To marry or not to marry

I was just curious how many of you are already married or is thinking of getting married. Personally, I find the idea of marriage...uh..unappealing at the moment. So what about you guys?

EDIT:
Don't worry anything you say here won't be taken against you If you change your mind somewhere in you life its all alrighty.

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I'll be the "want to marry EVENTUALLY" category.

I think once you're over your mid-twenties you're old enough to make that decision on your own. Marriage is really all about having a financial contract to keep your offspring (hopefully biologically connected to you and your spouse, but we all know that's only an ideal nowadays) safe and secure.

In my mind I would think marriage is about bonding with someone you care and trust to live your life with together. Having kids is a whole 'nother ordeal.

I'm contradicting myself a little when I say this, but marriage is best done with someone you can grow up together with, but kids is just something I feel is better done earlier -- God help me if I ever decide to spawn children; I don't think I can do a much better job at 30 than what I can do at 25 (now). The only factor that might change between the age of 25 and 30 is that I might have graduated from college, got my BS, and possibly be in a higher income bracket than I am currently. That's the only thing that would be better for the child born when I'm 30 rather than the child I can hypothetically have now.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I think you are right about that having children is another story. But isn't it odd that a person should marry without wanting children?

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by Minoko

Don't worry anything you say here won't be taken against you

Unless your wife reads it...

It's fucking difficult, that is for sure.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Eventually. Certainly not until I'm done with college, and maybe even wait a bit then. I've been seeing my current girlfriend for 16 months now; I've got another 15 months until graduation, and I can guarantee nothing's going happen before that date. It's just common sense.

Once it gets to the point where I'm financially stable and am actually making decent amounts of money instead of giving it out, then I might be able to consider such things. Marriage isn't just about love, it's also a serious socioeconomic commitment, and if you do it too early you'll get burned.

My best friend is getting married in August; he proposed after seeing his GF for a month or less and when they get married it'll only have been 9 months. He's got another 2 years of college, she's got at least 3. Personally, I don't care how much you love someone, that's retarded.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by Minoko

But isn't it odd that a person should marry without wanting children?

I don't think it's odd at all. That's like saying you don't really love someone unless you want to have kids with them.

Personally yes I want to get married sometime. As for the whole kids thing, I'm not against having kids so that's more or less up to whoever I'm with. Because she's the one that has to go through being pregnant.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

I chose other, so I guess I should explain myself.

Marriage has no value to me. As a result, I don't care whether I'm married or not to whoever the girl is that I end up spending my life with. If she thinks marriage has value, then I'd absolutely marry her and pretend I give a shit about it, and if she doesn't care/hates marriage, then that's fine by me as well.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by surasshu

If she thinks marriage has value, then I'd absolutely marry her and pretend I give a shit about it.

Somebody back me up here. This is one of the worst ideas I've ever heard of.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by Zephyrin

Somebody back me up here. This is one of the worst ideas I've ever heard of.

YUP.

I'm in the "marriage is a silly idea" category. If you love a person, no legal or religious bond will change anything but your tax returns.

Things get trickier when you want to have kids - at which point, I would actually cave and say "yea, maybe we ought to get married now" if only for the legal and health benefits. I wouldn't do it for a fabricated "family unit" though. I don't know a lot about the kid situation though. All I know is that whether or not I am married to the father of my children, my children should have their father in their life.

I watch people all around me get married and I often wonder what they're thinking.

To me, marriage is just a silly ritual people go through to somehow prove to society that they're taken. I'm not a religious person, and I can understand how marriage means more to other people.

I guess I would hope that *if* I ever get married, I'm doing it for the right reasons. I would expect virtually nothing to change in my relationship, though.

As of right now, I'm in a long-term committed relationship. We're pretty much married, minus the marriage thing and a nice rock on my hand. I don't see why I should need to complicate matters by getting married. I don't need a stupid ceremony to tell the world that I love the man I am with.

I also like the idea that if in the long run my partner and I decide that we're not growing together, things are getting too hard to deal with, or shit isn't healthy in the relationship, we can just part ways. No expensive divorce, no lawyers, no paperwork. Just call it quits, divide up belongings (which is not always easy), and go our separate ways.

How ya doing, buddy?

If I get to choose I'd rather not have to marry, I don't want in any way to be trapped in a marriage that I may regret in the future. I don't see much advantages with marriage really. If it turns out I will have to marry in the future I would at least not have the ceremony in the Christian way in a church or whatever, cause first, I don't want to vow to some God I don't believe in, and I really don't like the thought of spending thousands just for some lame ass ceremony where people will be crying their asses off.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Zephyrin

Somebody back me up here. This is one of the worst ideas I've ever heard of.

Like I said, marriage has no value. If that makes it impossible for me to be involved with someone who thinks marriage is important (as you seem to suggest), then that's fine by me as well. I have dated girls who wanted to marry me before I was ready. Perhaps I'll never be ready, and I really belong in the "will not marry" category, but I just don't know it yet. But--understand that I don't hate marriage, or think it's revolting or would "prefer not to marry", or anything like that. Marriage, to me, is dating.

Then again I'd never marry someone that I wasn't really sure I'd spend the rest of my life with anyway. If only because of the hassle of divorce.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

I'm in the "marriage is a silly idea" category. If you love a person, no legal or religious bond will change anything but your tax returns.

Agreed, but probably for a different reasoning, since same-sex marriage is probably still a long ways away from being "ok". I'd like to get married eventually, but it's not something that I need to get done, especially anytime soon. And chances are, even if I do get married, it won't be a typical ceremony anyway.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I want to get married at some point. I'm far too young at the moment; I'd like to be fairly settled before I receive/give a proposal, but it's certainly something I'm hoping for in the future. I see marriage as a proposition of love for a lifetime, it's sacred to me. I don't believe that any gods will be smiling on my future husband and I but it's a gesture that still holds a lot of meaning.

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Originally Posted by Sassafrass

I'm in the "marriage is a silly idea" category. If you love a person, no legal or religious bond will change anything but your tax returns.

I don't know why but this line seems so bluntly and truthfully said that its funny. (Sorry I have an odd sense of humor). My country is pretty strict on the religious department. So most, if not all would definitely have some sort of marriage ceremony.

Originally Posted by DarkMageOzzie

I don't think it's odd at all. That's like saying you don't really love someone unless you want to have kids with them.

Well about getting married without children thing. I guess it has been wired into my thinking. When you put it like that, I it does seem alright.

Originally Posted by surasshu

Marriage has no value to me.

Would it hurt if I asked why?

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by samari

Agreed, but probably for a different reasoning, since same-sex marriage is probably still a long ways away from being "ok".

It's "ok" here in Massachusetts. Homofags delight in getting their own licenses to wed here.

Stop by sometime! =D

FELIPE NO

Marriage is extremely circumstantial... it can be horrid in many situations, and beautiful in others. I don't feel I can vote in those poll without some circumstances! However, I will say that if you're unsure about marriage you'd be a dumbass to do it.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by Minoko

Would it hurt if I asked why?

It certainly wouldn't. I'm not 100% sure why, but it's probably because my parents are unmarried and happily together for all my life. And they're very pragmatic, so when I asked why they didn't marry the answer was more or less "too much hassle". I guess as a result the romanticism that one would have for marriage is a bit gone for me.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I'm in the category that I want to get married. Its obviously going to happen since I'm getting married this July.

I'll agree with Sass, that you don't need a ceremony to prove to somebody that you love them. If its one thing I can say is that as I'm preparing the wedding it has been very a stressful experience and its not from my future wife but most notably our families.

The thing is I've been very critical of my own religion throughout the planning of this wedding. The thing is that I'm a Roman Catholic and my fiance is a pagan and I found out that roman catholic priest in my area will refuse to marry me to a pagan because they see a pagan or the pagan religion as a tool of the devil. Because of that we are getting married by a Justice of the Peace.

The thing is I do see marriage as important, even though it does have its benefits from a tax return financial point of view, but when I stand up at the wedding, I take the words will love, honour and cherish your significant other for the rest of time with the greatest amount of love and loyalty.

In a sense it is showing the people who are important to you, how much you love this person, but to me its the joining of two families. If its one thing I want to prove to many people of this wedding, is that you don't have to be traditional when it comes to a wedding. We're doing a wide array of things that may seem a little different but it just goes to show that we built this relationship upon respecting everything about each other.

To me, it doesn't really matter what people choose to do especially when it comes to marriage, I have plenty of aunts and uncles that are not married, but have been together with their significant others for over 20 years, and I don't look down to them because they're not married. Couples will do what they want, and as long as they're happy thats the main thing.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

To all the guys here who are in their mid-20s to early 30s are just a bunch of man-teens stuck in arrested development.

For shame!

Nah I'm kidding. I just decided to post those two op-ed pieces because they are pretty relevant to us here. However I do not agree with those two.

Either way, I'll get married eventually once I have a career going with some decent income and such. I would like to live with my girlfriend for a little while as well. And whenever I get married, it certainly will not be an expensive extravagant event. Need some money saved for the honeymoon.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by Bernard Black

I want to get married at some point. I'm far too young at the moment; I'd like to be fairly settled before I receive/give a proposal, but it's certainly something I'm hoping for in the future. I see marriage as a proposition of love for a lifetime, it's sacred to me. I don't believe that any gods will be smiling on my future husband and I but it's a gesture that still holds a lot of meaning.

Far too young? I've offered my hand in marriage like half a dozen times, and "too young" is never the excuse you offer. Sure, there was the time you told me it was wrong because I wanted to get married for legal reasons, and the time you told me you were washing your hair for the rest of your life, and the time you said you couldn't get married because you were already married to your job as a hardboiled New York cop in the rough streets of the Bronx... but never because you were too young.

Also, no, I have no plans to get married. I was engaged once, and that was trial enough, thank you.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Marriage is a joke, not just in this day and age but in general. Moreso today, say the statistics, and I'm not one to disagree with that after watching my friend get married, and then divorced 6 months later.

That being said, I'm not getting married til I'm good and ready, and that won't be til years and years down the road, if ever. Not only do I have to be ready, but she has to be fuckin awesome... and I just don't see that happening. I've set my "marriage material" bar a little too high for any woman to realistically meet those expectations.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Wow..I'm surprised that there seems to quite a number of couples who are together but didn't have a any formal ceremony. This is actually the first time I've heard of such. I guess it really doesn't matter, if you like each other..well you like each other.

@surasshu: thanks for explaining

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Lawl. I'm in the 5th percentile.

FELIPE NO

Marriage in today's western civilization does not work for couples in the 20's. Statistic show that most marry on a whim, and don't really take the proposal under intense consideration.

But the marriage from old is different from the marriage of new. I believe marriages don't last because, today, we have the option to not stay in the marriage if time reveals that what was once thought to be true, becomes false.

Interesting enough, as they mature, they begin to truly filter who they want to be with and start living by their convictions; yielding themselves to never compromise their beliefs. This, in turn, opens up the field to new type of partners that believe what they believe. Indeed it is true that co-habitation has increased tremendously over the years, it still but a small percentage to those who wish to seek their soul mate and come together in a ceremonial practice such as marriage.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

It doesn't surprise me in the least to hear a bunch of teens and 20-somethings to say that they have no interest in marriage ever. It's basically marketed as an overpriced party and the death of your social life after. Before you were interesting, but after you're dead inside and she won't blow you anymore.

For me, if I found someone I wanted to spend most of my life with, I'll marry them. Honestly, I don't want to build a life with someone and find out that, should we break up for whatever reason, I have little protection compared to the protections afforded to couples divorcing. I knew this couple who were big on the whole 'never going to marry' bit while growing up, and then they split up, and he took all the big budget items and left her with the kids. Fuck that.

However, I'm not going to marry until I feel myself dying inside and no longer wanting to give blowjobs. I mean, it only seems fair.

Jam it back in, in the dark.