Roninon

This is a webcomic that I made and am working on.

There's only four comics in the archive, but I'm working on adding a comic every other day (or so.)

It's about a Ronin who has adopted the name Sin. It's going to be set in a fantasy universe, and he has a pretty complex story, but the comics haven't really delved into that yet.

The site is more or less still under development, so bare with us.

Also, my spelling and grammar is horrible, so there are a few errors in the comics, and several errors in the commentaries.

Stoob, on the other hand, has flawless spelling and grammar. (He edited this post for me)

Oh, and somewhere along the line we decided to adopt the goofiest psuedonymns we could think of. (I'm "The Gerbil King" and Stoob is "SenatorGNM")

So, anywhere, as far as critiquing, there's not much for content, so don't bother with that. Instead, focus on the artwork. And, please, check back regularly!

Edit: So I'm too much of a noob to post URLs. I'm gonna have Stoob post the actual URL for me, in this thread.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Roninon.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Hmm, some of the muscular work isn't too bad. Although much of the shading doesn't make sense at all. I also do not like the Internet Short hand in dialogue for something that's suppose to be serious, like "Now You R Gunna Die!" Just sticks out.

Although I see you are trying to integrate the net element into the way you layout your comic, I just think since this is suppose to be long form type of narrative, 4 panel just isn't very suitable, and its restricting the type of presentation style that you could have use.

Post your comic directly here for critque next time. If you are only posting links to your site, it kinda runs the risk of being site pimping.


...Although I don't foreseeing you contributing much here in the future at all, please prove me wrong.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Posting more than four panels every other day would be pretty tough, I have a job and school to worry about, and I am not currently making money off this (witness the Freewebs account)... I could change it to eight panels every week, but then you wouldnt get as much out of it. What do you think? Would doing one 8-12 panel comic really be better? Thanks for the criticism though.

And the "Now you R Gonna die" is an example of my horrible punctuation, it should be "Now you're gonna die!"

As for contributing in the future...I hope I can find my place here.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Well, its not so much of an issue of how many panel, but rather the type of format that you used. I would much rather see a "full page format" as in, regular comic book type of format, rather then what it looks like a Sunday paper cartoon's format. For long form narrative, I think it is the type of framing and layout that you could have utilized makes it easier to present the story more effectively.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Well I could do a page a week, it would look just like a comic, or manga page, all creative and such. But I could only do one a week... That would look better, thank you for the idea. The good thing is its not to late to change. Would that make it more appealing? Because I want to make it somthing people enjoy reading, not a small strip people read because they feel they need to.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Well, it is a question that you'll have to ask yourself, what are you doing this for? Are you trying to challenge your ablities? Are you trying to entertain others? or do you simply want something to work on? I see you are pimping your site already, but I think since there really isn't anyone there to actually following something regioursely, you could just take your time and do what you would like to see. I think that's probably the most important part.

And if you produce quality stuff that people enjoy, naturally there will be people that sticks around even with moderate promotion, word of mouth is important.


Take some time to think through and plan out the pages and panel placement, camera angles and how the character will look. If people were to enjoy comic, not just a good story will do, the visual presentation must be compelling in a long form narrative.

Large panel create more impact, in order to oriented your reader, you must first set up the scene. (Panel 1) The dynamic between each panel are important. As you have the big impacted statement "you Bastard, You kill my son!", the reader might also want to gouge the reaction of the character in which is accuse of such crime, we move the camera to a close up to the character in straw hat ( panel 2). The scene continued, we get a little bit more proclamation on the part of the assilnent we see as the strawhat character turn to look at the attacker, and we moved to the last panel, seeing a big impact image and close up from our attention to that of the attacker.

A lot of paneling and scene setup for comic book isn't so different from that of movies, it might take some thinking at first though, but it become more intuitive later on.

FELIPE NO

The illustrations are alright. But I found the layout to be very boring (of course the typical anime-esque setting and story line didn't help matters). Listen to Magi, he knows.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Thank you Magi for the advice, it really helped to see it first hand, and I have to be brutally honest to myself in the fact that, yours was more interesting. As for the story, the in depth plot can be found in the bios page, but the first four were sapposed to be typical, just to get a feel for it. Im sorry if thats a turn down.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I also notice that Magi's suggested dialogue is far more interesting, with more use of adjectives (You MURDEROUS Bastard), and also more dramatic phrases (My vengence is at hand!)

You could probably learn a thing or two from that as well, King.

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Hey, even a good professional comic book artist would need a Editor. :3

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I've taken the liberty of triumphantly showing off The King's latest comic, now that he's taken your advice, Magi.



See! Even, I benefited from your advice, and now know to post an image rather than a link.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?