I make a great first impression... and little else.

I would actually really appreciate TQP's brand of "tough" on this subject, since I think I might be acting like a total douche.

So, rarely do I meet someone for the first time and we don't get along. I'm a really personable guy. A lot of people like me. But the problem is that after a certain amount of time, I begin to let my guard down and act a bit like "myself". I mean, I'm not a total flaming idiot, and I'm not mean at all, but I think I have a tendency of saying weird jokes, etc. People don't begin to hate me or anything, but they most definitely "deflate" their opinion of me. What was once really high is now pretty average, etc.

I've thought to just be more reserved, but I guess I'm not sure if repression is the way to go. Maybe this is just a question of how free/reserved one should be in public...

Anyway, I used to think that it was individuals I dealt with, but now I realize that it has to be me since this happens often, where it'll be great for a few weeks until I begin to let my guard down and suddenly we are either arguing in small doses (nothing amazing, but it's always different than before) or I sense annoyance on their part.

So I guess I'm asking: Do you know people like that (like me), who are really great until you get to know them? Have you experienced that yourself? Is it natural enough (at least on occasion)? And any specific advice on what I should do, precisely?

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I have met several people in the past who at first seem like perfectly nice, normal people but then after a short period you start to realise they're a bit odd and more importantly, rather annoying. Generally, I just avoid that person until they get the message.

Being odd or different is not in itself a bad thing. What puts people off is being actively irritating. Obviously I've never met you but I personally dislike people who are over-enthusiastic about everything. Big personalities can be really grateing, especially when that person is new to the group. It's important when you meet new people to try to suss out the group dynamics and fit in with it, rather than forcing yourself on them and waiting for them to accept you.

I wouldn't worry about it too much though. Hardly anyone goes through life without making a few friends here and there and so long as you're not trying too hard, you're bound to meet some like-minded people sooner or later.

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Hachifusa, I'm almost like you.
I think a trick is to make them like you and then step down a bit. Observe what kind of person they are and try to adapt their behavior.

You can do weird jokes once in awhile, people will find it funny. But it's not funny if you do it all the time.

This is my look on it

How ya doing, buddy?

I don't know you so I can't tell you what problems you have that you haven't identified. What you did say is that you 'tell weird jokes, etc'. My bet is that you tell a lot of jokes referencing things that these people are not familiar with (for instance, Harry Potter fandom). My recommendation to you is to get a better sense of humor, or failing that, tell jokes that reference topics your audience will be familiar with.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

See now the key is to make a terrible first impression because everything you do after that is an improvement... wait that's a terrible idea.

Personally I'm always myself no matter what. If someone doesn't like it, well that's too bad. Seeing as how I'm not a teenager I don't care if people don't like me. Course seeing as how my parents raised me to be polite, I tend to get along with most people anyhow. Not saying I'm the most popular person around but at least I don't have to pretend I like sports or other random crap that "normal" people seem to care about.

I used to be friends with a girl who always had to make a good impression. She'd always be nice to basicly everyone no matter what. I later realized though that she wasn't really a nice person, she just couldn't handle anyone not liking her. She had maybe 20 people she considered friends but only 3 that really mattered, if she made plans with someone and one of her 3 "important" friends asked to hang out on the very day she was supposed to do something with someone else, she'd drop the plans to hang out with her other friend.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Coming from someone who recently ran into said problem himself, my take is that you need to find someone you trust to be completely honest. I don't want to try and make myself less of who I am, but I find that some of my habits can really hurt me socially.

She has pointed out a few things that will really help me.

It doesn't help me now, but seeing as how I am about to move from one end of the US to the other, in meeting new people it will certainly help.

EDIT: Then I realize that I just necro'd this thread. Damnit.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Happens to the best of us, especially when you were spying using "Who's Online" and saw some guest or search engine bot look at an interesting thread.

Though I must say you certainly named yourself aptly, presciently even

FELIPE NO

Being yourself such isn't a bad thing (as long as it is not too icky). Keep in mind that people's impression will not stay the same; they rise and fall as they know you more and more.

I'm just like you, to be honest. The main differences here is that I'm usually reserved and tend to keep a certain distance towards new people; thus people see me as quiet and well-behaved. But once I feel they get closer, I just let the nature gush out, since I believe if they're my friends, they'll accept it (as long as it is not too weird or something like that). My nature is that I tend to speak out my opinion or criticise things objectively and honestly no matter what.

And as expected, their impression declined a bit but they still think me as their friend and gladly accept the 'sharp words' when they ask my thoughts about something. And if I joke with sharp words, they will throw back the joke with another sharp word too.

So the point is here: do they treat you differently as their impression changes? If the answer's mostly no, then you have nothing to worry. But if the answer's mostly yes, maybe it's time for some retrospection.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

I've learned over time that you can't really change the person you really are no matter how much you try to and forcing a change in behavior is almost the same as lying to yourself and anyone else you associate with.


You have to give things time. You're not going to meet someone and hit it off with them on the first try. You're bound to find someone come across your life that can see who you are truly and show interest.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Since I am going for the same advice at this point...*ahem*

I am stuck in this place for 10 weeks, and we have about 4 more to go. The previously mentioned girl is putting me on for a bit of a roller coaster ride. Either she is the best damned actress in the world, or she goes from wanting me to not.

Granted, she is everything I want in a girl, and socially is the opposite of me. I am the kind of guy who doesn't mind staying in and reading a book, she is the kind who goes out partying at 6 in the evening and doesnt stop til noon the next day. We hit it off so well awhile back and it was great. Now I ask her if she wants to do something and I get the all caps text message back saying "No," though not in so few words. I envy her because she manages the quirky and still gets along with people. I want to change myself as a person just a bit. I just don't know how.

EDIT: Forgot to mention...fuck my life they are in the room next to ours, so I can hear them all the time.

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Be comfortable with who you are and how you go about being yourself.

Confidence and authenticity go a long way.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by MTGNecro

Since I am going for the same advice at this point...*ahem*

I am stuck in this place for 10 weeks, and we have about 4 more to go. The previously mentioned girl is putting me on for a bit of a roller coaster ride. Either she is the best damned actress in the world, or she goes from wanting me to not.

Granted, she is everything I want in a girl, and socially is the opposite of me. I am the kind of guy who doesn't mind staying in and reading a book, she is the kind who goes out partying at 6 in the evening and doesnt stop til noon the next day. We hit it off so well awhile back and it was great. Now I ask her if she wants to do something and I get the all caps text message back saying "No," though not in so few words. I envy her because she manages the quirky and still gets along with people. I want to change myself as a person just a bit. I just don't know how.

EDIT: Forgot to mention...fuck my life they are in the room next to ours, so I can hear them all the time.

This sounds like one of those "wrapped around finger" kinda things. Think things through a bit and feel it. Does it look like something that can go long term? Even if you try to change who you are, will it change how she sees you or how she will act toward you?


Wish I could help more but I dunno. Good luck boss.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

@Capo: Such things cannot be taught and are harder to come along by one's self. I try, but I feel like I come off as an asshole sometimes.

@T48: This...sadly will be temporary. Whims of the military and all. I haven't been so wrapped up about a girl since high school. Still....bout a month left. Gotta enjoy what I can while I can I suppose.

I was speaking idiomatically.

not try so hard, the jokes have to be natural and not offensive, it is obvious that many people eventually get tired of the same people, many are slow to realize that the new people it's just for one day, someone has to give.

How ya doing, buddy?

I suspect that if he still hasn't made any friends since September 2008, he's probably either resigned himself to his fate or topped himself.

FELIPE NO

I know now, sorry, oh it's embarrassing

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

No worries.

Laughing at lonely people is always worth a bit of thread necromancy.

Jam it back in, in the dark.