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Nov 18, 2007 - 03:08 AM |
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Fighting Sleep |
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I write this while fighting sleep. It's a funny state, I find, this. It's a phase where I'm just as thoughtful and observant as always (and I think people will tell you I'm not observant, considering how bad my memory is, but clearly they've haven't seen me navigate my way through long streams of people, not touching a one of them). However, I think it's the ideal state of mind to just run with a stream of consciousness. Of course, I'm not the best sort of person for that. Even as I type, I'm thinking words ahead, always on to what I'll be saying next, not what I'm saying now. My mind is ahead of where I am and, if I catch up, I pause and think of something new. So, no, I'm not the best sort for a stream of consciousness. But maybe I'm wrong and my sleep-deprived state is making me think things that aren't true.
In any case, this is an experiment. Why? For one thing, I'm not in this state often. And when I am, I'm not usually in front of the computer. I normally feel this way when I can't get to sleep. Where am I then? In bed, away from anything that can help me. I also do this because, quite frankly, I haven't made an entry in a little while. I don't want the place to go rusty. I have to dust it off sometime.
Which leads me into an interesting thought sequence. I think the reason I don't make many entries is because what I talk about, what I think about, isn't very entry-worthy. I'm good for blurbs, small thoughts. Perhaps multiple small thoughts that give an overall idea. Unless it's fiction. Then I can write and write and write as idea upon idea hits me. Look at my comic book blog (well you could if it were still linked in my signature). I actually have a tag for "Character Ideas". And the mere fact that I have a comic book blog simply means that my comic book thoughts, the majority of my thoughts it seems, can't go here. It would just be redundant. So I put them there. Which leaves this for... personal space? Life updates? Random thoughts that have no other place? No, not that last one. I dismissed that. My random thoughts are too short, too unexpanded on to be entry-worthy.
See, I used to have a rule. If I couldn't make an entry and have at least a paragraph, the entry wasn't worth making. The exceptions of course were entries focusing on a video clip or images, but that was the idea. I wanted a complete thought, something that had been thought over and not just thrown onto a page. One sentence entries were just too simple. That, and they didn't real tell much about me. Doesn't take much writing skill to write a sentence. Doesn't really reveal much character or perhaps even provide the proper context. No, one-sentence entries or slightly more than that just won't do. But perhaps I've betrayed that at some point. It happens. I know, thought, that my entries used to be really short. Really short. I can't say they never went back to that size, though.
And now I've hit a dead end. Before I was going on progression, letting the momentum of thought just carry me through. But where am I now? Not in the same conversation as before. Wait, a conversation would require two or more people. Almost said just two there. Even in this state I edit myself. Amusing. Anyway...head spinning...blurry...
Fighting sleep. That's where I started, right? I've scrolled past the title, put I think that's what I had. It's a state of mind where I'm more observant than usual, but I process almost nothing. I won't remember the details of typing this in the morning, especially if I dream. My dreams have a tendency to replace memory or maybe just morph memory. In any case, the exact memory of this moment will be lost. I'll know the details sure. Head movement. Getting into my speech. Interesting. Anyway...lost train of thought...was there a train? Maybe it's more like a plane. No, those don't connect together. They do travel far, though. Farther. And faster. How about chain? No, they don't move, unless pulled by something. I guess train will have to do. Eyes...heavy...
And I'm having trouble keeping my head up. And since I know I have things to do tomorrow (it's still before dawn, I can say tomorrow), such as draw something for a webcomic, watch some TV, and, well, I guess that's about it. Unless I want to actually do school work. Ooh! I have a book to read. I Am Legend. Want to read it before the movie comes out. I hear it's good. Just realized that was an incomplete sentence above. Still editing, you know. It was supposed to end with something like "I'll be heading to bed" or "I'll go to sleep now" or something like that to show not only that this entry is coming to an end, but so is my day, which start at 11:00 and ends whenever I go to sleep, which should be shortly after this. Not that I know when this ends. When I get tired of typing? When I stop having thought? Oh, I hope it's not the latter. That would take a while. I'm not sure I have the stamina for it. Not good with stamina, I'm not.
I really must be heading to bed. Heh. Actually used "heading to bed". Amusing. But, yeah, that's what I'm doing. Good night, GFF. See you when I wake up (as this is my homepage).
Night.
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