Blind Dates

I'm the only single female buddy of all of my friends. Everyone is either in a serious relationship or they are married/engaged with kids, and of course they associate me as the "poor kid who we should all help to find a date". So, I've been roped into a blind date that I won't be able to go on until at least September since the guy lives near my college.

The friend hasn't sent me a picture of the guy yet, but this is how she described him so far:

Quote:

*Into Gaming: He loves RPG games and he volunteers as a graphics designer for Illutia.

*Loves origami and even makes his own in shapes of Hagrid and Basilisk

*Helps my friend with story time at a local library (hence the Harry Potter origami) and she specifically says "he's good with kids"

*He's a "good guy" and is interested in finding a "romantic interest".

I gave this description to my other friends and they came up with this conclusion: "A desperate, obease computer geek who is probably very clingy and has low self-esteem." Looks are not as important as personality, but I'm not going to kiss someone that I couldn't stand to look at.

The guy knows what I look like, so I've asked her a couple of times for a picture of him. She told me that her camera broke after she got a picture of the guy and a couple of her new baby cousin, which I hope isn't related to the reason why the camera broke. Yes, I did the desperate detective search and searched Illutia and Facebook for him, but he's not on Facebook and there's no pictures of the staff on Illutia.

I'm sick and tired of getting stuck with nice guys that are so shocked to have someone as beautiful, witty, wise, and charismatic as me (this is their words, not mine folks), that they end up calling me/IMing me every single day and keeping me from my studies, friends, and work. Or they are the "nice guy" to everyone, but turn out to be creepy around me and keep asking me to do things that I would never do even to a very hot husband if I were to ever have a husband *shivers*.

I know that my friends may be wrong and I'm still going to meet the guy since I haven't been on an off-line date in over 4 years, but based on the description, do you think my friends are right? Am I doomed to yet another clingy guy that might freak out when he finds out I'm going to England? Should I send the friend another e-mail (she hasn't responded to the first one yet) asking to physically describe him, or would that be too much? Feel free to tell me your horror stories of blind dates, the last blind date I went on almost killed me b/c he was doing illegal drugs while driving.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Whoo! My first post. I'm typing from my phone so forgive me if theres any bad grammar. Isn't it no longer a blind date if you see what they look like? Anyways i suppose you're kinda interested if you post here. Since you're moving to England soon it mightn't matter so much if it does go sour.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Visavi, at times it seems like I strangely I relate to you. I haven't been able to land a successful relationship at all, and basically it's from similar circumstances with yours. In short, the guys don't cut it. My journal has a couple entries on a failed attempt from someone to ask me out (sad, but true). I understand the frustration of not being able to get a suitable guy to fit yourself. And I also did receive varying complements on "you're a cute smart girl" etc. that make them come off as creepy instead of what they think they're trying to come off as.

First off, not being able to swap pictures is a bad sign. Since he's been given yours, I would expect that you should receive his. I don't think it's bad to ask your friend to at least describe him physically, ex: height, build, hair color, etc. You already have his personality/hobby descriptions, it's only fair that you receive something on his end.

I've been on a few blind dates. All didn't work out. I couldn't get myself to agree for a second. These guys are nice, yes, but obviously there is something that acts as an obstacle between us. Personality of course isn't everything, contrary to idealistic beliefs. And I did have to face the constant phone calls, then me making up constant lame excuses. Constant knocks on my dorm door. Constant IM messages. Things like that get annoying; I've been through that too. You just learn to deal.

Another thing, you shouldn't be hasty to assume he's a fat and ugly no life. Go on a blind date with him, invite one of your close friends to accompany you, and then you don't have to deal with him pulling any intimate moves. If this date proves unsuccessful, then tell him that you're not interested (in a nice way of course). And who says you have to kiss on the first date? Don't follow that unless you actually like him! That will only lead to more trouble down the road (that you plan to cut short if you do).

Also, instead of whining, why not you take the initiative yourself? I feel like sometimes life is too short for waiting, so take a chance on the next good looking guy you come across and see where that takes you.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for a physical description. I mean, it may seem stuck up or whatever but seriously, this is your time we're talking about here. No need to waste it on someone you don't find a little bit attractive in the physical sense.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

The only thing about seeing a picture is that you really can't judge whether or not you're going to be attracted to him by his picture. Obviously it would rule out the possibility that he's a two-headed ogre, but beyond that it really isn't going to help you much. Some people are ridiculously unphotogenic, OR WORSE...he could look good in the picture and then you find that he looks nothing like that in real life.

I'd stop dwelling on the lack of picture if I were you. It's not like you're marrying him on this date in September. Just wait it out and when the time comes, if there's no attraction, there's no loss. It's just one date.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Heh, not having been on a date yet, but yeah if the guy is clingy, tell you're busy. He'll probably stop messaging you as much as not to tick you off. Anyways, im shocked that the stalkers tool "Facebook" didn't work. I haven't used myspace or friendster, but would those work?

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

What a small world it is. I used to play Illutia (and I think Izabella still does...)

I've never spoken to any of the designers, aside from the woman who owns and runs the game, so I don't have any inside dirt.

I don't see any harm in going on the date. To assuage your fears, this guy actually goes out and volunteers his time for something, instead of sitting at home all day, so at the very least, he has some motivation and social interaction skills.

FELIPE NO

Simply looking at these descriptions, it appears that your friend is somewhat dodgy in describing him unless you merely summarized it and neglected miniscule information (though the specifics of oragami designs deter me from believing so). This is your date, you deserve to know about this character in some diverse dimentions. Since you did specify that physical aspects is an influential characteristic, you should merely ask in a general manner as if you were curious rather than suspicious (not really too specific) of his height (taller than you and by how much), body size (slim, large, normal...etc..). But I would not recommend dwelving too much into it SINCE you did state that you are automatically going on the date anyway so why make yourself worry about something in the wait until the day of the date in which merely more "dread" would be ignited?
Simply go with it, read his mannerisms and rigorously quiz him (in a subtle manner) to determine if he is a creep, for I am curious how these dates of yours are able to get such information such as phone numbers/SN/etc.... Perhaps more caution should be considered?

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by Visavi

I gave this description to my other friends and they came up with this conclusion: "A desperate, obease computer geek who is probably very clingy and has low self-esteem."

I'd like to know how your friends have reached their conclusion - they must be so smart. :doh:

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Originally Posted by BlueEdge

Heh, not having been on a date yet, but yeah if the guy is clingy, tell you're busy. He'll probably stop messaging you as much as not to tick you off. Anyways, im shocked that the stalkers tool "Facebook" didn't work. I haven't used myspace or friendster, but would those work?

I have no idea if he has myspace or friendster. I have facebook, which is how he found my picture thanks to the mutual friend, but it turns out that he hasn't signed up for one. If the friend ever e-mails me back I might ask if he does.

Originally Posted by valiant

Simply go with it, read his mannerisms and rigorously quiz him (in a subtle manner) to determine if he is a creep, for I am curious how these dates of yours are able to get such information such as phone numbers/SN/etc.... Perhaps more caution should be considered?

Most of my dates know my friends, except for my on-line dates, so I can't exactly stop them from finding out the information if they ask my friends since they are normally mutual friends. On-line dates, which I haven't been in one in forever b/c that's where I mainly meet the creepy guys, don't know my number or anything, just my username.

I'm very lenient when it comes to looks, but I've only heard the behavioral aspect of him and I basically typed all I know about him in the first post. It makes me nervous that she would show him a picture of me and yet I don't even get a hint about what he looks like.

Originally Posted by x86

I'd like to know how your friends have reached their conclusion - they must be so smart. :doh:

LOL. The basic description of the friends are that none of them have graduate from high school, they are already engaged/married, and they OD on drugs so often that they don't have a steady job or a gaming console. I don't know if that gives you an idea about how they reached this conclusion, but you shouldn't take them too seriously. I try not to, but then I have those, "What if they're right?" episodes .

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I'd be nervous if you haven't seen a picture (as it has been said many times before).

I say this: If you meet the guy and you like him, but he is the type who will call you a ton, tell him stop wearing his heart on his sleve. If he lays off it, then there you go!

(this is coming from a guy who was like that, but changed and eventually married the girl )

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Thanks for the replies so far. I used the opportunity to see if she had any information about my boss as a chance to see if she could describe what he looked like. I used the whole, "my friend thinks he might know him, but he only gave me a physical description and I had no idea what to say. Can you tell me what he looks like to see if he's right" explaination. It's been about 3 days since I sent that letter and about a week since I sent the letter before.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I would understand why you wouldn't give a physical description the first time, but it seems like a relatively somewhat long for a simple response. Though you may justify it by stating that the friend is busy so on so on...a week is somewhat long afterall, but who knows.

I was speaking idiomatically.

I think you're too paranoid about this. It's a blind date. It's suppose to be fun, and just trying to get to know a new person. I'm sure the other guy isn't expecting much except maybe to make a new friend at the most. It's not like your friend hooked you up with a rapist.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

The last time I went on a blind date it um... didn't work out too well...

I wouldn't rule it out completely if I were you, though. Even though in my experience blind dates are ordeals worthy of the 9th circle of Dante's Inferno, I have actually seen many a happy couple brought together by casual blind dates. I guess what I'm saying is: Give it a shot and if it doesn't work then move on to greener (and more intimately acquainted) pastures.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by Encephalon

The last time I went on a blind date it um... didn't work out too well...

I wouldn't rule it out completely if I were you, though. Even though in my experience blind dates are ordeals worthy of the 9th circle of Dante's Inferno, I have actually seen many a happy couple brought together by casual blind dates. I guess what I'm saying is: Give it a shot and if it doesn't work then move on to greener (and more intimately acquainted) pastures.

I see what you mean in your entry. Oh, and my friend finally sent me a couple of pictures of the guy.

http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b3...ure/loser1.jpg
http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b3...ure/loser2.jpg

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

What concerns me more than the child-eating grin on his face is the fact that he named his pictures "loser." Or was that your friend's name for the photos? Either way, that's a baaaaad sign. =/

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by AliceNWondrland

What concerns me more than the child-eating grin on his face is the fact that he named his pictures "loser." Or was that your friend's name for the photos? Either way, that's a baaaaad sign. =/

LOL, I was more focused on his bug-eyed expression, but I agree with the smile. Um...I have no idea who named the photos. The expression I guess could be from the camera flash.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Wow.

That might be a reason for a negative answer to the whole date thing. It's not necessarily that he is, well, not physically well proportioned, but the clothes? And my impressions from those photos are that he's trying pretty hard, but failing miserably... Poor guy.

Well, it's your call. If I were a girl, and in your shoes, I'd definitely say "no, thank you."

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Well the important thing is that it looks like he is trying. Come on, it could be a whole lot worse maybe he could be wearing a shirt far more baggier, he could have disheveled hair to the extent it looks like an afro, he IS wearing a watch (maybe for decoration or for telling time), overall it is pretty much a tossup...there might be more that meets the eye. Still is a little odd that you didn't get the pictures sooner while he did get pictures of you relatively quickly.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I just saw that guy's pics. I have a question. Why on earth would your own friends try and hook you up with a guy that they know you won't like?

But seriously, don't judge all nice guys as either over-sensative or creepy stalkers.

Blind dates are one thing, but personality takes the cake. You can be with the best looking guy/girl around, but if he's a jerk, there's no point.

Me? I consider myself a "nice guy." OH NOES! RED FLAG!

However, I'm perfectly satisfied with my looks. I may play games and watch anime and such, but that hardly makes me an ugly, creepy guy. I think I look pretty good considering the "anime/gamer stereotype" and I certainly don't stalk. As for the whole "I'm lucky to have a girl like you" thing, thats called modesty. I don't know if arrogance is a turn-on for you or not, but I know a lot of girls would say no to someone who acted like he can get any pretty girl to fall at his feet.

I apologise for sounding all flame-ish, but I just felt it needed to be said. Long story short, "Don't judge a book by its cover." Harry Potter? Yeah...I made fun of it.....until I read it.

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Originally Posted by valiant

Well the important thing is that it looks like he is trying. Come on, it could be a whole lot worse maybe he could be wearing a shirt far more baggier, he could have disheveled hair to the extent it looks like an afro, he IS wearing a watch (maybe for decoration or for telling time), overall it is pretty much a tossup...there might be more that meets the eye. Still is a little odd that you didn't get the pictures sooner while he did get pictures of you relatively quickly.

It is odd, I agree. I think it might be the camera flash that caused the expression. I'm still going to meet him to see how we connect personality wise since it is more important.

Originally Posted by Logan

From what I can tell, it sounds like

1) You're judging him too harshly too soon.

2) You're sounding kinda shallow. It's as if you judge all nice guys as either over-sensative or creepy stalkers.

I'm not saying that all guys are, but it's just from my personal experience that the nice guys that wanted to date me were mostly creepy or the kind of guy that was too clingy (not overly sensitive). I've met nice guys that seemed really awesome, but one dumped me after 4 years while he was cheating on me with another man and a few others were already dating someone/were not looking.

Quote:

Blind dates are one thing, but personality takes the cake. You can be with the best looking guy/girl around, but if he's a jerk, there's no point.

Me? I consider myself a "nice guy." OH NOES! RED FLAG!

Actually, I loathe the jerks. They were all over my high school and we had an understanding: we hated each other.

Quote:

However, I'm perfectly satisfied with my looks. I may play games and watch anime and such, but that hardly makes me an ugly, creepy guy. I think I look pretty good considering the "anime/gamer stereotype" and I certainly don't stalk. As for the whole "I'm lucky to have a girl like you" thing, thats called modesty. I don't know if arrogance is a turn-on for you or not, but I know a lot of girls would say no to someone who acted like he can get any pretty girl to fall at his feet.

I apologise for sounding all flame-ish, but I just felt it needed to be said. Long story short, "Don't judge a book by its cover." Harry Potter? Yeah...I made fun of it...until I read it.

It's cool. I'm not mad or anything, I think the way I worded some of the posts it makes me sound a little cold-hearted. I just haven't had the best luck with dates (cheaters, money grubbers, someone who drove while he was extremely high, etc.) so it was more ranting rather than my view about all nice men. I like nice men, it's just hard for me to find one that's available.

It's not just the whole "I'm lucky to have a girl like you" thing that affects me. I don't mind that, it's when the guy starts calling every night and talks for 2-3 hours and believes if I talk to another male friend--which I have to keep my sanity--they get extremely upset. I'm in college, I can't afford to spend 2-3 hours every night when I have 2 jobs, homework, and other projects. I would love to spend some time with him, but I need a guy that has a life outside of a relationship and doesn't just waste time so he could talk to me (which happened in a couple of past relationships). I know it sounds like some women's ideal guy, but seriously, the whole "I have no friends to hang out with, I already did all my homework, I just watch television until I can call you at 9 p.m." thing is sort of like a guilt noose.

I like gamers. Guys of all different weights are great in their own way. I like guys with dark hair and with an IQ higher than mustard. I'm just a little skeptical about blind dates. I like giving them a chance, but I do a little skepticism along the way (who doesn't). I'm more into personality than looks, even though personality does hold some importance (I don't know a single person who would date someone they find repulsive). It's an odd time right now and I was expecting something worse since the friend shown him my picture right away but she was very hesitant about sending his picture to me.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by Visavi

It's not just the whole "I'm lucky to have a girl like you" thing that affects me. I don't mind that, it's when the guy starts calling every night and talks for 2-3 hours and believes if I talk to another male friend--which I have to keep my sanity--they get extremely upset. I'm in college, I can't afford to spend 2-3 hours every night when I have 2 jobs, homework, and other projects. I would love to spend some time with him, but I need a guy that has a life outside of a relationship and doesn't just waste time so he could talk to me (which happened in a couple of past relationships). I know it sounds like some women's ideal guy, but seriously, the whole "I have no friends to hang out with, I already did all my homework, I just watch television until I can call you at 9 p.m." thing is sort of like a guilt noose.

Actually, I know where you're coming from. My last girlfriend was like that. I wanted some time alone but she was too clingly. She was a sweetheart and we're still friends, but it just didn't work out romantically. However, we lasted 14 months, but that was plenty of time to get to know the real person you were dating.

I've been single ever since though and I'm still seeking. It's just that the type of girl I like is always unavailable, or a lesbian >.>

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by Logan

Actually, I know where you're coming from. My last girlfriend was like that. I wanted some time alone but she was too clingly. She was a sweetheart and we're still friends, but it just didn't work out romantically. However, we lasted 14 months, but that was plenty of time to get to know the real person you were dating.

I've been single ever since though and I'm still seeking. It's just that the type of girl I like is always unavailable, or a lesbian >.>

One clingy guy and I are still buddies as well, but he stopped the calls b/c his phone was disconnected and now he's trying to triple major (German, Spanish, and History). I understand about the lesbian thing since my campus is 40% male and 20% of those are homosexual and most of those numbers are within my major--Communications--or Theatre.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Yeah. I support homosexual love and everything, but when half of the population is like that, makes it kinda hard.

Most women I meet are either lesbian or bi-fem preference. Usually the ones that are straight or bi-male preference are spoken for as well.

It's like finding a needle in a haystack @_@

Side Note - Theatre was my major for 8 years (thats including middle and high school) and there were actually far more girls than guys and theatre, and the guys were usually more "druggy" type that didn't seem to care XD

Jam it back in, in the dark.