How should I treat this self-centered friend?

Right now I have a close (girl) friend in my campus, let's say her name is X. Probably because we are schoolin in political course and have realism as our way of thinking, we somehow become close and enjoy chat with each other about anything.

The problem begins when lately, all friends of mine begin to tell me if X is being bossy, arrogant, and backstabber to other people. At first I think they are wrong, because if though she's basically evil (we are often mocking each other) she is not a backstabber. All my friends begin to exile her from community and as far as I concern, I, with several friends on campus are the only friends she hangs around.

And well, today we had some dispute about group assignment. Primarily, we are intended to form a small group, consist only four person. The quarrel begins when two friends of mine send me a message to join our group, after I replied if I didnt mind to,

But X told me if she didnt want too much members in group, because it wouldnt be effective, the lecturer also said to limit members into five. Afterward, she gave ultimatum to me, if there are two additional members
added in group, she will be the one to separate.

Her words felt like a declaration of war. I feel this is probably the time to end this friendship. I begin to think if what my other friends said actually true after all. She's too bossy, snobby and arrogant, and she doesnt think anybody else but her.

Well, if you were in my position, what would you do? Will you keep befriended with her, or slowly, step away before she backstabs you in the future? Even though our relationship is profiting each other, I couldnt stand her personality. She's too much self-centered these days.

Realist said if there are no permanent friends, only permanent interest. Perhaps it's true after all?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

If I were you I'd probably join the other group and explain to X that they already asked you to join and you already replied that you didn't mind. If X is going to be all bossy and self centered and give you the choice "It's either them or I" than she isn't really a good friend.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Yeah, these situations are pretty shitty. Just make sure that if you toss the friendship it's for a good reason and don't let the other group of friends influence you in any way. Don't throw the friendship away based on "what if in the future she backstabs me" but on what you know for sure.

Anyhow, it sounds like nowadays she's driving you up the wall anyway.

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Thanks for the tips guys. I've been thinking a lot about this, and well... I guess I gotta expect nothing more from our friendship at the moment. I think the best way to out from this situation is to keep distance from her slowly, so she wont percept me as another enemy.

But well, deep inside I still hope we could stay as good friend...

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by eriol33

...
But X told me if she didnt want too much members in group, because it wouldnt be effective, the lecturer also said to limit members into five. Afterward, she gave ultimatum to me, if there are two additional members
added in group, she will be the one to separate.

Her words felt like a declaration of war. I feel this is probably the time to end this friendship. I begin to think if what my other friends said actually true after all. She's too bossy, snobby and arrogant, and she doesnt think anybody else but her.
...

Time spent in debating who stays and who leaves the group is work-time wasted. And TIME IS MONEY (or so they say)...
Leave her to her own. She'll have to learn to respect others, instead of have others yield to her whims.

How ya doing, buddy?

Cutting off your friendship with her seems really unnecessary at this point. You should join the group with your other friends, and she can seperate if she wants to. She's only causing problems for herself, and you shouldn't bend to her will just because she has the nerve to give you an ultimatum like that.

At the same time, this is nothing more than a petty squabble. Why would you distance yourself from her over this? If all you're going by is what your friends have told you and her not wanting to work with those friends that she knows don't like her, then that's not much. Be careful not to put yourself in a situation where she can stab you in the back, but she deserves a chance to show you that she won't.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by eriol33

I couldnt stand her personality. She's too much self-centered these days.

So, you can't stand her personality and think she's too self-centered.
I think you just decided already what you want to do but I'll give you some views leaning towards X for you to consider. I'm only doing this because I have insufficient description on if she's a bitch or not.

#1) Is she more self-centered than normal? Is is a bitchy self-centered attitude or an apathetic-like self-centered attitude? Could X be in a bad mood? People can be in bad moods for days, an entire week, or more because of something bothering them. It happens to all of us, maybe X is just having a bad day or week.

#2) Everyone says she's a bitch but you haven't seen her act that way at all, have you? Be careful with this judgment if you still don't know her well enough.

#3) Bigger groups can be inefficient. Even small groups can be sometimes be inefficient but not as likely. The smaller the group the better the control of ideas and the more organized the group. I too would prefer a smaller group so don't jump to the conclusion of, "It's either me or them".

Lastly, don't forget to consider yourself!! If you still think you can't stand her personality then you know WHAT YOU WANT to do.

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