Question about killing an elephant

Alright, so I just had this strange thought. Imagine you're just standing peacefully at a street corner, whether it's in the city or in your neighborhood, and out of nowhere!

A ten ton African Bush Elephant is charging at you with murder in it's beady little eyes.


So what to do? You can't really outrun this mass of killer grey, so you've kinda gotta kill it. My real question and inquiry, is how would you do it? I guess you can take a few liberties, such as being able to outrun it long enough to grab some makeshift weaponry or something, but the end result has to be the same: the elephant must die!

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Kick open a fire hydrant and flood the street, and then use a low-hanging power line to electrify the puddle. Just like poor Topsy.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Run sideways in hopes that it would not come after me since it is probably difficult for elephants to make sharp turns. Then, I would run into a building, preferably a large building, and hope that the elephant is slowed by the items within the store so I could escape (or even killed if it has to be killed, but I wouldn't want it dead unless it was a last resort). I don't think someone could grab something like a kitchen knife or a handgun to kill an elephant, so if the elephant did have a special vendetta against someone then they would have to be crafty enough to avoid the elephant or pray that a high-power gun is nearby and loaded.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I'd say use the basic fear of animals : Fire.

Fire will scare any animal away as far as i know, that way killing it isn't your only option.

If you must fire a gun at it (which is considered a futile weapon) aiming for the mouth or the ears will generally be more painful and disruptive to it, generally any part of the elephant's skin is sensetive and it won't care if the shot is lethal, it will hurt it and give you enough time to run away reaaal far..
And if you're a good shot a well lined-up shot from a Magnum (perhaps) through the mouth will most likely reach the brain, since that's where the skin offers the least resistance (skin around the mouth, that is).

Although a silly question, who knows when any of us might have to really kill an elephant, and where better to put silly theoretic questions than on a board on the internet? Heheheh..

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Personally I'd just go SSJ4, scream a ton, then rip its head off.

Edit:

Here's a movie of it.



I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by Cetra

Personally I'd just go SSJ4, scream a ton, then rip its head off.

This is the only reasonable answer to this question. Anything else results in death.

How ya doing, buddy?

You people clearly do not know the dangers of alternating current!

FELIPE NO

First, I'd load my P90 and smack the elephant in the face with a lead-shower of 50 rounds of 5.7x28mm ammo. Not that it would help, but that's just to give it a hint of what is to come.

Then I'd spinkick it in the face. This should slow it down. Then I'd use my guile to disguise myself as a cardboard box. The elephant will slowly bleed to death - and I'm off to the nearest bar, having a beer.

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First, one must seek a way to calm the elephant. Having a rapport with animals akin to Dr. Doolittle, I have found breakdancing the best way to do this. While the elephant is in a calm state, register at a message board of which it is a member. Use whatever personal information revealed by said elephant to mock it mercilessly around the message board. When the elephant next logs on, it will either die of embarassment or commit suicide.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Punch that fucker in the head and scream "I'm the Juggernaut BITCH!"

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Spit in its eyes and kick it to death?

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

couldn't we just shoot the brain with some kind of harpoon so they will get instant death? =/

I feel terrible when some creatures experiences painful death like the whales. Chicken are just so lucky, they are chopped in instant.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Since we're on the realm of pure fantasy...

http://www.alexisparkinn.com/photoga...test_stand.WMV

Minigun pwnage for the elephant.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by Interrobang

You people clearly do not know the dangers of alternating current!

What do you think I meant when I said "just like poor Topsy?"

How ya doing, buddy?

Grab a mouse, thus scaring the elephant and sending it equally scared and angry, but in the opposite direction. An African Bush Elephant's top speed is around 40km/h, thus approximately giving me a comfortable 40 days before it circles back the earth and threatens me again. By that time I figure I'll have been able to get an elephant gun, or at the very least, moved somewhere else as to not be in the elephant's path once it comes back. Some other sucker can deal with it.

Wait, elephants are scared of mice, right? Right?

FELIPE NO

Feed it some moonshine laced water.

I may require a talking mouse.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by orion_mk3

Kick open a fire hydrant and flood the street, and then use a low-hanging power line to electrify the puddle. Just like poor Topsy.

I wish I could just kick open fire hydrants.

HuLk SmAsH! HuLk`! EaT TaStEe HePhAlUmP!!!



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Originally Posted by The Burniator

I'd run to the nearest cliff let the elephant charge at me then I'd run out of the way and let it fall to death.

And what if the nearest cliff is say... fifteen miles away? You gonna pull some track and field shit, or what?

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I'd choke the thing with my legs.

Probably not the best course of action, but what the fuck.

How ya doing, buddy?

Elephants don't go down so easily. Here's something that happened in my State a few years ago:

Quote:

August 20, 1994/Honolulu, Hawaii, USA
During a ‘Circus International’ performance, the elephant named "Tyke" killed its trainer, seriously injured a keeper and injured a dozen people. Afterwards, Tyke rushed into the streets where she was shot 86 times before it broke down. After she was given a lethal injection, police fired another three shots into her. (PETA, 01/1995)

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by DarthSavior

86 times before it broke down.

Ok, so that's 1 full clip + an additional 36 shots with my P90.

And then another 3 rounds. I still won't have to use more than 2 clips. Emptying the clip takes less than 10 seconds, reloading takes about 5, and emptying more than half the second clip takes less than 10 seconds too, so if I'm slow - that'll take me about 25-30 seconds tops. How far away is the elephant and how fast is it charging at me?

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by Prosthetic

And what if the nearest cliff is say... fifteen miles away? You gonna pull some track and field shit, or what?

I'll carjack and drive to the nearest cliff and let it fall to it's doom then.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Easy. I'd pull up my shirt. My horrible sun starved stomach would blind the creature and essentially burn it's eyes. Then I'd sing a song, thus also making it deaf. The pain should paralyze it. Then I'd bury out it's brains with a spoon.

FELIPE NO

I'd use an elephant gun duh.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Umm... Well, I know a guy who lives nearby who has one of those nifty .50 cal rifles he uses for long range match shooting. I think i'd go borrow that.

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