Easy affection

I'm not very used to having peaople treating me nicely. What I mean nicely is in a thoughtful manner. Not like chatting with a smile on or sending birthday gifts, but more of things like asking what's wrong without you saying anything. In my family, we don't have too much contact with each other. Every night, upon arriving home, everybody would lock themselves into their rooms and only come out for a silent dinner at the table. I never really talk to my older sisters. I only have two older sisters as siblings, but we are too many years apart in age to discuss anything personal. They two are more close, so basically I act solo like an only child in the house. So there's never been any "I love you, sweetheart." "I love you too, Mom/Dad." in the house, and that makes me a little bit uneasy when dealing with other people's kindness.
I mean, I love kind acts. But any kind of those, no matter big or small, can make me develope affection toward that person, no matter boys or girls. And it happens VERY easily. Like listening to my troubles. Or asking me what's wrong without me mentioning that I was sick or feeling depressed. Or simply agreeing with me when I had a quarrel with my family. I think that perhaps I'm just seeking companionship, but to develope affection(even relationship thoughts) like that? I don't think it's healthy, and it causes pain within me. However, I can't help it! I even feel like crying when someone ask me about my condition.
I don't want to develope likings this easily. Please lend a hand.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Really, you need to get some counseling. No one here is a professional, but I do think you have a very good understanding of why you gravitate toward people who give you attention, and that kind of self-awareness is important if you're ever going to be able to stop doing this.

This is just an opinion. I have no scientific data to back it up, but I believe that home environments like this are what cause a lot of girls (maybe boys, too, but particularly girls) to become sexually promiscuous.

I think what you do is better than being hard-hearted, but you're right. It is a problem. Maybe just recognizing it will help you to stop doing it.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Alice

I do think you have a very good understanding of why you gravitate toward people who give you attention, and that kind of self-awareness is important if you're ever going to be able to stop doing this.

Agreed. One of the first steps towards finding solutions for personal problems is admitting there's a problem in the first place. If you weren't at least somewhat familiar with the original problem involved in causing these feelings, it might be difficult to remedy your situation.

I'll say this though, I don't really have that close of a connection with my family either, except that I think it's more my fault then it being "everyone's" fault. I distance myself from them which causes me to feel like they're unable to relate to me. However, this mindset has not affected my day-to-day lifestyle and relationships with other people. I pretty much act natuarlly with everyone else except my family...who knows why...

But in your situation, it does sound like you're on to something. Now that you're aware of where your problems might be coming from, it's time to address them. Perhaps seeking out a stronger bond with your family and especially with your friends could help. It's a proven fact that humans need love, and of course love comes in many forms. Generally speaking, love that you receive from just mere friends is often enough to make one feel appreciated. Don't mistake love for just any type of attention though...

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I think you may have a lack of self-confidence. You rely on others' affections and praise to make you happy. You know that they actually acknowledge your existence and you thrive on that attention. That is my two cents; I'm no counselor. But to survive in this dog-eat-dog world, you've got to hold your head high unless someone can just as easily step you down as they can lift you up. Don't hold your happiness so much on others as your sadness can also come from a lack of attention.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by Bolide

I'll say this though, I don't really have that close of a connection with my family either, except that I think it's more my fault then it being "everyone's" fault. I distance myself from them which causes me to feel like they're unable to relate to me. However, this mindset has not affected my day-to-day lifestyle and relationships with other people. I pretty much act natuarlly with everyone else except my family...who knows why...

My position in the family did not trouble me either until recently. My friends and I had some discussions on families and to me their families sound so amazing. They would hug their parents, they go out to have dinner with their older sisters, and they would play with their siblings. There is one girl who has a twin sister, and she explained how life is like being twins. They'd stand on the same line when fighting against their older brother and have dinner outside together after school. "And last week our parents weren't home, so we had to celebrate our birthday alone by the two of us, eating outside. Don't you think it's sad?" If their parents were home, her mom would cook and they'd have a small party with two big cakes. Then I remembered my birthdays- I'd buy a small cupcake and eat it silently in my room. My dad would give me some extra allowance, but that's about it. I suppose the word "alone" works differently for she and I. Whenever I see her happy face upon receiving text message on her cellphone from her twin, I would have a sober feeling rise within me.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Get a puppy. A puppy will love you unconditionally and all you have to do is feed it. Faced with that kind of unthinking affection, you will see that your own willingness to form over the top attachments to people is in fact rather shallow. Anyone who sees how easily you latch on to people will consider your feelings for them somewhat cheapened and you'll find it even harder to form meaningful relationships.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Your family may need to get in on the couseling. I don't know how old you are, but not celebrating your birthdays with you? That's just heartless. It's one thing if they're busy, its another if they just don't take the time to try.

Also, how do your parents act towards your sisters? Do they behave just as distantly with them?

I know that with my family, it just took time. There was no 'I love you's until I left for college. But the feeling, at least, was there.

FELIPE NO

Our family stopped celebrating our birthdays once we graduate from elementary school. They think we're too old for those "Happy Birthday to You" songs around a cake now, I guess. My parents treat us kids equally, but my sisters are quite independent so they're fine.

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No "Happy Birthday Son!" from your parents? Seriously, if my parents never said a thing for my birthday, I'd make a statement. "Do you know how old I am now mom?" Or "Dad, you forget something?" would be said. That's really damn rediculous and unbelievable that they would just treat your birthday like its nothing special.

I have one older sister whos married, and been successful being a music educator. For me, I graduated college but got held back at home to help my father out with his medical complications he's faced for the last 2 years. So therefore, I'm the rotten apple it seems. Despite the unattempt to not advance myself further for my dad's sake, my parents still treat me and my sister evenly.

I'd say your parents still care and love you, but they're the 'passive' type. They just don't want to use emotions on almost anything. What happens at Christmas time I wonder?

If you really want the attention you SO deserve for your birthday, call me and I'll come over with some exotic dancers!!! Uh JK, but seriously, go spend it with some buddies who will want to enjoy it with you.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Shin

Get a puppy. A puppy will love you unconditionally and all you have to do is feed it.

At first I thought this was a silly idea, but maybe it's not so bad. Affection can be expressed in so many different ways, mentally as well as physically. It could well give you a better understanding of it, so you can express it easier and without forethought.

Affection is so seriously underrated IMO. And the rewards of giving and recieving are plentiful.

There's nowhere I can't reach.