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Apr 15, 2007 - 06:52 PM |
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heart broken once more. :\ |
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He never really wanted me, he only liked me because I have a rather motherly personality. Someone to baby him and spoil him, I didn't mind, but I got ignored for the most part by him. It was all about him and his little problems. I was hardly heard when I was upset or having problems of my own, no it always went back to him.
So thin skinned that almost no one could play around him, because he always thought they were out to hurt him. I myself couldn't totally be me, I walked on egg shells. I think deep down I thought I could change him. But you can't change anyone, I can't change me, so why should I expect that out of him? I found myself always saying "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." For things I never said or did, but because I felt like I had to make him happy, at the same time I was changing myself for him.
Again all about him.
The final blow, when I discovered he had uh a little disturbing fantasy and it involved um his mom, so he couldn't have that, y'know it's illegal here (Alabama may be backwards, but that is a BIG no no here!). So he looked for something similar, someone with a motherly kind of personality...sadly he found me.  I hate my personality...
I did love some things about him and all, but that is where I draw the line and figured it all out. He never wanted me for me, just that part of me that would baby him and spoil him. He could care less about me the person, my needs, my dreams and goals. All about him. What a stupid blind person I was for all those months, all that time wasted.
I feel sad and at the same time very angry.  I don't need screwed up unhealthy people like that in my life. aaaahhhh....
I think I might go spend some quality time with my pals Ben and Jerry and dust off the ole PS2 and play FF XII. Been so busy with that dope, school, and all that the poor thing is covered in dust. :\ I know bad me and all.
| Currently Playing: Love Song --Five for Fighting |
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