My cousin just died...

She was only 20 and died from a heart attack.
I really loved her, but I'm not crying...

Is this normal?

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Dying from a heart attack at 20? No.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I'm not asking about the heart attack.
I'm asking why I'm not crying inside...

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Sometimes it takes a while for the fact that a person is dead to really hit home. My grandmother and Uncle both died within six months of each other, and both times it didn't hit me until I was at the wake or funeral.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Probaly some how you subconsciously knew it was her time to go so you're not showing remorse or anything twords your cousin's heart attack? I really don't know....but as for the heart attack itself. It's rare, but not out of the ordenary for people under the age of 30 to have heart attacks.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by nanashiusako

Sometimes it takes a while for the fact that a person is dead to really hit home. My grandmother and Uncle both died within six months of each other, and both times it didn't hit me until I was at the wake or funeral.

Did you cry...?

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by gaming

She was only 20 and died from a heart attack.
I really loved her, but I'm not crying...

Is this normal?

Let it kick in. Then again, if you really weren't close to your cousin, it's hard to have any feelings about it; after all, you barely knew him.

If you did see him frequently, I'm pretty sure you'll realise it soon enough.

Also, my condoliances.

FELIPE NO

I wasn't bawling, but I did cry at my grandmother's funeral services, and when I had to go up to say something about my uncle. Before that I was pretty emotionless.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Soon as you 'forget about it', putting it out of your mind for a while should do it. When it comes back like a ton of bricks you may cry. But not crying doesn't mean that you don't care/aren't sad, it's just one possible sign.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

When my uncle died, who mind you I didn't really like that much, but I still cared about, I didn't cry throughout the entire service, but after the service, during the wake, I went upstairs in his house (cause the wake was going on downstairs,) sat on the upstairs sofa, and just broke down.

It's not until it sinks in and hits you fully that you may find yourself breaking into tears.

How ya doing, buddy?

I remember when I was younger around 9 3 of my closest relatives died within a year of each other. my uncle, grandfather, and great grandmother. When my uncle died I cried when i heard the news in the hospital, and at the funeral. When my great grandmother died I cried at the funeral but i understood she was dying cause she had cancer, and was 103, but my grandfather was my favorite person in the world, and when they told me he had died I did nothing i said ok, and continued watching TV...it was weird, but i was expecting it since I had been taking care of him, and helping to feed him and such...i understood what was happening, but i didn't cry alot not even at the funeral, but to this day he's the only one that i still cry about and I'm 20...

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

This may sound silly, but have you ever had the thought that God is punishing you in a indirect way?

My life has been pretty boring and I've been feeling lonely and down for the past few years and then suddenly this year, I got a lot of job offerings. One job was a high position in the goverment. For the first time in my life, I felt success. I still don't understand how they picked me out of 300 other candidates. I didn't even apply for this job, somehow they found my CV in their database and called me up, asking if I was interested in the job.
This was like 1 month ago when and I've been living life great since they told me I got the job. Life was wonderful, it's like my life got turned around and I was really happy. Then yesterday my cousin died... and this feeling stopped.


I don't know how to say this, but do you think I could have gotten this success on the cost of my cousin's death...?
(I'm not sure if I believe in god or not, sometimes I do, sometimes I don't)
At this moment, I do believe. I want him to bring her back or make sure she's happy in heaven. I was really going to visit her in about 1 month, and now this happens. It makes me really angry...

How ya doing, buddy?

That's perfectly normal... Just the fact that your mood changed is proof enough you're not a cold emotionless block of stone.

People have different ways to cope with loss. When someone very dear to me was very badly hurt in a car accident, I didn't even cry for at least a month, I just felt worried as heck about her and empty, as if I wasn't feeling anything at all.

Your reaction is absolutely normal. And don't punish yourself for being happy or sucessful before all this happened, you are in no way the cause of her death... You're giving yourself way too much credit.

I was speaking idiomatically.

This may be another silly question.
Last week, i started to think about her and I wanted to add her to my MSN list, so I asked another cousin if he knew. But he didn't. Then I forgot about the whole thing.

Do you guys think this was a sign?
Something inside of me tells that I could have prevented her death if I just googled after her name. Yesterday when I heard the terrible news, I DID google for her name and found her website.

Only if I did this last week. I feel so horrible...

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

If it feels any better...there was absolutely NOTHING you could do for no one knows the future exactly. Don't rely on possiblities regarding "fate" or possible interventions that instigates "should-haves."

FELIPE NO

If you think that something might've changed her fate, you are wrong. I don't believe there are strings you can pull that don't relate to benefitting her condition in any way (googling her website) that can somehow magically change her fate. This isn't a sign; she had a terrible condition (heart attacks at 20 is horrible) and what can you do about it? Do you think your successes are at her expense? Apples and oranges.

Don't blame yourself.

And not crying might be normal if you weren't particularly close to her. Maybe it'll take a while for her death to sink in.

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If you aren't affected by the physical aspects of emotional downed-ness, it's most likely a type of indifference. Like myself, I don't cry at anything. If I get stabbed, no tears. If a family member were to croak and roll over dead, no weeps or sobs. I don't know how, but that's just the way I am.

It's not that I DON'T care. Infact, I do. But to not show it, what am I supposed to do? Cut an onion open and fake the crying?

However, to my understanding, people who do not react physically to emotional times are people in control. The ones emotionally outbursting their tears and cries for help are too occupied. Their effort to show the status of saddness their heart is in is infact draining their body of energy. Yes, crying does make you tired, it does make you less active later on in the day. Why do people who cry from some emotionally disturbed time feel so down to such a large, and evident, degree throughout a day? Because they've spent a majority of their energy doing the symbolic representation of their saddness. And they have no energy left to spare to feel upbeat or ready to slap someone. They're tired, upset, depressed, sad.

So, in a sense, your lack of display of emotion isn't bad. You just don't handle the situation like "usual" people would. You're a person in control and ready to move on. What's done is done and you know there's nothing you can do to salvage the life of your friend. No hocus pocus alright.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by gaming

I'm not asking about the heart attack.
I'm asking why I'm not crying inside...

Perhaps you need time to process things and who knows you may cry later. I don't think you have anything serious to worry about.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

People express their feelings in different forms. Just becuase you don't cry doesn't mean that you didn't care.
You said yourself that you loved her.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I didn't cry when I found out my gran died. You don't have to cry. At the funeral though, I realised how much she meant to me.

It will always be a shock someone dying, I know, I know.

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I'm sorry to hear that. But you know? When my father's dad was passed out last year, I nearly sad, no, I cried upon his coffin because that moment reminded me of my grandmother (from mother) funeral. When my granny was passed out I keep thinking if that was joke, a very bitter joke, I even deceive myself that she was just sleeping and would wake up and surprise me up.

But such sadness is never occured to my grandfather. You couldnt' cry for someone you dont love.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Not crying is fairly common. I've heard about this phenomenon a lot and experienced it myself when my best friend committed suicide last year. Everyone has different ways of dealing with emotional turmoil, and perhaps crying just isn't yours. But be sure to find some outlet for your emotions - doing things you like, talking to friends and family, getting councelling, etc. In fact, it seems you might be engaging in some harmful thoughts that might affect your regular life possibly from now on, so I would strongly advise you to talk to a grief councellor. He or she can tell you how to let go of your negative thoughts so your grief doesn't negatively impact on your regular life in the long term.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

It'll hit you one day like a sack of bricks, then you'll pray for numb.

My dad's cousin died and I freaked out at the funeral. I was crying and bawling and wailing and every other verb for hysterics. And I only met him once for an hour.

Emotion is a wierd thing.

FELIPE NO