevitable since he plays WoW. I didn't even consider her an option till I found out they broke up.

I've been trying different kinds for a few years now and I still can't find any I like. :(

It could just be that beer gives me the absolute worst indigestion on earth whenever I have even just one glass.

There. "Specifically." The way that reads is, "She's not like other girls, I can't go out and meet other girls, because she's so high above me." Thanks for playing.

As for beer.. well, shit. You've tried five beers? Hold the fucking phone! Christ, every beer you've had is piss water. Fact is, if you want a decent drink it's going to cost you. That's the sad state of affairs, so next time you go into a bar pull out your wallet.

Can you name some that you've tried? I have an inkling that Frank is correct.

I think the easiest kind of beer for a none beer drinker to start with in the appreciation of the art that is brewing is either white beer or fruit beer (no pun intended). Now I don't know what kind of beers they have in Michigan so I can't really give you too many specifics, although I could suggest Hoeggarden white beer, which is a Belgian beer that I am pretty sure is available in most parts of the industrialised world. Guiness is an exception to this rule, as even though it is a dark beer it has a very sweet taste that can appeal to most anybody.

If he's complaining about sour stomache from drinking beer, don't you think these are the things he should avoid? He'd want something with more of a base to it.

I was addressing myself more to DarkMageOzzie than to RacinReaver bo you make a very valid point.

Here. It's a listing of Michigan breweries. I don't know where you live, or I'd have made my research a little more specific. That said, on a trip out to California I went to a Brewbaker's, and it turns out you have one in Ann Arbor.

Wish I had known that when I went through.

If you ask me, and this is where I tie it in, a brewery is a great place to meet a chick, especially since you're having trouble finding a beer you like. Chicks dig the whole, "Look at me, I'm so sad," thing, and considering most girls you'll meet at a brewery know their beer, you'll be knocking out two birds with one stone.

Not only do you get some sweet tender love and care, but I garuntee she'll find you at least one beer to enjoy. It'll probably even be local, which has the added bonus of granting you the right to be a drunken snob.

I'd like to second this motion. Plus, If you get yourself a beer drinking chick who hangs out at breweries, chances are she won't be too much of a hard time to deal with.

A good start would be Guiness, Yuengling, Blue Moon, and Sam Adams for the things I've had recently.

...you've had Yuengling? What were you doing on the east coast? What's more, I'd offer you the same advice I gave our intrepid hero here: Head to a local brewery. They have people at these places who are specifically trained to help people like yourself find something to drink.

Also, maybe you'd like something lighter than those mentioned. I'd try a nice light lager, or maybe even a pale(r) ale. Seasonal beverages often find homes with those who normally dislike beer as well, and this is the season for pumpkin ale and whatnot.

Personally I'm working Saturday nights. Retail sucks. On the bright side I always have new comic day off though.... god did I just type that? I am a dork.

Also, I'll keep everything you guys said in mind.

Wheat beer is also popular with most people who are knowldgeable about or like to try different kinds of beer.

The bar closest to my college had $5 Yuengling pitchers every night, so every now and then we'd hit there and get a pizza + pitcher. I could eat a whole goddamned pizza on my own, but give me one slice and one glass of beer and much stomach feels like shit all night.

I tend to drink darker beers since I feel light ones taste more like horse piss than anything else. Also had some Sam Adams Harvest Ale or something that I felt was pretty mediocre.

Of course, you're also talking to someone who thinks Diet Pepsi is the pinnacle of beverages, so it might be a bit of a lost cause.

Just alittle follow up for anyone who cares. I finally did ask her out and her answer was "Maybe in the future" because she has alot of stuff going on lately that's driving her crazy so she doesn't want to be in a relationship. But she also kind of went out of her way to tell me it's not because she has anything against me.

While she could be serious, I also know that being she's a girl that she could also be doing the whole trying to reject a guy without hurting his feelings crap like previous girls have done to me. So unless she suddenly shows some sign that she's interested, I'm just going to go on as if she had given me a flat out no.

Anyhow... let the I told you sos begin!

You know, this news wasn't even worth updating this thread with...

Yeah... but I was bored. I get off work and then a friend needs me to help him fix something on his computer. Didn't exactly give me time to do much anything so I just did some random forum stuff... Off to sleep I go now...

At least there is a CONCLUSION. I am wondering how many threads such as these have a conclusion.

Anyway, I agree. The whole 'not right now' is basically the old-fashioned, 'I don't want to be mean and say no to you so I will be 'kind' and say not right now.'.