Help me please.......

Guys I have a love issue. See I love this girl online. She’s my 1st best friend and we been buds for a long time. One day she said she loves me. I sort of took it for granted and thought about what she meant and said. I convince myself that she actually loves me and I feel so lucky. I later confess my love to her…..Turns out she just love me as a best friend. Not as a lover. U can imagine how it broke my heart. I want to see her this summer but is getting harder. See her friends set her up with a guy and now they’re a couple. That really broke my heart. She knew I love yet she go on a date with this guy and ended up liking him. I knew it sooner or later this was gonna happen. Yet I let things roll. I feel so broken. I was so stupid and naïve to fall in love. I feel like I can never fall in love again. I feel like I’m falling apart. I hate school because the advanced classes I am in are overwhelming and I have no friends at school. Like I’m neglected just like Naruto or Seth Cohen. I know every individual feels alone on the inside but I feel so isolated from this world. A world where people r destroying each other and trying to rid of each other. No one cares about each other in this world. I feel like I am so alone. I just want to die sometimes. One of the things that keep me going is talking to her. She makes me happy by talking to her. But right now is hard to talk to her when I am in love with her and she likes and dating someone else. I been crying and screaming for the last few days cause I feel that all my problems finally come up to me and it finally will get to me. This feeling is so painful. She is and my 1st true love. I know some of you folks been there but now I know how ppl felt in tv shows being broken. I am bent and I am broken. What’s worst is that recently signs ( I’m very superstitious I am with signs and how many of them come true) was revealing and showing this outcome. To prevent me feeling hurt. Yet I let it touch my heart. I let it cut it and open a wound that would never heal. I know this is suppose to be a good experience for me cause now I know these feelings. Like the 1st time u got a cut, it hurts so much at the beginning. It will heal as long as possible but when it does, it will forever scar my life. I want to warn you girls and boys. I want to teach you something. When u like someone and u love him or her. Be careful. Make sure they are the right one. Usually the 1st one u likes aren’t the ones. Make sure both side are committing to this or else u will face this pain. U make sure when u meet each other in day one, u will go on the same yellow brick road together. Weither conflicts u face on the harsh journey, fight it and live together, be happy. Still my life sucks seriously. Ok is not as bad as other who are unfortunate to not have homes and shelter and parents who love them. I don’t have any financial problems. Sigh still I do have a problem with this. I hate school cause people r stubby there and mistreat u there. Me I hate it cause no one gives a damn about you. Indifference. Do u know what’s it like to go through school everyday to be ignored? To not be invited to parties? To not feel cared. To be like dirt to them? I have to do this 5x a week for last 2 years. For those who watch one tree hill, a few weeks a ago they show the inside of a guy who feels neglected. He couldn’t take any more bullying so he brought a gun to school to kill him. As any drama, it ended up screw up. He shoot and miss and hit one of the main character. the whole school went to lockdown. Most of the kids escape but blab the main characters, which they are stuck with the shooter. I can understand his pain so well I just cry. Also school is not a problem. Is me with no will. See school used to be fun for me but I got so distracted last year. See 10th grade was becoming a lot harder than I imagine. I work so hard just to keep up my As. The price I paid is that I lose my will. The will to do anything but work. I have been working for my whole life cause I have learning disability. I work 5x harder than anyone here and I get lesser grade than average student. Do u know how it feels to work so hard to get a grade while some guy who didn’t study at all and gets an A. I feel ridicules. My parents are very loving ppl, yes but they ignore my problems. They been teenagers before and knows how I feel. They just said “time will heal things”. Well I been waiting for 1 and half year of time to heal and what do I get? MORE PAIN. I’m lucky to have friends at a art school I go to and feel like I belong there cause I belong no where. Sometimes I wonder if I am a good friend. Everybody loves me there so why do I ask? Well a couple of months ago my friend committed suicide and I was the last person she talk to. Do u know how helpless u feel when your friend tells u she gonna commit suicide? That you have to be the last person to talk to and can’t do anything. I listen helplessly as she said the words. I feel as though I wasn’t a good friend. No matter what is my fault that she died cause I wasn’t good enough…..I wasn’t strong enough. This world I absolutely hate it. But still I gave myself a purpose. I given myself I was born here to save the world. To help the ppl. Just to let this out of the way I don’t believe in god. Christians ppl may bring ppl to hope and Christianity and such but they let the world died. I mean isn’t that against what God’s asking for? Is the world TOO evil to be saved? I think it’s deserve a chance of hope that it could save. I want to say the world but is getting diffuclty of the trails and problems I face. Common ppl may thinks, “hey your only 17, deal with it” Is not just a teenage problems. I happen to be very intelligent in philosophy, psychology, human relations and art. I want to use what I have learn and read from books and put them to good uses. I want to volunteer and help kids who are need in Africa. But I feel I am too limited to help everybody. I am just one man….one kid. I am just gonna watch helplessly as the world destroy itself. I don’t want response from you saying “oh just fend for yourself and let evil ppl destroy themselves” I don’t like those response. Maybe all these punishments are trials to prove if I am worthy to save the world…..or god/fate is teasing me of my miseries and want to see my failed cause I am a heretic to their superiors spirit. Maybe God is just punishing me and perverting me to fall in love with the girl I love, so he makes her date someone. Back to my love life. I still don’t want to give up on her but is so difficult when she likes and dating someone. U guys must have felt it when u watch a girl u like or love dating someone else. Is so hurtful. She say that she wants only him and wants to be with him. That hurts deeply. Also what’s worse is that so many guys likes her. I’m like in some kind of race or something to win her heart. What’s pathetic is that she lives 500 miles away from me and I CAN”T DO A DAMN ABOUT IT. She thinks she can’t handle a long distance relationship with me….i hate that. That is the reason the 1st person she love did the same too. Her b/f couldn’t handle the long distance relationship and met someone else. It just happen to be repeated to me MEEE. She couldn’t handle it and her friends just have to set her up with someone else. What hurts me even more is that I found out it through her friend. Damn it It was so hurtful. I keep saying why and why. I know the pain is like the 1st time u walk or say abc. U don’t know what to do or how to adapt to it at the 1st time. Again is hard to talk to my parents of my problems. I talk to my mom but she keep saying my problems r nothing compares to others. She just completely ignores it and I feel hurt cause a problems a problems and I need someone to talk to and help me fix it. My dad is just u know a man, can’t talk to him. Now even worse cause I can’t tell my best friend my problems cause I think I am just so much a burden to her. We used to have so much fun but now all I do I whine and made her suffer. I am forever damned and shame for that. I just want to be with her and hopes everything works out. I want it to work when I visit her this summer. I want her to love me. But am I being too selfish? See even though she doesn’t love me, we still care for each other deeply. She know she hurts me and she just want me to be happy. She prays for me everyday. I think her b/f is just another obstacle for me to win her heart. But am I being too arrogant to listen and believer her? I still want to fight for her but I feel like is getting impossible everyday and all I do is making her suffer. I feel like I am trapped and cornered, no one to talk to. I feel even more isolated than before. I feel so hopeless. I feel like I am losing my will to do anything. I just want to change but is so hard…….I just want to sleep, where I am at peace. No more thinking, no more suffering just sleep. Where my self-conscience abandons me……why am I doing this to myself. I feel as though I am pleading for help. Maybe I am….maybe I am. I just feel I’m hopeless……….i ask u ppl is there hope for me and her to become a couple……is there a possibility………..my pains are killing me I need sleep…….nite

How ya doing, buddy?

First of all, paragraphs. They are a device of language and writing used to seperate lines of thought.

Second, if she really wants to be friends then that's better than nothing. Perhaps you're taking THAT for granted too? I'm guessing you're young, and you've got a long time...do what you can with her and try not to let your apparent need for a relationship get you down yet.

Third...she's 500 miles away from you? No, there really isn't anything you can do about things. In order for you to actually be friends (and make some headway with her) you have to be able to spend time with her and not just online. Try calling her or something.

(And this should probably go to ANGST!)

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Wow. You really need to use paragraphs.

Here's the thing. When adults tell you things like "You're only 17. This will pass," it's because they've been there and they know what you're going through. Emotions are confusing and most importantly, EXAGGERATED, when you're a teenager. It's not just people feeding you a line of bullshit; it's reality. It will pass. You just have to ride it out.

I don't know anyone who didn't feel alone and different and rejected at your age. It's something people have to go through. The best thing you can do is try not to dwell on your problems and believe people who are older and more experienced when they tell you that this situation and these feelings are temporary.

I'm sorry about your friend, but you have to realize that you're not responsible for her death. When a person is suicidal, there's very little another person can do to help them, unless you happen to be a trained psychiatrist.

Also, about this girl you "love," try to move on. If you're meant to be with her, you will be, and worrying about it isn't going to help you, especially if she knows how you're agonizing over her. If you don't listen to anything else I've said, listen to this: girls are repulsed by guys who are obsessed with them. If she wanted you, she'd be with you. She doesn't, so you have to move on. Begging, pleading, crying, screaming...none of that is going to help you win her. In fact, it's going to make her lose all respect for you.

Good luck to you.

How ya doing, buddy?

Waaah waaaah waaaaaah.


This thread is closed until you can learn how paragraphs work.

Seriously, if you can't have enough courtesy to put your problems forth in a legible manner, why should anyone help you in return? You're too damned needy.

CLOSED.

How ya doing, buddy?