Abusive Relationships

Originally Posted by Monkey King

Sass, your machismo in response to mental abuse would be admirable, except that as stated repeatedly, in the same situation you yourself don't do anything to rectify the situation. Vague statements that "things will be changing soon" are the words of a battered wife. You're banking on your dad changing his ways, which we all know is not going to happen. You're not being proactive enough to drive your arch-nemesis away, nor are you willing to swallow your pride and quit.

You're guilty of the very thing you're railing against and you don't even know it.

Sir, what the fuck are you on about. I get neither mentally or physically abused at my place of employ. I get FUCKED with, but thats no big deal. I get fucked with when I go to get my truck repaired too. Or if I go to a nice restaurant. Or ANYTHING.

Are you telling me that employers NEVER take advantage of their employees? Because thats a little naive.

And I've been through this tripe with Devo already. Just because theres a woman in my office that makes my life a living hell doesn't mean that I am getting abused. It means that there's a woman in my office. Take that as you will.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

God, I wonder if you could ooze more sensitive feelings if you tried.

I don't see why you people put so much emphasis on this supposed "mental abuse." The only place I can see it being valid would be in the matter of children. I think there definitely IS mental abuse for them, only because their mind and thought processes aren't matured or solidified.

As for grown adults, I don't know what could be worse. A person who cries and whines about someone treating them in a manner which makes them feel worthless and does nothing about it, or those whole dole out the sympathy to these people like its the end of the fucking world.

PEOPLE ARE MEAN. The world isn't made of daisies and roses. People will try to take advantage of you at every corner - to think otherwise is only naive.

True, people are mean. It does not mean that mental abuse does not occur in adults. It is MORE tramatic to children than adults, typically, but it can be just as devestating to adults, especually if they have never learned good/any coping skills. This is what makes children more vunerable to this type of abuse, since they have few, if any, adequate coping skills when they are young..

Believing that, just becuase your grown you cannot suffer mental abuse in a relationship or otherwise is also naive. I never stated the world the was made of daisies and roses. People have hard times, but that is seperate from what mental abuse is. Mental abuse is typically thought of as "emotional abuse" and is the willful infliction of mental or emotional anguish by threat, humiliation, intimidation or other abusive conduct. Cultural values and expectations play a significant role in how mental abuse is manifested and how it affects its victims. As I stated before, this is also the by-product of physical abuse.

Someone calling you a bad name, or bad mouthing you, is NOT mental abuse. Trying to generalize and applly this to stuff like that is naive. This kinds of situations are not abuse, by any means.

Lastly, people have recieved damages in court cases for "psychological abuse", which is just a more technical term for mental abuse, just so you know Sass. Yes, I know, your gonna want examples of this to prove my point. I have to go take my car in, so I'll find you your examples when I get back in a bit.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by washyu64

Lastly, people have recieved damages in court cases for "psychological abuse", which is just a more technical term for mental abuse, just so you know Sass. Yes, I know, your gonna want examples of this to prove my point. I have to go take my car in, so I'll find you your examples when I get back in a bit.

I just wanted to interject something here, if I may. People have received damages in court for a multitude of ridiculous claims, including being burned by hot coffee and getting fat from eating too much fast food. So that's not the best example you could have used to illustrate your point.

For the record, I am a big believer in emotional/mental abuse, particularly where children are concerned. You can do a hell of a lot of permanent damage to a child through your words.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Spanking is now labled a form of child abuse, though. I personally believe in the act because it showed me what to do and what not to do as a child. People just have more excuses than ever to justify themselves being weak or stupid; how sad is that?

Everyone is batshit. "Sane is what everyone is and you are not" as the saying goes.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by washyu64

True, people are mean. It does not mean that mental abuse does not occur in adults. It is MORE tramatic to children than adults, typically, but it can be just as devestating to adults, especually if they have never learned good/any coping skills. This is what makes children more vunerable to this type of abuse, since they have few, if any, adequate coping skills when they are young..

Mental abuse in adults is for idiots who can't hold their own in my opinion. Grow a pair of balls and you'll do absolutely fine when someone shoots you down.

If someone shits on you, either express your feelings to the adult doing the shitting, or dish it right back out. If you can't handle it, go the other direction and pay no mind to morons.

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Believing that, just becuase your grown you cannot suffer mental abuse in a relationship or otherwise is also naive.

Disagree. Its the mental state you need to keep. People are generally assholes. The sooner you learn this, the better you can keep your head up and keep on keeping on.

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I never stated the world the was made of daisies and roses. People have hard times, but that is seperate from what mental abuse is. Mental abuse is typically thought of as "emotional abuse" and is the willful infliction of mental or emotional anguish by threat, humiliation, intimidation or other abusive conduct.

O NO. NOT THREAT AND HUMILIATION. O NOOOO. WHAT A TRAGIC THING!

Come on. Every. fucking. person on the planet has been here. The smart ones know how to deal with it. The stupid ones mill over it, and turn it into something a lot bigger than what it actually is.

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Cultural values and expectations play a significant role in how mental abuse is manifested and how it affects its victims. As I stated before, this is also the by-product of physical abuse.

I like how you're playing shrink intern with me. This behavior in itself is hilarious.

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Someone calling you a bad name, or bad mouthing you, is NOT mental abuse. Trying to generalize and applly this to stuff like that is naive. This kinds of situations are not abuse, by any means.

How is calling someone a bad name or badmouthing you any worse than a threat or humiliation, I wonder.

Both are negative emotions directed at another.

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Lastly, people have recieved damages in court cases for "psychological abuse", which is just a more technical term for mental abuse, just so you know Sass. Yes, I know, your gonna want examples of this to prove my point. I have to go take my car in, so I'll find you your examples when I get back in a bit.

I don't want any retarded examples.

People also claim to be in the state of "insanity" when they murdered their spouse because they caught them cheating. "Yea, I was TEMPORARILY INSANE."

And like Alice said, theres a lot of bullshit cases out there. But a woman flipping out and killing her husband because he was mean to her is a load of crap. MAYBE if he was beating the shit out of her every night in front of the kids, I would say "hey, yea, he pushed her over the edge."

But people making threats and humiliating others? Pffth. Get over it. Sure. It hurts - but that doesn't mean it should amount to much.

And to expand on Alice's post: I think mental abuse of children should be as harshly punished as it is for physical abuse. Kids don't need that shit. And I can't tell you how often I see it in grocery stores and shit, man. It really makes me want to flip out on the parents. I don't think they even REALIZE what they're saying to their kids sometimes.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Through deductive reasoning, it's safe to say that washyu64 is a victim of "mental abuse" and is attempting to justify his victimization through his limply pointed discussion with Sass.

In the liquor industry, we call that shit "T-Rex Arms". (In other words, you put your elbows to your sides and let your wrist go limp. You look like a T-Rex or more homosexual than John Waters)

Jam it back in, in the dark.

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Posted by Sassafrass
And I've been through this tripe with Devo already. Just because theres a woman in my office that makes my life a living hell doesn't mean that I am getting abused. It means that there's a woman in my office. Take that as you will.

And that's why you don't acknowledge the existence of emotional abuse; you don't know it when you see it.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

The thing is though, Sassafrass is right and wrong. She is right about mental abuse just being an excuse/'victimization' used by those who are not strong willed enough to suck it up when they are hurt. She is wrong in trying to classify these things as anything but abuse. Just because it's relatively minor and you can learn from it/get over it if you want to doesn't mean it didn't happen.

The real problem is likely with those (many, many) people that forever want to think themselves a victim. Since they lack the willpower to deal with their issues, they then complain about the abuse. Those who have willpower/self determination will just deal with it and/or shrug it off.

It's really a shame how many lambs are out there, and worse yet are those that pander to their sad ways. Instead of getting people to take care of themselves, a lot of people would rather be 'supportive' regardless of how much that just enables a person to make poor choices (not make choices) in their lives. Makes the consoler feel better, but doesn't help the person with the issue.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by Monkey King

And that's why you don't acknowledge the existence of emotional abuse; you don't know it when you see it.

If she's saying emotional abuse is bullshit - she is certainly able to see it. Otherwise she wouldn't comment on the subject.

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Originally Posted by Monkey King

And that's why you don't acknowledge the existence of emotional abuse; you don't know it when you see it.

Sir, I have been through every kind of abuse that exists.

I learned. I sucked it up. I've moved on. It exists. It's just bullshit, and a person should be able to figure that out. I am not a victim if I don't want to be. Thats the decision you've got to make as a person. "Will I let this bring me down?" Emotionally, of course. PHYSICALLY, I think, is a whole new ball game.

Emotions are a strange thing. You can't let your emotions dictate your actions. Someone "abuses" you emotionally, realize it's only feelings, and they don't amount to much unless it's to determine the quality of a person. Afterall, what kind of person would need to threaten, humiliate, et cetera for a petty cause, unprovoked? Probably not a very good one, right? I should say not a very SECURE person instead of judging the overall character of an entire person based on a few flaws.

"Someone threatened me."
"Someone humiliated me."
"Someone made me feel like a shit person."

This happens to me at least once a week. Do I consider it abuse? Absolutely not. A person is trying to get something out of me. Do I give it to them? No. I let them threaten me all they want. I rarely budge. And I don't cry when it happens because it's kind of pointless.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by Lady Miyomi

I much rather go through physical abuse (not that I'm ever going to again!) because at least with that, you can fight back. However, with emotional abuse, you can't really fight back. There's way too many people in this world that have had stuff happen to them that take it out on their boyfriends/girlfriends.

You have seen Monster and hasn't learned anything from it.

I am sort of johan , i learned a lot from Johan to control and manipulate people.
Exploit people and events, it's an art but i only do that as a DEFENSE.
Not to innocents or nedlessly ,ofcourse i have morals.

I mentally raped my girlfriend,why yo must think?
She was double crossing me and her parents,she was selfish so i turned the tables, i think 'Mental' guard:ninja: is must specially in LOVE cases(this is my advice).

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by Sexninja

You have seen Monster and hasn't learned anything from it.

I am sort of johan , i learned a lot from Johan to control and manipulate people.
Exploit people and events, it's an art but i only do that as a DEFENSE.
Not to innocents or nedlessly ,ofcourse i have morals.

I mentally raped my girlfriend,why yo must think?
She was double crossing me and her parents,she was selfish so i turned the tables, i think 'Mental' guard:ninja: is must specially in LOVE cases(this is my advice).

What does watching Monster have to do with this subject?

Originally Posted by Monkey King

Kill a small animal and nail it to his door with a threatening note. That should get the point across.

And guess who's the first one they suspect? You see, as much as I'd like to turn loose some of my friends and family on him to "teach him a lesson", I'm the first person that will be suspected and probably jailed.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

Mental abuse in adults is for idiots who can't hold their own in my opinion. Grow a pair of balls and you'll do absolutely fine when someone shoots you down.

If someone shits on you, either express your feelings to the adult doing the shitting, or dish it right back out. If you can't handle it, go the other direction and pay no mind to morons.

I do understand what you mean by this, but really, think about what you said later on in this post. it's all in the upbringing. children grow up to be adults and if they were mentally abused as a child, they're not going to turn out as very mentally strong adults. if you were taught from the time you were a baby that you're a piece of shit and don't deserve to be treated well, then where the hell do you expect them to learn how to stand up for themselves?

what your parents teach you goes a long way, especially if they're incredibly persistent as I assume most abusers are. how else would they keep you under their thumb other than constant reminders of what your "place" is?

I do agree that people who were otherwise free of abuse during their upbringing ending up in an abusive relationship and doing nothing about it is something they'd "need to grow a pair of balls" about. they have it within their mental capacity to understand that the situation they're in is avoidable, where as someone who had lived with that their entire life won't know the difference.

people like that I can understand you having no sympathy for, but there are a lot of people out there who have suffered the abuse since they were incredibly young and unfortunately weren't as lucky as you were to learn how to stand up and defend themselves and probably didn't have someone to stand up for them either. some people just don't have any fighting spirit left in them after someone's beaten it out them repeatedly whether through psychological conditioning or physical beatings. =/

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It's not like these people who have long been abused are oblivious to the situations of other non-abused people. Sure they haven't experienced such life first hand, but they see and hear things that I can only presume that they would see as a better way of life. They know damn well the difference (at least in theory) between an abusive relationship and a non-abusive one.

I do have sympathy for people in abusive relationships. I just don't think that sympathy alone does anything to help, and may even encourage them to remain in a bad situation.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

How do you define an abusive relationship? Do you put physical abuse higher on the scale than mental abuse?

Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? What advice would you give to others?

Or maybe you hate the very notion and think 'dem bitches DESERVE what they get.

Let's tawk.



Hmm... abusive relationship is when one of the two is being overly submissive and the other is overly dominating. Hmm... mental abuse? Well... I definitely do understand when one's being coerced into doing such things that could define this mental abuse. Its rare to SEE unless if you're living under that same roof to notice. So yeah physical abuse is obvious compared to mental abuse. But in the same turn, if abusee feels the pain, then where does the mental abusee vent? At the end, it can turn out murderous. Kinda like a son who wants to suffocate his own mother for forcing him to having to take care of her for years as his social life suffered... and her vocal abuse could make it worse. Psycho anyone? xD

Then again, mental abuse is just not as recognized as it should like physical abuse we all come to recognize today thanks to the media.

Thankfully I had never been in a PHYSICAL abusive relationship but I definitely had my share of mental ones. :\ Just two words... GET OUT. Just get the fuck out of there. Its NO time to be unselfish, you have a LIFE, and you ON YOUR OWN can make that choice, and definitely believe me here, you will live a good life by making that choice.

You know when you're in a mental abusive relationship when you're thinking constantly of how to make that person suffer and listen to you finally. You dream of role reversal too often.

Living with a drunk aunt sure does taught me a LOT of what a mental abusive relationship is. Its even more complicated when you have a submissive grandma and a dominating uncle (her brother). Today, I'm just SO glad, even constantly that I'm out of that horrible relationship today. I just don't look back, and be happy as I am. And because of it, I have everything I wanted currently. If not best, I still am doing great because of my leaving there finally. Its the BEST fresh air I could ever describe of having.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

And also, don't let your abuser try to separate you from your family and friends. That's the only way they can get total control of you. My ex did this to me once. Thank goodness my family fought to keep in touch with me.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.