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Society's unwritten rules.
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Syndrome
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Old Oct 1, 2006, 03:49 PM Local time: Oct 1, 2006, 10:49 PM #1 of 101
Society's unwritten rules.

Uh-oh, I'm getting nightly philosophic.

Do you sometimes stop and think of the so called unwritten rules in our society? What I mean is like, how you are supposed to shake hands when you meet someone. How you are supposed to dress to be popular.

I've always disliked this rule of alhocol is some sort of.. mandatory social activity #1. So I'm boring just bacause I don't want to come along and drink? Fine.

Do you follow these rules like a slave? Maybe you rebel against it, or maybe you don't give a shit about it. Are there huge differences between these rules in different cultures?

Share your opinions.

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Old Oct 1, 2006, 04:04 PM Local time: Oct 1, 2006, 04:04 PM #2 of 101
Meh. I think many of the unwritten rules are proper things to do. Such as shaking hands, and type of dress. But you also have to think, that its a part of the culture of Western Society. Things are different with different societies, and as a result, share different unwritten rules.

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Old Oct 1, 2006, 04:14 PM #3 of 101
wait...these things actually exist? I thought they were just scary things adults tell their children so that they'd behave better in public. I mean, I really don't know of any or maybe I've just never thought about it before...I keep myself fully clothed when I have visitors, so that must count for something

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Old Oct 1, 2006, 04:35 PM #4 of 101
One of the managers at my place of work mentioned that he found it really off-putting if someone didn't give a firm handshake. Or if they didn't put their hand all the way forward so that the webs between thumb and forefinger met. In which case, shaking improperly might cost you a job. =(

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Old Oct 1, 2006, 05:19 PM Local time: Oct 1, 2006, 03:19 PM #5 of 101
Yea, I found the hand shaking deal a bit dodgy. I never know what these people are going to do. I'm used to one swift motion of up and down but these guys want to take it a step further and add 3 more steps to it. Awkward the first time but it gets better once you know who does what.

Also, I just met this girl last Friday. I didn't know her at all and she gave me a hug before she left. I was gonna shake her hand too but she leaned in first.

Oh, and is it true about how sidewalk walking is supposed to imitate traffic in the sense that there are "lanes" depending on which way you're going? I've been told this but rarely ever witness it.

I was speaking idiomatically.
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Old Oct 1, 2006, 07:50 PM Local time: Oct 1, 2006, 07:50 PM #6 of 101
Yeah, the sidewalk thing is pretty true there. Same thing when entering and exiting buildings. I know a building on campus here that has complete separate doors for going in and out, and if some goes in the out, everyone stares them down... Besides, the entrances can only fit one way traffic on each side. You can't move over to allow two way traffic.

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Old Oct 1, 2006, 08:03 PM #7 of 101
I hate people that don't obey the "lanes" on a sidewalk. When people are walking side by side and taking up the whole sidewalk, how am I supposed to move by them? What, should I move into the street and get run over by a car? I hate people that don't move.

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Old Oct 1, 2006, 08:15 PM Local time: Oct 1, 2006, 05:15 PM #8 of 101
My rabbi taught me the "proper" handshake technique just prior to my Bar Mitzvah. First, he said, make sure you give them a firm, yet not too firm grip. Next, be sure to look the person in the eye and smile. Last, a quick 'up and down' will usually suffice.

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Old Oct 1, 2006, 09:34 PM #9 of 101
I cringe repulsively when someone gives me a limp unenthusiastic handshake. It just doesn't feel right to be so apathetic. I've always associated a firm handshake with "goodwill", and not firm, but far from limp handshake to be "nice to meet you (but I'm not really as interested as I should be)". I lose respect instantly if I'm shaking hands with jello.

Walking on the sidewalk reminds me of my walking thread from a while back. It always annoys me that people won't walk on the right side of the sidewalk and almost appear to want to intentionally bump you and force you to decide.

I also do get annoyed when people go through the "in" (at the moment) door and one person wants to "go against the flow" or wait it out. There are usually two doors for a reason, this being one of them.

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Old Oct 2, 2006, 12:38 AM #10 of 101
Sometimes people really like to give overly firm handshakes, and that is as annoying as when people give limp ones. Usually, when people grab too hard, it's because our hands have not fully met yet, and I'm not ready to start shaking, and then I'm sure my hand feels like pudding to them. When shaking hands, a person's hand muscles should have some degree of movement, since the whole hand is moving, and it is probably required for comfort adjustments.

I've definitely noticed the sidewalk lane thing. In grocery stores, lots of people completely ignore those laws, which you would think would appear more obvious since they are maneuvering carts around.

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Old Oct 2, 2006, 12:48 AM #11 of 101
Originally Posted by Summonmaster
Walking on the sidewalk reminds me of my walking thread from a while back. It always annoys me that people won't walk on the right side of the sidewalk and almost appear to want to intentionally bump you and force you to decide.
Oh man, I hate that. It's even worse when there's a group taking up the whole sidewalk and they refuse to bunch up so you can get by.

Isn't there a rule about impeding traffic, for that matter? In the past month I've encountered way too many people just standing in front of a door or in the middle of hall just chatting it up. Where do people get off doing this?

I'm thinking a lot of these unwritten rules should be written...

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Last edited by Will; Oct 2, 2006 at 12:52 AM.
Dark Nation
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Old Oct 2, 2006, 01:26 AM Local time: Oct 1, 2006, 11:26 PM #12 of 101
I'm lazy, but there was an excellent Journal Entry where the Guy Rules for the Bathroom was codified into a PDF (With Screenshot Goodness), of the rules guys always (At least hopefully) follow when in a restroom.

Another one I can think of is letting a car segue into a lane if the one the car is in is becoming closed (Simple term for it, forgot), I mention this because some dick was all almost crashing into my carpool's car near my house where a lane was restricted to one lane, and the fag was all trying not to let us in, even though my carpool's driver had the blinker on. Then the idiot has the nerve to honk his horn when he brakes. OH well, fuck em'.

Double Post:
Oh, forgot to mention: Apparently if you don't want to go to the Club, you're like the worst person ever.

funny thing is, every time I've WANTED to go to the Club, shit has come up and so plans have averted to any activity OTHER than 'The Club'.

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Last edited by Dark Nation; Oct 2, 2006 at 01:28 AM. Reason: Automerged additional post.
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Old Oct 2, 2006, 01:58 AM Local time: Oct 1, 2006, 10:58 PM #13 of 101
Girls don't release gas in front of other people. Men do it. Women aren't allowed to do it.

I've never heard a girl release gas before, besides my little sisters.

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Old Oct 2, 2006, 02:29 AM Local time: Oct 2, 2006, 12:29 AM #14 of 101
Speaking of handshakes, I hate it when people start the motion but don't actually follow through. They'll stick their hand out and I'll reach to clasp it, and then they'll do a REALLY COOL pull-away thing or slap or something, except I'll be expecting a shake so I grab their hand. They're trying to pull away and I'm just left randomly holding on, which is extremely awkward.

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Old Oct 2, 2006, 02:49 AM #15 of 101
Oh yeah, like a bunch of people won't insist how they're either rebels or don't care. Admitting you're a conformist is also a social faux-pas, you know.

Originally Posted by Syndrome
I've always disliked this rule of alhocol is some sort of.. mandatory social activity #1. So I'm boring just bacause I don't want to come along and drink? Fine.
The idea is you go out with your friends in a rambunctious atmosphere. You can order soft drinks at a bar too!

Edit: I think I follow the rules of the handshake okay but it's not like I ever asked or anything. I'm basically a handshake newbie. I need to learn how to shake hands properly in a relaxed, confident environment. Are there handshaking seminars I can attend? Maybe get a handshaking guru? I NEED TRAINING

FELIPE NO

Last edited by Sarag; Oct 2, 2006 at 02:52 AM.
Kazyl
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Old Oct 2, 2006, 04:10 AM Local time: Oct 2, 2006, 02:10 AM #16 of 101
Originally Posted by Prosthetic
Girls don't release gas in front of other people. Men do it. Women aren't allowed to do it.

I've never heard a girl release gas before, besides my little sisters.
There are a lot of double standards to comment on. Far too many.

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Old Oct 2, 2006, 04:33 AM Local time: Oct 2, 2006, 05:33 PM #17 of 101
SCT?

Yeah, I do stop and think about such things occasionally. According to one of my lecturers, such unwritten rules of society goes by the name of the Social Contract Theory. Not sure if there are books on this subject but it'll sure be helpful if there were some.

Originally Posted by Sakabadger
Speaking of handshakes, I hate it when people start the motion but don't actually follow through. They'll stick their hand out and I'll reach to clasp it, and then they'll do a REALLY COOL pull-away thing or slap or something, except I'll be expecting a shake so I grab their hand. They're trying to pull away and I'm just left randomly holding on, which is extremely awkward.
Yeah, that IS really crappy. I've been a victim of that several times though it happens much less nowadays. Come to think of it its more like the guys doing the pull away thing thats uncool - at least in , for a lack of a better phrase, more cultivated company.

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Old Oct 2, 2006, 05:12 AM #18 of 101
The handshake thing I get, no matter how apathetic you may be, it's just common courtesy to have some life in your handshake.

Couple months back, I was ordering my food (obviously at a restaurant) and got funny looks from everyone at the table and the waiter because I didn't let the ladies order first...first time in 18 years I've ever heard that unwritten rule. Next time I waited for my sister to order and got yelled at by my folks to hurry up and order my food.

Then I figured out this method of actually *waiting* for the waiter to look at you, and I haven't had any problems.

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Old Oct 2, 2006, 10:01 AM Local time: Oct 2, 2006, 11:31 AM #19 of 101
i am a big rebel about these things, sometimes I just do stuff on purpose to be different. I remember my high-school grad, all the girls where weaing the slim figure shaping dresses, so I go a wear a victorian style dress... I like those kind anyway. I was amusing bcause I am the smallest girl in class and all the fat chicks wanted to wear the figure shaped dresses, they always obey the rules of the current style no matter how bad it looks.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.
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Old Oct 2, 2006, 10:51 AM #20 of 101
Originally Posted by Antignition
Couple months back, I was ordering my food (obviously at a restaurant) and got funny looks from everyone at the table and the waiter because I didn't let the ladies order first...first time in 18 years I've ever heard that unwritten rule. Next time I waited for my sister to order and got yelled at by my folks to hurry up and order my food.

Then I figured out this method of actually *waiting* for the waiter to look at you, and I haven't had any problems.
You're supposed to let ladies order first, walk through doors first, etc. You're also supposed to give up your seat to a lady in a crowded waiting room or train. Didn't your parents teach you any manners?

I have only one thing to say in this thread: ELEVATOR ETIQUETTE. When did it become OK to stand with your back toward the elevator doors or strike up a conversation with complete strangers in an elevator? Will is right - somebody needs to write these rules down somewhere.

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Antignition
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Old Oct 2, 2006, 01:53 PM #21 of 101
Ladies get by with way too much. The other shit is common sense...but i've NEVER heard about the ordering thing, from my parents, friends, relatives, whatever.

Guess im hanging out with a bunch of dicks.:doh:

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Old Oct 2, 2006, 03:00 PM Local time: Oct 2, 2006, 10:00 PM #22 of 101
Originally Posted by Antignition
Ladies get by with way too much. The other shit is common sense...but i've NEVER heard about the ordering thing, from my parents, friends, relatives, whatever.

Guess im hanging out with a bunch of dicks.:doh:
Same here.
Also I've never heard about giving up your seat on a train for a girl, only for elders and other people that ovbiously gets by better by sitting down.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?


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Old Oct 2, 2006, 03:35 PM #23 of 101
Maybe it's a southern US thing, but you two would never get a second date with any of the girls I know.

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Old Oct 2, 2006, 04:40 PM #24 of 101
I don't know Alice. I've been in situations with family and friends where the waiter is waiting for an order, and everyone's just looking at each other waiting for someone else to go first. You say "go ahead" and they think it's polite to be demure and say "ono u." It's annoying as all hell. =(

Also, back to handshakes. I don't give women a firm handshake. It just feels wrong, I mean, most of the time their hands feel so thin and delicate, gotta be gentle. Is that bad?

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Old Oct 2, 2006, 05:09 PM #25 of 101
As a woman with small hands, I appreciate it when people are gentle, yet I do know the importance of a firm handshake as well. It's a hard balance sometimes to get it right between genders, but I try.

I also agree that the drinking rule is a bit obnoxious. Going out and having some drinks while being social with friends doesn't bother me. Going out to get drunk and/or to laugh at drunk people throwing up does. Whatever floats your boat I guess, just count me out of the latter.

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