tl;dr

Why was this thread closed?

And then reopened?

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I didn't notice that it was closed. :?

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I had the same thing with the alcohol drinking phobia. But after I had a few alcoholic drinks (my first was a long island iced tea), I stopped worrying about it.

I don't think you should become a fish, though. Do it on occasion. I hate hearing about all these people who do nothing but party and drink ... wow, you and everyone else! You do anything INTERESTING, for Chrit's Sake?!

I'm also on the same boat that no one EVER invites me to do anything, and it seems strangers never approach me. Everyone's already got a group of friends, so why should they want to talk to me, right? However, I've had social anxiety all my life, and I'm just starting to get over it (very, very slowly).

From reading everything you wrote, you just need to stop being so uptight - Start off thinking non-uptight thoughts, and STOP writing about the uptight things that go on in your mind. Stop thinking so anylitically. Write about other things (make up bizarre shit if you want). Make yourself believe you are an interesting, social person. You've got to re-wire your brain (literally). It works.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Drinking is retarded anyway. Though if you're going to do it, you might as well be hanging out with good friends, because it's pointless otherwise. Bottom line, you're not missing out on anything.

Now back to the actual fucking topic, don't focus on Erin. Girls like to talk to people and like to get attention; that's what's going on here. No matter what you think, it is almost certain that she doesn't consider you more than a friend. This doesn't mean to abandon her; just respect her as a friend and keep it at that. If by some chance it evolves to something more, you may proceed, but don't count on it.

You need to start setting your sights elsewhere. Stop limiting yourself to what you can scrounge up in your immediate vicinity. If you really want to find a woman to get involved with, you need to broaden your horizons. Find some place or some thing where you can meet new people that you can relate with. And if your job is severely restricting this, then perhaps it's time to find a new one.

Double Post:
And after further reading I can see that many people are giving you many different suggestions. I say try all of them; one or more might just work for you. Though, I recommend to try just one at a time, so that you are more effective at determining the impact of each thing. Sort of like the scientific method.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Try various mixed drinks, and remember that you're allowed to nurse one drink, even if the bartender might give you annoyed looks. Believe me, if you have a low alcohol tolerance, finding something you can stomach might take a little experimentation. Try sipping what your friends are having, if you don't want to order a whole drink. I hate alcoholic drinks, but I found the classic Screwdriver works well enough for me.

Or just drink Cokes, and tell people you have rum in it, with no one the wiser. Or rightfully claim that you're staying dry because you have to drive. Drinking is the socially acceptable thing to do, but nobody's twisting your arm.

Sass, don't you have a water fountain at work? There's water fountains in like every building in the industrialized world, and even out in public parks. You don't need your own water bottle.

FELIPE NO

Quote:

Or just drink Cokes, and tell people you have rum in it, with no one the wiser. Or rightfully claim that you're staying dry because you have to drive. Drinking is the socially acceptable thing to do, but nobody's twisting your arm.

Alternatively, you can also say that you had some bad experiences when you were younger and you don't feel comfortable drinking (or drinking anymore). People hate to be the asshole trying to force someone to drink when they have some sort of supposed emotional issue on the table.

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Originally Posted by The Dopefish

You two understand the concept of quitting smoking "cold turkey"? Difficult for most, simple for few. Jumping in with both feet would be akin to quitting smoking "cold turkey", something I can't fathom doing.

I'm talking from experience here, DO IT. it is not something you really cannot do, Allow me to elaborate:
Basically in college (us: highschool) i was socially introverted, I had only had one "girlfriend" which i don't really count as a relationship, as i was young, and didn't have a clue what i was doing. I am still a virgin at 20, so i'm in a sorta similar position to you. At college i had "friends" but rarely to never went out with them, this was partly due to the fact that i lived relatively far from school and they were in close proximity from each other, so they could plan around that. I also felt inferior as because i was introverted, i lacked social skills, not in everyday situations, but i couldn't go to a club or anything like that. It just seemed impossible.
Then i left college, and came to university. In Freshers week (notorious for drinking) I decided to go with my flatmate for a drink. I met a girl who he was friends with, she said "you coming to the SU (student union, club like place)" I replied with my usual "iunno..." and she said "well you have a ticket, so what's the problem?" I snapped, said "Fuck it!" and just plunged straight in there. No social skills, no clue what the night would bring. It was the most exilurating night of my life. I met loads of people, many i can't even remember, and i also made one or two friends, So from experience i can tell you that generally speaking it's not as daunting as one would imagine.

I'm not saying that it's what you should definately go and do, but I just wanted to reassure that it's not as bad as you can imagine, i don't agree with the "cold turkey" analogy though, it doesn't sound right in my head.

Oh and regarding alcohol: one of my friends has gone to uni. She is completely tea total and physically cannot drink due to stomach problems. She has a raging social life, goes to bars, and it doesn't matter. If people go shitty on you cos you don't drink then move on, they're probably not worth it. Don't lie, just say that you don't feel like drinking tonight.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by RacinReaver

Alternatively, you can also say that you had some bad experiences when you were younger and you don't feel comfortable drinking (or drinking anymore). People hate to be the asshole trying to force someone to drink when they have some sort of supposed emotional issue on the table.

Too late to play that card, methinks...

There's nowhere I can't reach.

^ Sheesh. Drinking is NOT going to solve your problems. Quit trying to think of ways to excuse your non-drinking habits, and fuck the people who can't handle it.

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Yeah, seriously. People who think drinking is harmless and that anyone who disagrees simply has too many inhibitions are retarded. Even casual drinkers destroy brain cells, and no one should force you to drink if you don't want to. You're not going to solve your problems until you take matters into your own hands and exert an effort yourself. I wouldn't rely on intoxication to achieve that goal. :P

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Erin is a study in confusion. She agrees with the ideology that you don't need to drink to have a good time, but goes out drinking almost all the time now (so it seems). She's even ended up driving home drunk a couple times in the past couple of months or drinking and driving. Moreover, when she goes out drinking, it's mostly with guys who treat her like crap and make her feel worse about herself. And here I am just trying to spend more time with her; if it involved drinking or being with people who drink, what's the harm, right? Well now I think this is the sort of behaviour she seeks in men, or just thrives on. She's going to build up enough frustration that she's going to explode, and if I'm a casualty of it then so be it.

I left her a voicemail on this issue and basically to seek a resolution in the whole matter of us. I basically told her if she doesn't like me then that's fine, but that she shouldn't expect me to not be worried about her, especially at a time when she seems heading down the downward spiral. I've been nothing but nice, respectful (depending on your point of view...), and empathetic towards her, but if all she wants or expects is guys who treat her like shit and she wants to loop me in with them then I want nothing to do with her.

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Dude... stop obsessing over Erin. Seriously... you keep bringing her up and you are definitely going to be viewed as the creepy stalker type. Nothing is going to come of your continued obsession with her... except maybe a restraining order at some point.

Let her do her thing... you do your thing... and who knows, maybe somewhere down the road she'll contact you. But don't sit around expecting it. Go do things... meet people (bars... coffeehouses... etc)... realize that there is more to life than Erin Erin Erin. Besides, all dames named Erin are psychos anyway (or just the one's that I dated) ^_~

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by Niekon

old news

I've read/heard all this before. Maybe you should let me do my thing?

I probably am crazy for her, but until I come up with something to keep me occupied with my free time I'm not going to just drop her all at once. She's not giving me much reason to keep my obsession, however.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by The Dopefish

I've read/heard all this before. Maybe you should let me do my thing?

I probably am crazy for her, but until I come up with something to keep me occupied with my free time I'm not going to just drop her all at once. She's not giving me much reason to keep my obsession, however.

And yet you keep posting about it in here... seriously. If you don't want to hear/read people saying the same thing over and over again maybe this isn't the place to posting it. People are going to say what they want in here... period.

But rock on... do your thing... don't listen to the guy who is in his mid-30's and has a bit more time under his belt. But in that same mindset you might as well not even bother asking anyone else for their opinions either because you're just going to tell everyone to let you do your thing anyway.
You started this thread... and you could have simply let it disappear... but you chose to post again. You knew someone was going to say something... so before you pretty much tell me to piss off remember that you opened yourself up in here. Enjoy your misery...

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I made this thread because ChocoJournal isn't around yet. You didn't have to read it, or post in it, nor did anyone else. I also made this thread as a reiteration of what's going on with me, so if you already knew then you shouldn't have bothered then, either.

I can't get over it because I'm confused about what is going on. She seems to like me enough to hang out with me once, and seems to be interested in me enough to want to hang out again, but then she turns around, tells me she doesn't want to hang out (on any given day, not necessarily in general), then goes out drinking and tells me about it days later. If she doesn't like me, why not just tell me? If she does like me, why not understand that I'm trying to help her at a time when it seems no one else will? Should I just leave her to destroy herself? Would any of you do the same?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Maybe what she's looking for and what you're looking for are two different things? Just be a friend... a non-judgemental ear... a shoulder... offer opinions, but not advise...
If you care enough about Erin then you will do just that and not think of your own wants or desires. It sounds like she isn't even sure of what she wants and might just need to have someone else to use as a sounding board. But in the end it's her call... not yours... and you have to respect her wishes.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Seems to me that if she doesn't know what she wants then how can I be sure of how to act with her? There's probably an obvious answer to that.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by The Dopefish

Seems to me that if she doesn't know what she wants then how can I be sure of how to act with her? There's probably an obvious answer to that.

again I'll say it...

Quote:

Just be a friend... a non-judgemental ear... a shoulder... offer opinions, but not advise...

Nothing more...

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

If you're curious about whether or not she is interested in you, it would probably just be best to ask. If so, you can easily move on from there. If she's not, then you can just drop it and be friends or whatever.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by Dalkaen

If you're curious about whether or not she is interested in you, it would probably just be best to ask. If so, you can easily move on from there. If she's not, then you can just drop it and be friends or whatever.

I wouldn't even do that until she got her head on straight... which it does not seem to be from what I've read. Nothing worse then a relationship with someone who isn't quite ready for the emotions that go into a relationship... someone is going to get hurt... and badly.

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Originally Posted by The Dopefish

I made this thread because ChocoJournal isn't around yet. You didn't have to read it, or post in it, nor did anyone else. I also made this thread as a reiteration of what's going on with me, so if you already knew then you shouldn't have bothered then, either.

I can't get over it because I'm confused about what is going on. She seems to like me enough to hang out with me once, and seems to be interested in me enough to want to hang out again, but then she turns around, tells me she doesn't want to hang out (on any given day, not necessarily in general), then goes out drinking and tells me about it days later. If she doesn't like me, why not just tell me? If she does like me, why not understand that I'm trying to help her at a time when it seems no one else will? Should I just leave her to destroy herself? Would any of you do the same?

Is she returning your calls? If not, leave her alone. She's not worth your time.

Also, do you have a picture of yourself, and this girl you speak of?

FELIPE NO

No, no and no. The one time she did return my call was one week after we hung out, after she concluded that I felt the time we did hang out was a date (in the romantic sense) and to clarify that she has no interest in that at this point in her life.

It's not like she's a mean-spirited person -- she was much different when we did hang out, even with the similar circumstances -- but I don't know where her head is at right now.

Here's how smitten I am with her and depressed about the whole thing: my friend and I were sitting in an intersection, returning from 4 hours of hanging out (with about an hour-and-a-half of pool that seemed extremely awkward and tense) and she drove by. Moments later my heart crashed into my stomach. I have lost it. I don't know why this keeps happening to me (meet a girl who seems to like me, put her on a pedastal only to have her jump down moments later) but I'd really like it to stop.

(To clarify: she's already said she's not interested in a relationship -- with anyone -- and that she wants to be friends. What seems to be the problem is my definition of friendship and her definition of friendship are a bit different, since her "friends" are the ones that have been dragging her down, not me.)

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Maybe when you "put them on a pedastal" you're smothering them. Getting attention is great, but (as with just about everything) there's a limit.

I seem to remember reading that you're a virgin. Is this true?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by The Dopefish

No, no and no. The one time she did return my call was one week after we hung out, after she concluded that I felt the time we did hang out was a date (in the romantic sense) and to clarify that she has no interest in that at this point in her life.

It's not like she's a mean-spirited person -- she was much different when we did hang out, even with the similar circumstances -- but I don't know where her head is at right now.

Here's how smitten I am with her and depressed about the whole thing: my friend and I were sitting in an intersection, returning from 4 hours of hanging out (with about an hour-and-a-half of pool that seemed extremely awkward and tense) and she drove by. Moments later my heart crashed into my stomach. I have lost it. I don't know why this keeps happening to me (meet a girl who seems to like me, put her on a pedastal only to have her jump down moments later) but I'd really like it to stop.

(To clarify: she's already said she's not interested in a relationship -- with anyone -- and that she wants to be friends. What seems to be the problem is my definition of friendship and her definition of friendship are a bit different, since her "friends" are the ones that have been dragging her down, not me.)

Usually this happens with the first girl you've ever had a "date" with and are very much attached to.

Go with what she wants, and DO NOT smother her. Everything always starts off as a friendship, and girls are always saying they don't want a relationship. But there's always the possibility that she's rejecting you.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Smoodle

Is she returning your calls? If not, leave her alone. She's not worth your time.

You're right. This is a really, really good way to tell if someone is interested in you for either friendship or a romantic relationship. Someone who doesn't return your calls is sending you a message. If she isn't calling you back, move on.

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Also, do you have a picture of yourself, and this girl you speak of?

Just curious, but what does that have to do with anything?

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.