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		Exploding Garrmondo Weiner Interactive Swiss Army Penis
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Temari's

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Page 11 of 43

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Nov 20, 2009 - 01:27 AM

People of Walmart

zzz

People of Walmart

I dont know how old this is. Most of these are just plain horrifying, but there are a couple I actually laughed at.

This is my favorite so far:

Dude, you are by far the worst sniper in your class.

Currently Playing: Beautiful, Akon

(6 fans)

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[public entry #323]

Nov 18, 2009 - 01:55 AM

Spotting Facebook Creepies - Part 3

zzz

It is quite possible that checking facebook about once a day is bad for my health. I play one application game, so I cant be as bad as the people who seem to have a MILLION apps on their profile, but I've been considering cutting ba-

OHH FRIEND REQUEST MAYBE ITS SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO JOIN MY SUPERHERO ALLIANCE

But srsly, I wonder who... it could... be...

...

... I thought her last name was Boner for a second. Man, that would have sucked for her.

ALRIGHT. No more distractions! +1 Popularity, who are you?!

One mutual friend, ok, might be legit, but the name doesn't ring a bell at all. This one isnt as cut-and-dry-creepy as the first two. After a better look at the picture, I realized who had friended me.

Monday night, I stopped for dinner before work. In the parking lot, a guy in a motorcycle jacket about my age approached me. His was the dual-pipe Ninja a few parking spots down. We talked bikes for a few minutes, exchanged first names and handshakes, and said 'see ya around'. He then, apparently, found me on facebook.

What's so creepy about this is that I never told him my last name, or anything beyond my first name (and even then, the spelling isnt all that common). Ok, maybe he lucked out and found me through something I said on our mutual friend's page.

But damn... that

not only creeps me out just a little, but irritates the shit out of me with a spelling error.

[4]

(13 fans)

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[public entry #322]

Nov 11, 2009 - 03:34 PM

Muscles Measured

Response to: Measuring Muscles at the Mexican Restaurant by Ah! Amoeba

Yesterday I was lounging around with the Boy, who was flipping through channels. For some ungodly reason, he stopped on VH1 (trust me, this is really unusual, we usually end up on Discovery or History Channel). It was All Access: Size Matters... or Lets Shit on the Celebrities who aren't Proportionally Perfect.

Right before the commercial, they had a quiz. "How large around are Hulk Hogan's biceps?!" Answer: 24 inches.

...

The Boy immediately got up to find measuring tape.

[2]

(3 fans)

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[public entry #321]

Nov 5, 2009 - 02:31 AM

Today was... a day.

zzz

I wrote this long, extended thing, and then said fuck it. Keep it short and head to sleep, because there probably wont be many comments beyond 'Yankees suck'. I mean, just mentioning that I'm happy for my team makes me an an ASSHOLE, right? Only if its THAT team though.

You know those days where, if someone asks you "How was your day?" you just reply, "It was a day"? It was one of those days. Like answering "I'm alive" when asked how you are.

Neighbors' truck was blocking my bike in this morning, and he was at work with the only key to move it. Reluctantly asked my sister for a ride, which turned into a fight, as god forbid I ask her to get out of bed at such an early time (10 am) and drive such a long distance (7 minutes) with nothing in return for her (she gets free food any goddamn time she wants). ... I'll have my own car within a couple weeks.

Work was good. Picked up extra hours.

Had that phone interview today. I think I did really well. The recruiter is sending me an employee assessment and application. Unfortunately, starting pay isnt as much as my friend made it out to be. Its still a guaranteed 40 hours a week though.

Boy is sick. Chills, sore throat, upset stomach, foggy head, and an achy body kept him in bed all today. It sucks not being able to do anything for him besides get him some nyquil.

Yankees won, so yay!

Also, I'm PMSing. Hardcore. Cramps and everything dont help.

(8 fans)

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[public entry #320]

Nov 2, 2009 - 03:20 PM

GFF Meet Dream

So I guess I was next up on the rotation list for a GFF dream. Mine focused around the Meet, and was in a couple different segments.

First off, it was the first day of the meet, I'd just gotten there and was picking a room. I walked into this room that, in reality, doesnt actually exist in the house, and figured it would work. Shortly after, Seris burst into the room, announcing the arrival of my previously planned roommate. She quickly asked "Did you REALLY choose this room for us?" I then got a better look at the room, and realized I'd chosen an entirely pink room with two children's beds. Horrified, I reasoned that I picked it because it was away from the loud kitchen, and that we're better off taking these beds, because guys like Sprout, Omagnus, or Zeph wouldnt fit comfortably in them.

Next up, I ran into Thud. A very, very PREGNANT Thud. She was pretty proud of her pregnancy, and everyone was happy for her, including myself, but I couldnt help noticing how WEIRD her stomach looked. Rather than the standard firm, round, protruding belly, it was twice the size it should have been, sagging, and a bruised, purple color. I asked her when she was due, and her response was "within a couple weeks! Maybe I'll pop it out here at the meet!" We laughed, and I wondered if that meant she could drink with us.

After that, I'd walked out on the deck of the house, which had been turned into a sunroom. Shorty was there, and we sat around talking about nothing, looking out at the ocean and beach. Much to my displeasure, the dunes behind the house were gone, replaced by more sand, and the new, bigger beach was PACKED with people, completely unlike what we were used to when it was a private beach behind the house. Watching the waves, they were bigger than ever before, and I regretted not bringing my boogie board. It was then I noticed the wave coming in was absolutely HUGE, so much so that it didnt even crash until the very end of the beach, which made the rest of the wave splash up to the house. Water was leaking through the roof, and although there didnt appear to be any serious damage, I thought "Damn it, I better tell Radez. The crazy owner will probably try to blame us for this." But Shorty snapped me out of that, saying that with such a huge, unexpected wave, there were probably people on the beach hurt, and we should go help.

At the end of the property, sure enough the massive amounts of people on the beach were in total chaos. The undertow had dragged people away. Standing there, watching the chaos, we were joined by Shin, who was walking a little funny. "So cliche", I thought. "Shin's shins are hurting him."

And then I woke up. It was the middle of the night, but all I had to do to remember most of the dream was to think about Thud's belly and it all came back to me.

(2 fans)

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[public entry #319]

Oct 30, 2009 - 02:33 PM

The Accidental Asshole

A few weeks ago, my friend Laura updated her facebook status to say, "I cant believe that just fucking happened!" My mind continued with the movie dialogue from The Boondock Saints , and I commented on her status with, "IS IT DEAD?!"

This morning, my cell phone alerted me to a text message from a friend in Keene, asking if it was true I'd be visiting this weekend. I replied that no, not this weekend, but next weekend for my big sister's going away party, as she's moving out to California. "Oh, ok". My phone went silent.

About a half an hour later, I get another text from the same girl. "What were u asking Laura when u said IS IT DEAD on facebook". A bit confused, I explained that it was a quote from the movie. The cat gets shot, Murphy says, "I cant believe that just fucking happened!" and Rocco asks, "IS IT DEAD?"

"Do u know she's pregnant"

At first, it seemed an odd curve-ball in the conversation. My first reaction was 'omg, is she ok?', but then it was made clear to me the link in the conversations.

I had asked "IS IT DEAD" around the same time she was considering abortion.

[10]

(14 fans)

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[public entry #318]

Oct 28, 2009 - 11:15 PM

Oh Hooray!

I was approved for the used car loan I applied for... just $80 a month. I'll probably pay more most of the time, just to lower interest and all that. I should have the car within a couple weeks. Weird... the idea of having my own car. BE PROUD OF ME, IMMY! Its a manual! =D

Also, I'm trying not to bounce off the walls and get my hopes up too high, but I have a phone interview. For a real job. A REAL job. Like, an '$18 an hour starting pay' REAL job. Its not even remotely what I want to go into (tech support =/= publishing)... but its a REAL JOB. My mom says that I cant get the job, because I dont have an Indian Accent. Boooo

But seriously, Hooray!

(6 fans)

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[public entry #317]

Oct 28, 2009 - 03:37 PM

Mmm, delicious.

How old does pepperoni have to be for it to turn white?

... I think the daunting task of cleaning out the family's fridge needs to be done. Possibly the freezer too.

(2 fans)

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[public entry #316]

Oct 16, 2009 - 12:06 AM

Just a skeet of ketchup

zzz

This guy came into the restaurant the other day and ordered a burger with "Lettuce, Tomato, a little mayo... a just a skeet of ketchup."

...

I... I didnt know what to say.

Saturday is gonna be HELL. Adam Richman, from the Travel Channel's Man Vs. Food is coming to our restaurant and recording an episode. Lunch hours on Saturdays are already out the door, I cant wait to see what it'll be like with half the place taken up by the TV crew. I was at school when the Travel Channel was there to record Hamburger Paradise, so I'm yet to see how they manage the crowd (in a busy place that seats 23 people total) with the filming.

It snowed nearly all afternoon today. It was just one of those gross, raw days that aren't much fun. The Boy is excited though... he wants to head back up to his hometown in VT to go skiing. He asked if I wanted to learn, and I think he was a little disappointed when I said I was always more interested in snowboarding.

[1]

(8 fans)

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[public entry #315]

Oct 10, 2009 - 12:48 AM

Sweeeeet.

zzz

I just emptied out my change jar and found $42 worth of bills that had been buried at the bottom. I must have forgotten about them and just kept piling on the change. It doesnt happen often, but when it does, I get so happy.

When I was pulling into my driveway the other night, the neighborhood police officer was just driving up the street. He stopped at the end of the driveway and yelled something, so I stopped my bike, took off my helmet, and said 'huh?'. His reaction was, "OH! ... You're not even a MAN!" I think he thought I was my landlord.

A few nights ago I had this strange dream that I had sold a book on ebay for a whopping $100+. I was so excited about such a large sum of money for a regular old book, that I came to post about it here on GFF. However, a mere second before I hit the post button, Acer had posted his own entry, describing how he'd been diagnosed with cancer. So I felt like an ass, because here was Acer, talking about how scared he was, and then there was me, going "OMG GUYS I GOT SOME MONAAAAY!"

Please dont get cancer, Acer. ;_;

(3 fans)

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[public entry #314]

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