Help with a story

I've currently been assigned to write a short story, or short story-in-the-works, divided into three sections. The first section sets up the main character, the tone, and the setting. The second section progresses the story forward using dialogue and action. The third section is the climax, twist, or turning point.

I finally decided what I want to write today and would like to see what people think. So far, I've just typed the first paragraph.

Quote:

The naked city, whatever that is, has a million stories, or so they say. I suspect the number is probably far higher. I could probably get a million just looking around this restaurant. The couple in the booth behind me is getting a divorce. The girl at the table in the corner always takes a sip of her drink before eating each item in her meal. There's a guy by the entrance who has his arm in a cast, and from the looks of him, he got it from trying some stupid stunt. The stories of the people in the restaurant don't concern me, except that guy by the bar who's turning blue, choking on the meal he hasn't touched. He'll be dead before I leave and become my problem in a few months, after the police have stopped trying. His family will be directed to me. I am Greg Turpin, the private investigator, P.I., private eye, or detective of the paranormal.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

You could stand to not be so ambiguous about the settings your story will take place in. Does the 'naked city' have a name? What is the name of the restaurant? Does he know anyone inside the restaurant? While it's fine to leave details of other people inherently vague if they aren't important, doing the same to the environment makes the story bland and unimaginative. Obviously you can't take the time to create a fully fleshed out world in a short story, so you need to be certain that whatever imagry you use will be potent enough to make up for that lacking.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I actually like the vague setting, or the "ambiguity" as it has been defined. I like how you say, "everything looks pretty typical, so why is there an extra puzzle piece to an already solved puzzle?" That's interesting. I like it when writers/artists keep the attention to the subject by not going in to detail of what is not important. Keep your flats and rounders separated.

Now I get skeptical with the idea of a paranormal detective. It is tricky, because of the sheer amount of loopholes that come out of the woodwork. I don't want to discourage, but just know what you might be heading in to.

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Originally Posted by Sol

You could stand to not be so ambiguous about the settings your story will take place in. Does the 'naked city' have a name? What is the name of the restaurant? Does he know anyone inside the restaurant? While it's fine to leave details of other people inherently vague if they aren't important, doing the same to the environment makes the story bland and unimaginative. Obviously you can't take the time to create a fully fleshed out world in a short story, so you need to be certain that whatever imagry you use will be potent enough to make up for that lacking.

Nah, he's got it so the opening hits the ground running. The point of this paragraph is to introduce the protagonist, whilst only planting small seeds of things such as the major setting. The name of the restaurant? Come on. We don't need to know the guys precise longitude and latitude in the opening few words.

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Originally Posted by Fatt

I actually like the vague setting, or the "ambiguity" as it has been defined. I like how you say, "everything looks pretty typical, so why is there an extra puzzle piece to an already solved puzzle?" That's interesting. I like it when writers/artists keep the attention to the subject by not going in to detail of what is not important. Keep your flats and rounders separated.

Now I get skeptical with the idea of a paranormal detective. It is tricky, because of the sheer amount of loopholes that come out of the woodwork. I don't want to discourage, but just know what you might be heading in to.

I've actually written a story with this guy before. Maybe it'll help quell your thoughts on paranormal detective.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by Sol

You could stand to not be so ambiguous about the settings your story will take place in. Does the 'naked city' have a name? What is the name of the restaurant? Does he know anyone inside the restaurant? While it's fine to leave details of other people inherently vague if they aren't important, doing the same to the environment makes the story bland and unimaginative. Obviously you can't take the time to create a fully fleshed out world in a short story, so you need to be certain that whatever imagry you use will be potent enough to make up for that lacking.

I'm not sure, but I may describe some of the setting in the next paragraph. Color is important, I've learned recently. And maybe the name of the resaurant could be reflective of Turpin's personality or something like that...

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?