Needing Some Counsel

Allright. I dated a guy, my best friend, for about 2 years. We broke up because I wanted to see someone else. (I had been hanging out alot with this someone else) And now I have been dating Tom for a while.

Recently my ex and his new girlfriend have been posting journals and graphics lately on a site we all belong to, and I honestly did not expect it to hurt so bad to see them together. And happy. And her being a better girlfriend than I had been. I wonder if he is happy, and I wonder if he ever thinks of me.

It's such an endless string of thoughts that I've even been dreaming of him.

I need a little help.

Should I talk to him about all that transpired? I feel like we've done it enough. We've argued and yelled, and talked and lectured... I feel as if it's all been said. But I still want to say more.

Should I try communicating or leave it at that?

(Tom probably would not enjoy me talking to my ex again, but I still don't feel like I have closure...I'm sure he would understand that)

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Do you still have feelings for your ex?

From what i'm reading, if there's arguing, yelling, etc. in your previous relationship, this thing that happened on the site is a way for you to have closure with the guy. My suggestion is "if it ain't broke, don't fix". If he's happy with his relationship and you are with yours, then just move on.

I guess the only way you can ever tell if he is happy (without actually talking to him) is through those journals.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I don't think you need closure (just my opinion). It sounds more to me like you're jealous that he's with someone else and that he's happy. I think this is perfectly normal. If not, then I'm screwed up because this has happened to me more times than I can count. When I was young I would dump some guy and the next thing I knew he'd be with someone else and I'd be jealous.

The best thing you can do is to let him go. You said yourself that you two have talked until you're blue in the face. Communicating with him now that he's with someone else and happy is probably only going to cause trouble between him and his current girlfriend, not to mention confuse him.

Let it go, sister. If you had him back, you wouldn't want him anymore. Now isn't that true?

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by AliceNWondrland

If you had him back, you wouldn't want him anymore. Now isn't that true?

Very. I guess I am jealous. It's hard not to be, when the first person you ever had a serious relationship moves on.

:sigh:

Thanks Alice. I appreciate the input.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

You sound like a typical female that got bored because your ex no longer made you emotional. If so, my advice to you would to grow up and and get some substance. Also, leave the guy alone, unless you want to start shit with people. Which wouldn't be very surprizing.

I was speaking idiomatically.

I think you should just enjoy Tom for now. No point in making your ex feel like he is on top of the world and giving him false thoughts about you still having feelings for him.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by SMX

You sound like a typical female that got bored because your ex no longer made you emotional. If so, my advice to you would to grow up and and get some substance. Also, leave the guy alone, unless you want to start shit with people. Which wouldn't be very surprizing.

Talk about starting shit with people.

Butt out unless you're going to be useful, please.

Double Post:

Originally Posted by gukarma

I think you should just enjoy Tom for now. No point in making your ex feel like he is on top of the world and giving him false thoughts about you still having feelings for him.

I do enjoy Tom. We have a really healthy relationship. Still, it's only been a few months.

But you're right, I really should focus on the present. I can't change what's already been done.

Thanks for the advice ^_^

FELIPE NO

Enjoy Tom's company while you have it. You need to move forward in your relationship with Tom, and the only way to do is let go of your ex.

Don't get too hung up with your ex as it's something you decided when you made your decision to break up. It's okay to move forwards just not backwards as it doesn't do you any good or your ex either - you will look foolish in the end.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by Aise

Butt out unless you're going to be useful, please.

My advice is useful if you indeed pathologically follow the path of “girl meets boy, girl gets bored, girl dumps guy, guy gets new girl, girl get jealous, girl manipulates guy back, guy accepts, girl gets bored again” Females who follow such a pattern typically lack the glue needed to make a mature relationship work, substance. So when some new guy comes around and excite emotions, they melt like butter.

Considering that you couldn’t even identify basic jealousy on your part, unless you’re like 16 or something, I don’t think my responds was uncalled for. Harsh maybe, but not uncalled for.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by SMX

My advice is useful if you indeed pathologically follow the path of “girl meets boy, girl gets bored, girl dumps guy, guy gets new girl, girl get jealous, girl manipulates guy back, guy accepts, girl gets bored again” Females who follow such a pattern typically lack the glue needed to make a mature relationship work, substance. So when some new guy comes around and excite emotions, they melt like butter.

Considering that you couldn’t even identify basic jealousy on your part, unless you’re like 16 or something, I don’t think my responds was uncalled for. Harsh maybe, but not uncalled for.

I personally don't think it's jealousy. Many people who once broke it off with someone who they've been with for a long time sometimes wonder what they're up to, just out of curiosity. A few of my friends do that too. Aise, what you're feeling and thinking is natural. Everyone thinks about their ex and wonders how they are going at some point.

Btw, I posted my reply and it was similar to what the others have said... where was my thank you?? lol j/k

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by Watcher

I personally don't think it's jealousy. Many people who once broke it off with someone who they've been with for a long time sometimes wonder what they're up to, just out of curiosity. A few of my friends do that too. Aise, what you're feeling and thinking is natural. Everyone thinks about their ex and wonders how they are going at some point.

You see, the problem with your logic is that people don’t go on message boards saying things like:

Quote:

…I honestly did not expect it to hurt so bad to see them together. And happy. And her being a better girlfriend than I had been. I wonder if he is happy, and I wonder if he ever thinks of me.

…without jealousy being in the picture somewhere - especially when they are the ones that did the dumping. Now, of course this is a natural feeling. But, only young teens, or the ridiculously naive, don’t realize that this is a natural feeling and treat it like an actual problem - especially when they did the dumping.

What you’re describing is more like a “hey, I wonder how so-and-so is doing, let me call them” mentality. That’s obviously not happening here.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by Watcher

I personally don't think it's jealousy. Many people who once broke it off with someone who they've been with for a long time sometimes wonder what they're up to, just out of curiosity. A few of my friends do that too. Aise, what you're feeling and thinking is natural. Everyone thinks about their ex and wonders how they are going at some point.

Btw, I posted my reply and it was similar to what the others have said... where was my thank you?? lol j/k

Thank you very much, watcher. ^_^ I appreciate the good advice.

And yea... I was with the boy a while. We had been friends for a few years before hand too, so when we broke up..well.. it's been longer than I've ever went without talking to him.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

God, you're stupid.

You left someone to date someone else? Is there anything more shallow? It doesn't even sound like your previous relationship had any problems beyond the norm - but you had to trade him in for someone else? You're a stone cunt and you deserve to feel the way you do.

I hope your guilt brings you grey hairs and bad karma.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Jeez, LeHah. How is it a bad thing to "leave" someone to whom you're not even married to date someone else? All dating is is shopping for a mate, anyway. What was she supposed to do? Stick with some guy even though someone better came along?

I'll never understand men.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by AliceNWondrland

Jeez, LeHah. How is it a bad thing to "leave" someone to whom you're not even married to date someone else?

I fail to see how marriage has anything to do with my point. My point is - you're suppose to stick to someone until it doesn't work. See, I don't ditch friends because I make new and more interesting friends - nor would I ditch my girlfriend because some new and more interesting girl came into my life.

The very basis of my arguement is that you stick it out with the person you're with. Isn't that the very idea behind marriage? Or did you not understand the vows you said?

FELIPE NO

Yes, that's the idea behind marriage, but it sure as hell isn't the idea behind dating. Dating is shopping. That's all.

Stick with someone you're just DATING even though someone better comes along? What the hell kind of sense does that make? By your rationale, everyone would marry the first person they dated.

Wow.

Most amazing jew boots

Originally Posted by AliceNWondrland

By your rationale, everyone would marry the first person they dated.

And by your rationale, no one would ever be married because they'd be playing musical chairs for their entire lives.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

No, see. How it works is, you shop around until you find someone you want to settle on. Until then, everything's fair in love and war.

My mama told me...you better shop around.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

See, I think LeHah takes issue with the callousness of doing what Aise did. She obviously didn't care enough about her ex or else she wouldn't have left him (unless he was an asshole, which she hasn't claimed he was). However, if you don't care about someone enough to stick with them, you're probably not suitable for each other in the first place, and so (despite the intense PAIN he must have felt) she was doing him a favour. Perhaps it is just morbid curiousity that leads someone to inquire about their ex; it doesn't help anything in the present, but a person may wonder in what way they were deficient, so they could avoid repeating mistakes in the future that might jeopardise a current relationship.

Loyalty is pretty high up for me in terms of importance, but if you consider that a lot of teenage relationships can lack substance and are of a fleeting nature anyway, I don't think it's so bad to "shop around" and find out what you like either.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I think it's a pretty safe bet that if someone else looks so much more appealing to you that you'd leave your boyfriend or girlfriend for him or her, there are problems enough in the relationship to justify a break-up.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by AliceNWondrland

I think it's a pretty safe bet that if someone else looks so much more appealing to you that you'd leave your boyfriend or girlfriend for him or her, there are problems enough in the relationship to justify a break-up.

You were a slut in high school, weren't you?

I was speaking idiomatically.

Like you weren't. =/

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

I kinda agree with LeHah.

I don't believe in DITCHING a person because something else better came along. Thats so disloyal and disgusting, I want to beat the bloody pulp out of any asshole who does it. Its a display of manipulation, of selfishness, of no consideration of others. Not to mention NOW, you want to go BACK. UGH UGH UGH WOMEN ARE SO STUPID.

I agree that you deserve what you get, Aise. I hope he realizes what a basketcase you are and stays the fuck out of a relationship with you.

FELIPE NO

God, you people are amazing. This girl is probably in high school - maybe college - and you expect her to stay with some guy she's just not that into anymore? Good lord, why not just get married at 14 and skip all the fun of being young and free?

You mean to tell me that it's not OK to break up with someone for ANY REASON when you're not married to them? I guess it would have been better for her to just stay with the guy even though she didn't really want him anymore, just for the sake of loyalty. Nevermind her happiness or the fact that the longer she lives this lie, the more it's going to hurt him in the end when things don't work out somewhere down the line.

OH WAIT...maybe there shouldn't be an end. Maybe once you start dating someone you should just stick with that person forever, no matter what. Some guy comes along who you're more compatible with, have more in common with, and are generally more attracted to, but OOPS! Can't think about those things. That would be "disloyal." Better to just lie to your current boyfriend and stay with him to save his tender feelings.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Why is the word "marriage" coming out of your mouth, Alice?

Jam it back in, in the dark.