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So I'm a bad guy.
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Hachifusa
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Old Jan 4, 2008, 03:12 AM Local time: Jan 4, 2008, 01:12 AM #1 of 28
So I'm a bad guy.

There's no story. I just realized it tonight, for the first time, though I feel like I've kinda always known it.

Basically, I realized that I really am full of hatred. When I was in high school, to be the cool guy, I acted like an angst-ridden prick, which is no doubt what I'll be accused of in this thread. But I promise you, this isn't some angst thread. I am literally a bad person in the fullest sense and it bothers me.

I mean, I have literally pushed away all of my friends in the four-or-so years since high school, and since then, looking back, I have continuously halted all attempts at friendship. Even my family prettymuch doesn't like me anymore. Now, for a long time I've assumed the usual - I'm just not trying hard, or I need to get out there more. But it was only today that I realized something while at work.

When I was sixteen and working the drive-thru at the local Taco Bell, I had this day where I had so many successive people ignoring me or otherwise being rude to me that I was literally sent home from having a sort of breakdown, which was the first time that ever happened. I just couldn't stand it - up until that point, I was under the impression that most people were nice and I was hanging out with the wrong crowd. But back then, no matter how nice I was being, these people were dicks.

Well, move up to now (I'm twenty-one, so about five years) and today at work (I still work in customer service sort of work) I realized how mean I was to everyone who came in. Little kids who waved at me I'd glare at. One guy my age told me I had a nice shirt and I said a "Thanks" that really implied he should shut up. A poor high school girl got it the worse. I genuinely felt sick to my stomach later on reflection when I recalled just how nice she was being, and my glaring, total disregard.

Ok, end angst.

The problem is not "Why don't people like me", but essentially, how do I begin to care? I'm sooo far beyond the stage where I'm worrying about fitting in. Some part of me, deep down, recognizes that the way I am is wrong and that I need to change that.

So, there we go. What can I do to not be a prick? Please don't call me a prick or that I need to stop whining. First off, I know I'm a prick, and second, I think that if I was WHINING I'd be at a much better spot. Teach me how to whine. It'd show that I care.

Any suggestions?

Jam it back in, in the dark.
RainMan
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Old Jan 4, 2008, 05:02 AM Local time: Jan 4, 2008, 05:02 AM #2 of 28
My parents have recently given me a pair of pants with emblazoned with The Grinch. Though I received the pants for Christmas, the pants fit me in more ways than one.

I am really, really fucking jaded right now. Right now, it's almost as if I see a potential asshole-in-waiting in everyone around me. I try to be nice to people and sometimes feel that people will walk all over me if I give them in an inch, therefore I try to control things sometimes... how do I do this? By acting like a prick.

I don't think I am mean by nature though, nor evil and I don't think you are either. I don't think you should say that this is evil behavior because it's not. There is a difference between being grumpy and evil.
You don't sound like a bad guy, but I am not sure what to tell you in terms of "Not being a prick".

I think when conditions in life are satisfactory, people MAY treat you well because you are willing to show them the same courtesy. It's also largely an attitude to keep cool and respectful even when you are getting badgered. That's somewhat a test of willpower.

At any rate, I don't feel that I've broken free of bad habits involving exhibiting grouchiness towards others so I am glad you made this thread.

There's nowhere I can't reach.
...

Last edited by RainMan; Jan 4, 2008 at 05:06 AM.
Traveller87
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Old Jan 4, 2008, 05:11 AM Local time: Jan 4, 2008, 11:11 AM #3 of 28
You do care. If you didn't care, you wouldn't have started this thread. You don't sound like a "bad guy", just like a guy who's frustrated with life and disappointed in people. In any case, there aren't just "good people" and "bad people". All of us have bad days and take it out on others sometimes (some of us more often than others), but if you have developed a habit of being grumpy, maybe it's time to start thinking about the reasons and the extent to which you can change your conditions (different job? chances to meet new people? starting a new freetime activity?).

I agree with RainMan that it becomes easier to treat people well when you feel more or less satisfied yourself, but I would also add a "with yourself" to it. Don't be so hard on yourself. Your continuous assurances that you know you are a prick are a way of protecting yourself against hurtful comments here, which is understandable, but you're only putting yourself down, and that doesn't make you any more friendly towards others.

There is no way that you are simply "a bad person".

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.
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Old Jan 4, 2008, 09:47 PM #4 of 28
Well, move up to now (I'm twenty-one, so about five years) and today at work (I still work in customer service sort of work) I realized how mean I was to everyone who came in. Little kids who waved at me I'd glare at. One guy my age told me I had a nice shirt and I said a "Thanks" that really implied he should shut up. A poor high school girl got it the worse. I genuinely felt sick to my stomach later on reflection when I recalled just how nice she was being, and my glaring, total disregard.
Being nicer isn't some earth shattering change in persona. It is the little things you do that make others believe that you are nice. In your post above, you said that you glared at little kids that waved at you. Next time, just smile back. When someone compliments you on something try saying "Thanks" in a nicer tone. You don't even have to look at them. I know it sounds cheesy, but it is really the little things that go along way in how you get along with people. I agree with the other posters that when life gets hard for someone, it can become more difficult for that person to get along with others. It is a natural response. The fact that it bothers you is proof, like Traveller87 said, that you aren't a bad guy.

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Old Jan 4, 2008, 10:14 PM 2 #5 of 28
I'd say try being mindful of the way you act, and choosing at every chance you get to respond in a more gracious manner. Do that until it becomes habitual.

Perhaps I'm projecting, but what I read from your post is that you pretty much enjoy acting like a dick. It's all empowering and stuff. Then later in retrospect you feel bad because you think you should. You won't be able to just make some sweeping decision and go "Ok I'm going to give a shit now," and suddenly be all smiles and rainbows. You'll have to make a conscious decision every time to be pleasant. Maybe once you form the habit, the caring piece might fall into place. I don't know, I'm not there yet.

Also, I think it's a little gay to start saying stuff like "Oh you feel bad about being mean therefore you're not really mean."

I mean, one, there's the whole slippery slope thing. You start out thinking "oh man, I might be a sociopath, but I guess because I worry about it, I really do have a soul." Next step is to simply accept it and stop worrying, and we go from there.

It also pretty much removes any responsibility for his behavior. A dash of remorse shouldn't absolve people of the consequences of their actions. If he acts like a dick, he is a dick. When he stops acting like one, maybe he won't be one anymore.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Last edited by Radez; Jan 4, 2008 at 10:17 PM.
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Old Jan 4, 2008, 10:29 PM Local time: Jan 4, 2008, 08:29 PM #6 of 28
Agreed times a billion. You Advice Columns sissies need to grow some balls and give people real advice sometimes. Holding his hand and telling him he's actually a good guy is about as useful as the majority of feedback people get in the Creator's Cafe.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?
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Old Jan 4, 2008, 10:47 PM Local time: Jan 4, 2008, 10:47 PM #7 of 28
Yes and I am sure it is much more helpful for one to criticize feedback and offer no insight of their own?

It isn't so much telling him he's a good guy and massaging his balls as it is about telling him that he isn't necessarily evil for his present behavior. Do you believe he's evil for being ill-mannered?

The only point I was making is that 'dick-like' behavior should not immediately be associated with 'evil' behavior.

I think being an asshole isn't always 'fun' but it can be a vehicle that people utilize to gain a sense of "control" of what is going on around them. It is in essence, a form of manipulation but that doesn't make it 'evil'. People often try to give themselves 'power positions' in social situations to provide some sort of foothold and security.

In the end, the choice comes down to the individual as to how they will interact with those around them. The more perspectives in this situation, the more it may allow the OP to sort things out.

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Little Brenty Brent Brent
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Old Jan 4, 2008, 11:06 PM Local time: Jan 4, 2008, 09:06 PM #8 of 28
You're the only one in the thread who used the word "evil" so I'm not sure who you're trying to convince here. Nobody called him Hitler, they called him a dick, which it sounds like is exactly what he is.

If someone is being a jerkoff to everyone, one thing that will absolutely not help is saying "oh, no, you feel bad about it, so don't worry. You're still a good guy." No, he's not. He's an asshole, and telling him anything else is not helpful.

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Old Jan 4, 2008, 11:19 PM Local time: Jan 4, 2008, 11:19 PM #9 of 28
Pardon me, exchange 'evil' for 'bad'.

One thing I know is that negative thought spawns negative thought patterns. I definitely didn't try to say it's okay to be a dick, but I also realize how difficult it can be to motivate oneself when negative thought patterns cycle again and again. It becomes a sort of endless chasm that becomes utterly difficult to climb out of.
Most topics in this forum benefit from bluntness, but this case seems to be different to me on the basis of social mistreatment. The condition of the OP seems to be chronic, in which case a kick in the ass is unlikely to provide any suitable form of long-term help.

Calling someone an asshole and leaving it at that isn't very helpful and will unlikely provide proper motivation for change in someone who has been mistreated for a given amount of time.

Jam it back in, in the dark.
...
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Old Jan 4, 2008, 11:53 PM 2 #10 of 28
You have to start putting yourself in the other person's shoes and think before you act. Sometimes it's difficult to give certain people a chance...if you see a kid who not only dreses bratty but acts the part, you can't help but treat him in a condescending manner. But there's concern when you start treating innocent figures who you've never met in such a way.

I don't want to play psychologist, but it sounds like you have some kind of unbeknownst issue going on internally, and your actions towards others are a product of that.

My advice is to not be mindful of being nice...but being mindful of being honest. If you think and act rationally, respect towards others will come naturally. I only say this because I believe that someone who pretends to be nice is much more wicked than someone who shows their anger or frustration outright.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Last edited by Megalith; Jan 4, 2008 at 11:56 PM.
Smelnick
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Old Jan 5, 2008, 06:55 AM Local time: Jan 5, 2008, 06:55 AM #11 of 28
Being nice comes easily to me, so I find it hard to relate. But I suppose I can share some of my methods of remaining nice even when people are trying my patience to it's out limits.

Use manners. If someone compliments, say thankyou. Hold doors open for other people. Stuff like that. Eventually if you get into that habit, you'll start to appear as that much less of a dick.

If someone engages you in conversation, even if you don't feel like chatting at the moment, exchange at least a few words. Don't just end the conversation by making some remark that doesn't garner a reply. 3 sentences at least usually gives off a more friendly and less dickish impression.

That's about all I can think of for now.

------
also, megalith, I noticed as I was typing that you're member number is a palindrome. haha.
------

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.
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Old Jan 5, 2008, 07:19 AM Local time: Jan 5, 2008, 01:19 PM #12 of 28
One thing I know is that negative thought spawns negative thought patterns. I definitely didn't try to say it's okay to be a dick, but I also realize how difficult it can be to motivate oneself when negative thought patterns cycle again and again. It becomes a sort of endless chasm that becomes utterly difficult to climb out of.
[...]
Calling someone an asshole and leaving it at that isn't very helpful and will unlikely provide proper motivation for change in someone who has been mistreated for a given amount of time.
Exactly the point. I wasn't saying that it's okay to be mean to people, but how would calling him an asshole help? If he brands himself "bad", he loses the motivation to improve, because hey, he's a bad guy, anyway. If he feels bad about himself, he is more likely to treat others badly.

Likewise, thinking that you're sociopath (very strong word there) doesn't make you less of a sociopath. But the thing is that he said he doesn't care enough, when in my opinion, his post showed that he does care a lot. The two things stood in contradiction.

Finally, I think it's great that you guys can judge him so moralistically and call him a dick, especially when you're being so nice yourselves. It's wonderful to know that perfect people exist out there.

And no, thank you, I don't really feel a burning desire to "grow some balls". Their obsession with genitalia is one thing I don't understand about men.

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Smelnick
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Old Jan 5, 2008, 07:25 AM Local time: Jan 5, 2008, 07:25 AM #13 of 28
If an alcoholic says 'Hey I'm an alcoholic', then that means he's one step closer to quitting, but at that point he's still an alcoholic.

If a mean person says 'Hey, I guess I'm a mean person', then that means he's one step closer to changing, but at that point, he's still a mean person.

I was speaking idiomatically.
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Old Jan 5, 2008, 07:50 AM Local time: Jan 5, 2008, 01:50 PM #14 of 28
Yes, if he was a mean person to begin with, then at that point, he's still a mean person (although I hate putting people into categories like that). But to me -and I understand why you could see this differently- he didn't sound like an overall "bad guy", just a guy who was frustrated and took it out on others. That isn't right, but like you said, realising the problem is the first step towards change. (Realising THE PROBLEM. Not just saying "I'm a bad guy", hating yourself and being done with it.)

Like other posters have said before, I'd take it one step at a time. The next time someone smiles at you, try to smile back. If it doesn't work well right away, or if it still feels fake, don't beat yourself up about it. At least you tried, and if you keep working on it, it will come more naturally to you. Breaking a pattern is hard.

But I don't think it's done with that, I'd also look at the underlying circumstances, at what frustrates him so much. A change might be good, and another way to let off some steam (sports, music, etc.). Being nice comes more easily to you when you're doing okay yourself.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?
mortis
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Old Jan 5, 2008, 12:56 PM #15 of 28
I think I agree with the idea that ultra grouchiness!=evil.

For instance, the last few weeks I have been super, super grouchy (as in getting upset over small things) because of the end-of-the-year stress with my job, the holidays, missing my family (save for my wife), the frustration of uncertainty and other things. When enough things weigh you down, you begin to snap, get defensive, and take your frustrations out in ways you don't normally do it. You then feel bad later on which adds to it a bit but if the aforementioned conditions continue on without restraint, you'll just do it over and over again.

And it's frickin' hard to stop when you feel really negative and the conditions never cease. Does it make it right? No. Does it make me an 'evil' person though? No. It makes me a normal human being with faults and limits.

I generally think of many people having like a regenerating patience towards frustration bar. When things keep on going, the bar diminishes. When it reaches a certain point, you become grouchy. The degree and percentage (as in how likely) of grouchiness depends on how low the meter is. If, though, whatever is causing this ceases for a while, the bar slowly goes back up. Yet, if it doesn't, and the conditions plus others continue on, then it goes down and one becomes even grouchier because you haven't had that time to recuperate. Of course, how fast the bar goes down depends on 1) what it is that annoys you, 2) how long those things have annoyed you, and 3) how much time you have had a break from it all (the longer the break, the faster your bar will go back up).

With all that being said, have you considered what factors may be causing this? From what you have said, I am guessing there are some things that are giving this negative mindset. When you are negative and frustrated and so forth, you are likely to act in some of the ways you just described.

You should also consider taking a break. That will not solve everything but help a bit. Perhaps push yourself into some common interest groups and find a single person or two to hang out with and get close to. Not a huge 30 person group, but find one or two of them to hang out with. That will help you shake your feelings and perhaps give you some confidence and a 'change' if such is needed.

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Old Jan 5, 2008, 12:59 PM Local time: Jan 5, 2008, 10:59 AM #16 of 28
It's really ok, guys. I know I am an asshole and that I'm also not inherently depraved. So we're all good.

The thing I recognize with a lot of problems is that oftentimes it takes an indirect means of solving the problem to solve the problem. I appreciate all of you telling me that I need to just respond nicely, but I'm being honest - that's not going to happen. It's the automatic, "gut" response to tell some little kid to fuck off. Even though I've tried before to mend it either halfway through or after I've said something mean, the damage is still there. "Uh, I mean, I'm kidding!" tends to come off even worse.

So I do appreciate Megalith's advice to try to be honest. That is probably a lot of the problem.

I guess I'm also kind of wondering if you all think, however, what possible reasons for being a dick could be. Let's rule out the obvious (being a sociopath) and be more specific. It was suggested to me by someone that because I pretended to be a prick in high school, it became comfortable and usual to me and I became a prick. Which is possible.

Should I shut myself off from people or embrace them, in the meantime?
With all that being said, have you considered what factors may be causing this? From what you have said, I am guessing there are some things that are giving this negative mindset. When you are negative and frustrated and so forth, you are likely to act in some of the ways you just described.

You should also consider taking a break. That will not solve everything but help a bit. Perhaps push yourself into some common interest groups and find a single person or two to hang out with and get close to. Not a huge 30 person group, but find one or two of them to hang out with. That will help you shake your feelings and perhaps give you some confidence and a 'change' if such is needed.
The only thing I can gather is that I am frustrated with school and the difficulty I'm having transferring to the university, but really, since a lot of kids go through with this I could just be a whiny bitch about that. Oh, yeah, and I don't have any friends anymore (that live near me), so I could be going through loneliness and snapping at everyone. Then again, that could be caused by my being a dick - I did acquire, about six months ago, a few friends that have since deserted me, with a clear enough reason why. (By the way, though I am being very understanding, when they stopped associating with me and even now my anger was sevenfold).

Also, finding "one or two" people is great, but I never know what anyone means when they say to "find a friend". Where, the local nerd hangout? I don't even know where the fuck those are, and besides, I hate nerds.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Last edited by Hachifusa; Jan 5, 2008 at 01:04 PM.
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Old Jan 5, 2008, 03:35 PM Local time: Jan 5, 2008, 03:35 PM 1 #17 of 28
I guess I'm also kind of wondering if you all think, however, what possible reasons for being a dick could be. Let's rule out the obvious (being a sociopath) and be more specific. It was suggested to me by someone that because I pretended to be a prick in high school, it became comfortable and usual to me and I became a prick. Which is possible.
That's a very reasonable assumption. When I was younger, I used to block out my pain by appearing overly happy to other people. I didn't want other people to know I was pissed off, or upset or various other negative emotions. So I would always dawn the mask of being fake happy. The more upset I was, the more 'hyper' I became. Or silly for that matter. It really backfired on me though. I sorta grew into that persona, and so now I'm this silly and annoying adult, whose antics tend to make him appear stupid. It's been a problem since highschool really. I tend to annoy the fuck out of people sometimes. All because I tried to be what I wasn't, and in the end I truly became what I was pretending to be.

What am I doing now to remedy this? Well, there's not much I can do. I've already made my impression on people. People already have a predetermined assumption as to how I act. So when I'm not acting silly and all that, then people always assume that something is wrong. So to alleviate their worries, I crack out with some stupid lame joke, a weird sound or a goofy face. Lately I've been able to control the stupidity to some degree, but I guess at heart I still am a child and to keep that all in probably isn't a good thing.

So perhaps from all that rambling arises a solution. If you just force yourself to be nice. No matter how hard you are inclined to act like a prick, instead force yourself to do something nice instead. It might seem fake and all that for awhile, but after awhile you'll get used to it.

So next time some kid comes up to you and says something, instead of telling him to fuck off, put on a smile, tousle his hair and send him on his way. lol.

Jam it back in, in the dark.
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Old Jan 5, 2008, 04:27 PM 3 #18 of 28
Embrace what you are. Theres nothing wrong with being a complete dick, but there is something inherently wrong in lying to yourself about it or trying to be something your not. Just stick to your best nature and live with it; at least that way, no one can call you out on lack of honesty.

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Old Jan 5, 2008, 04:37 PM Local time: Jan 5, 2008, 02:37 PM #19 of 28
Embrace what you are. Theres nothing wrong with being a complete dick, but there is something inherently wrong in lying to yourself about it or trying to be something your not. Just stick to your best nature and live with it; at least that way, no one can call you out on lack of honesty.
Propped.

To add to this though, be careful who you're a dick to. You never know when you're going to need that particular person in the future, or if you know you've got to work with them in the future, try to avoid being too much of an ass to them.

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Old Jan 5, 2008, 07:45 PM #20 of 28


Should I shut myself off from people or embrace them, in the meantime?The only thing I can gather is that I am frustrated with school and the difficulty I'm having transferring to the university, but really, since a lot of kids go through with this I could just be a whiny bitch about that. Oh, yeah, and I don't have any friends anymore (that live near me), so I could be going through loneliness and snapping at everyone. Then again, that could be caused by my being a dick - I did acquire, about six months ago, a few friends that have since deserted me, with a clear enough reason why. (By the way, though I am being very understanding, when they stopped associating with me and even now my anger was sevenfold).

Also, finding "one or two" people is great, but I never know what anyone means when they say to "find a friend". Where, the local nerd hangout? I don't even know where the fuck those are, and besides, I hate nerds.
Yeah, transferring to a new university IS rough. I had to do it myself and I was shocked how much of a strain it took on me. And this university was within an hour's reach of my old one!!!

Lacking friends is a definitely issue. Many times what can happen is if no one is around for you to vent with, then you begin to vent AT. The general mentality is 'if no one is going to be kind enough to let me vent, then I am not going to the kind and going to vent at them. Besides, if they don't like me, what's it going to matter if I release my frustrations on them?'.

And of course the feelings of 'abandonment' makes you feel a thousand times angrier. I have gone through those feelings with various people who stopped contacting me when I moved out of the area. I wish I could offer a solution on that one other than that is why I suggest you find one or two really good friends that you can make a solid foundation of friendship with that will last throughout the years.

What, exactly, is a 'nerd'? That term is so vague these days. Is it someone who reads books? Plays video games? Is into art? Surfs the 'Net all day? COnsider that and this in that sometimes finding a friend who has several opposites works out well because you both learn from each other.

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Old Jan 6, 2008, 03:53 AM Local time: Jan 6, 2008, 09:53 AM #21 of 28
Well, we can't really psychoanalyse you here, but it sounds like you've got a pretty good idea about the causes yourself. It could be a number of things, and it's probably a combination of everything that bugs you - transferring unis, academic pressure, loneliness, disappointment from the former friend, annoyance with yourself for being a jerk towards him. That sounds like enough to make you grumpy.

Now the question is to what extent you can change some of these things, or take a break from some of them, and what other outlet you could find for your frustration. I never got the whole "just find a friend" thing either when I was in high school (you can't just buy them at the local groceries store), but it becomes easier when you take some of the pressure off. Not everybody you meet has to become your best friend right away. You don't HAVE TO find one. Just try to look around in your classes a bit more openly, talk to people before/after class (about class, about where they're from and what they're doing, etc.). Maybe, if you have the time, joining one club or society might be a good idea as well. Getting involved in something always helps with meeting new people. Getting involved in something you don't give a damn about, on the other hand, could just annoy you even more.

There's no recipe for how to be a nice or well-liked person, you've got to find your own way. You don't have to be a ray of sunshine all the time, and if you're not that friendly with strangers, you're just not that friendly. Still, I'd encourage you to try a bit, to at least smile back every once in a while. It will get easier if you practice. And if not - I don't think the little kids have suffered any damage from it.

I was speaking idiomatically.
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Old Jan 6, 2008, 04:51 AM Local time: Jan 6, 2008, 01:51 AM #22 of 28
Embrace what you are. Theres nothing wrong with being a complete dick, but there is something inherently wrong in lying to yourself about it or trying to be something your not. Just stick to your best nature and live with it; at least that way, no one can call you out on lack of honesty.
I agree with this, but then again, it seems a bit unclear where this has its roots at and what state you'll be at ease with it. Honestly, from your posts, it doesn't sound like you're naturally a prick, but that this is a product of your condition. Better circumstances, better attitude. It's either you accept who you are or better your state and become the person you'd like to be.

What I'm curious about is, if you drink, when you drink, are you more inclined to be a dick, or less? It's not a psychoanalyze, but, in a more rudimentary sense, I've known jaded, skeptical dicks who are a bit more honest with some drinks in them. They were either holding back or happy that they had the inhibition to seemingly connect better with people, more cheerful.

Either way, the only clear cut answer would be to be comfortable with yourself if this is your true nature. If it's not, you're just not happy. Not a lot of random strangers can give advice to that.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

so they may learn the glorious craft of acting from the dear leader
RacinReaver
Never Forget


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Old Jan 7, 2008, 05:14 PM Local time: Jan 7, 2008, 03:14 PM #23 of 28
Embrace what you are. Theres nothing wrong with being a complete dick, but there is something inherently wrong in lying to yourself about it or trying to be something your not. Just stick to your best nature and live with it; at least that way, no one can call you out on lack of honesty.
I never thought you'd be one of the people that would tell kids they're perfect exactly how they are and never need to work on anything because they're a special little flower.

Quote:
I guess I'm also kind of wondering if you all think, however, what possible reasons for being a dick could be. Let's rule out the obvious (being a sociopath) and be more specific. It was suggested to me by someone that because I pretended to be a prick in high school, it became comfortable and usual to me and I became a prick. Which is possible.
I'd say this is the actual reason behind it. When I was younger (elementary school or so) I did the same sort of thing, being really bitter and not liking anyone. Eventually I realized that I wasn't happy like that and needed to make a change. However, since I had been acting so shittily for so long, it was really hard to make the transition. I found the best way to counter it is to actually do the same exact thing you did before. Pretend that you're happy, and if you do it for long enough one day you'll actually find out you really are happy.

In addition, since you're in sales/customer service, I'd totally recommend How To Win Friends & Influence People. Ask anyone that's read it, they'll agree it's a fantastic read.

FELIPE NO
Misogynyst Gynecologist
In A Way, He Died In Every War


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Old Jan 7, 2008, 05:17 PM #24 of 28
I never thought you'd be one of the people that would tell kids they're perfect exactly how they are and never need to work on anything because they're a special little flower.
I never said people shouldn't change or grow - but the world could certainly use more honest people. Villians are the only ones that are interesting, after all.

How ya doing, buddy?
Gray
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Old Feb 25, 2008, 10:49 PM #25 of 28
Basically, I realized that I really am full of hatred.
Do you get violent urges?

I am literally a bad person in the fullest sense and it bothers me.
I doubt this, because it is true what they say: if you were a "bad" person, you wouldn't be bothered by it.

up until that point, I was under the impression that most people were nice and I was hanging out with the wrong crowd.
Were you less mean when you had this belief?

The problem is not "Why don't people like me", but essentially, how do I begin to care?
0.) Be happy. This is pretty much guaranteed to make you benevolent to others, if you have morals.

1.) Get the fuck out of customer service. If you have certain tendencies toward being mean, putting up with shit from people who think of you as less than human will not help. You might be being a dick as a defense mechanism, to preempt those that have abused you in customer service before.

2.) The way you act without premeditation is a result of core beliefs you have. You mentioned earlier that you assumed that most people were good and decent. Believing the worst about people will easily make you a grouch. Examine how you changed when your beliefs about people changed.

3.) If this is the case, simply change your beliefs. Make a conscious effort to look for examples of people doing good. There are several books and websites dedicated to counterbalancing the current negativity in the media. Fuck, you could even read some of those Chicken Soup for the Soul books.

Some part of me, deep down, recognizes that the way I am is wrong and that I need to change that.
Then you're probably not a sociopath, as much of an advantage that would be to you. Sucks to be you, sir. You're in an uncomfortable spot right now. You've realized that people can be nasty, especially to people they consider beneath them, and you've lost faith in humanity. You can either take the next step on the road you seem to be on and attempt to become a sociopath, or you can bury your head in the sand, only choose to look at the good examples of human behavior, and have unjustified faith in the better aspects of humanity. (Okay, so I'm a little biased.)

Jam it back in, in the dark.
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