The funniest insult you've heard.

So ok here goes. I've graced this planet with my presence for the past 18 years and needless to say I've had names thrown at me and I'm no saint I've thrown them back.
But a couple of weeks ago I got called the funniest name I've heard and it was meant to be an insult but it's just funny to me.
I got called a "smelly hooker that hangs out with pirates" by a work collegue a few weeks ago.
I was just wondering whether you guys hae had any funny ones like that, which were meant to be so upsetting to you. OR whether you've dished out some funny ones.
:lolsign:

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I invented the personal racial slur of "rice cracker" because I'm Asian and white... but everyone tells me that's more funny than insulting.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I think think the funniest insult I've heard was..."You're a towel"

I'm sure there are better ones but I can't remember them...and this one came to mind when I saw the title...

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

My buddies and I were at a bar, and one was trying to talk to a chick. He tapped her on the shoulder, and she turned around with an annoyed look on her face. She looked at him, then looked at him slowly from head to toe and back again. Then she said "What do you want?" with a snerty look.

My buddy, not even fazed, threw up his hand and said, "That's okay. I had to go take a shit anyway," and promptly walked away without looking back.

To put it into perspective, think of the most bimboesque blond with big breasts you can, all done up for the club. Then think of an average looking guy, a little bit hefty, with a big ass scraggly beard. That's what made it so awesome. The look on her face as he walked away was priceless, as if someone who looked like that could ever dare to do that to her! I nearly spewed my beer all over my other buddy when we saw it.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I was out at this local pizza joint that hosts weekly indie bands about a month ago. We were hanging out and one of my friends got enough Blue Moons in him to go as a girl for her digits. Needless to say: cute girl+drunken bantering+stutteting=NU UH NIGGA WHO IS YOU?

He came back to our table, crestfallen about his newly ingested downturn and what does he get from me?

YOUR FUCKSTOCK IS SHIT YOU CUMGUZZLER

I was drunk... What?

I was speaking idiomatically.

:lolsign: For some reason (I'm a French quebecer), I'M supposed to be insulted when someone (usually an anglo) calls me a frog. When a (english speaking) teacher told me that we are called frogs only because French eat frog legs and not English (at least, in the 18th century), I laughed at it. Ever since, I laugh at those idiots who feel insulted by it (there's supposed to be a team called the Jumping frogs in Québec city, and hardcore speratists make a fuss about it)

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by Phoque le PQ

:lolsign: For some reason (I'm a French quebecer), I'M supposed to be insulted when someone (usually an anglo) calls me a frog. When a (english speaking) teacher told me that we are called frogs only because French eat frog legs and not English (at least, in the 18th century), I laughed at it. Ever since, I laugh at those idiots who feel insulted by it (there's supposed to be a team called the Jumping frogs in Québec city, and hardcore speratists make a fuss about it)

Actually, it's not the origin of this. It came from the region of Chateauguay, during the war, French soldiers from Canada would walk directly in the water of the river, where it wasn't that deep, to reach a certain part of an unreachable area. When the English soldiers saw this, they said that those guys looked like frogs.

So I don't mind when they use this to qualify us French with this.

How ya doing, buddy?

This one insult I remember I made toward a friend when we were taping "The Tyson and Kris Show"(an audio show that I should have posted on the internet by now, but I've gotten lazy, and I can't find the tape.). It's not funny now, but in that situation, it was the funniest thing ever. There were about 12 people on the show that day, and they were all talking about how Jordan(another kid who was on the show for that one episode) should be raped. Now, I was a little drunk, so I came out and said, "Now for all you people concerned about Tyson. You don't have to worry about Tyson raping your kids.....If anything, you have to worry about your kids raping Tyson."

That night, I learned the timing and situation can make anything funny. XD That was probably the first time I've heard 11 people laughing simultaneously.(Tyson was just telling me to fuck off, lol)

Odds are they were all drunk.

(.....last names witheld to protect the "innocent", lol.)

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Not really an insult, but something funny my boss said about a week ago.

He walked into my office and said "I should take my belt off and beat the shit outta this room." and then promptly walked out.

Needless to say, I was in tears.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by andkeener

YOUR MOMMA!

That reminded me of something my friend says. Instead of saying "YOUR MOM" she says "YOUR BABY'S DADDY!" First time I heard that I was like... "wait... what?"

My favorite threat is "I'LL TICKLE YOU TO YOU PEE YOUR PANTS!"

There's nowhere I can't reach.

The best one I can think of is:
"She reminds me of Anna Nicole Smith, Loud, Annoying, and about as smart as your average toaster."

It was on my school's myspace forum to some girl who was whining about me picking on some retarded goth kid. I thought it was a good one since I was so stoned my eyes blurred uncontrollably.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Also not really an insult, but just something that caught my attention. Some friends were arguing, ultimately throwing threats back and forth at each other, culminating in: "I'll take you off my Top 8." It ended right there. :/

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

A while ago someone told a retard he was a "shit-smuggling cock mermaid".

I guess I'm easily amused.

I was speaking idiomatically.

I haven't really heard any funny insults lately, but once someone thought I said 'Go suck on a blowfish!' but I guess she was just deaf.. because I did not say that.

Sadly, my memory seems to have died because I don't remember what I really said.

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My big brother was HELLACIOUSLY pissed off at my sister in laws cousin and was INCREDIBLY angry at the time, which resulted in this:

"If that lazy, no-account, shit-eating, cum guzzling, donkey faced asshole faggot motherfucker walks into my house and whines about that shit one more time I'm gonna take my foot and ram it so far up his ass that it'll pop out the other side of his dick until he...he..."


**My bro sudedenly stops. Long drawn out pause as we both just look at each other, myself with my eyes bucked open and both of us just kinda standing there staring in shocked silence as he has no idea how to properly conclude this insult.**

Commence a stream of laughter between the both of us that didn't end for what seemed like 20-30 minutes.

FELIPE NO

Their is one insult I know of that is both disturbing and funny.

"I'm going to do you like John Bennet Ramsey. Unsolved."

The first time I heard it, we all had to stop the game of bomberman we were in to laugh real hard.

Another one of my favorites was when E.K. was standing outside of a local night club and was hitting on women.
"Hey bitch, you got sum nice tits."
"Psh. Yeah reight."
"Yeah you're right bitch, yo tits ain't shit."

E.K. is so bad, but he is so funny.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

About seven years ago my friend`s father in law`s car stalled on us in the middle of an empty street. Some old woman eventually gets behind us and starts honking. Roy, said father in law, tries to wave at her so she can drive around. Plenty of space. The old woman just keeps on honking anyway. Roy hops out of the car, faces her, and screams GO AROUND ME YOU BIMBO CUNT. Short but devastating, he was a very serious man and about forty years older than me so I had to do my damned best to smother my laughter until I got home.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Mine's more ironic than anything else...

I had an individual of Hispanic origin once tell me to "Go the fuck back wherever you came from." (I have only ever even left the Midwest ONCE - Florida, age 5.).

The odd thing was that a couple months later he was deported back to Mexico.

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Well, the most recent insult that cracked me up was probably Mel Gibson's drunken tirade towards the police (as he was being arrested in Malibu):

Quote:

A law enforcement source says Gibson then noticed another female sergeant and yelled, "What do you think you're looking at, sugar tits?

Classic.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I don't know if she was insulted, but my sister has aldready been considered "as feminine as a chainsaw (tronçonneuse?)". Ever since, it has become a love term from her boyfriend

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by SOJC

I think think the funniest insult I've heard was..."You're a towel"

I've been called (and have called others) that on several occasions, and it is rather humorous. One of the best, though, has to be "pornographic piss-faced castrated carnivore." I was called that in a contest to pass time on the way to school, and I laughed quite exceedingly.

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Some guy once said to a friend of mine "I'll shit on your dick." I have no idea what provoked this, but if it forces someone to have to shit on someone else's dick it must've been pretty bad.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

I hope im doing this right cuz im a n00b and stuff...

I have quite a few hispanic friends and im one of the few asian people at my school ( i liked my previous school better, it was all asian, hispanic and black mostly!) and they like to call me "rice-picker" and then theres this one really tall, built guy (odd for a theater geek) that calls me "crasian". I think those names are more funny than not, and they're mostly meant to be funny.

OH by the way i have a racist joke for ya:

What do you call a mexican with a sunburn? :eyebrow:

~ re-fried Beaner.

My hispanic friends liked it:biggrin:

I made it up, but this one other guy who WAS Mexican told us a lot of really mex-oriented jokes. Politically incorrect but funny as hell.

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At the moment, I'm gonna have to go with "You're two tons of fun". Try saying that to an overweight person. I think I find it so hilarious because it's classic, and it tries to put an intangible thing like "Fun" into the belly of a fat woman.

Yeah I said fat woman. Two tons of fun.

How ya doing, buddy?

I don't know why it was so funny back then, but this one time my cousin said to his younger brother, "You're against the law." And we couldn't stop laughing for like ten minutes.

Another one that was pretty funny was with the same cousins. The younger one was getting in the older one's way and the older one said "Move your bitch!" (He says a lot of weird things like that.) Without missing a beat, the younger one nudges me over a little, cleverly implying that I'm his bitch.

Jam it back in, in the dark.