Fortune Cookies

I got a really cool fortune in my fortune cookie.

"When the moment is right, take the last one from the left."

Now that's a fortune that may actually come in handy. What are some fortunes you've gotten?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

The standard bullshit that you usually find in aesop's fables.

Can't remember any good ones though.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

We don't have fortune cookies here. At least I never found one yet.

How ya doing, buddy?

Once I got a fortune cookie that said, "You will attend a party where strange customs prevail." I thought it was pretty cool because of how specific it was (although it never happened).

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I've had so many fortune cookies because i eat at panda express like every week :P but anyway, the last one i got said, "beautiful things await you" : )
i really liked this one also:
"there will always be delightful mysteries in your life"

i thought this one was kinda funny:
"you are the life of any party" (i'm pretty sure i'm not :P)

i wasn't sure if this one was good or bad :/
"your most memorable dream will come true"

and the other ones are usually about coming into a fortune/troubles will cease/work will pay off... whatever, i just got fired!

I was speaking idiomatically.

I once got one that said:

"Beware, Elixir is fat and will eat you"

Other than that, just the usual bulldoody

"You will find new love"
"You will meet someone interesting"
"The internet is not for you"

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by doldrums

i wasn't sure if this one was good or bad :/
"your most memorable dream will come true"

I never got that cookie, but that sure did happen to me at one point =P

FELIPE NO

I got one once that said, "Confucius say:" and then proceeded with some ridiculous Hallmark message. I still found it vaguely racist.

I would love to throw in a few fortunes with ominous intentions. "If you listen to her, you shall surely die" is certainly a bit more fun to read in a group than, "You'll be happy forever!"

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

I have a little box I've collected a bunch in, they amuse me too much.

I once got a BLANK fortune.

Best one I have sitting around says, "It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are."

My favorite I've gotten is probably, "You are an angel. Beware of those who collect feathers."

So... how many people have picked up the tradition of adding "in bed" at the end for shits and giggles?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I never had any memorable ones... My dad on the other hand, got one I'll never forget.

"The fortune you seek is in another cookie."

There's nowhere I can't reach.

"In youth and beauty, wisdom is rare."

So very true.

(I initially kept it only because it was the first fortune to have my favorite number on it [5, by the way].)

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I'm a big fan of keeping/collecting my fortunes... most have been stored in the scrap book that I started making last summer and just never finished.

There are some that I really like reading and at least trying to use...
"Happiness begins with facing life with a smile and wink." (Wait, I'm flirting with life?)
"Your dreams are never silly, depend on them to guide you."
"Nothing in the world is accomplished without passion."
"If Winter comes, can Spring be far behind?"

Then there are the funny/baffling ones:
"Your luck has been completely changed today." (Wait... what if I've been having good luck? Fuck.)

But my all-time favorte fortune is really my favorite because it works so amazingly well with the 'in bed' game:
"You have unlimited power and stamina"... in bed! ='D

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

"Man who fart in church sit in own pew."

Most amazing jew boots

I once opened one that had a sheet of paper which said "MADE IN MEXICO".

I was tempted to go to the cashier and demand a CHINESE fortune cookie instead of this fake galleta. But I kept it to myself =d Still curious of what jokester did that...

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by Devoxycontin

That happened to you too? I was just like "uh what kind of fortune is this?"

The cookie was made of failure and empty promises

FELIPE NO

"Help. I'm stuck in a fortune cookie factory."

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

My favorite is, "If the human mind were simple enough to understand, then we wouldn't be able to understand it." It says a lot, and it says it well.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Never really had a fortune cookie. We don't have have those over here.

We should make our own fortune cookies, though. Classic phrases would include:

"She's lying and she'll probably cheat on you. Get out while you still can!"

"In case of an emergency, since we don't have any fire exits, you're screwed."

"Give tips or GTFO"

"I hope you enjoyed your fortune cookie. It was poisoned."

"Duck."

"Do you really believe in this shit?"

etc.

Most amazing jew boots

A friend of mine in college once made Misfortune cookies. I don't remember what one I got, but one of them was, "Jesus loves everybody except you."

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by Gechmir

I once opened one that had a sheet of paper which said "MADE IN MEXICO".

I was tempted to go to the cashier and demand a CHINESE fortune cookie instead of this fake galleta. But I kept it to myself =d Still curious of what jokester did that...

Well, seeing as the fortune cookie was invented in America, there's technically no such thing as a Chinese fortune cookie We don't even have them over there.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?