How do u tell a guy that you don't want a relationship with him without hurting him?

I am working at a bank and met someone there. At first it was a casual friendship that consisted of small talks, email, friendster, and chats. But later, he started to send hints about dating and getting into a relationship.

How do I tell him that I don't want a relationship without hurting him? I don't want him to get hurt because he is epileptic and if anything happens to him (God forbid) I don't want to be the cause of it.....

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Even so, you should just tell him straight out that you're not interested. It might be harsh, but it's the most decent thing to do. And I'm positive it won't cause any epileptic seizures. If you hurt him or not depends on how deeply he's fallen for you. If it's deep then it might be unavoidable. Better get it done with as quickly as possible. If he's a decent enough guy I'm sure he'll understand.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I would have to agree. The sooner the better. Just make sure you don't raise your voice or respond in a way that could be perceived very negatively.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

So how do I go about it? I know I should tell him, but it's the choice of words which matters....

How ya doing, buddy?

If you want to do it subtly you could say somthing like "You're a great friend. You're like big brother(or "little brother" if he's younger) to me". That should make him start thinking about what kind of relationship you two have. If he doesn't catch the drift you should try telling him in a more direct manner.

However, I don't know exactly what you should tell him. It all depends on the cicumstances, I guess. Just try not to let him guess too much since that might confuse him. I've done it quite recently, actually, with a girl who told me she liked me. I told her directly how I felt about the situation and it eventually turned out ok.:

http://www.gamingforce.com/forums/qu...ght=pre+couple

I was speaking idiomatically.

Quote:

If you want to do it subtly you could say somthing like "You're a great friend. You're like big brother(or "little brother" if he's younger) to me".

Ouch, don't do that. You might as well just kick him in the crotch.

I say just be straightforward, but calm and not mean.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by PiccoloNamek

Ouch, don't do that. You might as well just kick him in the crotch.

I say just be straightforward, but calm and not mean.

Haha, yeah, I know. But I couldn't find any other alternative to saying something w/o actually saying it directly. I also think saying it directly is the best course of action in this matter.

FELIPE NO

I wouldn't have thought that telling someone that you don't want to be in a relationship with them would send them into a fit, unless they take it really badly, but even then...

Tell him straight that you're not interested in dating him. There is no good dancing around it and trying to avoid the matter. The longer he thinks that he has a glimmer of hope of getting together with you, the worse it will be when you tell him that your not interested in taking the friendship to the next level.

Tell him somewhere public, like a cafe, or maybe even a pub. Make sure that you tell him that it is only for a drink and that you have something that you would like to talk to him about. Don't tell him at work. This would make it really difficult for both you and him, especially for him if your work colleagues hear you telling him. He would never hear the end of it.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Talk to him about your boyfriend. (Whether he's real or not is up to you).

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I think the significant other lie works well for short term, but if he's stalkerish he might end up investigating the truth to your claim. Better come off and say, "I'm sorry; I like you as a friend." But say it carefully and with the intention in your voice that comes off nicely and not meanly. No matter what you say, though, it's gonna hurt him so you're better off just telling him outright how you feel.

I had to do that once, and I did it just like I said in this post. Except I did it right before he was going to take me out for lunch, which is also bad because I was leading him on before then - but anyway, do it before he believes he has a chance with you. Fyi, the guy never talked to me again. =\

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Just straight up tell him how you feel. Trust me, us guys just like to hear it without a lot of BS even if it isn't what we want :P

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

This is what so many guys hate about girls and relationships... they beat around the bush and never say what they mean.

HELLO! The most hurtful thing you can do is to NOT BE CLEAR and thus lead the guy on! Just say it as directly as possible.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Yeah, don't worry about "not hurting him" guys are pretty resilient.

Just be straight forward. I fucking hate it, girls are always like "well, I didn't want to hurt him." Fuck that, say what you mean and mean what you say, stop pussy-footing around the subject.

By giving in and leading him on, you're only going to make it worse.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by Duo Maxwell

Yeah, don't worry about "not hurting him" guys are pretty resilient.

Just be straight forward. I fucking hate it, girls are always like "well, I didn't want to hurt him." Fuck that, say what you mean and mean what you say, stop pussy-footing around the subject.

By giving in and leading him on, you're only going to make it worse.

Yeah, I second that. You'll probably hurt his feelings more by trying not to hurt him. Just tell him the truth and don't look back. In the end, you'll both appreciate the honesty more. The longer you drag this out, the worse things will end up.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Like already mentioned, the only thing worse than letting him know ASAP where you stand is leading him on. Just get it over with quick.

How? Find the most tactful way you can think of. There's no way you can pull it off without hurting him to some degree, but you should know what's best. Usually the "I really want to be your friend though!" shit can work. Though it sounds like a straight-out lie, a lot of guys tend to see it as a way to remain in your life and, if they feel strongly enough about you, win you over in some time.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by The Female Population of Earth

How do I tell him that I don't want a relationship without hurting him? I don't want him to get hurt because he is [insert physical or emotional problem] and if anything happens to him (God forbid) I don't want to be the cause of it.....

Either way, you're going to hurt him, its obvious. End it as fast as you can and be as blunt as you can. From ambiguity comes hope, and hope is misleading. If you cut all strings and leave no oppurtunity for "maybe in the future," and you stop flirting and don't lead him on, you'll both be much better off.

This is from experience.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Tell him you're into taller, manlier guys, or that you only stick to your 'race.' Be as mean as possible so that he won't get the wrong idea. It's a good idea to, after this point, make a joke or change the subject to lighten the atmosphere. It's also a good idea to do this over the Internet or on AIM to prevent any kind of physical or verbal retaliation.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Be as honest as possible, if he's not a psycho who can't handle rejection, he'll be able to deal with it. Hell, if you got some single friends introduce him to them so that it's easier for him to get you out of his system and move on to another broad.

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How about a picture of your 23 year old lil self?

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Ahh, there's no way to be nice about it. Either the guy is stable and decent enough to take it well even if you blow him off in a nasty way, or he's a whiny little jerk and he will take it badly no matter how well you put it.

Unless you're in any doubts just say "I know you're interested in me, but I just don't want a relationship with you. You're a good friend, but that's all."

The way he takes it is entirely a matter of his own personality. Not a thing you can do about it. Night Phoenix is dead right. I wouldn't necessarily listen to Kurado's advice in this matter, though.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by Harry Mason

How about a picture of your 23 year old lil self?

hahahaha u wish....

I was speaking idiomatically.

Just breathe in, look him in the eye and say, 'Sorry, but it's never going to happen'. Then laugh.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by gripo1983

hahahaha u wish....

Hell you mean I wish? I've seen the likes of Niku, nadienne, Ava Lilly and Mina, all I'm after now is satisfying my curiosity as to what this guy sees in you.

How ya doing, buddy?

Being a guy who's heard it all in the way of rejection, I say just be straight forward and honest. He will appreciate that much more than you trying to treat him like a lost puppy dog. It's not mean to just simply tell him how you feel. Do not tell him he reminds you of your brother. That is just awkward and lame.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Men, unlike us gals, likes to shoot straight from the hip. Not really into the whole "lets be friends" gig. I agree with many others here. Nothing wrong with good old fashioned honesty. Just don't be..hmm how to say this...motherly or maternal like when delivering the news. I think alot of times women tend to be that way when we're giving bad news. Deliver it like you would in any general conversation and move on to something else.

How ya doing, buddy?