Work in progress short story

Okay, so I guess I'm writing a story. Tell me what you think.

The waning moon oversaw a solemn night of fleeting tranquility. In an instant, the reign of peace, now a time long past, has been usurped by an unexpected atrocity. In this time of conquest, massacre and tribulation, tales of peaceful times as told by the Elder drifted into wild bewilderment and disbelief in the ears of the eager children.

“Grandmother, the city in your story, does it really exist?” shouted the excited child. “It sounds lovely and fun!”


“Yeah, we should all go there together some day!” interjected the boy.

“So, this is what the old hag does with the children every night,” I said to myself as I entered the dimly lit room.

“Now, now kids, it’s time for Grandmother to rest for the night. Hurry off now, Grandmother will tell you more tomorrow.”

The children bid Grandmother good night and headed towards their room.

“Hey dad,” my eldest boy said as he approached by the doorway, “One day, you’ll take all of us there, right?”

“Aias, you’ve already been asked to retire for the night.”
I observed the boy as he suddenly turned around.

“Heard you once already, dad, but even if you don’t take us there, I’ll bring myself to take Natalie and Grandma to see it someday,” the boy said defiantly as he left the room.

Grated by the boy’s nerve, I slammed the door behind him. He was nearing the age of sixteen and as naïve as ever. Outside this sheltered forest, the savages roam throughout the countryside sacking any village and cutting down anyone who resist. It is no lie when reports of women and children killed alongside men surface.

With that aside, I turned my head to Grandmother and became angry with her nostalgic countenance.

“Why do you spoil the young ones with such farcical stories? It will be I who’ll be facing them the day they learn the wretched end of Riovanes and her sister providences.”

The eyes from the wizened face looked up and said, “What the old generation bestows to the new ensures the good seeds are sown.”

hmm... okay, i just realized NOTHING happened in the story so far.

Double Post:
okay, really, help me here. this story needs work. :lolsign:

The waning moon oversaw a solemn night of fleeting tranquility. In an instant, the reign of peace, now a time long past, has been usurped by an unexpected atrocity. In this time of conquest, massacre and tribulation, tales of peaceful times as told by the Elder drifted into wild bewilderment and disbelief to the delight of the eager children.

“Grandmother, the city in your story, does it really exist?” shouted the excited child. “It sounds lovely and fun!”

“Yeah, we should all go there together some day!” interjected the boy.
“So, this is what the Elder does with the children every night,” I said to myself as I entered the dimly lit room.

“Now, now kids, it’s time for Grandmother to rest for the night.”
“Nice of you to visit us, Gilliam,” said the Elder, “Hurry off now children, Grandmother will tell you more tomorrow.”
The children bid Grandmother good night and headed towards their room.
“Father,” my eldest boy said as he approached by the doorway, “One day, you’ll take all of us there, right?”

Peeved by the impossible request, I reminded the boy, “Aias, you’ve already been asked to retire for the night.”

Suddenly, the boy turned around, his face writhing with anger.
“Who are you trying to fool by burlesquing a doting father? I don’t even remember you! Natalie doesn’t remember you!”

The boy continued with tears welling in his eyes,”Mother said you promised you’d return one day. She lived everyday of her life believing that. Her lasts thoughts before entering the eternal were of you, the man who abandoned her and even his own childr--
“Enough!” I vehemently thundered as the candle in the room died out. “To bed, boy, now!”

Grated by the boy’s nerve, I slammed the door behind him. He was nearing the age of sixteen and as naïve as ever. Outside this sheltered forest, savages roam throughout the countryside sacking any village and cutting down anyone who resist. The stories the people tell of women and children killed alongside men are no lies.

With that aside, I turned my head to Elder and became irked by her nostalgic countenance.

“Must you spoil the young ones with such farcical tales? It will be I who’ll be facing them the day they learn of the wretched end of Riovanes and her sister providences. The Riovanes of now resembles nothing of the “Great City” of the past. The entire Council of Riovanes are monsters, murdering their own, stealing possessions, and kidnapping women… Now, spare the children from any more of your tales.”

Minerva’s wizened face looked up and said, “What the old generation bestows to the new ensures that the good seeds are sown. And besides, child, what else sustains us but hope for better times?”

I bit my lips as I couldn’t say a word.
“You’re right,” I said reaffirmingly, “The young ones need their hope, lest the pall of despair extinguish the meager fire in their hearts.”

Long ago, Minerva was an Elder in the Council of Riovanes. When she learned of the Council’s plot, she quickly assembled a band of soldiers to squash the rebellion. However, she failed, and she fled the assassins by hiding in the forest. Now old with age, Minerva spends her days reminiscing the golden days of the “Great City”.
“Thank you Elder, for your guidance.”
With that, I bid her goodnight and headed outside. The cool night air failed to sooth the sting of Aias’ words. What he said laid heavily on my mind as I thought of my wife.

Helena, the pain you must have endured! I was a man divided: a soldier living his life for the glory of his country, and a man living his life for the sake of his wife and children. I left my beautiful wife, and I spent my life fighting truculent battles on behalf of faceless, incompetent nobles.

“Oh, Helena,” I cried out in my shame, “I’ve always wanted to apologize to you, I only endured… kept on living, to apologize for what I’ve done! It is now that you’ve died that I meet the children I’ve left behind.”

“Hey fool,” a brusque voice resounded from the behind the house.
A stocky man holding a sword and fitted in armor emerged from the shadow. His menacing expression suddenly erupted into a war cry as he drew his sword.

Jam it back in, in the dark.