The "Change" phenomenon

One thing I've noticed with an increasing number of females is this strange tendency to change nearly everything at once. For instance, around the time her parents were getting divorced, my girlfriend at the time decided she was going to break up with me, cut her hair, dye her hair, rearrange her room, change her wardrobe, sever all ties with her best friend since childhood, even change her favorite TV shows. Then she moved a little while later - not far away, but still a change.

Another one, which contradicts my theory that the divorce may have been an emotional motive, is with a coworker of mine. She did basically all the same things, without the parents' divorce, and moved 400 miles away from her home.

My questions are thus: have you observed this? Have you DONE this? Have you observed this in males as well? What do you think prompts this drastic rearranging of one's life, as it were - emotionally or otherwise? Let's get some insight, if at all possible.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by Ayos

Have you DONE this? Have you observed this in males as well? What do you think prompts this drastic rearranging of one's life, as it were? Let's get some insight, if at all possible.

With myself, it was almost purely juvenile. I am not too sure if thats the common theme in drastic changes, but for me, it was.

Moving to the inner city is what did it for me.

I turned 15. I chopped off all my longe blonde hair and dyed it jet black. I started hanging out with stranger people. I became a LOT more liberal about things. I got stoned every morning and drunk every night.

Within 2 years, all this bullshit stopped.

But even today, I experience interesting little desires. The other day, in fact, I was tempted to go jet black again. But I didn't.

But yea, I see where you're coming from. Sometimes, a girl just needs a change. Usually, re-arranging her furniture and getting a new haircut will do it.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I personally have never done this, but I know that it's not uncommon. The closest time was when I was separated from my boyfriend (long story and irrelevant) so I thought about cutting off my long hair. I felt like I needed something new in me in order to get over him. Ultimately, I didn't because I liked my long hair more than I wanted to acknowledge the event...*shrug* Everyone has their own personal ways of dealing with events, though. A lot of my friends who do actually go through with changing things use it as a coping mechanism.

From what I have observed (and who knows if these are accurate haha) the changes or the process of creating the changes takes their mind off the emotions. Drastic changes can make the event seem less significant because it can create a feeling that because things are different now than when whatever happened happened, you can move on. I'm sure these thoughts and actions are different for everyone, but in general, it seems to be a way to deal with what has happened.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

This makes sense.

In order to define ourselves, we must also define what we are not. If we associate certain traits with negativity, and wish to distance ourselves from that negativity, we'll do our best to eliminate those traits, if at all possible.

It's disassociation. And yes, I've done it to a minor extent. My family is composed primarily of scientific types. Nearly everyone pursues a career that involves math and/or science. My father's a retired electrician. My mother was a microbiologist. My grandfather was a chemical engineer. I have relative who are x-ray technicians, accountants and nursing aides.

Because I've always had a dominating personality, I felt a need to stand out, even at an early age. Although I was just as capable with maths and sciences as my relatives, I found that I gained more notice (good and bad) when I used my creative skills. I soon began to focus myself upon drawing and writing, while many of my relatives chastised me for my foolishness. I wasn't able to fully respect anyone who wouldn't respect my choices (I was a precocious child), so when doing what I enjoyed upset others, it only made me happier. I'd found a unique niche in the family tree. I could point to numerous scientists, but only one artist - a distant cousin poet.

My family has finally accepted that I'd much rather draw and write than crunch numbers or play with machinery. And we get along a lot better now, so I'm not nearly as rebellious these days. But defining myself by what everyone around wasn't was a large part of creating my current self.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Every time I've broken up with someone, I've felt the urge to cut my hair. This is probably for several reasons: guys who are attracted to me always love my hair, so cutting it is some small revenge; people cut their hair in mourning, and I think there's something instinctive in that; after a relationship ends, you just want a change.

I generally resist that urge, because I know it'll pass. I did however obliterate my hair a few years ago, completely unrelated to my relationship status, because I was absolutely tired of being known for my hair. It didn't work. I was then known for the lack of my former hair, and it made my face look chubby.

I don't remember where I was going with this. I guess mostly along the lines that people often feel the need to re-invent themselves, especially in the adolescent years, and girls probably have more of a visible outer canvas to work with than most guys, so you notice it more.

Most amazing jew boots

Sometimes things seem stagnant for whatever reason... and once you change one thing a cascade follows. It's like a release, like altering one thing gives you the courage to reorganise yourself so you feel better. I'm like that. I change things in clumps.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

I thought this thread was about menopause.

I've never drastically changed the way I looked after a break up. I might start using more or less make-up, but I wouldn't dare butcher my hair or change my clothing style. It's never been worth it.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by Ayos

have you observed this? Have you DONE this? Have you observed this in males as well? What do you think prompts this drastic rearranging of one's life, as it were - emotionally or otherwise? Let's get some insight, if at all possible.

I've noticed this myself.

One of the cases I will point out is an exgirl of mine from about two years ago. I broke up with her. Immediately after she cut her hair from about three feet to about three inches, dyed it from its natural black to a pink. She started wearing white make-up and dark eye-liner. She started wearing all black, and got many peircings. She moved to Nova Scotia, and started listening to Slayer, Lamb of God, and Static~X.

I'm not sure what exactly prompts this drastic change in ones life. I believe that one sort of prompt may be the loss of a dream (?) - she had wanted to get married, and I broke it off (it's not that I never will, but I was a freshmen in high school, and... well, not to her). Maybe it's the dramatic change one goes through emotionally and psychologically projecting itself phsyically.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Yeah, I have seen it in a male. My uncle went weird or crazy, depends on which way you see it.

At age 40 something, (a few years ago), he divorce his wife of 25 odd years, changed his name, quit his job, dyed his hair, went back to University and then moved away....

I have no idea why.... he now lives in Los Angeles, California.

Sometimes people feel everything in their life is limiting them from being truly something. Could explain the rapid and large change.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I just realized today that I'm doing it now, too.

I don't know any other guy acting like I am right now.

I've changed my position in society, pulling away from people I love. I've become a loner. My hair colour... I'm trying to change it but after three bleaches it's still got a blue tint to the whiteness. I filled the emo stereotype until I realized that I want to kill someone else (which is much easier to satisfy).

I normally don't attach to someone like I did just recently, but that was my naive little mistake. Now, everything must change.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Honestly, whenever my Dad does something really awful (and he pulls out some big ones every now and then... the worst resulted in going to court over him backing out of the child support agreement), I do something like this. Usually it's something little, but things I don't ordinarily do. Once resulted in a hair dye, sometimes it's just new clothes or a manicure or something... but it's true, it's a distraction or a way to distance myself from the problem at hand.

See, I really, really dislike my father. I think he's a total jerk, I don't even use his last name (I opted to take my Mom's last name when I was old enough to make that decision), and had my name legally changed.

He limits me every day of my life. He's forced me into a corner by not making my tuition payments. I've almost been kicked out of school because of it, and we've had to scrape together a tuition payment (which means less money for other things). It's not that he can't afford it, so I'm not sure what the problem is, unless it's his wife who doesn't like that he has to pay anything, especially since I'm over 18. I mean, the guy cares somewhat, but he's not my dad. We don't have a close relationship, and I know the bleach-blonde bimbo thinks I'm just after his money. Which I am. I want to go to college and make something of myself. It's just a little hard to do it on my mom's salary. No one ever said it was easy being a single parent, or a kid living with a single parent. I'm not my mom's boyfriend's responsibility (he's more like my dad anyway, they just never wanted to get hitched), and he's offered to help (and has in the past, when my father hasn't come through).

But... yes, it's a little traumatizing when someone who helped bring you into the world lets you down. I think that's the reason behind everything. If someone who is supposed to be an important figure in your life lets you down, it's hard and the initial human reaction (I think, anyway) is to distance yourself from the situation.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Never. In fact, I find myself stuck in the same old ruts and I like it that way. I guess I'm just afraid of change. I have seen perhaps the effort to change in friends, but never an actual all-out difference. Nothing extreme. Maybe a new hair cut. That about covers it.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

change is something we all need in life, sometimes for reasons unbound. I guess it depends on how the person doing the changing is feeling. some people change for the fun of changing, others for the reasons that they might feel in a rut, so to speak, I personally find change as a great part of life.

believe me, if there's one thing I hate, it's repitition and monotony. and I'm always up for trying new things, sometimes something simple as mixing new drinks, or going out to new places. but within that change lies another unknown factor, is how well the people around you can accept the change.

personally, I don't care how people in life make their choices, so long as they make choices themselves, I'll offer advice, but will not dispute anyone's choice on anything, that's our life given right, but it leads back to a gray area of acceptance. but still, I think changes are needed, and just accept them

I was speaking idiomatically.

Actually, I have done this myself. Generally when I'm going through a hard time or seperation from someone I care about I get an urge to either cut or dye my hair. Sometimes both. One time I actually did change my hair.

Most of the time when I'm going through a change, though, I feel a strong urge to go shopping. Which is odd for me because I HATE shopping. But I find myself wanting to buy new clothes/shoes, whatever.

Although I do know people that don't act differently when they are going through a change...

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

This is an interesting psychological subject. Many just don't like the way their life is going. Many will act on that drastacly by changing the very essence of who they were.(or trying) Many tend to become something else and in many cases it is even subcontiously. Sometimes you hang with a crowed long enough and become what theyve become if you want to or not. It is false hope thinking you can change "who" you are. That essence of "you" will always be there so it is a waste to try and become something you are not.

FELIPE NO