Trying to be happy

So this is the story. I am a very feminine girl and at first look, you won't even think I am lesbian. But I am. My family doesn't know about me, and they think that I am just focused on my studies and work, and I have no time for dating...which in reality is kind of true, but not completely true. I just can't find another person to share my feelings with and I always have that empty room inside my heart. I don't want my family to look at my any different. They are proud of me and love me, and I fear that if they find out, their views of me are going to change along with their feelings.
I am just scared of letting them know, because they might not be proud of me anymore.
When I was 19, I dated this woman that told me was 27, which later turned out that she told me that she was 35,...I still love her because she was my first and I have a strong feeling for her. But, I was scarred though, and I know I won't have her back. To think that I would be happy with a person that took my virginity away from me. I am sad at myself that I still want to be with her and she doesn't care for me anymore. I just don't know whether to stop and find someone else, or stop all this and make my parents proud and live a normal life. I ask God why he made me this way, and no one is there to answer me at nights.
I am sorry, I just wanted to let things out of my heart. Thank u

Jam it back in, in the dark.

You should make your parents proud no matter what your sexuality. It's not something you should be ashamed of because it's part of who you are. If they can't see that then they are a little short-sighted.

And yes, stop and find someone else. If she doesn't care for you anymore, you shouldn't care for her. Find someone who actually intends to have long-lasting feelings for you. Why does someone being your first then entail that they should be your only love?

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Actually, in my opinion, you should do your hardest to live how nature was intended to. Live with a man. God didn't make you lesbian. It's just our imperfection. You know how some people are born differently? Like a big head, or a missing toe, or something like that? Well, it's the same deal. Because of our imperfection, our chromozones may become unbalanced. You have more male chromozones than female.

I know someone that's gay, but is married with a woman. How things should be. Don't get me wrong. I've got nothing against gays so long as they leave me alone, but a man can't reproduce with another man, and a woman can't reproduce with another woman.

Your parents want the best for you, and you should listen to them. If you think twice about something, and/or your conscience is bothering you, then obviously, it isn't something right.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I have to agree with Bernard, your parents should be proud of you no matter what choices you make in life, including your sexual orientation. If they discover that your sexual desires are different from what they expect them to be, then they must be still stuck in the dark ages. Different sexualities are common place now, and shouldn't be frowned upon.

As for still caring for your first love. Move on, get on with your life. She may have been your first, but that shouldn't make her your last. Meet new people, and forget about your ex. If she isn't interested in you anymore, then it's not worth pursuing.

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Being gay is living a normal life. You're at least 20 now, so if you're still attracted to other women, it's just the way you are and you've got nothing to be ashamed of.

If you really can't talk to anyone you know about this, you might want to look into getting some therapy. You can get everything out with someone who's not going to judge you and who'll help you come to terms with your sexuality, because it's not going to be something you can just switch off.

And yeah, forget about your ex. Move on.

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Actually, in my opinion, you should do your hardest to live how nature was intended to. Live with a man.

That's an awesomely bad idea. Just imagine waking up every single day to realize that you are living a lie. If you think you are experiencing emotional/psychological turmoil now, try doing that for a few years and see how you feel. There are some things about you that you simply cannot change. They are who you are. You may be able to change your outward appearance to fool everyone else, but in reality you'll just be bullshitting yourself most of all.

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When I was 19, I dated this woman that told me was 27, which later turned out that she told me that she was 35,...I still love her because she was my first and I have a strong feeling for her.

It was your first time, and it sounds as though you are still not over it. Jumping into another relationship probably isn't the best idea right now. Rather than looking to find someone else, you should spend some time to find yourself. If you are afraid of your parents accepting you for who you are, chances are you are afraid of accepting yourself. Or, you just might have some very conservative parents.

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I've got nothing against gays

Sure, I understand. There's nothing wrong with gays except for the fact that they act gay. Makes perfect sense.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

They are proud of me and love me, and I fear that if they find out, their views of me are going to change along with their feelings.
I am just scared of letting them know, because they might not be proud of me anymore.

If they are indeed proud of you, then they should accept whatever sexuality you choose to be. If not, tell them that you prefer it this way and firmly defend why you want it that way.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by Red Blaze

Actually, in my opinion, you should do your hardest to live how nature was intended to. Live with a man. God didn't make you lesbian. It's just our imperfection. You know how some people are born differently? Like a big head, or a missing toe, or something like that? Well, it's the same deal. Because of our imperfection, our chromozones may become unbalanced. You have more male chromozones than female.

Dear Christ, are you listening to yourself?

I would be prfoundly insulted if you said that shit to me. You're accusing Hot Pink (who I suspect is not even a girl at all, actually...) of being a genetic reject. What the hell is wrong with you. Who are you to judge.

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I know someone that's gay, but is married with a woman. How things should be. Don't get me wrong. I've got nothing against gays so long as they leave me alone, but a man can't reproduce with another man, and a woman can't reproduce with another woman.

Yea, and the purpose of any relationship is about procreation. Good luck with all that.

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Your parents want the best for you, and you should listen to them. If you think twice about something, and/or your conscience is bothering you, then obviously, it isn't something right.

I love the anti-gay crowd.

What makes you think a person should lie to themselves about their sexuality, Blaze? Wouldn't that be ungodly. Man, you people make me want to break out the shot gun and quicken up the evolutionary process.

Anyways, Hot Pink, you should really take a nice, close look at what makes you happy. Time will take care of the ex for you - all wounds heal.

As for your parents, it's always best to be honest. Either they will accept you or they won't. Over time, they usually come to grips with reality, but it may hurt you for a little while they chew over the truth of the matter. You live your life, not your parents. If you live life to only please them, you will regret it - it's your life. If they love you, they will eventually accept you. No one said they won't struggle with it.

No one said honesty is easy. It's best to be true to yourself.

Pink, is that you.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Regardless of my views on homosexuality, the way to approach this is the way you should approach any past relationship, any lost love. Don't fall into the trap of thinking you need to "get over it." Thinking that you need to get over something this significant in your life is probably half of what's tearing you up inside, and you may not even know it. Instead, learn to accept that it happened, accept that life changes, and accept one or two things.
1. If you don't believe in God (well, even if you do) accept that you and only you have control over YOU. Find the positive things about you, and stop dwelling on this other person. You have your life to live, so live it, and find yourself irresistible - half of how others see you is how you see yourself. [/cliche]
2. If you do believe in God, accept that He has your best interests at heart and will do what He can for you, as long as you do what you can for yourself.

And, what Sass said.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Although the contents of this thread are better suited for your journal, I will leave a couple thoughts.

I agree that your parents should be proud of you regardless of your sexuality. It can be difficult especially if you are religious or raised conservatively morally. But remember that it is your life and the choices and decisions belong to you.

Regarding Red Blaze, could you further enlighten us on your point of view. I do not think homosexuality is an imperfection. And not everyone wishes to reproduce and adoption is always an option for gay/lesbian couples.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

This thread IS getting moved to Angst.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Eh, I think it depends on how important "group happiness" is to you. It can't be that bad when you marry a guy, bear a child or two, work on something together as a community of mixed gender and age. Your parents might even be happy about some grandchildren and so on...

But I would only suggest that when you CAN place the happiness of others over your own, transforming their happiness into your own.

I am giving out this thought only because you actually considered it yourself in your post.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by Djinova

Eh, I think it depends on how important "group happiness" is to you. It can't be that bad when you marry a guy, bear a child or two, work on something together as a community of mixed gender and age. Your parents might even be happy about some grandchildren and so on...

But I would only suggest that when you CAN place the happiness of others over your own, transforming their happiness into your own.

Nobody can do that entirely, Djinova. Placing other people's happiness and priorities permenantly above your own guarentees that you'll be miserable. It's not like pretending she's straight and getting married to a man and living a lie her entire fucking life is going to have the same effect that helping the poor had on Mother Theresa. That's probably about the dumbest thing anyone's said in this thread, even including the moron who said that being gay has to do with a chromozonal inbalance.

I was speaking idiomatically.

You and my fiancé are in almost the same exact situation! Her family is a little prejudice too, which is a negative point considering that I'm not blonde with blue eyes like the rest of her lineage. However our loves runs so deeply that she didn't hesitate long to introduce me to her parents and brothers, cousins and uncles, aunts, grandparents and close friends. It brings a tear to my eye how much she loves me and how much she's willing to try to make her family accept.

Wait until you're in love. That's when you'll have the most momentum to help force yourself through opposition.

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Hot Pink, it would undoubtedly create a kind of confusion and disappointment in any parents' mind if they were to discover their son/daughter a homosexual. But what do you want to do? You've told us that you have a set sexual preference. You've told us that you don't want to disappoint your parents. Yet, these things are somewhat conflicting as it seems your parents are the typical 'panic' type: "Oh God, oh God! She's a lesbian, what do I do? Whaaaat do I do?!" You know?

When creating this topic, you put in the title: Trying to be happy.

So, this tells me you want happiness from all this where both sides of your problem are in agreement. So, why not tell your parents about your issue face to face? They are the ones you are having a problem with, not an emotional problem, but a problem nonetheless. Tell them how you feel.

If that doesn't work... Then the best thing from then on is to simply look after yourself. Your parents may still love you as their daughter, but they just can't bare to support your ideals.

FELIPE NO

You can be as upset as you want with that fact. The truth hurts buddy. Learn to deal with those things. Unless you you all want to live a lie, go right ahead and pretend that gay/lesbians are an accepted thing.

And my friend is not living a lie with his wife. He loves her. He learned to deal with his imperfection. We are all defective one way or another. That's person is gay, you are retarded. Gayness is NOT a natural thing. Look it up in a scientificly point of view. Not some mojo telling you his or her opinion. That includes me. I've done my research, now do your own.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

I hate to be the first one to do this, but... you say you've done your research, so let's see it. I myself have seen plenty of posts from other people saying "oh yeah it's a chemical imbalance" "yeah it's a genetic defect" "yeah aliens made him this way" but it doesn't make any of that TRUE. I'm not disagreeing with you, since I've argued against homosexuality my fair share of times, but I'm not agreeing with you either until you stop using weasel words and start showing some goods. At least quote someone, cite their name, profession, anything.

By the way, do you ever ask a retarded person to live like they weren't retarded? Do you tell them to force themselves to be with someone not mentally challenged? Do you tell the "normal" person to force themselves to stay with the retard? If you're going to use that as an analogy, I need to see how it would work in this context.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

If I site anything from the bible, you'd all ignore it. Since I assume no one here cares about it. God had laws against it, and if you allow it, you'd be against the text.

I was able to find a site that I used way back when.

...that's no fun, says I need more posts to post urls or images. ;_;
I do believe everyone is starting to hate me, just for posting my beliefs. How typical. =j

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Being a Christian, I do care, but at the same time, people interpret the Bible different ways, and a lot of religions (even within Christianity) have different versions of the Bible than others. So it really doesn't work. I meant for you to cite some reliable sources for your claims about it being unnatural from a scientific point of view.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

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What the group discovered was that from the DNA studied from 40 pairs of homosexual brothers the DNA from 33 pairs shared five areas of genetic material centered around one noteworthy region of the X chromosome. In an article entitled Embargoed Advance Information from Science, it clarifies that this region, named Xq28, is located on the tip of the long arm of the X chromosome and contains several hundred genes. This similarity in 64% of the test subjects is notable, as Henry continues to explain, because the gene sequences of the mother's two X chromosomes are highly variable and also the genes between two brothers usually vary greatly. Statistics would state that so much of a similarity between brothers who also share a sexual orientation is unlikely to be a simple chance occurrence. Henry continues, "The fact that 33 out of 40 pairs of gay brothers were found to share the same sequence of DNA in a particular part of the chromosome suggests that at least one gene related to homosexuality is located in that region." Of the studied brothers, homosexuality was the only trait that all of the brothers shared; they didn't have the same eye color or shoe size and they were all completely diverse except for sexual orientation. He quotes Hamer as saying, "This is by far the strongest evidence to date that there is a genetic component to sexual orientation. We've identified a portion of the genome associated with it."

The study also attempts to explain why homosexuality does not simply genetically die out, when it might if it were simply hereditary. The answer is that the gene can be passed along through heterosexual females who carry the gene but which may not cause these women to be homosexual. They could then pass this along to their children who may exhibit a homosexual orientation.

Site titled the X-Chromosomes. I used it way back when in a high school research... meeeeemorieeees.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

WTB link please. But at least you gave us something. Now that we know there could possibly be a genetic component to it, what makes you so sure it's a DEFECT? Scientifically speaking, what makes you say it is WRONG? Even retardation isn't WRONG from a moral sense, it's just a defect that they live with, and retards aren't told that they're evil. It just happens, and telling them to act like they aren't retarded is basically the same as telling a homosexual not to act like they're a homosexual - if you continue to use that analogy.

However if you'd like to abandon that analogy, just tell me simply, how do you discern that it is a genetic DEFECT, and not just a genetic difference? People have plenty of genetic differences one from the other, many share the same differences with certain groups of people, especially ethnicities. But scientifically, what makes this wrong?

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Originally Posted by Red Blaze

You can be as upset as you want with that fact. The truth hurts buddy. Learn to deal with those things. Unless you you all want to live a lie, go right ahead and pretend that gay/lesbians are an accepted thing.

Uhhh, I thought that be being gay/lesbian has pretty much been accepted into society for a while now. And just what is so unnatural about being gay or lesbian? If a person feels that way, then so be it. Okay it may be a little different, but is that reason enough to treat them any different than you would a "normal" person? I think not.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Of course not. They are still human beings. I wouldn't treat them like trash, but I would accept their friendship. If they need help, I'll be a good samaritan and help them. But not if it concerns wanting to date another guy. I got my limits.

EDIT: @ Ayos, scientifically? It only proves you're not a perfect human. Like everybody else. Including myself. Morally? Everything is what's wrong with it. We were given life to reproduce ourselves, and man + man != babies. Same goes with the woman. Many people have asked me: "If God loves us, he'd accept it, too right?"

Answer? No. He loves us, yes. But if we don't follow what he says to the letter (in the bible), we prove that we don't love him. So to the gay or lesbian, this has to put alot of effort. Alot more than others. I site from the bible: "you say you believe in God. You do good, however, even Demons believe in God." Satan believes in God. But he doesn't love him. So instead of just saying you believe in god, prove it. God does not accept homosexuallity. Satan is who's controlling this world, and this world accepts homosexual behaviour. Most homosexuals don't know what God thinks of this matter, so they go by what they feel. Other homosexuals know what GOd thinks of this, but don't care. And a small hand full, actually follow what the bible says.

This is my final post about this topic since I know alot of people don't like religiousness. And we'll only go in circles.

FELIPE NO

To get back on the real topic, Ms. Hot Pink Lesbian here should be honest with herself, and with her parents. Your parents no longer control who you are. If they disapprove, that's their own problem, not yours. You can continue to be civil to them, and invite them over for dinner or anything of the sort. They may refuse if your girlfriend happens to be there, or something, but more often than not if you're positive and show that you'll act like a decent human being, they'll do the same.

(Edit for thread's sake)

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Children. This thread is about Hot Pink's problems, NOT whether or not homosexuality is right or accepted or against the teachings of the church. We've had enough debate threads about it, no one wants to hear your opinion on it anymore because it's been hashed to death, if you don't shut up I'm going to split your posts out of this thread.

Jam it back in, in the dark.