[Classic] Manhogan Fantasy V: Because CHz really, really hates himself

All right assholes, check it. Skills and I are going to play Final Fantasy V in an incredibly idiotic way, and you're invited to join in.




If you haven't heard of it before, the Four Job Fiesta is a hilarious for-charity mass challenge play of FFV that anyone can sign up for. The gimmick is that a Twitter bot assigns you a random job at four points through the game, and you can only use the jobs it's given you. So if the first job it gives you is White Mage, you have to use four of them until you get another job. Crying is a free action.

Skills and I were going to enter, but we found a critical flaw with the process: it's possible that the random jobs might accidentally be useful. If the point is hilarity, then we might as well just choose the worst jobs ahead of time and ensure failure. So here's what we're going to run:

1. Thief
2. Skills and I weren't sure which was worse for job #2, so we're going to try both: I'm going to take Berserker, and Skills is going to take Red Mage. The winner of the debate is whoever wipes more, and the prize is a rage aneurysm.
3. Geomancer
4. Dragoon

I'm going to be playing the GBA port, because I've never played that version before, and it sounds like Skills is going to too. This meshes well with the enormous degree to which we hate ourselves, because the GBA version has a bonus dungeon with balls-stompingly difficult bosses. Grinding to level 99 or engine exploits may be necessary. This is the price we pay for glory.

~~~~~

Now, how are you involved in this, dear reader? There are two routes available to you.

Paco Mode: In this mode, your participation is limited to laughing at our plight as we post updates on how we're doing and what killed us this time. We exist for your amusement.

I'm Not a Worthless Shitgolem Mode: In this mode, you play along with us because you're awesome like that. I've uploaded the GBA ROM I'll be using, already patched, so just click this enormous hyperlink to get it for yourself.

Either way, have fun! =D

~~~~~

RUN LIST:

• Acer - Thief/Summoner/??/?? - Walse Tower
• CHz - Thief/Berserker/Geomancer/Dragoon - complete + Shinryu w/o Omega, Sealed Temple (Gil Turtle, Grand Aevis)
• Diss - Thief/Mystic Knight/Ranger/Chemist - Krile
• Garr - Black Mage/Berserker/White Mage/Bard - Twintania
• Hyde - Thief/Berserker/Ranger/Dancer - complete
• Pang #1 - White Mage/Berserker/Ninja/Dragoon - complete
• Pang #2 - Blue Mage/Red Mage/Thief/Bard - complete (next: superbosses?)
• Shin - Knight/Berserker/Ninja/Samurai - complete
• Skills - Thief/Red Mage/Geomancer/Dragoon - North Mountain
• Sousuke - ??/??/??/?? - ??
• TheKnightOfNee - Knight/Red Mage/Bard/Dragoon - ??

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Welp. I've never finished FFV but I'll be damned if I'm going to stand around idly when I could do something stupid and masochistic instead.

You know I'm in.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

We are so fucked.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Oh, I just realized that I forgot to explain what I meant by the ROM being "already patched." The ROM I uploaded is the European version of the game with the musicfix patch applied, so the instrument quality is better and the music-related slowdown is almost entirely gone. It's nothing major and doesn't affect the challenge, so feel free to play whatever version of the game you want. It's just there for convenience.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Let's do this, assholes. <3 Gonna just roll with what the Autobot (hah) gives me.

Contemplating either Natural or Random Mode on my run as well. I haven't beaten this game before, so I'm not sure yet. Will decide though by the time I get to the Wind Crystal.

...Speaking of which, my Wind Job is Thief. ...Fuck.

Most amazing jew boots

I haven't played through FFV yet, but i also don't hate myself. Thusly, i will play along, but without putting myself through unnecessary pain and torment.

That sort of stuff is best left to the professionals.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

AWWW YEAH LET'S ROCK AND ROLL





Now, I'm not a Japanese language originalist at all, and I'll happily use the localized names 99% of the time. But for this game, the original Japanese name of the main character is so, so superior that I can't not use it.









And we're off!

FELIPE NO

When something smells...

Most amazing jew boots

Did you fools even donate?

Also, I'm in. Gonna do the normal run with no restriction. I played FFV in college and I'm due for a re-run.

Check out my journal to help me name my characters for my run.
AWWW YIS

Here are my jobs below:
1. Theif

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I never played FFV so fuck it, why not. Might go for the PSP version for convenience.

Although thinking about it, I might actually have a PSOne disc with it on already...

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by SO FAST.. YET SO USELESS

Check out my journal to help me name my characters for my run.
AWWW YIS

The only character in FFV you're allowed to rename is Bartz.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Zomg, naming chracters is the best part of old school RPGs. GOD I HATE LIFE

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

It's fine, nothing would be able to top CHz's fucking Earthbound Zeal rename run anyway.

"...Halo 3's miraculous power" ahahahaha never going to stop being great

I was speaking idiomatically.

This guy is a total joke. Gotta enjoy the Freelancers while I still have them, because after this battle finishes in thirty seconds this game is going to get much, much worse.









I THINK THESE CRYSTALS ARE DEFECTIVE, CAN I GET A REFUND PLEASE





The Tule weapon shop is the first sign that I've made a terrible, terrible decision. The weapon classes they stock are sword, rod, and staff. Thieves can only equip knives. This means that the only two knife-class weapons I have available are the ones two of my characters started off with, and two of my dudes have to go unarmed.

My shit is so fucked, you guys.

By the way Skills, as a friendly piece of advice, make sure you buy like 30 potions before you leave Tule. THIS IS NOT A JOKE





Karlabos is not terribly difficult. Would've been easier with magic, but the physical damage of the two weapons I have were enough to beat it.





My first encounter in the Ship Graveyard gave me two daggers. This is one of the luckiest breaks I've ever had in the history of gaming.





SIREN WAS SO HARD JESUS. Without magic you basically can't damage the undead form, so you have to spend the normal form recklessly attacking at every opportunity and the undead form spamming potions to recover from her nasty physical attacks. Did it without anyone dying, but I used literally 20 potions during this battle.

My shit is so, so fucked, you guys.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

I'm looking forward to the pain.

How ya doing, buddy?

[ 22:49:01 ] [ @CHz ] Okay, let's see if I can take Shiva with level 10 Thieves.
[ 22:49:14 ] [ +Tritoch ] Believe in yourself
[ 22:49:43 ] [ @CHz ] How hard could this possibly be without fire spells?
[ 22:50:48 ] [ +Garr ] dis gon be gud
[ 22:50:55 ] [ @CHz ] ^
[ 22:52:02 ] [ @CHz ] This fight is 100% completely pointless because I'm not going to be able to summon anything.
[ 22:52:05 ] [ @CHz ] FOR GLORY
[ 22:53:04 ] [ @CHz ] OH CHRIST

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

The Carwen weapon shop sells daggers. Thanks a lot, assholes, I really need these now.







I left Carwen with 30 potions, and I had 14 left before trying this fight for the first time. Turns out that 14 is not enough! I was doing okay until Magissa drained Lenna for 184 HP. Lenna only has 147 HP max, so she somehow drained HP out of her even after she was dead. I had some phoenix downs and could've kept going, but I decided to just take the game over and go back for leveling and more potions. Especially since those 184 HP Magissa recovered were like four turns' worth of damage. D:

I went back to Carwen to get a million more potions, and in the process I leveled up twice (8 -> 10). That made a bigger difference than the potions, because it tripled my damage output per turn. Took them down the second time without much trouble.





The first benefit from Thieves, and probably the only one I'll ever get, comes in Walse. The Flee command makes it really easy to escape from the Jackanapes in the basement, so with three or four phoenix downs you can grab the amazing Elven Mantle.







See Diss's post directly above.





OH MAN OBSESSIVELY CHECKING THE BESTIARY AFTER EVERY NEW ENCOUNTER PAID OFF, I NEED NEW WEAPONS LIKE YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE





SON OF A BITCH

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Alright, Grundl and company have made it through Tule and the Wind Shrine with minimal incident, let's see what we get...

Additional Spam:
Hahahaha I keep forgetting the rest of the forums don't have dice. Regardless, purple d6 on my desk says all-White-Mage-party is a go. I get the impression it could be a lot worse.

Most amazing jew boots

I rolled a one so Knights. My first ever time playing this might not be so bad as it could have been...

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I will destroy both of you.

Additional Spam:


FUCK

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Yeah, Siren wasn't much of a challenge for level nine knights.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Dice rollers... bah who needs those. Not when you have the best decision maker you could possibly want right here.

Alright let's just type six jobs in there...

and press that magical button:

Oh...

oh...

Chz, you rigged this didn't you?

Well I guess we can get this thing crackalackin...

Join me while I stream this bullshit and play through FFV for the first time the only way I know how. Awfully.

CLICK!

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Garula nearly took me down, hilariously low on MP after pounding away with our curly sticks at 20 HP/pop for half an hour. Whatever the water crystal gets me has to be an improvement in damage output if nothing else.



Well. Well okay. I've heard nothing good about Berserkers but I can't complain about their damage output. Hey, what's this? Water tower? Just a bunch of frogs, apparently. FALL LIKE WHEAT BEFORE MY GRUNDZERKING



Welp. See you again in like 10 levels, Shiva. Fuck.

FELIPE NO

I started this fun FFV run a few days back, and drew the wonderful team of Knight/Red Mage/Bard/Dragoon. Aside from some decent damage at times and my bard kicking ass by singing everyone silly, this party kind of blows. I was super glad to have all my red mage spells like 6 hours into the game, as I knew that class would have little usefulness beyond there. And when I eventually learn doublecast, it will be almost entirely useless since nobody else can use magic. 999 AP well spent!

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

And here's where I left off.



Basically only got up to getting the ability to change jobs. As promised here's my group of thieves.

If you'd like to watch me play this game poorly, make silly stupid voices, and cough into the microphone a lot here's tonight's stream. Fair warning: the music was fairly loud in my headphones so I kinda unknowingly yelled into the microphone and nobody in stream chat bothered to correct me or seemed to be okay with it when I asked. So yeah... sorry about that. Oh and fuck actual video editing or clipping of stuff. Skip around. I'm lazy as fuck.

YouTube Video

How ya doing, buddy?