[Classic] It's time for bad things to happen to bad people!

[ 21:25:10 ] [ +Diss ] Chat
[ 21:25:14 ] [ +Diss ] Pick a number, 1-6
[ 21:25:20 ] [ @CHz ] 6
[ 21:25:41 ] [ +Diss ] Another
[ 21:25:52 ] [ +Diss ] Someone else
[ 21:26:06 ] [ +Diss ] Skills Lurk assemble
[ 21:26:55 ] [ +Garr ] 2
[ 21:27:13 ] [ &THE_SIGN_OF_VICTORY ] huh what
[ 21:27:15 ] [ &THE_SIGN_OF_VICTORY ] what do you want
[ 21:27:18 ] [ &THE_SIGN_OF_VICTORY ] oh
[ 21:27:18 ] [ &THE_SIGN_OF_VICTORY ] 5
[ 21:44:10 ] [ @a_lurker ] Diss
[ 21:44:11 ] [ @a_lurker ] 2



THEIR JOURNEY BEGINS...

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This is the first attack Garr made after getting his hands on a sword. Can't keep this Garrbarian down.

Prior to this I got into a fight with 5 imps before I had bought any weaponry, and it was a bit of a disaster without a black belt. Nobody could do any damage - everyone was hitting for literally 1. It felt like a boss fight. Barely made it out of that one.



...yeeeeeeeeep.

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Okay, NOW their journey begins. I jumped the gun a little. Garland was dispatched without incident, though.

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Jesus, I don't remember ogres having that much health. WELP.

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HAHA IT'S BASIL

Jam it back in, in the dark.

BOAT TIME WATAP

How ya doing, buddy?

INCREASE SHIP ALTITUDE

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Spoiler:

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Garr and Lurk are having some severe issues with respect to hitting their targets. Ironically, Skills and CHz are the most effective at dealing physical damage, which is good since they're each capable of casting about two spells before exhausting their mastery over the arcane.

At one point during this fight, Lurk (who has a total HP of 128) was hit for 94 in a single wizard's turn. If you haven't played this game in a while, this fight is against a bunch of them. I got really lucky and only had to face two, and still got crushed. Marsh Cave at level 5 may have been a poor decision.

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Lurker eventually achieves victory, sacrificing each and every one of her closest companions in the process. \o/

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And then dies immediately during her attempt to escape the damp cavern with her ill-begotten crown treasure.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Dem goddamn wizards. I still have nightmares. :-o

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

The original version of FF is a kick in the balls in general. In retrospect it's kind of amazing it caught on the way it did, that Nintendo Power marketing I guess.

I thought for sure this was going to the FF V Fiesta challenge.

FELIPE NO

You had one job.

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I am so glad Garr and Lurker both picked thief right now.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

One day, I'll escape the cave of ill-gained goods alone. One day...

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Everyone eventually lived and made it out! I just woke up Elf Guy and looted all the locked rooms in the various areas, and I have noticed an alarming trend: Lurk and Garr never both land hits in the same round. This is exceptionally worrying.

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I TAKE IT ALL BACK EVERYTHING IS FINE

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Okay so the Vampire just died so fast I didn't even get a chance to take a screenshot. CHz murdered him in one action.

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Has anyone ever really considered how god damn weird Titan is as a character?

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Went through and got the ROD which lets me smash this stone plate, for some reason. Headin' back into the Earth cave now.



NOPE I remember what those do, and fuck that.

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Seriously, why can these wizards punch so hard? They don't even cast anything! They just punch me and it hurts! A lot!

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So, since the damn item shop in Melmond is broken I ran out of heal potions pretty early on in the Earth Cave. I'm about to fight Lich and my HP is as follows:

Garr: 93/179
Lurk: 93/183
Skills: 102/143
CHz: 48/127

All my healing magic has been exhausted. HOGAN TIME.

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Eighth time's the charm. As usual, CHz lights everything in sight on fire and saves the day.

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At this point, I think I'm going to head into the Ice Cave and grab the Floater, then get the airship and try to make it through the trial for the class change. I'm only level 9, but man I want my thieves to be ninjas already. Or maybe I'll skip the ice cave and do the airship after the class change. Hmm.

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Lookin' at you here, CHz.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Look: after you take out Kary, Garland's going to be on the market for another fire fiend, and I just want to make sure I have my resume in order.

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Ignore everything that isn't turning thieves into ninjas confirmed.

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Good news; I've just learned that a group of enemies that can cast Fire 2 can annihilate me before I'm able to act!

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SKILLS

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AIR SUPERIORITY ACQUIRED.

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Shit is about to get real all up in this.

Now, Skills and CHz can learn a bunch of ultra powerful magic. Garr and Lurk can finally equip real armour, as well as much stronger weaponry. Most importantly, each of them can cast black magic, including the absurdly good Fast spell which will allow them to swing and miss hit many times per round and inflict terrifying damage.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Lurk really pulled it together for this fight. She made the most of CHz's Fast spell and pulled out a 4-hit, 136-damage crit to really make an impression on Kary.

2 crystals down, 2 to go!

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Diss, Skipping over the ice cave perils was really cold of you. :-|

FELIPE NO

You know, it actually didn't go that poorly, somehow. I ran from a lot of fights, though. I think I was level 10 or so, and thieves can't really use shit for weapons or armour, so all I could really do to battle was have CHz nuke things down a couple of times while Skills spammed Lit2 with his Zeus Gauntlet. Garr and Lurker chucked a lot of potions.

Even the Eye just used a bunch of physical attacks - he didn't instant kill anyone, which is not at all how I remember that fight going. Which was good, because Skills wasn't high enough level to be able to case Life yet.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Like, she's not wrong, but man this game is weird sometimes.

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That's cool Skills, don't even worry about it. Just take a moon nap whenever. I'll handle things here.

The trek through the waterfall cave was actually really easy. Thieves sucked early on, but two ninjas is an ass-stomping. Nothing can touch me, which will either make the rest of this run really boring, or really hilarious when I'm fed those words by happening to run into Warmech.

I have also determined that I need to look up the melee damage formula, because Garr just hit for 14 and then on the next turn hit for 197 on the same target. Then 236. Then 19.

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I didn't know about this for quite a while, so I assume at least one of you probably still doesn't know: you can actually land the airship on the caravan! This makes it the only desert tile in the game, as far as I'm aware, where you can land.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

It's time to get a little bit soupy.

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Why, yes. Yes I am.

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Kraken was a chump and I obliterated the entire Sea Shrine without really trying. Got the slab, took it to Unne, and learned Lefienish. Then went to Lefien and bought some b.a. magic. Then went to the Mirage Tower, and realized I forgot to get the chime back in Lefien that allows access to said tower. So I made the hike back to Lefien. That was cool.



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Originally Posted by Team End Piece AND Team Shave

Nothing can touch me, which will either make the rest of this run really boring, or really hilarious when I'm fed those words by happening to run into Warmech.

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Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

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It probably took about 15 attempts but I finally killed that jerk.

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This fight wasn't too bad, though I didn't manage to keep everyone alive. Lurk has been having pretty severe issues dealing damage, so this wasn't a crippling loss. Mostly I've been using Garr to attack and everyone else to spam healing items (staff, helmet x 2) when they don't have something else to do and it's been working out fairly well.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

IT IS TIME

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Lurker you have a katana what more do you want from me, god damn it

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

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Unexpectedly, Skills has become a god of personal combat. MASMUNE TIME

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Who saw this coming? Not me!

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BOOM.

Well, a disappointingly easy run has come to an end. I'd (probably obviously) never played this party composition before, and though I was initially worried by the prospects of not having a fighter or a black belt, once I got that class change done it was a whole different story. Ninjas can hit like trucks, provided they aren't hitting 5 times for 5 damage (not to name names or anything, LURKER) so having two of them was pretty decent, particularly since they can learn black magic and thus Fast themselves first turn to make their damage output even more stupid.

I don't seem to be very good at suffering through games; if you recall my participation in the Four Job Fiesta last year (which I actually need to finish posting) I lucked out with some super broken jobs.


You are the light warriors, chat. You are.

Until next time I ask chat to pick random numbers and don't tell them why,

Yours,

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