Sex: Take It Or Leave It

I was inspired by another thread to create this one. Are you one of those people who just doesn't care much for sex and doesn't see what all the hype is about? Are you or have you ever been involved with someone like this?

I dated someone exactly like this once. He just didn't care a thing for sex and made no bones about it. He assured me that he would do it for me until the end of time since he loved me and wanted to make me happy, but it just wasn't on his list of favorite things to do. I couldn't go along with that, unfortunately, and I've always wondered how people like this manage to function in relationships or marriages, since I would imagine it would be pretty difficult to find someone else who shares this indifferent attitude about sex.

Tell it, people.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Do I really need to answer this question? I personally think people who are indifferent to sex are either a) bad at it so they become self-conscious, or else b) the people they've been sleepin with are terrible at it, so they get put off it. Only logical possibilities.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

you left one out:

c) have never had sex, and therefore don't have any real valid opinion about it at all until they do.

How ya doing, buddy?

Sure, Tama, but I was assuming that people who have never had sex aren't going to launch into a tirade about how much they hate it.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Well, yeah, but I'm talking about people who you know for a fact have had sex and just don't care for it one way or the other.

And there really are people like this, as unbelievable as it may seem. Like I said, I dated one.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by Denicalis

Do I really need to answer this question? I personally think people who are indifferent to sex are either a) bad at it so they become self-conscious, or else b) the people they've been sleepin with are terrible at it, so they get put off it. Only logical possibilities.

I think that medical reasons are a more likely cause:

c1) One of their hormones directly related to sexual desire and enjoyment is low (e.g. testosterone)

c2) Suffering from depression or other brain chemical imbalance that limits the experience of pleasure

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

I suppose I should have put a big [/sarcasm] tag on the end of that post to make it more obvious for you there, SS?

FELIPE NO

Regardless of the cause, how many of you could knowingly enter into a serious, long-term relationship with someone like that?

I mean, I'm sure there are people who could forego a great sex life in order to be with someone they truly loved. I'm not one of those people, but surely they exist.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Not me. Being a good fuck is in my top 3 needs in a relationship. And if you don't enjoy it, you're not going to be good at it. Period. And anyone who argues "there are more important things", sure... but sex is up there. A relationship with bad or little to no sex is just friendship. I have lots of friends. I don't need one that takes up the majority of my time with no distinct benefits.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Well, it was my post that inspired this thread, and I'm quite happy to admit that Denicallis could have a a point. The fact is that until I did get laid, I presumed that sex was going to be great, and that it would go on to be a major preoccupation of my life. Instead it just didn't do anything for me. Since then I've pretty much given up on seeking a relationship, but I don't regret that decision in the slightest. There are multiple reasons why I'm not seeking a relationship, but my lack of interest in sex is one of them.

I should also point out that I do enjoy physical intimacy, but not the act itself. It's not that I lack a libedo entirely, it's just that sex really doesn't appeal to me, physically. I don't enjoy it.

Originally Posted by AliceNWondrland

Regardless of the cause, how many of you could knowingly enter into a serious, long-term relationship with someone like that?

In my case, it's so seriously not even an issue. There are so many reasons I'm not looking to date anyone right now that sex is the least of them. My lack of desire comes as a blessed relief, considering.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Wow. That's exactly how this guy was that I dated. He was extremely touchy-feely-kissy, but when it came to sex - and it wasn't that he hated it - he just didn't really want it. Ever.

I wouldn't give up on having a relationship entirely, Soluzar, as long as you're realistic about the fact that it's going to be much more difficult to find someone who shares your attitude, which it sounds like you are. I'm quite certain that there are women out there who would be just as happy if they never had to bother with sex.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by AliceNWondrland

Wow. That's exactly how this guy was that I dated. He was extremely touchy-feely-kissy, but when it came to sex - and it wasn't that he hated it - he just didn't really want it. Ever.

I wouldn't give up on having a relationship entirely, Soluzar, as long as you're realistic about the fact that it's going to be much more difficult to find someone who shares your attitude, which it sounds like you are. I'm quite certain that there are women out there who would be just as happy if they never had to bother with sex.

We call them Shin's ex-girlfriends.

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Originally Posted by AliceNWondrland

Wow. That's exactly how this guy was that I dated. He was extremely touchy-feely-kissy, but when it came to sex, it wasn't that he hated it. He just didn't really want it.

Yeah, that sounds familiar alright. I'm sure it wasn't me, though, on account of being on another continent at the time.

Quote:

I wouldn't give up on having a relationship entirely, Soluzar.

Ahh, but it's a learned skill, you know? It doesn't come naturally, being in a relationship. There are all sorts of hidden rules and things that you only learn by doing, and I've somehow got to a certain age without really playing the dating game much. Not to mention the fact that I'm a head-case. You read Lehah's emo/depression thread, so you know that I'm not playing with a full deck, emotionally speaking. Or something. :ashamed:

I'm 30 years old, and I've never had a relationship that I would describe as in any way healthy. I've dated for a total of less than 2 years in my life, and a year of that was with someone I met over the internet, and only saw once in real life. Overall, I find the whole business too confusing and bothersome to be worth the effort. I don't let it bother me.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Hmm, is it just me or is the consensus thus far in this thread seems to say that lacking a libido is akin to having some sort of disorder.

If so, then consider me diagnosed!

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Well, do you think it's normal? Be honest.

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As normal as homosexuality.

It may not be natural, but it still can be normal.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by Dullenplain

As normal as homosexuality.

It may not be natural, but it still can be normal.

This statement could open up a whole big can-o-worms, but I won't derail my own thread.

Let me rephrase my question. Maybe then I'll get an answer that isn't quite so convoluted. Do you agree that not having a desire for sex would be viewed by most people as a "disorder"?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Of course, we are conditioned by birth, hormones in puberty, and later on by culture to accept that everyone wants to have sex at some point in their lives. If any of those factors fail to contribute to that natural tendency, then of course people will start to look for what is "wrong". Are they lacking in key hormones? Are they repressed? Mental trauma?

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by AliceNWondrland

Let me rephrase my question. Maybe then I'll get an answer that isn't quite so convoluted. Do you agree that not having a desire for sex would be viewed by most people as a "disorder"?

That question is based on a reductive definition of "sex" but yes. When I use the term I too use the same reductive definiton, but it's not accurate. Some of the things that I do desire are definitely sexual. They simply are not copulation.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by Soluzar

That question is based on a reductive definition of "sex" but yes. When I use the term I too use the same reductive definiton, but it's not accurate. Some of the things that I do desire are definitely sexual. They simply are not copulation.

I'm in that category too. I certainly have lust and other things that give me the feelings, albeit on a slightly reduced level than normal. I just don't find the the act of sex all that interesting.

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If the first question your date's asking when you come home whether you want to have sex with him, then something's might be wrong.

To answer your question: No, I don't really know what the hype is all about. Especially when I go to the kiosk and see magazine frontpages saying "100 WAYS TO LIVE HEALTHIER BY HAVING SEX" or "WANT SOME COOL PRESENT FOR YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S BIRTHDAY? WHAT ABOUT SOME PENIS ENLARGEMENT OPERATION"

Seriously, "rolleyes"!

I was speaking idiomatically.

Sex is great and all, but I find myself intimidated by the risks associated with it. Like getting a girl pregnant? Fuck that. I have sex like a bomb squad technician.
The stress associated with that tends to reduce my desire somewhat, so I guess until I am in a stable and secure relationship, the costs of sex will outweigh the benefits. Most of the time.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

AliceNWondrland to answer your question: I enjoy sex. It is something that I will only ever share with the woman I am marrying and it is one of our most intimate experiences. This isn’t to say that I am a sex fiend that wants it 24/7 but I do rather enjoy it when the mood strikes us that way.

For those who have no sex drive, while I might find that odd it isn’t necessarily wrong, but I think a lack of appreciation for the experience belittles the act itself. As someone else has already said, sex is an important part of a healthy life long relationship.

FELIPE NO

I dig sex. About as much as I do a good conversation or even a fight. Hopefully, on of these two events lead to some good sex.

Like most women, though, I am not really capable of just turning "on" or "off." I need to have some reason - some stimulus - to get me going.

Sex in itself is pretty alright. But its what leads UP to the sex that I enjoy more. Maybe the anticipation? Maybe the desire? I'm not sure, but that all seems a lot more gratifying to me than just fucking without any build-up.

Any people out there ever get that complete stomache-drop feeling during foreplay? Sometimes, he'll say something or do something that actually DOES turn my switch.

But yea. I probably tie way too many emotions into my sex, which is why sex isn't fantastic unless I have some kind of anticipation going.

I'd like to add that I have a pretty crazy sex drive. It all really depends on what else is going on around me or in my life. Like, if I just failed my final, chances are I won't be too enthusiastic about fucking unless he starts a fight with me or shows some serious sympathy. ^_^

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by AliceNWondrland

Regardless of the cause, how many of you could knowingly enter into a serious, long-term relationship with someone like that?

I mean, I'm sure there are people who could forego a great sex life in order to be with someone they truly loved. I'm not one of those people, but surely they exist.

I am one of those people who wants to wait until marriage in order to have sex. Not just because of the specialness of it all, but because of the risks. If a person becomes pregnant without marriage, then there's a good chance that the guy will skip out on them and either never contact them again or a risky chance of receiving child support. On the other hand, if the person is married and becomes pregnant (and the guy wants to leave) then they have a better chance of receiving child support and alamony (sp?). It sounds a little cold, but from what I've learned from my friends, the risks are not worth the reward. Not all men are like that, but you never know who is and who isn't.

However, to marry someone who doesn't like sex after I waited for so long would be a tough call to make. On the one hand, I would possibly love that person very much and want to be with them, but on the other hand, I would probably be deprived of an important part of human nature (and cheating on the signifcant other would be wrong).

Jam it back in, in the dark.