Of All The Traits about me....

...This has got to be the shittiest. I'm not sure if there's a word for it, but let me explain.

I'm inherently a very shy person to new people that I don't know. I have little desire to get to know people that I don't already know. Yes, I'm an Introvert. That's not nearly as bad though. If I know a person, I'm much more likely to hold a conversation with them, regardless of gender.

Now here's the odd part.

I tend to completely silence myself when any relationship opportunity pops up. Like, if there's a girl that I like that's in the vicinity, I will just grow silent, even if I was talking obnoxiously or shouting loudly the moment before. I don't know why, but if its just any girl that I have no interest in I will act normally. Otherwise, I just become mute. I also tend not to make eye contact with them either, like if we were in a group, I'd always look away. Any third person who was watching would think that I'm just ignoring her, which sucks for me. No matter how hard I try to change, I always revert back to this. And I really can't explain why.

Well, that's me. Does anybody else share this problem with me, or am I just odd? If there was just one thing that I hate about myself, this is it.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I guess it's better than my situation. I'm totally the kind of person that likes to go out and be social, but because of the social climate in Southern California, it's difficult to just approach people you don't know without them being totally put-off, at first.

So, even though I do have a large number of friends, I often find myself feeling isolated and bored.

I used to be sort of an introvert, actually and I don't know what it was, but after I got out of high school there was like a complete paradigm shift.

How old are you? It might just be that you're coming into your own, this is the time when you need to crush that fear. Everyone has a certain level of inhibition in this regard, the people who are successful in starting relationships (business, platonic, romantic, etc.) are the people who learn to ignore this fear.

I mean, seriously, the worst they can do is tell you to fuck off, and then you know they're not the kind of people you want to waste your time with. Dust yourself off and try again, make conscious efforts and eventually it becomes habituated behavior.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I just turned 19 actually, I just got out of High school and am in my first year of College. I've been trying to break this habit for like 3 years now and haven't been successful.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Well have you ever had a relationship before? Maybe you are scared of getting hurt because of bad relationship(s) before? And do you know if you are doing it because you are 'scared' or 'nervous'? A good way to practice looking at a person: Instead of looking into their eyes, try to look a little above their nose. I guess that's a start :P

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Hm. I'm not sure what the social climate is like where you are, Omni, but I do know that I've always had a little difficulty and a little apprehension when it comes to approaching new people, especially girls. A simple exercise, one that you can do with a friend so that you've got someone to kick you back into the fray, is to go to a mall and make it a goal to introduce yourself to 100 women. You can be very up-front about it, too: "Excuse me, I'm here with my friend trying to introduce myself to 100 women. It's an experiment I'm doing, to see if it'll make me more comfortable in social situations. My name's (insert name here), nice to meet you. Have a good day." It's EXTREMELY awkward and weird the first few times, but after the first 5 or 10, you start to see "Hey, most people will let me approach them, and the more comfortable I am, the more comfortable they are."

It was kind of like that for me when I first started working in retail, because we were required to approach every customer, let them know we'd be around to help, and exchange names even if they were "just looking around." It was tough to get used to it and figure out how to incorporate the name exchange smoothly, but just doing it more helped, and my coworkers were doing it too so I was able to ask them or observe them. Which is why bringing a friend along would help you approach people, cause you can compare "tactics" so to speak.

This exercise can help with a lot of things... your body language, your eye contact, and the way you speak to people when you first meet them. All three are important.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Haha! I've never gotten that reaction. I've gotten one or two weird looks and the question "Uh... what, did you not get out enough when you were growing up?" but usually I just laugh and say "Nah, I'm just one of those overly-nice guys who's always been really boring and really shy around women, and I'm trying to turn into a studly bad-ass witty manly man. But it was nice to meet you anyway!"

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Haha, That's a nice idea, but definitely not a good idea around here. Around here, that'd probably have the opposite effect. ^.^

FELIPE NO

Really? Do you really think so? Now you've got me curious. I know a promise on the internet is worth less than a penny, but I will honestly bet you $20 on this. If you're willing to just try it, and within 10 girls you're still only getting negative responses, I will send you the money. Seriously. (This is only an offer for him, everyone, cause I know some of you would sit there and lie about it, saying you tried it and it didn't work and you want your money, when all you did was play Final Fantasy all day.)

I don't even want you to send me $20 if it DOES work and you get some positive responses. It's worth it enough to me just to know the truth. Plus it'd be cool to think "hey, this guy's more confident with approaching women, cause he tried a suggestion I gave him. That's awesome." I really think that if you can get some positive responses within 10 women, that you could probably even get some phone numbers within 20 or 30, and you'd definitely have more confidence by then too.

What do you say? Willing to try? You don't have anything to lose, the only negative you could suffer would be just ten women out of millions thinking "okay, I hope I never run into him again." But I seriously doubt even THAT would happen.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by Ayos

Really? Do you really think so? Now you've got me curious. I know a promise on the internet is worth less than a penny, but I will honestly bet you $20 on this. If you're willing to just try it, and within 10 girls you're still only getting negative responses, I will send you the money. Seriously. (This is only an offer for him, everyone, cause I know some of you would sit there and lie about it, saying you tried it and it didn't work and you want your money, when all you did was play Final Fantasy all day.)

I don't even want you to send me $20 if it DOES work and you get some positive responses. It's worth it enough to me just to know the truth. Plus it'd be cool to think "hey, this guy's more confident with approaching women, cause he tried a suggestion I gave him. That's awesome." I really think that if you can get some positive responses within 10 women, that you could probably even get some phone numbers within 20 or 30, and you'd definitely have more confidence by then too.

What do you say? Willing to try? You don't have anything to lose, the only negative you could suffer would be just ten women out of millions thinking "okay, I hope I never run into him again." But I seriously doubt even THAT would happen.

I was actually thinking of where I'm from....but, since I'm at college right now....I'm actually curious now too, since it's a bit easier now because the Semester just started....I'll take you on that. Between now and the next week, I will attempt to meet/introduce myself to 10 people I've never seen before. For now, gender is no object.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Okay, but the $20 deal is for if you try it with women, using my approach. Cause that's kind of the point - seeing if it helps you become more confident and comfortable with approaching women. But you can start out with just people for now and build up to that. The offer's good whenever you think you're ready to try it. It's more effective if you do a bunch in the same few-hour period, rather than say, one or two a day, across a week.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I'll be honest, Omnislash, I suffer from a similar problem. I just don't have the ability to strike up a conversation with a stranger nor carry one if they start it. I don't know what past experience, if any, is holding me back. But, like you, I wish I could make it go away.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.