I ask for advice, dear GFF.

I never thought I would come to TQP and try to seek emotional guidance. But it seems that under the circumstances, I am forced to ask advice from people on an internet message board. -_-

So anyway, here's my situation:

There's this girl, we've known each other for about 4 years now. And during that time we've always (or most of the time) been classmates and groupmates in almost every subject we took. So basically we were like close buddies at school; we sit together, walk out of the classroom together, etc. And some(most) of my friends keep on asking if we're a couple, which of course is very flattering. The thing is, we barely talk to each other once outside school premises. And if we ever talk, it's usually school-related activity. We don't call each other, we don't go out (even as friends), we don't send txt messages to each other, no IM sessions, etc. But, when we're together, I feel like I'm a close friend of her or something. Like I'm the closest friend she has, but only at school. I think she knows I have a thing for her, but I know she doesn't have a thing for me. And I never actually made any "aggressive" actions. The last time I asked her out was about 2 years ago, and she declined. She also had 2 boyfriends while we were "together". Now she's single again, and we're still on the same "buddy" level. Now we're graduating, and there's a possibility that we won't be able to talk or even see each other after graduation. Should I just tell her everything I've kept inside all these years, or just retain the "OH UR MY FRIEND VEMP, THATS IT" relationship?

Also, she's more of a clubbing girl, the ones into fashion, house music, and shit. But she has this "normal" girl side too. I think. And I'm from the internet. Go figure.

(I can't believe I'm doing this shit.)

How ya doing, buddy?

No shame.

I was in pretty much the same situation as you, although it's hard to get an accurate feel for you , cause i went to a very small private school, and it sort of gets to the point where you're friends with everyone regardless of what emotions are flying around. but i digress.

In this situation, all i can say is, what have you got to lose? You're (possibly) never gonna see her again after you graduate, so why the hell not just let go and tell her everything. If she says yes, you two enter a relationship and stick together in the coming years. She says no, you go your seperate ways as was originally "the plan" and nothing changes. This is just the situation you have to see as a situation with little to no negative consequences. You have no contact with this girl outside of school, and you're about to finish high-school so there's not much to salvage in this situation.

The only red flag i sense here is the fact that she had 2 boyfriends at once. If i saw that in a girl i'd back off, and stay the hell away. 2 boyfriends at once is often bad news, and she'll either dump you quick for another guy, or worse, she won't dump you, and lead you on while she's seeing some other guy or fooling around behind your back. I don't know this girl though, so I might be making a mistake by saying that.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I think he meant that she had had a boyfriend twice in the duration of their school relationship.

But this is quite interesting, and like he said, you got nothing to lose after graduating. Give it a shot.

Do ask her in a tone that you won't see her again if you meant anything to her besides school subjects during the course of the whole relationship before you ask her out. To start, ask where she's headed after graduation. Sometimes the distance is a dealbreaker. :\

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I've never been really found of "asking". From my experience, it's always better to aim for some kind of intimate situation where things could, well, just happen.

Can't you ask her for a night out in the city ? Have a meal together, hang out in a bar, and see what happens ? I mean, it could sound like you're trying to seduce her, or just celebrate the end of your common studies.

How ya doing, buddy?

man, I would suggest you tell her. After college finished, I never told the girl I loved everything, although I'm guessing she probably knows somewhat that I like her because of...euh..whatever!

Now I'm back home, and I never told her. It makes me feel like shit, I wish I had. Back then, the last thing I wanted to do was tell her. I was too afraid that she wouldn't want to see me anymore. Now I realize how stupid that was of me. I won't see her again for another 4 l-o-n-g months, yeah....

I've been thinking about e-mailing her the way that I feel, but I don't want to. It seems really lame to e-mail someone the way you feel. I would much prefer to tell her in person, but the distance thing kinda stops that from happening. I don't even care if she'll say no. I just feel so close to her and need to tell her. Because of it, we have some communication problems, I'm not honest with her, because I don't want her thinking I like her. So I end up doing a lot of dumb things.

I'm a very open person and talk about my feelings to all of my friends including other girls, just not her. She's really the only person that I have communication problems with. I mean I can communicate with her, of course! But I can't be honest about certain things around her because of my fear.

I hope some of this made sence. Good luck, and for god sakes, don't make the same mistake I did. Or you'll just end up wondering up could of been.

I was speaking idiomatically.

I agree wtih Mod_007. Keep in mind that an unanswered love is the worst thing can happen to u. A declined love is always better, because you know what you can expect the rest of the time you spend with her. I suggest you would just tell her ur feelings for her.

goodluck mate, love will always survive

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If she knows you like her and she hasn't responded at all to you in the past few years, it's probably what it looks like. Any chance she's just friends with you while at school for the benefits of working together? I know a guy here that likes a girl and does whatever he can to help her with homework/projects/whatever and it seems pretty obvious to us that she has no interests, but she'll string him along just a little because she likes having someone do all that stuff for her.

Or just be like, "I'm front the internet. " and she'll have to put out.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by Pianist112

I agree wtih Mod_007. Keep in mind that an unanswered love is the worst thing can happen to u. A declined love is always better, because you know what you can expect the rest of the time you spend with her. I suggest you would just tell her ur feelings for her.

goodluck mate, love will always survive

I third this motion!

I have been in a similar relationship and let it pass me by. For along time after that I always blamed myself and tortured myself by dreaming of what could have been. Just tell her, the outcome may not be what you want but will be way better then spending your life wandering what if.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

I'd basically have to agree with what's been said so far. HOW to go about it is a different matter, and may ultimately be the deciding factor in what she says, but either way, you gotta tell her.

Also, suggesting this be moved to the Advice Column subforum.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Well thanks guys, I think I get the overall reaction.

RR's got a good point though. Me being from the internet. -_-

There's nowhere I can't reach.

No, it's not you being from the internet -_-. It's you being from the internet ~_~.

Just think what it would be like if she's secretly from the internet ^^;;;;.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I'm posting this from her PC.

-_-

We're that close. Sorta.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I'm going to disagree with (almost) everyone and suggest that you don't do it, only because you've already tried and failed. I'm afraid that if you push her for another date she's going to think you crossed the line since she already told you no one, and she's not going to want to hang out with you anymore. I could be completely wrong, of course, but I'm just putting myself in her shoes and that's what I would think.

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Originally Posted by Alice

I'm afraid that if you push her for another date she's going to think you crossed the line since she already told you no one, and she's not going to want to hang out with you anymore.

Erm, is he ever going to see her again anyway? I say go for it, what's the worst that could happen; well I suppose she could emotionally cripple you for life, but still it's better to know than to wonder 'What if...'

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Well, yeah. They hang out all the time. They're friends.

FELIPE NO

Alice has a point though, and I don't think we won't be seeing each other again. We're basically in the same city, so we might bump into each other in the future. So I guess it's ok. And there's txt messaging.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by RacinReaver

No, it's not you being from the internet -_-. It's you being from the internet ~_~.

Vemp, it's you being the internet. ^_^

Also, I second niki's suggestion, but I'll suggest the method of flying together to Metro Manila or something in June sometime.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Again, from the female perspective, it's hard when you have a male friend who is always trying to jump the ladder from friend to boyfriend. After two or three unsuccessful attempts on his part, you start to wonder if maybe you're just not being clear enough when you say no, or if you're somehow giving him unintentional mixed signals, or if he's some crazy stalker who's never going to accept that you only like him as a friend. Also, if she had changed her mind since the last time you asked her out, you'd probably know it. She'd start dropping little hints like, "Remember when you asked me out that one time? I was stupid for not saying yes." Little things like that.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Damn, Alice has a point. We were together last night at a party, but before the party she let me hang out at her place so we can go the party together. I dunno what that meant, I'm not experienced with this shit. But I guess she's just treating me as one of her friends or something. We were even talking about her ex at one point. But as for "hints" I don't think she ever made any.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I would have to agree with Alice. I don't know why so many guys seem to think they can make somebody love them. Seriously, think about it, would that work on you?

attraction isn't something that you can cultivate, attraction just happens. It's kinda instinctive. Of course you can behave in a way that girls generally will find attractive, but once she doesn't feel the attraction, that's pretty much it. It's incredibly hard to get her to change her mind (or more accurately, her heart), even if you do EVERYTHING right from that point.

So honestly I think you probably instinctively did the right thing by not telling her your feelings. The hard part (at least to me) is moving on...

How ya doing, buddy?

I moved on, about a year or two ago. It's all just coming back now. I'm sure it'll pass.

I was speaking idiomatically.

When you last asked her out, did she say to you something like "Maybe we should just be friends" or "I don't want to ruin the friendship"? If she did then I wouldn't recommend telling her how you feel. That might make things end on a really awkward note between you two.

I suggest trying Niki's advice. Ask her out for a drink at a bar to celebrate graduation. Just have fun with her, don't spill your feelings out, and if it happens between you two, then it happens. Otherwise, the only other option I see is to move on.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by Vemp

I moved on, about a year or two ago. It's all just coming back now. I'm sure it'll pass.

Ah, right. I always find moving on the hardest part, but maybe that's just me. It usually takes me at least two or three in-between relationships with little to no meaning. =D

FELIPE NO

Agreed. It's nearly impossible to just turn of the attraction switch. If you really like someone, I don't get how you're supposed to do that, unless they do something that really hurts you or makes you extremely angry at them, which this girl clearly hasn't done. So hard. ;_;

Good luck to you. I'd suggest trying niki's advice, too. Who knows? Maybe if you get her out away from your normal surroundings something will click for her that hasn't before.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

yesh, this love stuff, we always make it so complicated for ourselves. Why can't you just tell her how you feel? I don't see any reason to hide that. I mean it is the way you feel, non?

I think it would make it easier to let her know personally. I mean sure, you've told her before, but that was 2 years ago? That's a loong time, a lot happens in 2 years.

Ultimately, it all depends on how you feel, I mean, I see what Alice is saying but it has been two years. It sucks to keep feelings like that inside.

But, again, I don't know, that's just what I think.

Jam it back in, in the dark.