It's good, but I prefer this version:

"i liek 2 watch young gurls and jerk it ruff 2 them"

As written by my friend, the english professor.

Hahaha.

Maybe it should've been "To TRY and convince you".

Since no girl, not even a fourteen year old, would fall for that.

Honestly, if I was a fourteen year old girl, and some twenty year old creep wrote me a poem, I'd ask him to sign it, and frame it with "CREEP" in big bold letters.

Oyvez, this is quite disturbing. I don't know if you noticed, but there are plenty of perfectly good women out there who you'd be able to date without getting arrested and hopefully without all that goddamn teenage angst. Still, you have balls posting stuff like that (albeit, ones as big as poppy seeds).

I have to dock Deni a few points for deigning your travesty of a poem with a response, but he wins them all back for sheer comedic value.

Since noone visits my journal:
http://www.419fun.com/math/math3.jpg

There's this dude on the intraweb named Kevin Wong. I think he and this dude should be chivalrous together.

An excerpt:

"As Launa was staring at the beautiful grounds below her balcony, Kevin decided to enter Launa's room to let her know that he was here. However, just as Kevin was about to approach Launa to let her know that he was here, Launa suddenly left her balcony and immediately went into her bathroom; she had not noticed Kevin's presence.

In her bathroom, Launa had drawn a hot bubble bath for herself, and the tub had just become full when Kevin began approaching Launa, which was why Launa suddenly entered her bathroom instead of receiving Kevin. The bubbles and temperature of the bath were just right at this moment for Launa — with pillows of steam and thousands of delightful bubbles rising from the tub — and so Launa wanted to enter her bath right away. Plus, Launa did not know that Kevin was in her bedroom, and so she had no reason to stop her plans of taking a soothing, steamy-hot bath. As such, even though Kevin was standing in the very next room, Launa sexily dropped the pink bathrobe that she was wearing straight to the ground, revealing her absolutely stunning nude body and her untouched virginal skin. Placing her delicate right foot in first to test the water, Launa found it to be just perfect, and so she proceeded to place her other foot into the wonderfully comforting bath, and then she lowered her entire sultry body into the pure, steamy water that was now entrancingly settled beneath her.

As the sweltering water wrapped around and soothed her aching muscles and nerves, and the sensation of the soapy bath began to enter her body, mind, and soul, Launa soon began to daydream. With the pleasurable heat of the water surrounding her and entering her, and her body naked and free as it was, Launa could not help but fantasize about the love of her life, Kevin, as she sat blissfully in her bath. As Launa dreamed of Kevin, she unconsciously and slowly began caressing her body with her hands — from her head, all the way to her feet. As Launa did this, her body quivered with excitement, and tiny goose bumps began to ripple all over her body, causing it to tingle with joy. After losing herself thusly in her dreams for a couple of minutes, Launa suddenly realized where she was and what she was doing, and she bashfully smiled and began to clean herself appropriately — like she was supposed to be doing all along!

After Launa began taking her bath, Kevin could not help but sneak a peek at his beloved through her open bathroom door. As Kevin looked through the bathroom door, he saw Launa bathing her delicate body with a pink bath pouf, and when she was finished, she proceeded to wash her hair with a rare shampoo that kept her hair shiny and healthy. Then, using clean water from the bath's handheld showerhead, Launa rinsed her long and lovely hair, and she cleansed the cloud-like pillows of soap that had collected all over her body during her earlier fantasies. Although Kevin was glancing occasionally at Launa while she bathed herself, Kevin behaved gentlemanly, and so he did not look at anything of Launa's beyond what would have been chivalrous; Kevin just wanted to see how beautiful Launa's face was, as she gracefully bathed herself in her bubbly bathtub. Besides, if he and Launa were ever to get married, Kevin wanted to save the mystery and the once-in-a-lifetime experience of seeing Launa naked for the first time, for their wedding night. And so, as he became entranced with the beauty and the purity of his lover Launa, Kevin could not help but remember how special and magical it was that he and Launa fell in love in the first place, and about the day when he first learned that Launa loved him, as much as he loved her..."

Fuck, I wish I was making this shit up.

Set tasers to "REDUNDANCY" and fire on Kevin Wong.

Fuck man, I WISH you were making that shit up too.

No wonder your Professor friend mocks him.

http://books.google.com/books?vid=IS...sec=frontcover

Look him up, Aquos. He is your future.

I see your neckbeard glistening in the sunlight,
I smile coyly from the wading pool in my bikini top
that suggests my age is greater
than the kids section at k-mart prescribes

you descrate me with you manhood
that only renaissance wenches so far have felt
your harem finds a new member
as you member me into the twilight

Your soul says you are like 19
Your firm buttocks glistens as many gifs before you
Alas! I see your ID peek through
Your age on this earth is but 5
I stare at the developing autumn walnuts that is your womanhood
My neckbeards throb with the thoughts of you
I wonder if its rape if they cant spell statutory

I wept, I laughed, I cried.


A+

Wow! Thanks for the feedback Denicalis.

Not a huge fan of the first stanza either, but was thinking of a way to start it out because it originally began with, "Your fresh thighs make me sweat"

I won't deny the sexual nature of the poem, and the imagery involved there. But you must take it as an outlet into the poem. I think the sexuality of it is indeed somewhat trite because I don't exactly feel that way, but I am also uncertain, too. Like I'm asking myself, "Is it okay for me to think this?" and I'm telling myself, you are probably right "Perhaps if I am suave with my words I can ameliorate what is controversial of my feelings here," but I digress that such thoughts deserve the tribute that is the love poem. They deserve the poem. Even if it's sucky to an audience, it helps me take a stand somewhere.

Let me ask you how I should improve the poem? You seem to be downright against the poem's subject, not considering that in my twist of words there is something meaningful besides the hidden notion that perhaps I want to have sex with her. That IS a hidden notion, but there's a reason I don't downright say "I want to insert my member into her soft gush," or whatever phrasing. Let that reason be the author may actually want to (or NOT want to against his own will) or the author is uncertain, or the author is curious, wonderous, contemplative, mystified? It's a matter of interpretation, I feel is the case here. Especially my interpretation of my feelings, that is uncertain. You must understand this is the first time of tried to deal with these kind of young love ideas. I might try to re-write something that is more honest to the pedophilic notions you oh so frame light in. .....I dunno.

I'm quite curious to see what kind of comments my poetry instructor will give me on this one.

I'm glad though because you understand how I feel in some of the stanzas. Understanding is powerful. Even in a bad poem? I don't like "the body's giggles either" it feels incredibly cheesy.

Your feedback is greatly appreciated, Denicalis. Thank you!

This isn't an intense crush at all, either, it's more on the base of curiosity. Granted, I'm kind of a strange fellow, as some people I've met have flat out told me. I laughed at the joke poems, neckbeard is a great image and it reminds me of how Bjork talks about inhaling beards all the time in her lyrics.

Kevin Wong eh? I'll check it out. But I didn't like that excert a lot, it was indeed redundant, and I was hoping he would go in the room and be like "Hey sup."

Aquas... O.o

This "crush" is an sexual obsession that will undoubtedly lead to you having sex her unless immediate action is taken. I think you'd rather use this girl as a sex toy rather than a partner in life. You've shown that it's more than "mild interest" or a "base of curiosity" over and over and over again, though you deny it. Your thoughts are very disturbing. And all writing this poem will do is increase your lust.

If you cared about her, you'd cut all ties with her until you get your feelings and thoughts under control and never go after her again. This is a 14 year-old girl for heaven's sake! Let her have a normal life, with a normal guy her own age who will be her husband. I'd also advise you to refrain from sexual fantasy with others, too, because that's not much better.

If you want to use her as an object for sex, great, do you what you're doing now. You're definitely well on the way, but I guarantee you, that'll be all it'll be. Short, sweet, and bitter.

Sick of the same replies. And sick of reiterating myself where my intent is continually not comprehended the way I wish it were. It's too complex to be broken down. My thoughts are slightly disturbed because of general depravity of physical love, probably, if you so see it that way. I call it a glorified romance for what is fantasy to be. The thing that makes me feel good about writing this poem is that I can still feel love without actually experiencing it through my notions and words. I illuminate an idea like this to make myself feel good about myself. Sure, some factors of lust may be involved. What is love without lust? You guys fail to see the point I'm trying to make and stand stabilized on.

The idea I'm taking is of the utmost pre-emptive appreciation for a person of whom allows a warmth to be felt in my heart. There's this warmth. It's all about the fucking warmth, okay? Just imagine this warmth. With your friends, with your boyfriends / your girlfriends, the often un-spoken warmth of familial love. It radiates from our hearts in a large electro-static like field, like how the Earth's field looks like, with the curves at the north and south poles. When hearts come together, maybe in a 10 feet range... these fields are effected. I am investigating how the fields of how this girl and I react. I investigate it through the ability to change my thoughts into words, it is very fascinating. It doesn't matter if we are or aren't destined to be together, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter. And it probably doesn't matter that I write the poem, except for my own personal gain. But I write it. I fail to see the difference here if she were 2,3,4,5 etc years older. So what if I happen to have this kind of insight in the reaction of a girl 14 years old. Nobody knows how I see her except me. At this point I'm writing this only to liberate myself upon the judging. And I reiterate from what I've said previously, that it should have been kept to myself... like most poetry should, in the dungeon of thoughts that cross a poet's mind. The only reason I brought this thing up was because it was my most recent thoughts of which I would categorize in the general order of a loving infatuation. Hell, I don't love this girl. She doesn't love me. I don't freeze up near her or stare at her, but I like to make her laugh, that's my confession. The notion is that maybe the energy between us already loves itself? The same could be applied to so many situations of the beginning of relationships, I think. You don't really know. The only minorly unfortunate part of this is that I won't really know for a long time, in a lower division of chance that I continue to think about our energies. It's SO very unlikely I pursue it. I'm beginning to feel a bit upset at how inflexible some of you are to this grade of thought, as this KIND is of the minority of my thoughts. I should shun myself in the future if all my romantic thoughts are held on my friend's little sisters. But due to this wonderful situation, I've had the pleasure of being in the presence of my friends sister, and recognized admirably the same warmth I feel in my friend as well.

HEROES OF DESTINY

"In the murky moonlit moonlight Kevin, who by descent from a man and woman who had an intimate relationship bore the surname Wong, drew his sword, which was not too heavy, albeit his scrawny build that permitted him the ability to wield anything that was not too heavy, like that indicated by the weight of this sword, and stared at his arch-nemesis, ipwnzyoo, who by descent bore no surname for he did not know from whom he was granted the seed of life and the gift of the womb, with eyes wide open, piercing the still night air, which though still was not still enough to warrant that Kevin cease heaving in the revitalizing air that would prevent him from dying a death of asphyxiation rather than a glorified death as the battle-slain; he longed so much to be post-humously conferred the title of the "pwned".

With swift, hurried, strokes ipwnzyoo dispatched the languid Kevin upon seeing Kevin, though Kevin saw him first but was distracted by his meandering thoughts on their mutual hierachy and the possibility of being forever adulated as a chilvarous hero, and thusly failed to evade the mortal blow that was dealt upon him by ipwnzyoo."

Man. Heh, I checked out Kevin's website and read what I could on that google page. He seems like a pretty righteous dude. Looking at the excerpt Denicalis posted earlier still makes me crack up though. From browsing his website it seems he feels very blessed by his faith of God and in living. Do you own his book, Denicalis?

Dude, it isn't about "warmth." It's about you wanting to stick your 20-year-old rod into a little girl. Why do you keep going back to the damn poem? The poem isn't important.

Also, "I am investigating how the fields of how this girl and I react" what?? You need to stop investigating and get away from this child now, before anything happens. God, I hope she has observant parents.

Aghast! The poem is important because that's the soul. It's more about how people think I want to do that, but that is false. I'm friends with the parents. It is completely about warmth, too.

I think you should add this stanza:

Your tiny frame reminds me
Of carnal desires untouched

Virgin and pure, sweet and mild,
In the coming of time, you shall be mine

Alright, out of left field I know, but that's the incorrect format for filling out a madlib. You simply ask whoever is providing the words to offer a noun, verb, adjective, pronoun, adverb, etc. and you fill them in appropriately.

Don't get me wrong though, I enjoyed it. Just, uh, felt like I had to say something.

This isnt a pirate RP forum mister.

Although the quiet place would be a thousand times better if it was.


Aghast! T' poem be important because that's t' soul. It's more about how landblubbers think I want t' do that, but that be false. I'm buckos with t' parents. It be completely about warmth, too.


oh god I just read this

Nevermind this has convinced me yo are SOUL MATES (mateys)

Pirates say avast, not aghast. =( I know these things, having an MP (masters of plundering) and a PhD. in Laughing and Jumping Off of Things.

Though I still agree, that would make this forum kick ass.

Here's a tidbit I thought I'd throw into the mix...

A friend of mine, who was 19, thought it would be rad to go out with a girl who was 14 at the time (who he knew I liked, and I was 16 so it was a little less not-okay.) Apparently her parents thought it would be rad for them to get ENGAGED.

I want to be a pirate, yarrrgh.

A real pirate wouldnt correct anyone! Turn in your eyepatch.