Yes, julia needs advice

Ok, so this is very weird for me. Let me first say, when I came back to GF a few months ago, almost exactly a week later, I got 2 jobs so I was not able to come in and post. I am working a full-time job with a contractor and was bartending and nights, but the bar closed so I'm back to just one job.

I have a dilemma and though I have friends to talk to about it, we are all inner-circle and I'd rather have the opinions of the people I have known here for years that are unbiased. I would appreciate it if no smart ass comments are made as I come to you with faith that what I have to say will not be taken as being whiney, but are problems that make me not want to be around anymore (as, in this life).

I'll make this as short as I can.

1. Friday, the 18th, a week before Christmas, I found the man I love and have been dating for 3 years in bed with another woman. By accident. That's not the issue here at hand, but adds that straw to the camel's back.

2. Christmas day, I woke up happy and ready to give the people I live with (my friend & her husband) their Christmas presents to find them fighting. Physically. That is the issue at hand.

3. I know many of you don't/didn't like Corey, my son, but regardless he is my son, I love him and am very proud of him as he has grown up in so many ways since joining the Air Force, now stationed in South Korea. It is very hard for me for him to not be here and he just told me today he has decided to stay in South Korea until 2013.

To get to my point. I live with the couple I mentioned. To make it short, she was physically hitting on him ~ I could hear him from my room telling her to quit beating on him. They fight all the time (verbally) but this was physical. He is a small guy; she's much bigger than him (and myself). When I came out of my room, she was hitting him and the next thing I knew, she had tackled him on the couch, had him in a headlock and was strangling him. I am NOT exaggerating when I tell you her teeth were gritted and you could see her body tightening as if you were trying to open something tight.

I was screaming at her to stop (which, I realize now, was only perpetrating the situation). She said she was going to kill him and I was screaming why, and she said because she wanted to. Anyhow, I had to think quick, so I tried to pull her off. Wrong move! She rared back and said she'd knock me out, but before I could tell her that she would have to hit me before I'd let her kill him, he was walking to the door and she moved to block him from leaving.

I also have to see every day their dog that is in a pen outside that she NEVER lets out. It takes everything I have not to cry every morning when I leave for work & when I come home from work to see this dog waiting at the gate of her pen to be let out. What is so weird is that she is such an animal lover, as I am, but for some reason neglects this dog (they have 2 indoor dogs and a cat).

To my point. I am able to move out into a place called Intown Suites that allow you to live there as long as you like. It's like a hotel room, but for extended stay. Of course, it costs more than what I pay my friends for rent, but they deserve their home back (as I've lived here for over a year), she really scared me when she was literally going to kill her husband, and I can't bear the thought anymore of seeing Bonnie pleading to be let out of her pen.

I've only had this job for about 3 1/2 months, but just don't know what to do. Yesterday and today, she acts as if nothing happened. That scares me even worse.

Should I confront her how she scared me (I believe she is in depression because she won't work, sits on her computer all day, the house looks like shit and treats her husband like shit), should I confront her about the dog, should I just keep my mouth shut, or should I go to this place and scrape by but at least not have to see this kind of abusive (mental towards the hubby and neglect towards the dog)?

I apologize for the length.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

What would you have done if it were the husband trying to strangle the wife?

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I think telling her in just that fashion would be best. You've obviously thought this through, and you hit on all the major things involved with this crisis. Tell her that she's your friend, and you're worried about her. This should be said regardless of where you end up deciding to live.

The fact that she's beating her husband is bad, but if she reacts poorly when you tell her that it's unacceptable, then there may not be much that you alone can do for her. Does she have other friends, ones that might have seen her act violently before? An intervention shouldn't be out of the question. If this is really a pattern emerging, then the best thing you can do for yourself is to get out of that environment.

The dog situation should be secondary to how she acts towards her husband. Is the dog being fed and properly housed? If so, you can still point it out, but try to keep your tone even and non-accusatory. There may be an explanation for why she hasn't been paying it much attention. (including the depression you mentioned)

It sounds like you need someone nearby rather than distant to talk to about this. We might have a word or two that helps, but an informed opinion will be worth more to you than anything, I think. Talk to your friends. Stress the fact that this is really bothering you.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by julia

I would appreciate it if no smart ass comments are made

HAH! You haven't been away from us THAT long. Get real.

imo, any man who lets his wife become PHYSICALLY DOMINANT, barring severe health issues or bodily deformation, deserves to get beat up. He ain't no man in my book.

So basically we have an issue of man beating his wife. These people, I'm assuming, are old enough to have learned how to avoid these problems in their life, but they haven't. They will never change at this point. Don't even fucking bother.

Don't worry about the dog. It's a dog. I love dogs too, but I can't bleed my heart out every time I see roadkill, now can I?

Get the fuck out of there, and fuck your friends. I live with people too, and they have issues, also. I ignore the fuck out of them. I pay a share of what I can, and I mind my own business. The lady here also ruined Christmas by being a cunt on Christmas day for no good reason, so I feel what it's like to have to live with people who are total shitbags.

GTFO. And if the dog situation still bothers you that much, just steal it. They probably won't miss it that much anyways.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by Zephyrin

imo, any man who lets his wife become PHYSICALLY DOMINANT, barring severe health issues or bodily deformation, deserves to get beat up. He ain't no man in my book.

Didn't your wife get arrested for beating you up?

I was speaking idiomatically.

Jesus fucking Christ.

My wife got arrested for pulling on my shirt sleeve, and some macho, asshole cop got his rocks off by hauling her to jail. I told the cop he was a piece of shit, but what can I do when he calls for three cars worth of backup?

Perhaps when she was being a cunt, which was why she was pulling on my coat sleeve, I should've knocked the fuck out of her? I mean, yeah, she completely deserves it, but then I would've been eating soggy PB&J that night, and not her.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Steal the dog, get the hell out. Leave pamphlets for battered women on the husband's nightstand, writing a "& men" after the women of course.

The woman has Issues.

FELIPE NO

Thanks for the replies and I apologize for not having gotten back here sooner. Stuff to do at night after work makes it hard for me to get here.

Anyhow, one dilemma has been solved a little as far as the dog goes. It has become unusually cold here in Georgia and that has been somewhat of a "saving grace" for the dog as I suggested they could let her in at night and keep her in the laundry room (it's fairly big). They have been doing that, or at least letting her in the house and being able to play.

Zephyrin, as a lurker said, she has some issues and I don't think he should be deserved to be beaten up because she wants to be physically violent. When she starts that, he leaves the house so he WON'T hit her. Because I'm sure you can understand if someone is continuously trying to hit on you, it is going to eventually piss you off enough to hit them back. And he tries to avoid that by leaving the house for a while. But then she blocks the door. Or if he is able to get out of the house, she'll throw things at him. One time she got in the car before he could and would not get out. That made for another throwdown.

Skexis, I have talked with a mutual friend who knows what is going on and has seen all this before as well. I guess because she doesn't live with them on a daily basis, it doesn't seem to bother her as much (at least about the dog). She knows how our friend can be towards her hubby.

My best bet will be to move into the place I mentioned until I can get enough money saved to rent a house. And Zeph, I do mind my own business as far as their personal problems go. Many times when I'm on my computer or doing something else, and they start fighting, I go into my room until it's over. Hell, I do more housework around here than she does and she doesn't work!

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