Help me understand here.

I recently had a friend go off on me just today. Allow me to explain.


We were talking and what not, and he was telling me he had a bad day or week so far. I asked why, and he said his BF's Ex died just this weekend. I didn't know the person who died, but I did feel remorse for his BF. I asked my friend though how he passed away, and he just went off on me, saying I was disrespecting the person who died by asking him the cause of death.

Now personally, i've never heard of anyone getting offended over that, and it wasn't my intention to offend. Was I in the wrong though? My friend is notorious for being ridiculously over-dramatic, so I put that into consideration, but still...was this a custom I just didn't know about?


Help me get the picture on this.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I don't see any problem in that question-- you were just curious about information he'd already told you and it doesn't sound like you phrased it disrespectively. It should be expected for you to inquire more.

Perhaps your friend just took it the wrong way or was distracted, but from my point of view you weren't in the wrong.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I'd have to agree with Lycan here. I don't see anything wrong with the question, but he didn't have to blow up on your like that. He could've simply just said that he didn't want to talk about how he died or whatever. Either way, he's the one who decided to talk to you about his friend's death, so there was no reason for you not to be curious about everything.

But he blew it out of proportion. Since you did mention that he's over-dramatic, this does just seem like one of his episodes.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Let me guess, are you both in high school? Either way, it's normal for people around that age to blow things out of proportion to create "drama". I'll just let it go. You did nothing wrong.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Sounds like he was just looking for someone to take out his feelings out on; just let him vent for now.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Perhaps it's a little bad juju to ask the person that might be upset as it's not a question they would probably want to answer just yet. In this case, that would be your friend's BF. Unless your friend here is very distraught by this (and how would you know unless there was some kind of relationship between the friend and the Ex that you didn't know about) then the question is fine.

Don't worry about it. Your friend just needs to get his attitude in check and suck it up.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by kinkymagic

Sounds like he was just looking for someone to take out his feelings out on; just let him vent for now.

Yea I guess that might be the case, but you know...i've had a rough past with him, so it's hard for me to think "oh he's venting". This is a person that you have to walk on Eggshells for, because if you say one thing he might not like, he goes off on you and then acts like he's above you, which he was doing today. I mean, it wasn't his ex, it was his BF's ex. It's not as if there was a strong rapport between the two, infact he has said many times he has not always agreed with his BF's ex.

He talks down a lot and over-reacts, so I might drop him. I don't need to spoken to like i'm an animal and treated like one too. I allow him to speak to me that way, so no more.

FELIPE NO

Whoa there buddy. Slow down a bit. Relax, and breathe for a second.
Now then, first thing I would suggest is give it time. If for some reason it did effect him more than you think and he's over-dramatic anyway, this may not be a good time to drop him all together. That could cause major problems for him, and then you'd feel responsible for it later(been there, done that).
Anyway, give it some time. Let him cool down and you just chill for a while. Let him come talk to you. IF, and only if, for some reason he never does after a week or two then go talk to him. Explain to him what you said wasn't meant to be rude, you just wanted to know what happened.
I would also suggest as well, that when you get back on track with him again, that you sit him and talk to him about his attitude toward you and how you don't really like it(make sure he's still not upset). If he's not really willing to listen, THEN drop him. Some people don't even realize they are doing things like that until it's been pointed out to them. Just be sure to explain it in the nicest way possible so as not to tick him off again.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Well, you did nothing wrong, but it seems to me that your friend was feeling a bit frustrated about his friend's death. So I think your friend was not ready for anything concerning his friend's death, and that's why he thought you were insensitive; for him, you asked him on the wrong time.

Maybe you should let him chill for a little while. Don't worry about his angst; it'll vaporise in some time. Then ask him again. If he's still frustrated, it's his problem then; you do nothing wrong.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Dee

Let me guess, are you both in high school? Either way, it's normal for people around that age to blow things out of proportion to create "drama". I'll just let it go. You did nothing wrong.

Actually, this dude is in his late 20s. He's like 26.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

It sounds like he's either taking some unrelated frustrations and misdirecting them at you.

Or he's just being a jerk. Next time you see him, tell him he pissed you off. If he doesn't apologize, don't hang out with him for a while. Not because your company is invaluable to him (although it should be, since it sounds like you put up with junk like this from him pretty regularly), but to make him realize that you don't like hanging out with him when he does that as he obviously needs his space during those times.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Asking the cause of death isn't disrespectful, unless he has something to hide.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I see nothing wrong with the question. Now, if he was breaking down, etc. etc. etc, then it MIGHT be inappropiate. However, your description sounds that that is not the case. My guess is he was really upset inside for some reason or another, and was looking for a reaosn to blow off some steam (whether it be directly related to the matter at hand or something else he is frustrated with in which he latched on his feelings from that topic to the one you were talking about).

I would advise as others have said-give him some time. Let him calm down, and then calmly discuss with him how you feel. If he gets upset, then that is fine, you talked with him in a civil manner, and he doesn't want to deal with it. Of course, if you HAVE done this already, and he STILL does this, it may be time to gently distance yourself from him. Be there as a friend and lending ear, but such that he must take a bit of the effort, and hopefully find the value of your friendship.

I was speaking idiomatically.

I personally felt he had something to hide about this guy, something that might shame his BF or his BF's ex. So..who knows. He's cool now and stuff, and no I havent gotten rid of him, however my defenses will be up and ready incase shit like this happens again.

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Originally Posted by SCARFACE-1

Help me get the picture on this.

I don't believe you did a thing wrong or improper. Your friend might've read you wrong, in which case she might've assumed that you were getting off on the 'gorey details'. Even so, I think this is actually more disrespectful for your friend to assume the worst of you through a simple inquiry and then go off on you.

Though I know little about the way you might usually act in regards to the subject of death, it seems that your friend probably is going through a traumatic time and a bit of slack can be cut. Whatever you might do, don't get too hostile about this and bring it up during this time period, when the death is still fresh in the mind of your friend.

If you still feel bad about what was said, bring it up to them later when they've had a chance to get their grieving out of the way.

FELIPE NO

It's a natural reaction for people to ask that question. It really is. Especially when it's a person of a young age.

There was absolutely nothing wrong with your question. There was, however, something wrong with his response. And if he hasn't been apologetic about his reaction, then he really isn't worth it.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?