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Society's unwritten rules.
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Will
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Old Oct 2, 2006, 10:08 PM #26 of 101
The drinking thing does bother me, actually. I do drink, heavily I might add, but only on vacation. During school I work hard and train harder; there's no room for alcohol. In college it seems like people just get tanked on the weekend, and the kids that don't aren't doing anything interesting. Sure, you can just order a soda, but drunk people really aren't that entertaining when you're tired and dead sober.

There's nowhere I can't reach.
Meth
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Old Oct 3, 2006, 02:28 AM Local time: Oct 3, 2006, 01:28 AM #27 of 101
Originally Posted by Antignition
Ladies get by with way too much. The other shit is common sense...but i've NEVER heard about the ordering thing, from my parents, friends, relatives, whatever.

Guess im hanging out with a bunch of dicks.:doh:
Also, before you sit down at a dinner table, you're supposed to stand behind your chair until all the ladies sit down. (You'd be surprised how much a girl's parents love it when you pull this one first time over for dinner.) It's proper to walk on a girl's right side about a half-step behind them, unless of course they're on the street side. And of course, you should always let ladies go first at just about everything. Except for going down stairs or getting off a bus. You should go first so you can turn around in case she looses footing.

As for shaking hands with guys or girls... Guys should give a firm handshake. None of this clammy fish limp wristed crap. Neither should they give you the, "Check out how tough I am buddy" iron death grip. As for shaking hands with girls; a guy should never offer his hand to a girl. If she offers her hand, you meet her grip with the same firmness.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.
Antignition
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Old Oct 3, 2006, 03:09 AM #28 of 101
Originally Posted by AliceNWondrland
Maybe it's a southern US thing, but you two would never get a second date with any of the girls I know.
I think I can deal with that. If me ordering first was the sole factor in getting a second date (considering I follow all the other "unwritten" rules) that's one girl I *don't* want to get to know better.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?
Aquas
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Old Oct 3, 2006, 08:00 AM Local time: Oct 3, 2006, 07:00 AM #29 of 101
Here's something: Not ordering a meal with a group of friends (although more importantly a dish of some sort should be ordered if its formal, right) can be off setting for some people I've noticed. I think I understand the logic behind this, like it's weird to have people watch you eat who aren't eating, just like people are kind of inclinced to finish their meals at the same time, as a kind of curteousy. Sometimes I go to Perkins with some buddies and I'm not that hungry and just decide to get a coffee and that's it. The waiter sometimes gives me a short pause or something. Although, Perkins (around here) has become a pretty social eating / hanging place for the people I associate with. So...

Man, I hate when I shake hands with a dude I just meet and he crushes my hand... yeah way to make me feel good. When I shake hands I want to meet the person in a shaking hands equillibrium if you will... I find it imperative to find a common ground in a hand shake. If I shake hands with a girl and she doesn't have much of a firm grip, I'll shake her hand with as much er, light elegance, as she gives me. Which I really don't mind at all, if it's a girl that is. A guy with a nonchalant handshake is off-putting.

I was speaking idiomatically.
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Old Oct 3, 2006, 11:18 AM Local time: Oct 4, 2006, 12:18 AM #30 of 101
Enthusiastic Handshakes

Hmmm, talking about handshakes does anyone know when its appropriate to give those enthusiastic handshakes with 2 hands like those the conductor and the soloist gives each after after a concerto performance? I think its ok when meeting up with a really good friend who you've not seen in ages. Any other instances where kind of enthusiastic shake is appropriate?

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

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Alice
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Old Oct 3, 2006, 11:21 AM #31 of 101
Anytime I shake hands, which is very rarely, I find myself giving the two-hand handshake. Basically, if I like you enough to touch you, I'm going to either hug you, grab both of your hands with my hands, or grab one hand with both of my hands. I don't shake it, though. I just sort of hold it...I think.

I do HATE it when men (Army guys in particular seem to do this a lot) find it necessary to squeeze the everloving shit out of my hand. Look, fucktard. I'm not a guy. You don't have to assert your dominance over me by breaking every bone in my hand.

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starslight
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Old Oct 3, 2006, 11:40 AM #32 of 101
The problem with giving up your seat or opening doors for girls for me has always been this: do they really want me to? I always do, it's how I was raised and just habit now, but I think about that every time. I'm always worried that since chivalry is apparently dead that I'm going to come off like a creep or like I'm hitting on them. I'm probably over-thinking it, since I've never even gotten a dirty look, but maybe that sort of thing is what keeps a lot of guys from being polite.

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Zio
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Old Oct 3, 2006, 11:48 AM Local time: Oct 3, 2006, 11:48 AM #33 of 101
I open and hold doors for anyone, regardless of male or female. Though I do it more so often for the elderly.

The bus, I give my seat for those who seem that can't make it far enough to go to the back or some other seat. Such as elderly, people with disabilities, people with kids and etc.

About the dinning room manners.

I was told it was proper for all the women to order first of course, and to recieve thier food first(When I used to be a Waiter), refills and etc.

That if you have to help seat anyone, elderly first, then the younger ones and you walk them to thier seat, pull it out let them sit down and push them in.

Atleast that is how my section of Wisconsin does it.

Jam it back in, in the dark.
Originally Posted by Zio
Heh, heh, heh. Now, now. That's the expression I want to see! A face filled with pain and anguish, begging fearfully for help, a face quivering with anger! Go, on! Get angry! Suffer! Be sad! That would truly be the ultimate offering to me and my great god!
Alice
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Old Oct 3, 2006, 11:48 AM #34 of 101
I think some girls would get mad about a man offering his seat to her or holding a door for her. Sass, for example, would probably deck you. But I think most wouldn't, and isn't it best to err on the side of politeness?

I hate to think that chivalry is dead. I'm now officially on a quest to bring chivalry back one GFF member at a time.

There's nowhere I can't reach.
Zio
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Old Oct 3, 2006, 11:56 AM Local time: Oct 3, 2006, 11:56 AM #35 of 101
Originally Posted by AliceNWondrland
I think some girls would get mad about a man offering his seat to her or holding a door for her. Sass, for example, would probably deck you. But I think most wouldn't, and isn't it best to err on the side of politeness?

I hate to think that chivalry is dead. I'm now officially on a quest to bring chivalry back one GFF member at a time.
Yeah but you could still ask or atleast try and if they don't want to then you politely move aside unless for some reason you get decked.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.
Originally Posted by Zio
Heh, heh, heh. Now, now. That's the expression I want to see! A face filled with pain and anguish, begging fearfully for help, a face quivering with anger! Go, on! Get angry! Suffer! Be sad! That would truly be the ultimate offering to me and my great god!
Fatt
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Old Oct 4, 2006, 12:30 AM Local time: Oct 4, 2006, 12:30 AM #36 of 101
When I was dating a southern belle, she expected me to do everything Alice has mentioned. When I was dating a flower girl, she kind of expected me to do everything first, and would follow through. Different regions around the world, or as close as neighbors, all share their own values. My German lady friends shake my hand better than most men, my French lady friends expect me to kiss their hand when I greet them, and my American lady friends expect me to hug them. My fella friends are either a firm grip handshake with a stare in to the eyes, or I grab the dude's hand, put it against my chest, and put my other arm around them (the opposite does the same), depending on how close you are to me.

The few unspoken rules that I follow are...

Never fart in an enclosed area. Elevators and airplanes are a definitive no-no.

If someone else cooks for you, do not insult the dish. You don't have to compliment it, you don't have to eat it, but never say "this food sucks". It's just awfully disrespectful.

Two words. Cock block. Never do it, unless it's your sister or daughter you're looking out for.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?
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Zio
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Old Oct 4, 2006, 12:34 AM Local time: Oct 4, 2006, 12:34 AM #37 of 101
I doubt anyone would insult a dish, just say maybe you should have done... -insert constructive stuff.-

I was speaking idiomatically.
Originally Posted by Zio
Heh, heh, heh. Now, now. That's the expression I want to see! A face filled with pain and anguish, begging fearfully for help, a face quivering with anger! Go, on! Get angry! Suffer! Be sad! That would truly be the ultimate offering to me and my great god!
Alice
For Great Justice!


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Old Oct 4, 2006, 05:31 AM #38 of 101
That's the same thing as insulting it. When someone cooks for you, do NOT give them any "constructive criticism" or suggest how they might do it differently next time.

Food is a very delicate issue. Some people I know take offense if you even add salt to your food when you're eating it. The best thing you can do is to just tell the person who cooked it that it's delicious and eat it.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?
Kazyl
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Old Oct 4, 2006, 05:35 AM Local time: Oct 4, 2006, 03:35 AM #39 of 101
Originally Posted by Aquas
Here's something: Not ordering a meal with a group of friends (although more importantly a dish of some sort should be ordered if its formal, right) can be off setting for some people I've noticed. I think I understand the logic behind this, like it's weird to have people watch you eat who aren't eating, just like people are kind of inclinced to finish their meals at the same time, as a kind of curteousy. Sometimes I go to Perkins with some buddies and I'm not that hungry and just decide to get a coffee and that's it. The waiter sometimes gives me a short pause or something. Although, Perkins (around here) has become a pretty social eating / hanging place for the people I associate with. So...
Yea, I get that. Friends would always go to Denny's for some reason or another and I find myself lacking the urge to fork over cash every single time. Sometimes I just order a hot chocolate or nothing at all and I used to get these weird stares from my friends and the waiter but they've apparently gotten use to the fact that I hardly ever eat around them.

Oh, speaking of food. I know it's customary to offer a guest food, or at least with the Filipinos it is. But they seriously insist and it's hard to turn them down. They seem to take it as a personal insult if you don't indulge them.

FELIPE NO

Last edited by Kazyl; Oct 4, 2006 at 05:38 AM.
Radez
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Old Oct 4, 2006, 06:52 AM #40 of 101
I've noticed that too. When at someone else's house, the mother constantly offers me food. If I just ate, it doesn't matter. "Do you want chips? How about watermelon? Cookies? Cake? Ice cream? Turkey?" It makes me feel like Hansel at the witch's house.

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kinkymagic
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Old Oct 4, 2006, 07:19 AM Local time: Oct 4, 2006, 12:19 PM #41 of 101
Seinfeld has runied an entire generation.

Jam it back in, in the dark.


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Syndrome
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Old Oct 4, 2006, 08:19 AM Local time: Oct 4, 2006, 03:19 PM #42 of 101
I remember I had a friend some years ago, and I once visited his house just after lunch. As soon as I got in, his mom came out and asked me if I wanted any food, I said No thanks, but thank you for asking. She kept insisting some times, and I explained I just had lunch and so. It's really nice of them showing hospitality, but I felt so bad for saying no to her that time

How ya doing, buddy?


JammerLea
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Old Oct 4, 2006, 12:09 PM #43 of 101
In my family we always ask if a guest is hungry or wants something to drink. No big deal.

The bigger issue is when we go out for dinner and everyone argues over who pays the bill. Not trying to pass off the bill, but actually, "We'll get the bill." "No, we're taking you out." "Can we at least get the tip?" I still can't figure that one out, I wish there was some rule for it.

Commenting on an earlier post, I just learned recently that women are supposed to offer their hands first for shaking hands. I was going to someplace for a possible interview and my mom was like, "The lady is supposed to offer her hand first." and I was like, "What lady?" Silly me!

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.
Zio
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Old Oct 4, 2006, 12:29 PM Local time: Oct 4, 2006, 12:29 PM #44 of 101
Originally Posted by AliceNWondrland
That's the same thing as insulting it. When someone cooks for you, do NOT give them any "constructive criticism" or suggest how they might do it differently next time.

Food is a very delicate issue. Some people I know take offense if you even add salt to your food when you're eating it. The best thing you can do is to just tell the person who cooked it that it's delicious and eat it.
Yeah but normally if I do, my friends or family can tell my the gesture I make like I'll be slow at eating(Cause normally I'm a quick chewer/eater.) or something else. Hell even if I wasn't and I lied about it, they would probaly notice it anyway. I suck at lying. So either I might as well tell my friends and family the truth anyway. Sadly it was how I raised to. If you tell the truth in constructive manner/mature manner. People should respect that and talk to you back in the same manner.

Jammer, if I go out with friends or a girl that wants to pay once in awhile/be an equal. We usually rock paper scissors for the bill, and then the tip. The one who pays last doesn't have to play unless they wish to, till everyone has paid the tip/bill atleast once. Yanno?

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?
Originally Posted by Zio
Heh, heh, heh. Now, now. That's the expression I want to see! A face filled with pain and anguish, begging fearfully for help, a face quivering with anger! Go, on! Get angry! Suffer! Be sad! That would truly be the ultimate offering to me and my great god!
JammerLea
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Old Oct 4, 2006, 12:44 PM #45 of 101
That's a good idea! I'll have to keep that in mind. I don't think it'll fly with my grandparents, though it would be funny.

My friends and I don't mind covering each other every once in a while if someone is short, so long as we either pay them back later or cover them the next time. That was always nice.

I was speaking idiomatically.
IdentikitOfEyes
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Old Oct 4, 2006, 02:10 PM #46 of 101
Originally Posted by Summonmaster
I cringe repulsively when someone gives me a limp unenthusiastic handshake. It just doesn't feel right to be so apathetic. I've always associated a firm handshake with "goodwill", and not firm, but far from limp handshake to be "nice to meet you (but I'm not really as interested as I should be)". I lose respect instantly if I'm shaking hands with jello.

I don’t want to sound offensive or critique your views, but sometimes people cant control the strength of their handshake. They might have a reason for not having that firm grip while shaking hands. I know that I don’t and neither does my mom, but she has carpel tunnel, and I broke my wrist a few years back. That doesn’t make us uninteresting or not deserving of your respect.

Although I understand the importance of a firm and steady handshake, I also understand that you cant judge someone by first impressions. Granted the first physical contact with someone is important, it just should not be something that you base respect off of.


When it comes to having a meal with someone or a group of friends, we tend to split the tip between us. If someone is short, usually someone tells them that they will pay for whatever he/she got, just aslong as they pay them back in some for or another. Witht he group of friends I have we normally barter with free movie passes or using someone employee discount at their workplace.

When it comes to the unwritten rules on girls, I was always told to be polite and caring. Hold doors open, let them sit first, order first and everthing like that. If she wants to pay then I let her pay for her portion, but I refuse to split the tip. It was basically just give her want she wants and be as nice as you possible.

How ya doing, buddy?
Summonmaster
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Old Oct 4, 2006, 04:19 PM #47 of 101
Good point I had overlooked that possibility. If I see you vigorously shaking hands with someone else after giving me a poor handshake though, and it looks like you don't have carpal tunnel syndrome there, then that's a different story, explicitly showing rudeness. If you have a limp handshake and are generally unenthusiastic in your mannerisms afterwards, then that also raises concern.

I also read an article yesterday about the politeness of people, which reminded me that holding doors open for any person behind you, girl, guy, whatever. That seems to go without saying everywhere I look, although I don't know about other places. Here, it's VERY unusual to see someone not try to hold the door open for another person (not letting the other person go first necessarily, but at least propping the door open so that the other person exerts minimal effort in propping it for themselves to get through).

FELIPE NO
JammerLea
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Old Oct 4, 2006, 04:44 PM #48 of 101
I've always been happy to hold doors open for people. Especially if they're elderly, traveling with small kids/stroller, or have their hands full. It drives me nuts when I see people try to duck through a closing door when there's someone behind them, or not push it back to allow more time for the other person. Especially when it's one of my friends. "Hey!"

Anyone have any unwritten rules for personal space? I have a friend who never fails to step on the back of my shoe. There should be a rule for that!!

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?
IdentikitOfEyes
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Old Oct 4, 2006, 05:04 PM #49 of 101
I say if I can feel you breathing on my neck then you are too close. Anyone doing that or the like would automatically get elbowed in the sternum.

I also think public displays of affection violate personal space. If we have to share the same general area with each other then please do not jam your tounge down your boyfriend's throat and dont make him squeeze your ass while you're at it. That is really inappropriate for people of a younger age to see. Bad enough we have them mimicking tv and movies, they dont need to see you dry humping in the middle of Wal-Mart.

When walking near someone, be cautious of their walking speed. If they keep stepping on the back of your shoes, walk behind them, or walk next to them. Just dont disrupt curb traffic while you are doing so, cause then you will piss of others. Other than that, personal space is just that. If someone in your's tell them to get out.

Jam it back in, in the dark.
Zio
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Old Oct 4, 2006, 06:46 PM Local time: Oct 4, 2006, 06:46 PM #50 of 101
Some people also don't give firm handshakes cause of the fact that like Alice said that it feels like your hand is being crushed cause I know some people who grip so hard you just want to punch the person in the face for going overboard.

There's nowhere I can't reach.
Originally Posted by Zio
Heh, heh, heh. Now, now. That's the expression I want to see! A face filled with pain and anguish, begging fearfully for help, a face quivering with anger! Go, on! Get angry! Suffer! Be sad! That would truly be the ultimate offering to me and my great god!
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