Pick-up lines that don't work (usually)

I initially thought this would be better in Laugh's and Games (I guess now named Mom's Basement?), but I reconsidered and put it here. I think that this thread will do better here because if anywhere on GFF, this is where people go who have just been shutdown. If the mods wanna move it, please feel free (like you need my permission).

Post a real pick-up line you've used, or something you've just thought would be funny to say. None of the cheesy off-the-web pick-up lines that everyone's heard already please :\ I thought of this one while getting a Slurpee and seeing a cute girl also getting a Slurpee.

*walks into 7-11 and pulls out a large Slurpee cup*
*sees cute girl getting a Slurpee*
"Hey, we both like Slurpees, wanna fuck?"

Not very creative, I know. On a more realistic (but still humorous) note, I once tried to get a girls number at the bowling alley by saying "Can I touch your bowling ball?"
....
...
"I have a boyfriend..."

Jam it back in, in the dark.

"Hi darling, I'll fist you"

No luck with that one thus far

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Pick-up lines are the most ridiculous notion for proper dating etiquette; when you're sober. However, get a few beers in you, and the pick-up line doesn't really become a pick-up line so much as it becomes a silly icebreaker and can actually start conversation. Most of the time they won't work (because they're not really supposed to) but, provided the sense of humor is present, you can get away with them as long as they're not too crude.

I'm not a good example of them though because the only one I've used that worked was when I was still in high school and I was in my art class with some friends during lunch. I asked a girl at another table for a brush...

> "Hey. Can you give me your brush please?"
< "There's a few over by the soda machine in the sink."
> "Yeah, but I wanna use one that's still warm with actual talent."

Both of her friends laughed in ridicule but she caught on that it was supposed to be a joke anyway and we ended up going out on a few dates.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Ohoho, you're smooth, Paco.

Either way, don't need pick-up lines so long as there's chloroform.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

My ex mentioned a few of his and the lad's favourites, which included:

"Get in the van"

"Listen bitch I've got a knife"

The others were very crude but in some circles, still somehow cliché. If you'd ever wanted to make a girl groan, go for one of those.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by Tentacle Rapist

Ohoho, you're smooth, Paco.

Either way, don't need pick-up lines so long as there's chloroform.

My favorite pick-up line of all time.

"Does this smell like chloroform to you?"

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

"I see you're not wearing a bra. Would you mind jumping up and down for me? Just ignore my cameraphone."

(I got slapped for my effort.)

FELIPE NO

The Macc Lads' special: Sit on my face, I'll guess your weight.

Only ever works on girls who have heard of the Macc Lads apparently. Luckily there were quite a few of those at my uni.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

I was wearing a Curious George shirt once when I was out in Chicago with Stephen. Our waiter seriously ignored him the ENTIRE TIME and at one point asked me "Is your name George or are you just curious?"


Yeah. Seriously, guy, I'm here with my BOYFRIEND. What the fuck, man. You aren't even that attractive.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

as for dumb pick up lines,
"im like a rubix cube, the more you play with me, the harder i get"

How ya doing, buddy?

I'm a dork. But you're like homework. What a match! Why don't I throw you on the table and do you?

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Do you take karate, cus yo' body be kickin
lawl

or

Are you a librarian, cus i want to check~you~out
:P

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

My favorite pick-up line.

"You must be jamaican, cause ja-makin' me crazy!"

I was speaking idiomatically.

You:"Do you like trains?"
Her: "Yeah, why?"
You: "Mind if i run a train on you tonight?"

I did that one as a joke to my friend and she didn't get it.. *face palm*

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

If the guy's hot enough, that one might work on me.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by YOU MAD

My friend asks "will you bear my children?"

Spoiler:

my friend is a girl

This.

Would work on me every time.

Keep in mind ladies, I'm available.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

This.

"........................................"

Gets them every time. Be interested. Be unavailable. Try it before you knock it.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

speaking from experience, if you have to use pickup lines, then its 99% sure to fail

a better strategy is to just be relaxed, happy with yourself and respect yourself.

i think respecting yourself, whoever you are, is the most important thing.

if you don't respect yourself, then how can you expect others to do the same?

Most amazing jew boots

speaking from experience, if you have to use pickup lines, then it's 1% sure to not fail

a better strategy is to just be stressed, unhappy with yourself and disrespect yourself.

i think disrespecting yourself, whoever you are, is the most important thing.

if you don't disrespect yourself, then how can you expect others to do the same?

Most amazing jew boots

Originally Posted by InvestmentBankr

if you don't respect yourself, then how can you expect others to do the same?

Arguably you could just have high standards

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by Jessykins

Ohoho, you're smooth, Paco.

Either way, don't need pick-up lines so long as there's chloroform.

Right on. :-p

I was speaking idiomatically.