[Movie] WWE/TNA fanfiction thread

I have a question.

WWE made a big to-do about having Marty Jeanetty on hand to kiss Vinnie's ass. Of course, the HBK twist was scripted as precedent for the Vince/Shawn fight, and the HBK/Jeanetty connection made loose sense.

But I read tonight that WWE has severed all associations with Jeanetty. But no explanation was given. Does anyone know the story here?

It seems a little suspicious for WWE to go to the trouble of roping Jeanetty into an appearance and possibly a comeback, only to drop him like a 40 pound stone into the Potomac river. I would guess that a backstage conflict got in the way but, alas, I've no way of knowing.



Also, I am mighty sick of ALL the usual World Champions. Cena's persona of an ignorant wigger is obnoxious. TripleH is the most overrated wrestler since Lex Luger's reign of arrogance. Kurt is skilled, sure, but he's also flat-out boring.

The other usual suspects - Undertaker, Rock, HBK, Hogan, Stone Cold - they've had their time in the spotlight. Even having them as champion is predictable and not particularly compelling. I'm just sick of having all the prime matchups revolve around these 8 stars, like some sort of bizarre inbreeding ritual.

I enjoyed Edge's brief stint. I knew it wouldn't last, but it was nice to see the title on someone new, someone who arguably deserved it as much as any of the top-card names.

What I'd love to see is someone completely unpredictable take the belt and hold on to it for a little while. I'm sure the overmuscled egos of Cena and HHH would bitch up a storm, but I am quite certain that the fans - the people who make or break WWE's success - would be excited to see new blood in the title cards.

Which story would capture your interest more?

"HHH Pedigree'd Cena twice to capture the belt, again."

OR

"Cena tapped out when Eugene put him into the Sharpshooter."

Even if we all know it's a novelty ride that won't last forever, a few months of, say, Viscera, Carlito, Funaki or Scotty 2 Hotty as World Champ would be a hell of a ride.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Slash

This will surprise a whole lot of none of you but...

Spoiler:

Marty Janetty's severed ties are a shoot

I'm not familiar with that terminology. Could you explain?

There's nowhere I can't reach.

It's about time people saw him for the ignorant, posing wigger he is.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Maybe my memory is fuzzy but Great Khali sort of resembles the Giant Gonzales, to me.

I'm probably wrong.

But it also appears as though the rosters were trimmed again. Who got the axe now?

How ya doing, buddy?

This will receive a big-fat "meh" from me. Seeing as Vince will still have complete ownership over ECW, and subsequently, all its goings-on, tell me someone, what the functional difference between ECW and WWE will be.

Will ECW simply become a dumping ground for mid-carders who need a push but can't get one due to lack of available camera time on the WWE brand shows? Is this where we'll find the Bashams, Johnny Parisi, Viscera, Hardcore Holly, the Gymini, Psicosis, etc? Why even bother?

Since WWE is Vince's bread and butter, it'd seem foolish to send a handful of his best draws over to ECW. I guess you might find Booker T. or Randy Orton over there, but beyond them, which stars is WWE really willing to give up? And there's not exactly a frieght train full of established non-WWE wrestlers aching for a chance to get into the McMahon camp.

Seems like the ECW re-debut is almost doomed to mediocrity simply because of its ownership. Can't say I'm too excited.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by rockthepartay

And since we have a regurgitation of the Undertaker Vs. Undertaker feud but now with Kane, I can't wait for Doink the Clown to have a regular role on Smackdown.

What, you didn't see Finlay chase around a leprechaun midget?

Doesn't remind me of Dink or anything, no sir.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

So, WWE released David Cash (Kid Kash). It's pretty obvious that he never went over despite his push around a year ago. He got to be United States Champ or Cruiserweight Champ, or something, but nobody cared, just like nobody seems to have cared about the Pitbulls.

Now I remember that Kash was a fairly solid grappler in WCW. Not legendary but his role was better fleshed out and he had enough technical skills to back it up. But I get the feeling that WWE marks are more interested in big storylines than quality wrestling (hence the divide between wrestlers and "sports entertainers"), which caused Kash to flounder in WWE. After his push failed, Kash went straight to midcard and, from what I can tell, jobbed for the entirity of 2006.

So, think he'll be heading to TNA or ROH? I liked him inasmuch as he seems to be competent without being ridiculous. I'd rather not see him disappear.

FELIPE NO

Deuce and Domino are a joke. Their first several appearances were pathetic squash matches against generic jobbers. Who gives a fuck if they can wail on the local hick? In two year's time, they'll be little more than a humorous anecdote on Wrestlecrap.com.

Cherry, on the other hand, is reasonably attractive and could survive on a fan base without D&D.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

I went to WWE.com last night and noticed that Vito's picture is no longer in the Smackdown roster.

When did he get canned? I wasn't crazy about the cross-dresser angle, but I liked Vito otherwise. The crowds always seemed to be into his matches even though Vince never gave him the push he probably deserved.

Think he'll show up in TNA again?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

WWE.com is, as always, the last bastion of grace, tact and dignity.

Observe this playful juxtapositioning:




PRESS IT. GIVE A TOOT FOR VINCE.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I would like to think that this will put a premature and rightful kibosh on the stupid "Death of Vince McMahon" angle. Whereas Sherri Martel was long distanced from the company, Chris Benoit is not. Pursuing the angle now would be remarkably tasteless, even by WWE standards.

Benoit was a hell of an athlete. This is horrible.

How ya doing, buddy?

In all objective fairness, Kostaki, what are your sources for that information?

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Well, my brother, who's heavily into wrestling news, mentioned something about the return of Sylvain Grenier being in the works.

So, obviously WWE only has room for one useless Frenchie.

And Smackdown seems to be giving Jimmy Wang Yang a push now. Sure, he's actually fun to watch, so I'm not exactly upset by this, but I don't think many people truly give a shit about the Cruiserweight class.

I was speaking idiomatically.

I dunno. I caught Raw last night and for all the rewrites they probably had to do after Kennedy's implication in the steroid fiasco, having Hornswoggle become Vince's bastard son was a reasonably good swerve.

In lieu of a push for Vince's current golden boy, why not go for the completely ludicrous? Someone in the company already likes Hornswoggle enough to put gold on him. Making him an heir is just plain hilarious. Can you imagine Hornswoggle as a GM or Commissioner? That'd be over the top, but in a good way.

Honestly, I think this was a decent save. The writers could've done much worse.

Most amazing jew boots

Because of the nature of the title's abdication, whoever wins the belt will wind up being a transitional champion.

Despite being perpetually booed by bored fans, Cena is still Vince's golden child and whoever replaces Cena as champ will bear the stigma of not having truly earned it. This is bad karma for most of the headline wrestlers like Orton, Kennedy, Umaga, HHH, etc. The top-tier wrestlers all have too much clout to be that champion, the one who got the title only because Cena was injured. The fans don't respect that kind of victory, no matter how convincing and grueling the actual match appears. In the end, it's about wringing money from fans and they're just not going to shell out the dollars for lame duck-champ merchandise.

Watch the belt go to a semi-unlikely star, such as Carlito, Snitsky or, haha, Val Venis. That star will receive a small push and will later have to job to one of the bigger draws in order to put the strap on someone credible - most likely HHH.

FELIPE NO

Because I was actually talking about this with a friend last night, I will offer predictions:

Batista/Great Khali: Batista keeps the gold. The stupid cage is Khali's "home turf", so a Batista win is the underdog story. They need to keep the belt on Batista anyhow, unless they want the Undertaker rivalry to have no point whatsoever.

Candice/Beth Phoenix: Beth wins, despite some interference from the locker room. Expect perhaps Mickie James or Maria to get involved on Candice's behalf. Beth's been getting a sizable push and the writers seemingly have no qualms against turning over the Women's belt every few months, so Beth will be expecting the foul play and turn the tables for a pin.

HHH/Umaga: HHH, duh. Umaga's still in some hot water over the pharmaceuticals bust. And there's no way HHH will job so soon after his return. This match will be used as more of a vehicle to heat up the rivalry between HHH and Carlito.

CM Punk/Big V: Viscera hasn't worn gold since he was called Mabel, so that's not going to change tonight. This should be a boring match. Punk is too quick for V to handle; V is too fat for Punk to deal with. Punk gives Viscera a "fuck you" by walking out on the match and retaining gold via DQ.

Rey Mysterio/Finlay: Eh, who cares really? The match will go in Finlay's favor, if for no other reason than allowing JBL to continue his ridiculous tirade against Mysterio and his people. Layfield's got serious clout with Vince, and it's not like he's wrestling. Vince will let JBL run with the angle for a while longer.

World Title: In a shocker, the World Title goes to Hornswoggle. The whole Hornswoggle angle went over well with fans and the little guy was just made to relinquish one belt. Orton's got locker room politics against him. Kennedy is fresh off the drug scandal. Val Venis as World Champ is just too ridiculous, even for Vince's writers. Nope, Hornswoggle's gonna claim the belt somehow and infuriate Vince all over again.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Jericho will get a pointless feud with a midcarder like Carlito. They will have a stupid match at an event like Royal Rumble in which no titles are exchanged. If the rivalry goes over well, then they'll give Jericho a four-star feud for Wrestlemania.

Satisfactory?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by dagget

If I remember correctly, Survivor Series is being planned on HBK and Umaga vs Triple H and Shawn Michaels.

How is this possible?

Seriously, look at what you said.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Unlikely given the push Vis has been receiving lately.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Jericho's reappearance was a total joke. Who dressed him, Harvey Fierstein? Jericho looked like a total queer. Short, neatly parted hair, irridescent vest, pleated slacks - he wasn't dressed for WWE, he was dressed to be the main lead in the Broadway musical "Suckin' Cock".

I'd be more intimidated by Todd Grisham.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by Slash

yeah...at one time it was what The Brood, the Acolytes, the Ministry, DX, the J.O.B. Squad, the Corporation

You forgot Right to Censor (RTC), one of the most ridiculous factions of all.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by Slash

I remember how king of the ring tore apart two of the best tag teams ever. One being the New Age Outlaws
the second being Edge and Christian Men On a Mission

FIX'D



ALL HAIL KING MABEL!

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by Slash

Actually Torrie Wilson was told that her injury was career ending and that there is a 1% chance she could return.

But Chloe still has a contract, right?

FELIPE NO

Okay, so I was flipping through channels last night and stumbled across Smackdown. I saw some women wrestling and was hit with a theory. Entertain me, I think I'm right about this.

Basically, if you're a female wrestler in the WWE, you don't mean jack shit unless you have a last name.

Am I correct on this? Because I'm cruising the WWE.com roster right now and I'm realizing that the only "divas" I've ever heard of are the ones with last names. A cursory list includes:

• Mickie James
• Michelle McCool
• Beth Phoenix
• Molly Holly
• Trish Stratus
• Christy Hemme

I know there have been other successful women with single names, like Sable and Lita, but the trend favors last names, it seems.

Glancing over the upcoming PPV, I see that this Michelle McCool is facing someone named Maryse. Guess who's gonna win that fight? I bet they'll hand the belt over to that Katie Lea Burchill. She's got a last name, she must be important.

There are also a couple in ECW but my brother, who is a fan, insists that ECW doesn't really count for anything. Also, "Kelly Kelly" sure sounds like a joke name to me.

But really, am I onto something here?

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

I've heard of Chyna, Lita and Sable, and that's mostly because they've appeared on supermarket tabloid covers. The rest are nobodies unless you're a real devotee of the craft.

Also, they're all no longer with the company, am I correct? I said it's a trend and you still haven't disproved me.

Jam it back in, in the dark.